Wednesday Story Day – AKA Hump Day

August 17, 2016August 15, 2016 ~ John W. Howell ~ 42 Comments

Funny College

Wednesday Story Day Again. Last week we left Ben saying a quick hello to Alexis as she was running to her room to pack. It looks like Trudy has put Ben’s plan to get rid of her husband and Alexis into action. If it works, Trudy and Ben will be alone, and you and I will be forced to see sights that we will regret. Let’s hope something else happens to prevent what could be a life scarring moment. Here take this blindfold and don’t take it off until I tell you. There may be sights too horrible for your tender eyes. (Wait! You are a writer, right? Aw, you can take it unless your name’s Dan. If so put it on.)
“Hello, Ben. I’m so glad you are out of that bed.”
“Hi, Trudy. What did you have to show me here in the kitchen.”
“It is not really in the kitchen. It’s in the garage.”
“The garage? What are you trying to pull now?”
“Nothing Ben dear. I have picked out a special gift for you.”
“Excuse me. When you pick out a gift, there must be a reason.”
“Ben dear. I have started your plan to have my husband and Alexis out-of-the-way for a while. At least you could recognize that I’m trying.”
“Aw, I’m sorry. I think that was rather rude of me to imply you had some agenda, and the gift was not from the heart.”
“It is from the heart. You’ll see. You can go into the garage and take a look. I need to give my husband some last-minute instructions. He and Alexis are going on a trip to the Cayman’s as you suggested.”
“Wow. I’m really surprised.”
“I don’t see why. I’m crazy about you. Now just pop in there and I’ll be right back. A taxi should be here shortly. Then you and I can get down to some serious relationship building.”
“Yes, we can. Okay, see you in a bit. Is the gift wrapped?”
“Well, it is pretty hard to cover. You’ll see what I mean.”
“I’m excited.”
“Me too dear. Bye now.”

Top Ten Things Not to Do in the Heat

August 15, 2016August 14, 2016 ~ John W. Howell ~ 51 Comments

Hot Earth

The inspiration for this list is the unrelenting heat here in South Texas. (And all over) We have had eight weeks of hot weather and no rain. Normally on the coast, we have the advantage of the Gulf breezes which serve to keep the daytime highs at no more than 89 degrees. Now that may seem warm but compared to the 106 degree inland temperatures 89 feels fresh. Lately, the temperatures have gone above 90 degrees and coupled with humidity; we have been looking at heat indexes of 111 to 113 degrees.

I will admit this list is by design a little overstated and the product of a fiction writer. So natural questions like, “Who would do that there thing?” (avoiding ending the sentence with a preposition) should be tempered with the fact that I MAKE THIS STUFF UP IN MY HEAD.

Ten Things Not to Do in the Heat.

10 If you are in the heat, do not decide to fire your pottery. If you do, at best the 1000 degree oven will win. At worst, you might be forced to take fluids intravenously. (Man, that drip sure gets in the way hey Bunkie?)

9 If you are in the heat, do not do the yard work promised last winter. If you do, at best you will lose intelligence points at home. At worst, that elevated heart beat is signalling you to proceed to the nearest ER. (Too bad no one is at home to drive you, Sport)

8 If you are in the heat, do not tackle that welding project. If you do, at best you may lose weight. At worst, the third-degree burns on your face are in sharp contrast to the non-burned places where your goggles were in place. (A little aloe vera gel might help cool that down.)

7 If you are in the heat, do not volunteer to help out as a crossing guard at the school. If you do, at best the soaking wet shirt makes an interesting statement which the PTA would like to discuss in person. At worst, your memory will always be kept alive in the crossing guard Hall of Fame for not dropping your stop sign as you went down. (What a great testimonial to dedication. Sorry you missed it)

6 If you are in the heat, do not think it was a good idea to carry ice cream home for a treat. If you do, at best you can still enjoy the Oreo chunks which are all that is left. At worst, tucking the ice cream into your recyclable bag along with your wallet proved to be a mistake on several levels. (Handing the police your ice cream soaked license was a big mistake. “I had to get home officer before the ice cream melted.”)

5 If you are in the heat, do not think several adult beverages will help you stay cool. If you do, at best you may be hot but can’t feel a thing. At worst, you overdo it and realize you slept in the yard all night. (Don’t worry about those mosquito bites. The swelling will go down, and you will be able to see in a day or two.)

4 If you are in the heat, do not think sitting in water all day will spare you from suffering. If you do, at best you will suffer prune body. At worst, you will need help getting out of the water since you absorbed many gallons and now weigh over three hundred pounds. (The six o’clock news has the entire rescue recorded for replay at ten o’clock as well.)

3 If you are in the heat, do not decide to take up running as an exercise. If you do, at best you will faint after two blocks. At worst, you will finish a five-mile run and have to take three weeks off work to recover. ( Who was that person who gave you a lift home anyway?)

2 If you are in the heat, do not decide to use your super big grill and smoker. If you do, at best you will choose to finish everything in the oven in the house. At worst, you will have created an environment that is hotter than the hinges on the gates to hell, and you can’t get cool. ( Chugging the five-gallon water cooler bottle might help. Maybe not.)

1 If you are in the heat, do not think your pets have some magic immunity to the high temperatures. If you do, at best you may need to cool them off quickly. At worst, you may need to get them to the nearest vet for emergency treatment. (Okay, this one is serious and all too often people forget to keep their pets (and children sorry to say) protected from the effects of high temperatures.

Views of the Neighborhood

August 14, 2016August 13, 2016 ~ John W. Howell ~ 46 Comments

Port Aransas has a long history with a particular boat named after its designer and builder Charles Frederick Farley. The boat was initially needed to handle the choppy waters of the Gulf while fishing for Tarpon. In 1915 the Farley and Son Boat Builders company was founded with the idea of building unique boats in Port Aransas for the rough waters of the Gulf and Tarpon fishing. These boats had a large bow to break the waves and relatively low sides to make fishing easier.

Here is a famous picture of President Roosevelt catching a Tarpon from a Farley boat.

Farley boat

The Tarpon eventually ran out, and the Farley Boat Works stopped building boats.

Today Port Aransas keeps the spirit of the Farley Boat alive through the Farley Boat Works Museum (which we will visit another time) and cement Farley Boats scattered around town.

This post will give you an idea of some of the Farley boats on display.

The first shows a boat that the owner painted to match the house

Farley Boat

This next one is in front of a business which I featured a couple of Sunday’s ago. All pink indeed blocks out the boat name.

Farley Boat

I love this next one since it is in front of a person’s house. Notice the water waves at the bottom of the boat and the beware of dog sign on the fence. (I sure did) The flowers are lovely.

Farley Boat

This next one is in front of the newspaper office and has some plants as well as a partially hidden cat ready to have some fish. You can also tell by the color of the grass in these pictures that we have not had any rain since early June.

Farley Boat

This one is interesting in that the owner painted it to look like wood and then loaded it with rocks. (which don’t require much water)

Farley Boat

This next one is also painted to look like wood and has a beautiful turquoise deck.

Farley Boat

These next three are along the road wich leads to Robert’s Point Park. The last of the three is quite colorful.

Farley Boat

This boat is outside the Chamber of Commerce. Hard to believe these boats are made out of concrete isn’t it?

The next three are in front of businesses.

Farley Boat

The final boat for this tour is in front of the cutest house that is under remodel. A little bit of the porch is visible.

Farley Boat

I hope you liked the Farley Boat tour.

Friday JohnKu – AKA TGIF

August 12, 2016August 9, 2016 ~ John W. Howell ~ 28 Comments

Funny Friday Ah, another end of the week. We have been waiting anxiously for the equestrian events to begin at the Olympics. We are not much for the other sports but do love to watch horses compete. We enjoyed fifteen years of watching daughter in competition, and I guess it never leaves the blood. Today’s JohnKu talks about passion. I hope you like it.

Dedication starts,

Before realization. . .

Passion takes the reins.

Thursday – A Little Personal- Last Call for Volunteers

August 11, 2016August 9, 2016 ~ John W. Howell ~ 30 Comments

Our Justice

One step is closer to publishing Our Justice. I am waiting for the paper proof so that I can finalize the Paper version. I have decided to put both the e-book and paper version on a pre-sell basis.(My first time doing so) A pre-sell will give folks time to get the message and book a copy in advance. The actual ship date will be October 1st, and I will be hitting “publish” on the 12th of September. Most of my media support starts on October 1st and the blog tours anytime after the 12th.

Speaking of blog tours, I want to thank everyone who volunteered. I have confirmed all of you and the material will arrive the 6th of September.

As I promised, I’m sending this one more reminder. If you would like to help out, please send an e-mail to me at johnhowell (dot) wave (at) gmail.com.

Thanks to all.

Wednesday Story Day – AKA Hump Day

August 10, 2016August 9, 2016 ~ John W. Howell ~ 30 Comments

College Costs

college costs

Wednesday is story time again. Last week we left Ben after Trudy ordered him to the kitchen. She has something on her mind as a way to prove Ben’s loyalty. I don’t know about you, but I was so glad to get out of the bedroom that I raced ahead to see what Trudy had in store for Ben. I think a bunch of us think Ben is useless, and this may be a divining moment where he proves once and for all if he has what it takes to overcome Trudy and her nest. (not a typo) So I’m in the kitchen and here comes Trudy.
“Alexis get in here.”
“Geez mom. Why are you yelling?”
“That stupid boyfriend of yours just tried to seduce me.”
“W-what? God , mom you are old enough to be his m—”
“I know. You don’t think that creeps me out?”
“Are you sure. You know you always think people are hitting on you.”
“He was naked in bed and invited me to join him.”
“OMG. Why on Earth would he invite you into his bed.”
“Well, for one reason I’m still a good-looking woman. For another he has some plot up his sleeve.”
“Plot? What kind of plot?”
“I think he is in with that priest Father Lightfoot. I’m not even sure he’s a priest.”
“What would they want?”
“I’m thinking they want to gather information on your father and me.”
“Information? What kind of information?”
“How do I know? We are powerful people and targets for extortion schemes.”
“Wow. What can we do?”
“I want you and your father to take a little trip.”
“A trip? Where ?”
“You and he need to go to the Cayman Islands and check on our accounts.”
“The Cayman Islands? You have offshore accounts?”
“Please Alexis. This is no time to start to be interested in our finances. Yes, we have offshore accounts and you and your dad need to go and check to see if anyone has been asking the bank about them and then pull the funds.’
“Pull the funds? What are we going to do with a bunch of money in the Cayman’s?”
“I have a plan and your father will brief you on the way. Now go and pack. I need to talk to your dad. Oh, you may be gone for a few weeks so pack accordingly.”
“Mom. I don’t like this at all.”
“Go Alexis, honey. It will be all right. Oh look who’s here. Ben.”
“Hi, Alexis.”
“Hi Ben. Gotta go. bye.”

Top Ten Things Not to Do During the Olympics

August 8, 2016August 6, 2016 ~ John W. Howell ~ 37 Comments

Olympic Rings

Now that the Olympics are underway, I think it is a good idea to lay out a few suggestions on things not to do. Hopefully this list will save a reputation or two.

10 During the Olympics do not keep asking how many medals the US has won. If you do, at best you will have missed the idea of the competition. At worst, you just might get a suggestion that you would be better off at a horse race where winning is everything. (Did you not drink the one world cool-aid Bunkie)

9 During the Olympics do not insist that your interest in watching sand volleyball is purely for the artistic nature of the sport. At best, you’ll come off as someone not in touch with themselves. At worst, you be seen as a perv. (How did you miss that winning point Bud?)

8 During the Olympics do not stay up until all hours waiting for the final match. If you do, at best you won’t care who wins when the finals eventually are underway. At worst, you’ll fall asleep and miss the action. (You know there is such a thing as a recorded replay right?)

7 During the Olympics, do not insist on watching the boxing matches while visiting friends. If you do, at best they will think you lack social grace. At worst, your friends will start to question your motive. (“You would rather watch that stuff than talk to us?” is a question going through their mind right now.)

6 During the Olympics, do not insist on having meals in front of the TV. If you do, your family will become very worried about you. At worst, you might be the recipient of an interdiction by Olympic Watchers Anonymous. (You just didn’t know when that old Olympic habit moved into addiction did you fella?)

5 During the Olympics, do not buy or wear anything with the Olympic logo on it. if you do, at best you’ll own something that marks you as a little odd. At worst, once the event is over, you’ll have four more years before you can put it on again. (Will your stomach be in the same place four years from now Ferd?)

4 During the Olympics, do not put a country flag on your face. If you do, at best your neighbors will think you are from out-of-town and weird. At worst, your attempt to look cute while supporting your country will be viewed as a desperate act to gain recognition. (After all, there is no Jumbotron on your block)

3 During the Olympics, do not buy soft drinks or beer in a commemorative can or bottle. If you do, at best you’ll get some funny looks at the next social gathering. At worst, everyone will know how old your drinks are when you try to pass them off next summer. (Those big sales you expected on eBay never came through did they?)

2 During the Olympics, do not organize an Olympic party. If you do, at best the only attendees are all those folks you don’t like in the first place. At worst, you’ll have everything set up and realize you picked the night of the least favorite event. (Those appetizers and burgers will freeze well. Don’t you worry. Now the potato salad is another matter)

1 During the Olympics, do not demand that everyone in your house be quiet during the diving competition. If you do, at best you will confirm your lack of a grip on reality. At worst, the family will call in a professional to assist them in your recovery. (Yes, it’s true the divers can’t hear you from your home)

Views of the Neighborhood

August 7, 2016August 6, 2016 ~ John W. Howell ~ 48 Comments

I had to make a run downtown yesterday, and as I was driving down the main street, I was struck by the number of sidewalk “sandwich board” signs there were. It also hit me that some them would make a pretty good post. So here is a sample of the signs that one can see in Port Aransas.

The first is for a restaurant. I have never eaten there, but the sign looks pretty inviting. It almost leads you to believe it is a free kitchen. (it’s not)

Moby Dicks

Then again maybe food is secondary.

Moby Dicks

This next one is curious

Henna Artist

Glad it is not Henna by a monkey. Also, notice the left leg of the sign. Clearly, the artist is not a carpenter.

Another curiosity

Ice cream

Is Tropical Ice Cream different from let’s say Antarctic Ice Cream? Maybe not as hard.

Now for the sin factor

Cigars

You can get it all here. (The lung doctor is up the street )

The next sign is a place where you can do pottery

Fire it.

I guess that is one way to sell the idea of working with a 1000 degree kiln

In Texas, we have a “Tax-Free” weekend where certain school supplies and clothes are state tax-free. The idea is to give parents a break on back to school items.

Tax Free

Unfortunately or fortunately silver jewelry is not on the list. (Nice try there retailer)

I like this one.

Sweet cheese

Has Eurythmics written all over it.

So that you don’t think all the signs are relatively culture-free here is one for our community theater.

Bye Bye Birdie

The final sign is in the “if you can’t beat them join them,” category.

Church sign

I hope you liked the sign tour.

Stream of Consciousness Saturday – Prompt “Ex”

August 6, 2016August 5, 2016 ~ John W. Howell ~ 24 Comments

The instructions are simple, “Find a word with “ex” in it and use that word as the base for the post. In case you are confused about what I’m writing, I’m describing another Stream of Consciousness prompt by the ~~fiendish~~ lovely Linda Hill. If you want to join in go to this link and read all about it. https://lindaghill.com/2016/08/05/the-friday-reminder-and-prompt-for-socs-aug-616/

“So what’s the prompt?”

“Ex.”

“Huh? What ya mean X?”

“No not X. Ex.”

“X what? X-Men?”

“I said not X as in X-Men but Ex as in exfoliation.”

“Exfoliation? What the heck does that mean?”

“My goodness man. Did you go to school?”

“Yes I did, and I graduated an expert.”

“Now who is confusing who? An expert in what?”

“Getting through school with no expectations.”

“I see. This still brings me back to ex.”

“Your ex?”

“No, not my ex. We need to find a word with an ex in it and make it the subject of this post.”

“Oh, now I see. How about execution.”

“You know with help like you give I don’t need any enemies. That’s not exactly a great subject for a post.”

“Okay, then. How about exercise?”

“Hey, I think you are on to something at last. We could examine all the aspects of exercise.”

“Naw. Go ahead without me. I’m exhausted.”

“I’m sure you are. You don’t exhibit much energy in the first place, and I’m sure all this mental work has been challenging.”

“Excuse me? Look who’s talking? You haven’t left that chair in over two hours.”

“I’m the boss of this outfit, and you are an exclusion.”

“Oh, Yeah? You want to expand on that statement?”

“Yeah, and since you want exactness, you’re nothing.”

“You know what Mr. Executive?”

“What Mr. Expendable?”

“You say you’re the boss and I’m nothing, and I have to say, ‘big deal boss over nothing.’ Examine that boss man.”

Friday JohnKu – AKA TGIF

August 5, 2016August 4, 2016 ~ John W. Howell ~ 24 Comments

Friday

Another Friday to celebrate. YAY. This week has been a productive one. Got my paperback of Our Justice onto CreateSpace with little or no trouble. I’m waiting for the proof copy to arrive and then will go after the Kindle addition. I have the Kindle file ready to go, but don’t want to put it up until I’m sure te paper edition looks good. I hope you all have had a good week and like me looking forward to the weekend. Today’s JohnKu talks about looking forward to something nice.

When the task is hard,

And it almost seems too much. . .

Think of a nice thing.