Okay for the most of the United States I’m rushing this list a bit. I have always thought of spring as a matter of the mind and not necessarily how the weather is behaving (or not as the case may be). Spring here in South Texas has definitely arrived. I can tell because when I walk on the beach I’m almost run over by big ole pickups filled with overserved youngsters all yelling “woo woo” at the top of their lungs. Last year one even said to me “Hi old man.” She said it in a kindly manner so I didn’t take offense cause after all I am an old man. So on to the top ten things not to do if you have spring fever.
Ten Things not to do If You Have Spring Fever
10 If you have spring fever, do not fall in love with everyone you see. If you do, at best you will get a broken heart. At worst, you will need to deal with all the spouses to whom you have been reported for inappropriate sighing.9not to mention behavior)
9 If you have spring fever, do not daydream at work. If you do at best your fellow workers will think you use drugs. At worst, the boss will believe you have a motivation condition that can only be helped with a six-week motivational seminar (which is being held in Fargo ND)
8 If you have spring fever, do not operate heavy machinery. If you do, at best you may waste some material because of inattention. At worst, you may be deep in thought and run the heavy machinery through the shop wall or floor. (Better check to see what is below)
7 If you have spring fever, do not operate a motor vehicle. If you do, at best you may get a fender bender, At worst, you may just be pulled over by the state police because you are going the wrong way on the freeway.
6 If you have spring fever, do not lay in a bed of daisies. If you do, At best you will be allergic. At worst, you might be in contact with a nest of fire ants or bees and will end up in the ER having to explain why you decided to lay in a bed of daisies in the first place. (It will never come out right)
5 If you have spring fever, do not decide to take the day off. If you do, the best will be you miss some important phone calls. At worst, you will miss the meeting where your boss was going to announce your surprise promotion which now isn’t necessary since the office snitch explained you just didn’t come in today.
4 If you have spring fever, do not decide to write poetry. If you do, at best no one will ever see it. At worst, you will want to share it with your family and friends causing an instantaneous interdiction and a nice white straight jacket for you.
3 If you have spring fever, do not decide to force the family on a picnic. If you do, at best all of you will be wet and miserable. At worst, the park patrol will finally find you after several hours of your family being reported lost in the blizzard. (Guess who is not talking to you anymore?)
2 If you have spring fever, do not decide to take up guitar playing. If you do, at best you will get good enough to be described as awful. At worst, you will be strumming and singing a song and wonder why all the people have left and all the cats have arrived.
1 If you have spring fever, do not buy a convertible or sports car. If you do, at best you will be forced to drive it alone. At worst, you will be asked kindly by your spouse to return the vehicle to the point of purchase under penalty of a total and complete censure. (Guess how much the car is worth when you bring it back)














