This post originally ran on July 10th 2017. Since I know this summer activity continues, maybe a word of caution will be headed this time. I hope you enjoy it.
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The inspiration for this post is the Texas sport of tubing. To be a tuber, all you need is a truck inner tube, a cooler of beer, snacks, and a lovely full river like the Guadalupe. Since I have not been tubing myself, this list is a matter of observation.
10 If you are tubing, do not wear regular shoes. If you do, at best, they will be water-logged. At worst, you will lose just one and will have a distinct limp at the end of the day. (Something about water and loafers that just don’t mix, huh, Bosco?)
9 If you are tubing, do not leave your cooler tube untethered. If you do, at best, your floating neighbors will catch it before going downstream. At worst, your cooler will wander off and bump into Tiny, the WWF champ who just finished his twelve-step plan to quit drinking.(Funny how he ripped the top off the cooler, almost like he knew there was a twelve-pack inside. He is now looking at you, and I would paddle on if I were you, Buster.)
8 If you are tubing, do not assume you won’t drag the bottom. If you do, at best, you will get a suit full of mud. At worst, you might lose your suit to the weight of the clay and will have to work out a creative way to exit the river. (Looks like Channel Six News is doing a special on tubing. You should be a big hit with that officer waiting for you, Ferd.)
7 If you are tubing, do not ignore the current. If you do, at best, you’ll struggle to get out at the end of your float trip. At worst, you will keep going until you empty into the Gulf of Mexico. (The Coast Guard wants to talk to you, Buford. Something about smuggling by inner tube. Good luck with that.)
6 If you are tubing, do not forget to park your car at the end of the trip. If you do, at best, you might catch a ride with your friends. At worst, you will still be hitchhiking after the sun goes down. (Who is going to pick up someone with a tube and cooler who looks deranged, Tex?)
5 If you are tubing, do not overserve yourself. If you do, at best, you’ll fall asleep. At worst, you’ll decide to imitate Jack Sparrow and board your neighbor’s tubes demanding pieces of eight. (Funny how that one guy gave you a knuckle sandwich calling it a piece of five, huh, Putz?)
4 If you are tubing, do not forget your manners. If you do, at best, most will ignore you. At worst, a committee of fellow tubers will intercede and make sure you get drydocked. (Shouting obscenities at homeowners along the bank is something your crowd doesn’t do, Bunky.)
3 If you are tubing, do not decide to pull out and eat your lunch on private land. If you do, at best, the owner will nicely ask you to move on. At worst, the owner threatened to shoot the next trespasser, and it looks like it is you. (Nothing like a shotgun to inspire movement, right, Leroy?)
2 If you are tubing, do not tie up with your friends and make an island such that no one can pass. If you do, at best, expect a lot of yelling. At worst, you might experience a few blowouts as others pass you. (You did not expect that sharp object did you, Ralph?)
1 If you are tubing, do not think the banks of the river are all public rest stops. If you do, at best you might embarrass yourself. At worst, you may violate local obscenity laws and find yourself in big trouble. (Never thought you were demonstrating lewd behavior, huh, Pal?)
Fiction Favorites 
Cool. Never realized it was a sport. Thought tubing was just a way to relax.
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For some they take it pretty seriously.
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Sounds a lot like the Boise River.
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Could well be.😁
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When possible, try to avoid shallow water with big boulders! Yes, I’m speaking from experience. Great list, John!
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Sounds like that would hurt, Jill. 🙄
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It did!
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Ouch.
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Could have contributed to two back surgeries later on!😉
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Oh dear. Not fun. I crushed four vertebrae (twice) 🙄
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There’s at least one person I know who’s observed, somewhat wryly, “At least this drought has lowered water levels enough to keep the tubers away.”
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Sad commentary but true. Thanks, Linda.
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This list had me laughing. 😀 We having tubing here, too, and all of these apply.
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I’m glad you liked it. I have only watched but did pick up a few things. 😁
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Son #2 and I have snow-tubed – had a blast! I’ve also tubed down a river with Son #1 – also fun. Luckily we never had any of the above problems!
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I’m glad the others behaved themselves too. (would never be concerned about your behavor)
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Good advice, John. Using common sense and staying aware of other people in your area can be far from one’s thinking at times.
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Yeah, especially after enough barley pops. Thanks, Tim.
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We went tubing this year with our grandson, and fortunately, we didn’t make any of these errors. Though we might have come close. 😀
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Good thing everybody else behaved themselves too. 😊
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Yes. They did. We were definitely the novices. 🙂
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😊
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I can’t imagine you have many tubers this year, John, what with all that persistent drought. And I have to admit I’ve never gone tubing. Just not my kind of thing, y’know?
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You are right about around here. There are other areas where the rain has been almost continueous
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This is something I’ve never done, but as you say, have witnessed it, especially along the Guadalupe. Sounds like great advice, John. Happy Monday!
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Thank you, Jan. Happy Monday to you.
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When I was a lot younger, the Cuyahoga River in Cleveland Ohio caught fire on 6/22/1969. Now THAT’S tubing. Pass me a beer.
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That is world class tubing.
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Great advice, John 🙂 I saw this on the Truckee River and thought it looked fun. I am more of a stay in place floater though.
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That Truckee river is cold. Brave souls.
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Avoid tubing on the Rio Grande.
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Good advice. Especially in the rapids.
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In the water with a supply of alcohol doesn’t really appeal to me, John. I think I’ll wait on the shore and judge people breaking these rules. Of course, my judgement of Tiny will be silent.
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Good decision on the Tiny judgement.
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John, this was hilarious! Regards to Tiny.
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From the picture and floatin’ on down thru the list – you had me in stitches, John.
(I could just picture Tiny with my cooler! Jeez man, hand me that tranquilizer gun!! 😬)
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I hope you have a double dose in that tranquilizer gun.
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hahaha
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😁
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You know you come from Canada when your first thought at seeing the title was… man, John must be hot to be thinking of snow… coz, tubing over here, is down a snowy hill 😉
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Ha ha ha. Good to know.
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😉
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😊
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What was billed as an easy rafting trip, I’m lucky to have survived a Class IV trip and realized I’m not the slightest bit of an adrenaline junky. I’m just grateful to have survived without drowning! 😆
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Who knew that tubing was so fraught with pitfalls?
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I know, Right?
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😀
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I learned the hard way when it comes to watching currents and being careful as to what I consider a “restroom”. On the former, I was almost swept away by an undercurrent at the Jersey shore of all places, so ever since, I proceed with caution . . even in ponds! As for the latter, I was using this field after parking my tube and lo and behold! A bull starts charging from the other side of the fence. Needless to say, that tube broke some speed records.
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Ha ha ha. Sounds harrowing.
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Yes, harrowing is a great way of describing it.
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😊
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Great list, John. I haven’t been tubing in over 30 years, not since that time on the Snake River when I found myself off my tube and in the water. I was out with my brother’s girlfriend and we were tethered to each other. It was a safety thing because the current was strong. Unfortunately, the rope broke while we argued over which way to go around a snag centered in our path. I careened around the snag and almost ran into trees on the side of the bank. I grabbed a branch to stop myself and instead, I flipped over, losing my Doritos, eyeglasses, and the tube in the process. Fortunately, Lynn was a better tuber and managed to hold up at a tree and grab my tube so we were able to finish the trip. It was exciting but scary. Tubing is popular in Florida too, but I just can’t imagine myself being that vulnerable when there are alligators around 😉
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What an adventure. I can’t imagine tubing among the alligators either. Thanks for sharing your story, Marie.
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I’ve never heard of tubing like this, John. Very entertaining pitfalls.
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Thank you, Robbie. 😊
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Some of the most profound advances to mankind have come from observations. I posit Albert Einstein and Galileo Galilei. Now we can add John W. Howell to the mix.
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Ha ha ha. Love that idea. Thanks, Andrew.
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