Tuesday – Anything Possible – Finger Point Prompt – Pitchfork

August 29, 2023August 28, 2023 ~ John W. Howell ~ 48 Comments

I randomly opened The Last Drive to page 195 and, without looking, pointed to the page. The word pitchfork was closest to my finger.

Walking along the dark, rutted road, Silas Yoder turns his head to avoid looking at the pitchfork that a glance lets him know is leaning against the ancient hickory nut tree. A rub of chin whiskers did not contain the temptation to take a second look. A quick shift of his eyes has the same effect as putting a tongue on a frozen flagpole. His gaze is locked on the wretched tool.

It was broken and burning the last time he saw it. Knee to handle, a dose of kerosene, and a three-foot hole made sure no one would ever trace it to that horrible scene. Now, here it is, leaning against the tree, mocking his attempt at concealment. He knew it was the same since the handle still had the stains and prints from his bloody hands.

Trembling, he moves closer with measured steps. He must figure out a way to get rid of that cursed thing before it is found by someone else. As he gets nearer, the tines of the fork begin to vibrate and glow red. A low hum reaches his ears, and he interprets it as a warning. He is now convinced the fork is alive. How can I kill it? Is a question that crosses his mind. Almost like the fork is reading his mind, the hum gets louder and more invasive. Things are moving in time with the hum inside his head. A few stabs of pain let him know he is now in danger. Any more time spent near this fork may prove to be fatal. He decides to turn and run, but his body is not obeying his mind’s commands. He is vibrating like the fork and feeling heat spreading down from his brain.

“So you found him on the old Cutter Road?”

“Yeah, the doc says he died of a heart attack.”

“Why that old guy went walking there, I’ll never know.”

“Yeah, especially after his wife was so brutally killed. Any suspects on that yet?”

“Naw. Looks like she was stabbed several times with an old-fashioned pitchfork. Looks like the work of a maniac.”

“You find the weapon?”

“Not yet. Got a tip to look for a new hole in Yoder’s backyard. Probably a waste of time, but will check it out.”

“A tip?”

“Crazy thing. Came on my cellphone as a text. No way to trace the sender.”

“Maybe a hoax.”

“Maybe, but still need to check.”

“Want company?”

“Sure. let’s go.”.

Top Ten Things Not to Do on a Trail Ride

August 28, 2023August 27, 2023 ~ John W. Howell ~ 72 Comments

Today’s post was run on July 17th 2017. I know most don’t do trail rides, but hopefully, you’ll get a chuckle out of the list.

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The inspiration for this list was receiving a photo of a couple who had gone on a trail ride. My last ride was in Aspen, Colorado, but I still remember the experience. We were riding at 8,000 feet in the Rockies, and the sights were hard to describe. Hope you enjoy the list, knowing not many of you take trail rides routinely.

Top Ten Things Not to Do on a Trail Ride

10 If you are on a trail ride, do not think beach wear is appropriate on a horse. If you do, at best, the little chaffing will be soothed by lotion. At worst, a cactus encounter will yield a trip to the ER. (Those thorns certainly make a mess, huh, Buford?)

9 If you are on a trail ride, do not let your horse bite the mount of Tiny, the WWF champ who is on a horse for the first time. If you do, at best, Tiny will keep his seat. At worst, Tiny will be airborne, and once he lands, He’ll want to “talk” to you. (You know Tiny tends to talk with his knuckle megaphone, right, Tex?)

8 If you are on a trail ride, do not think you can ignore your guide. If you do, at best, you’ll not get lost. At worst, you will only be lost until the forest service helicopter spots you. ( How do you like that five-figure search and rescue bill, Ferd?)

7 If you are on a trail ride, do not think your needs are the only ones that need to be addressed. If you do, at best, someone will set you straight quickly. At worst, you may find yourself walking back to base by yourself. (It might have been that statement about needing a china plate for lunch that was the last straw, Bosco.)

6 If you are on a trail ride, do not get off your horse unless the guide tells you. If you do, at best, you might find a way on your own to get back on. At worst, you frightened the horses behind you, and now all are running for the barn. (Wonder why no one is talking to you, Pal?)

5 If you are on a trail ride, do not ask if there is a vegan choice for an entrée at the campfire dinner. If you do, at best, the grizzled guide will give you a look not to be forgotten. At worst, your guide will hand you a plate that he swears is meatless. (You should have arranged your choice ahead of time, Buster. Is that something moving in the meatless dish?)

4 If you are on a trail ride, do not forget to take water. If you do, at best, you have to hope the guide has bottled water. At worst you’ll have to drink from the guide’s canteen. (Was that a hint of chewing tobacco backwash in that last drink, Bunky?)

3 If you are on a trail ride, do not irritate your horse. If you do, at best, he won’t dump you on the trail. At worst, at 8000 feet, your horse will decide to trip slightly, giving you the opportunity to apologize. (The apology better be sincere and fast, Roscoe.)

2 If you are on a trail ride, do not think you have to act like John Wayne on a cattle drive. If you do, at best, your fellow riders will ignore you. At worst, yippie yi ki yay is horse language for dump this idiot. (How did you get on the ground so fast, Putz?)

1 If you are on a trail ride, do not try to keep up with your texts and e-mails. If you do, at best, you’ll finally lose a signal in the mountains. At worst, your horse will detect you are not paying attention and will take the opportunity to gallop to the barn early. (Looks like you are barely holding on, Roy. That screaming is very becoming as well.)

Views of the Neighborhood – An Other Person’s Treasure.

August 27, 2023August 27, 2023 ~ John W. Howell ~ 91 Comments

We are going to take a look at some of the things people have decided they no longer need. Yes, it is another look at the trash. We are catered by Bird Bird Biscuit. Our entertainment is Queen.

Updated Menu 1:26:2021.png

Picture of an old time school bus

So let’s go.

Our first view is a kiddie assortment. Maybe outgrown, but the Salvation Army doesn’t pick up.

Last call.

No more lounging at home. Gotta go back to the office.

More kiddie toys and a questionable piece of art.

Coffee table or hide behind. You decide.

After three nights of wine drinking, the Simpsons decided to recover. Getting rid of the evidence was the first item on the agenda.

All I need is this trash can, this chair, and my remote.

The BBQ side of beef was heavier than anticipated.

Stream of Consciousness Saturday – Prompt – Tune

August 26, 2023August 25, 2023 ~ John W. Howell ~ 68 Comments

Back home to the Jura coffee maker at last. Humming the tune Yellow Brick Road while waiting for the soothing syrup to make its way into my cup makes the time shorter. The tune has been in my head since it was the last duet sung with my daughter while away. Keeping it in my head also holds the memory of a very special time spent with her, my son-in-law, and the three grandkids.

You see, they are a music family, and when we get together, they cause me to believe that there is some music in my bones as well. Being a realist allows me to play along but not take my participation too seriously. They have a studio with all the sound equipment needed to make the experience feel real. It is so much fun.

So the coffee is ready, and the tune will stay for a while. Since this is Saturday, there should be some kind of delivery of a note from Linda Hill. The silence of the place raises the fear of being forgotten. Suddenly my phone rings and when answered a recorded message intones. Your Friday prompt for Stream of Consciousness Saturday is: “tune.” Use it any way you’d like. Enjoy!

If you would like to see what other bloggers do with the prompt, visit Linda’s blog. Here’s the link. https://lindaghill.com/2023/08/25/the-friday-reminder-and-prompt-for-socs-aug-26-2023/

“Well, this was low-key.”

“I think I’m still getting over the trip.”

“Oh, come on. How could a little four-day vacation be that tiring?”

“You’d sing a different tune if you knew my family.”

“Type A’s?”

“Squared. Never a dull moment.”

“But fun?”

“Oh yeah. Ton’s of fun.”

“There must be a story connected with the Yellow Brick Road tune. Like, who played the munchkins?”

“This was the Elton John version. There were no munchkins. No story except we both wanted to do it together.”

“I see.”

“Time for Uber?”

“He’s already here.”

“I see a garbage truck over there. Is that him?”

“No. Of course not. It’s the gravel truck behind him.”

“What’s wrong with a simple car?”

“Hey, come on. Pulling up to the front of the pub in a T680 Kenworth is more fitting to our lifestyle.”

“Your lifestyle you mean.”

“Well okay. But still it turns heads.”

“In pity I’m sure.”

Thursday – A Little Personal – Twiggy Needs a Nap.

August 24, 2023August 22, 2023 ~ John W. Howell ~ 102 Comments

“Hey Twiggy. Are we playing with Be Mine today?”

“I don’t know. I thought it would be a good idea, but..”

“But what? You love Be Mine.”

“Yeah, I do, but usually we pay inside and there is something off about outside.”

“Okay, go inside, and I’ll bring Be Mine in.”

“Thanks, Dad. I’ll make the play-no-play decision when we get in there.”

“Well, there it is. You want me to toss it or something?”

“Thanks for bringing it in. I’m having a little crisis of toy play.”

“Crisis? How could you possibly have a crisis over toys?”

“Well, let me ask. Have you ever had some indecision over your writing?”

“Sure I have. Now that you mention it, some crisis, too.”

“So there you have it. Writing is important to you, and toys are important to me.”

“Never thought of it that way. So what are you doing about it.”

“I’m coming over to sit with you and take a few minutes to think.”

“What conclusion have you come to?”

“There is something about Be Mine. An aftertaste, maybe.”

“Do we need to replace Be Mine?”

“Hummm. That might be a little drastic.”

“So what do you think we should do?”

“Well, Be Mine is one of my favorites after all.”

“That’s true.”

“Do they make a bacon spray?”

Thursday – A Little Personal – Twiggy and Her Ball

August 17, 2023August 16, 2023 ~ John W. Howell ~ 105 Comments

“How about playing with your ball?”

“Give it a toss and I’ll go get it.”

“There you go.”

“I got it.”

“Bring it here, and I’ll toss it again.”

“Not sure I want to chase it.”

“So what are you going to do?”

“Love on it. What else?”

“Why are you at the door?”

“Loving on a ball is an indoor activity.”

“I see. So you are surrounded with comfort.”

“Oh, dad, you are so wise.”

“Does that taste good?”

“Look at this tongue. What do you think?”

“I guess it does.”

“It sure does. Sometimes, there is nothing finer.”

“I’ll take your word. By the Way. We are taking a blog break until next Thursday. I have a family thing to attend.”

“So that is the day I’m here normally, right?”

“Right.”

“So you are taking a blog break until next Thursday.”

“You are so right. Mom staying?”

“Yup.”

“Have fun.”

“Thanks.”

Tuesday – Anything Possible – Finger Point Prompt -“Lower.”

August 15, 2023 ~ John W. Howell ~ 65 Comments

Today, I opened The Last Drive randomly to page 157 and, without looking, pointed to the page. The word under my finger is lower, which is the prompt today.

“Higher or lower?”

“I don’t know. What do you think?”

“Well, from here, it looks like it could be a little higher.”

“Sorry, you cut out. What did you say?”

“Can you hear me?”

“Yes, I can now. You were breaking up. So, higher or lower?”

“I would say a tad higher.”

“You sure?”

“Well, it’s just my opinion.”

“You know, once I make this eyebrow cut, it is forever.”

“We’ve been working on this damn Black Hill of rock for five years. Of course, I know.”

“Now, now. Let’s stay calm.”

“I swear. This project is unending. I don’t know why you talked them into it.”

“It’s been a dream.”

“Okay. Well, my feet are freezing. I need to go in. Tonight, we’ll drink to a perfect eyebrow on Teddy’s face. You think they’ll name this place after you?”

“It’s still Mount Rushmore. I think that’s the name it should keep.”

“Be careful up there.”

“Sorry, you’re breaking up.”

“See you at dinner.”

“What? Ugh, damn wireless.”

Top Ten Things Not to Do While Tubing

August 14, 2023August 13, 2023 ~ John W. Howell ~ 57 Comments

This post originally ran on July 10th 2017. Since I know this summer activity continues, maybe a word of caution will be headed this time. I hope you enjoy it.

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The inspiration for this post is the Texas sport of tubing. To be a tuber, all you need is a truck inner tube, a cooler of beer, snacks, and a lovely full river like the Guadalupe. Since I have not been tubing myself, this list is a matter of observation.

10 If you are tubing, do not wear regular shoes. If you do, at best, they will be water-logged. At worst, you will lose just one and will have a distinct limp at the end of the day. (Something about water and loafers that just don’t mix, huh, Bosco?)

9 If you are tubing, do not leave your cooler tube untethered. If you do, at best, your floating neighbors will catch it before going downstream. At worst, your cooler will wander off and bump into Tiny, the WWF champ who just finished his twelve-step plan to quit drinking.(Funny how he ripped the top off the cooler, almost like he knew there was a twelve-pack inside. He is now looking at you, and I would paddle on if I were you, Buster.)

8 If you are tubing, do not assume you won’t drag the bottom. If you do, at best, you will get a suit full of mud. At worst, you might lose your suit to the weight of the clay and will have to work out a creative way to exit the river. (Looks like Channel Six News is doing a special on tubing. You should be a big hit with that officer waiting for you, Ferd.)

7 If you are tubing, do not ignore the current. If you do, at best, you’ll struggle to get out at the end of your float trip. At worst, you will keep going until you empty into the Gulf of Mexico. (The Coast Guard wants to talk to you, Buford. Something about smuggling by inner tube. Good luck with that.)

6 If you are tubing, do not forget to park your car at the end of the trip. If you do, at best, you might catch a ride with your friends. At worst, you will still be hitchhiking after the sun goes down. (Who is going to pick up someone with a tube and cooler who looks deranged, Tex?)

5 If you are tubing, do not overserve yourself. If you do, at best, you’ll fall asleep. At worst, you’ll decide to imitate Jack Sparrow and board your neighbor’s tubes demanding pieces of eight. (Funny how that one guy gave you a knuckle sandwich calling it a piece of five, huh, Putz?)

4 If you are tubing, do not forget your manners. If you do, at best, most will ignore you. At worst, a committee of fellow tubers will intercede and make sure you get drydocked. (Shouting obscenities at homeowners along the bank is something your crowd doesn’t do, Bunky.)

3 If you are tubing, do not decide to pull out and eat your lunch on private land. If you do, at best, the owner will nicely ask you to move on. At worst, the owner threatened to shoot the next trespasser, and it looks like it is you. (Nothing like a shotgun to inspire movement, right, Leroy?)

2 If you are tubing, do not tie up with your friends and make an island such that no one can pass. If you do, at best, expect a lot of yelling. At worst, you might experience a few blowouts as others pass you. (You did not expect that sharp object did you, Ralph?)

1 If you are tubing, do not think the banks of the river are all public rest stops. If you do, at best you might embarrass yourself. At worst, you may violate local obscenity laws and find yourself in big trouble. (Never thought you were demonstrating lewd behavior, huh, Pal?)

Views of the Neighborhood – Different Things

August 13, 2023August 12, 2023 ~ John W. Howell ~ 79 Comments

Today we are going to go to the neighborhood and look at two different things. We are being catered by Con Todo of Austin. Our entertainment is Patsy Cline.

Menu (click to enlarge if needed)

Picture of an old time school bus

We are ready

This is a mailbox in the neighborhood. This photo was pulled from Google by The Producer. It is what is considered a ‘before’ photo.

Here is the after. Looks like someone got too friendly with VooDoo Rangers.

Here is the interim view. Need to continue to get mail.

Now for the cement block first phase of construction.

The next phase of stucco work is complete.

Finished product.

Here is a culvert with brickwork.

Here is a culvert with brickwork of another kind. (Go figure, right?)

I hope you enjoyed the different things. Relax and enjoy the food and music. I hope you have a terrific week.

Stream of Consciousness Saturday – Prompt – Envelope

August 12, 2023August 11, 2023 ~ John W. Howell ~ 70 Comments

Tapping my fingers on the counter has no effect on the speed of delivery of the only elixir that can be considered by me as lifesaving. The machine must make the frothy, full-flavored coffee in its own time. That is understood but it does not make it any easier to wait or understand the wait when every nerve is screaming for caffeine. The mind is strong, but the flesh is weak. To quote the flesh, “Give me coffee or someone gets hurt.”

Finally, the machinations are over, and my cup runnith full. One sip and the insurrection going on inside the body is put down. All the minions go back to work, and the day has begun. During the second sip, a slight sound is detected by the Arlo security system. A quick phone check shows the message, Movement, at the front door. Snapping on the two-way communication system, the question of who is there is transmitted to the outside. The response is surprising. Special Delivery. A signature is required.

A huge sigh escapes just at the thought of disarming the security system. But since there doesn’t seem to be an alternative. The tower machine guns are deactivated, the moat screen rolled, the concertina wire retracted, the boiling oil set to standby, the claymore mines detached, The trebuchet reset, the iron gate opened, and the locks and bolts thrown. Easing the door open, no one seems to be on the porch. There is a buzzing like a hive of bees. In a flash, a drone drops down and meets me eye to eye, so to speak. A metallic voice asks for my signature, quickly scrawled on a glass plate. An envelope is thrust at me from somewhere inside the drone. I take it, and the drone shoots straight up and disappears.

I can see the envelope is from Linda Hill. I open it and read the message inside. Your Friday prompt for Stream of Consciousness Saturday is “envelope.” Use it any way you’d like. Enjoy! To see how others handle the prompt, visit Linda’s blog. Here’s the link: https://lindaghill.com/2023/08/11/the-friday-reminder-and-prompt-for-socs-aug-12-2023/

“Well, that was easy.”

“It was like it was made for me.”

“You use the word ‘envelope’ every week.”

“I know, right?”

“Maybe Linda decided to give you a break.”

“Yeah, maybe.”

“So now that the prompt is nailed, what do we do now?”

“We could go to the library.”

“Um, why?”

“To pick up some books.”

“Books to read, you mean?”

“Yeah, that’s what you do with books.”