A Little Personal

February 25, 2015February 25, 2015 ~ John W. Howell ~ 24 Comments

I was outside earlier in the week, and the sun was behind some clouds. In fact, it was forty degrees so I thought I would take some pictures of a couple of plants we have around the house. The only good time to take pictures is when the sun is not shining. The bright sun although lovely to live in makes big shadows in the images.
Here is some of the plants but we don’t have too many in flower right now.since they think it is still winter. (and it is)

Here is the first plant. It is a Cardboard Palm. It gets its name from the stiff cardboard-like leaves. The one pictured is quite a large example.

The plant here is a Giant White Bird of Paradise. This particular is a young plant and has not bloomed yet.

Pictured is one of my favorite succulents. If you brush it the wrong way you come away with a wound you would swear will be fatal. We are very careful around these guys. In the background, you can see a Natal Plum and an Hibiscus which will bloom all summer. Yes, we have river rock instead of grass in the yard. We are required to have zero scape in the front. We have some grass in the back yard.

The only flowering plant right now is the Birds of Paradise. They have been blooming their hearts out. In the background, you can see more Natal Plumb

These are Norfolk Pines, and we have two stands of them in the front yard

The last picture isn’t of the plants but of the Gulf that will give you an idea of the kind of day it was. Hope you enjoyed it.

Top Ten Things Not to Do at the Oscar Ceremony

February 23, 2015September 20, 2021 ~ John W. Howell ~ 27 Comments

Since yesterday was Oscar Sunday I thought it would be nice to provide all you Oscar nominees (You know Best Screenplay from a novel) with a list of what not to do if you should attend the Oscar ceremonies. This list was inspired by witnessing several cringe-worthy moments during previous Oscar broadcasts. I hope you enjoy it (and heed the warnings when it is your time to accept)

Top Ten Things Not to do at the Oscar Ceremony
10 If you attend the Oscar ceremony and win an Oscar, do not look at your seat mate and mouth the words out loud that belong to the initials NFW. If you do at best, the bleep and commentators comments will stay on YouTube for half a century. At worst, the FAA will present you with a bill representing the fine for a worldwide violation of on air decency along with instructions on how to answer the charges levied by no less than thirty countries.
9 If you attend the Oscar ceremony and win an Oscar, do not rely on the tape applied to your daring dress by the designer to withstand the jumping up and down associated with the excitement of the win. If you do, at best you might have to react quickly to stay covered. At worst, you might have a wardrobe malfunction that happens so quickly the network is not able to eliminate it from the broadcast that is being viewed by your entire family including great grandpa Jerkins who has been known to use the switch on the kids when they are bad.
8 If you attend the Oscar ceremony and win an Oscar, do not carry a cheat sheet with all the names of the people you have to thank. If you do, at best you will look like someone who has no idea who to thank. At worst, you will miss someone you should have included on the list and they will hate you forever.
7 If you attend the Oscar ceremony and are to present, a category make sure you know how to pronounce everyone’s name. If you don’t at best, you will make a small mistake no one recognizes. At worst, you will mispronounce a name or two and the video will be the one chosen to be sent into space as the iconic non-verbal depiction of a buffoon on Earth.
6 If you attend the Oscar ceremony and are to walk the red carpet, do not fall down. If you do, at best you will have to answer reporter’s questions continually all night about “your accident” as if you had wet your pants. At worst, the video will be made into a gif and will loop on the Today show website for a year
5 If you attend the Oscar ceremony, do not allow anyone to over-serve you. If you do, at best you will make some small mistakes that only your mother will notice. At worst, during your big moment you will take the opportunity to explain to the audience and the rest of the world how schuper schuper happy you are ta be part of the wonder-ful Hollywoot shoe and how y’wissh ta thank allllllll the little little people who schacrificed to get you where you are now.(no typos here all intended Sally) Your performance will be nominated to be the new public service announcement for a twelve step program.
4 If you attend the Oscar ceremony, do not think Dick Pope will be at all entertained with any Dick Poop mentions. If you mention the unfortunate flub by Cheryl Boone Isaacs at best, you might just get a cold stare. At worst, you could be the recipient of a knuckle sandwich coming out of nowhere and without any mayo.
3 If you attend the Oscar ceremony, do not think you should wear anything other than formal wear. If you wear something else, At best most attendees will assume you work in the kitchen. At worst, the jokes said behind your back will end up on the David Letterman show, and you will be asked to appear in the outfit you wore Oscar night. (Believe me no one is laughing with you)
2 If you attend the Oscar ceremony, do not think wearing an experimental hair style will make you noticed in a positive way. If you do, at best your hairstyle will a topic on the next “what not to wear at the Oscars” edition of Here’s Hollywood. At worst, someone will want to touch the creation, and you will allow them to do so since you think they are a big producer only to find out later they parked the cars.
1 If you attend the Oscar ceremony, do not try to get yourself in front of every camera. If you do, at best the producer will switch cameras the minute they see you on the monitor. At worst, although you thought each shot was magnificent, it appears you had a piece of spinach from the oysters Rockefeller stuck in your front teeth that made you look like a character out of the movie Deliverance.

Stream of Consciousness Saturday

February 21, 2015September 20, 2021 ~ John W. Howell ~ 12 Comments

Stream of Consciousness Saturday Prompt, today is “relative/relativity” and the writer can do whatever comes to mind with these words. (Thank heavens for some of us weak brained) If you would like to know more about how to participate visit, Linda Hill at http://lindaghill.com/2015/02/20/the-friday-reminder-and-prompt-for-socs-february-2115/ Here is my contribution this week.

Relative/Relativity by John W, Howell ©

“So what are you studying at the college?”

“The theory of relativity.”

“Oh, the famous Einstein theory.”

“No I don’t think so.”

“Yes of course he developed the Theory of Relativity expressed in the formula E equals mc squared.”

“Boy that doesn’t ring a bell.”

“Been sleeping in class?”

“No dad. I’m telling you we are not studying Einstein.”

“Well then what are you studying?”

“You know how hard it is on all of us during the summer.”

“You mean trying to see everyone and keeping them happy.”

“Yes precisely. We are using quantum physics to develop a visit matrix that can be used to keep every one of the relatives happy and us from going nuts.”

“So your theory of relativity deals with real relatives.”

“Yes it does. It is relative to the relatives.”

“Good job.”

Friday JohnKu (redux) – AKA TGIF

February 20, 2015September 20, 2021 ~ John W. Howell ~ 26 Comments

As some of you know my scheduler went on the fritz and the post that was to run today ran last Tuesday. To let you know, I usually do the Friday post on the Monday before. The advance writing of the post means I have to use my crystal ball to predict the future (and it can be tough when the weather is concerned). As a result of my error, there are two TGIF posts this week. I think the funniest comment around the Friday post on Tuesday was from Charles Yallowitz, who wondered how long he had slept. The weather turned out the way I outlined in the post. The good weekend weather arrived on Thursday. We are expecting some cold on Monday. Enough said about the weather. Today’s JohnKu (A term coined by Words4jp) is about mistakes. I hope you like it.

Mistakes come easy,

Often fed by quick actions. . .

Hard to correct though.

Thursday – A little Personal

February 19, 2015September 20, 2021 ~ John W. Howell ~ 28 Comments

Thursday – a little personal is the times for me to give open the door a little on my life other than that of a writer. Last week I did a feature on Frankie Blue Eyes my number one fan. Of course, the minute I did, I had a virtual revolution by the other three fur children in the house. (My non-fur children could care less about giving recognition to Frankie) So in all fairness I was forced to give some space to them as well.

The first one who protested the loudest was Stella. She is Frankie’s sister, and we found her with Frankie and three other siblings in a wild part of San Antonio. She and Frankie were about two weeks old when my wife captured the feral mother, got her spayed and released. We kept the kittens and bottle fed them until they were ready to eat solid food. At eight weeks, we found them good homes. (Except for Frankie and Stella. They were forced to live with us). This picture of Stella is typical in that she is trying to avoid the camera.

The next one is Lucy. She is our rescue Boxer. She was living on the streets of San Antonio and after being hit by a car brought to a shelter. My wife is a rescue volunteer, and Lucy knew a soft touch kind person when she saw one. At an adoption event, she came up to my wife and asked to be taken home. She is living the high life ever since. This picture is a pose that has the name of “Lucy Cold Stone.” I did ask her to smile but was told to take the photo as it is.(by Lucy)

The final of the quartet is Bailey. She is a brindle Boxer and keeps Lucy constantly worn out. She is full of energy and keeps all on our toes. In case you wonder about her regal pose her nicknames are Princess and Brat-zilla. I’ll let you figure out how she got those nicknames.

Wednesday Story Day – AKA-Hump Day

February 18, 2015September 20, 2021 ~ John W. Howell ~ 17 Comments

Wednesday story day has turned into an old-time serial featuring Frank, Billy and now Ms. Sutter. Last week the three were working on how to intimidate the police into meeting Frank’s demands. Frank thought it would be a good idea to let Ms. Sutter handle the rough stuff with the police since we now know he is too soft to carry out threatening them. As he was caught up in the action, he missed the point that he is the robber and having Ms. Sutter do his dirty work was not going to happen. By now we are getting the idea that Frank is either unbalanced or on drugs. We left the three with Ms. Sutter making a tongue in cheek request of Billy for a gun to shoot herself.

“Ms. Sutter, I can’t let you do that.”

“Billy, it was just an expression. I don’t intend to kill myself. If you would loan me the gun maybe I’ll shoot Frank.”

“Alright Ms. Sutter that’s enough of that kind of talk, Billy don’t give her the gun.”

“I wouldn’t do that Frank. I like both of you too much.”

“Hey, Billy boy leave me out of this.”

“Aw Ms. Sutter you just hurt my feelings.”

“ATTENTION, YOU IN THE BANK. YOU HAVE FIVE MINUTES TO COME OUT WITH YOUR HANDS OVER YOUR HEAD OR WE ARE COMING IN.”

“I don’t know Frank. They sound pretty severe and Billy, I didn’t mean to hurt your feelings. It’s just I’m not a part of this and don’t want the both of you thinking I am.”

“Billy, just forget it. Ms. Sutter, come to the window. I need to make a statement to those guys out there.”

“Okay Frank. Here I am what are you going to do?”

“Please excuse me for putting this gun to your head but I’ve got to make it realistic.”

“I understand Frank. Do what you have to do.”

“HEY, YOU LOUSY COPPERS OUT THERE. SEE THIS? I HAVE HOSTAGES IN HERE AND IF I DON’T GET A CAR IN TEN MINUTES I’M GONNA START SHOOTING THEM. I WILL START WITH THIS PERSON. NOW BACK OFF.”

“Whew that was a very convincing performance Frank.”

“Thank you, Ms. Sutter. I didn’t know I had it in me.”

“Where did you get that ‘lousy copper’ comment?”

“An old gangster movie. I think it was with George Raft.”

“I liked it too Frank.”

“Thanks, Billy.”

“The academy award for an outstanding performance in a bank hold up goes to Frank.”

“Nice, Billy.”

“YOU IN THE BANK. WE WILL NOT NEGOTIATE AS LONG AS YOU ARE THREATENING INNOCENT PEOPLE. LET THE HOSTAGES GO AND WE WILL TALK.”

“Gee Frank, maybe the award was given too quickly.”

“Shut up Billy.”

Friday JohnKu – AKA TGIF -Tuesday Early Publish

February 17, 2015September 20, 2021 ~ John W. Howell ~ 18 Comments

It was bound to happen. My WP schedule had the wrong date. Sorry about that. No, it is not Friday and I hope you didn’t get confused. I know I did.

Friday is here and I know my real life job working friends are glad it is here. We have had some unusual weather here this week. The weekend was terrific with temps in the high 70’s and then Monday showed up with a cold front in the afternoon. We more or less got used to the warm and for the rest of the week had to remember it is still winter. Hopefully, the weekend will be a little better. I know the complaints from the south fall on the under ten feet of snow North and East deaf ears. Just thought you should all know us thin bloods are having a crappy winter as well. This week’s John Ku (a term coined by Words4jp) talks about comparison others and how some may think others are better off. I hope you like it.

Others have more fun,

Or at least it seems that way. . .

Till we wear their shoes.

Top Ten Things Not to Do on President’s Day

February 16, 2015September 20, 2021 ~ John W. Howell ~ 27 Comments

Today’s list has been created to provide a little satire surrounding President’s Day. (Happy President’s Day) This is a holiday that I have had a tough time getting my mind around. Other than getting a Monday off, I haven’t been able to see the significance of it all. Yes, Lincoln and Washington each have a birthday two days apart and this may be the only reason. Of course, there have been forty-four presidents and most have made at least half of the population angry at one time or another. Let’s just say if a President were a member of the family their birthday would in a probability be forgotten. So I’m making the supposition President’s Day is an invention of mattress and car companies for an excuse to have a sale. Here is a tongue in cheek top ten things not to do on President’s Day.

Top Ten Things Not to Do on President’s Day

10 On President’s Day, do not go to Wal-Mart and buy a giant Happy Presidents Day blow up lawn thingy. If you do, at best your neighbors will think you have a screw loose. At worst, a stiff wind will grab the lawn thingy and drag it and the tie down through you r neighbors front window and there will be no way to call upon the spirit of President’s Day for forgiveness.

9 On Presidents Day, do not plan to receive lots of President’s Day gifts. If you do, at best you will sit under the cherry tree a very disappointed person. At worst, all the gifts you bought expecting a big gift exchange will all come due as your credit card company has a new policy on minimum payments required.

8 On President’s Day, do not try to organize a President’s Day office party. If you do, at best your co-workers will request a transfer. At worst, the HR department will invite you to participate in the employee mental health improvement program which will include three days in group therapy and an hour in shock treatment.

7 On President’s Day, do not ask your neighbors to donate to a fund for the less fortunate. If you do, at best you will never have to speak to them again. At worst, the local police will have you in for questioning due to a report taken on the potential for your request for donations to be taken as a scam.

6 On President’s Day, do not try to sing President’s Day carols in your neighborhood. If you do, at best there will be a number of slammed doors and no invitations for hot coco. At worst, your neighbors might band together to organize an intervention and carry you bound and gagged to the nearest institution.

5 On President’s Day, do not expect a bonus from your boss. If you do, at best you will be disappointed. At worst, the money you spent in anticipation of your President’s Day bonus will need to be covered before the card company sends a collection notice.

4 On President’s Day, do not organize a picnic at the park to celebrate. If you do, at best no one will show up. At worst, you will be shoveling three feet of snow just to find the barbecue grill not to mention the crimp in the volley ball game.

3 On President’s Day do not shoot off fireworks. If you do, at best you will be the only one doing so and your neighbors will know where to send the police. At worst, you massive fireworks display will ignite the neighbor’s roof and since it is thirty degrees below zero the fire department won’t be able to pump water and your neighbor is heading over to your house with what looks like a ball bat in his hand.

2 On President’s Day, do not sit in front of the TV thinking there will be a football game to watch. If you do, at best your family will seek council from the local clergy. At worst, your friends will all come over and start eating your snacks and drinking your beer while placing bets on how long it will be until the ambulance shows up. You might want to get in on the bet since the pot is at one hundred dollars.

1 On president’s Day, do not send Happy President’s Day cards to all your friends, family and co-workers. If you do, at best they will not know what to do or say. At worst, next year they will all send you a Happy President’s Day card since you sent one last year. This will cause you to check each off your list and only send a card the following year to those who sent you one.

Stream of Consciousness Saturday – Prompt – Attach/Attached

February 14, 2015September 20, 2021 ~ John W. Howell ~ 18 Comments

Stream of Consciousness Saturday means a story from my brain with no looking back. I can correct typos but no changing things around to meet my needs. What you read is how it was produced. This week’s prompt is “Attach/Attached” and can be used in any way the writer wants. Of course, with the big draw of Valentine’s Day today, the temptation is to put up something about love. If you would like to see the rules and maybe participate here is the link to Linda Hill’s blog: http://lindaghill.com/2015/02/13/the-friday-reminder-and-prompt-for-socs-february-1415/ I’m not falling for the love stuff and am going to take the hard road. Hope you like it.

“So where do I attach this thing?”

“I already attached it to the hook here.”

“Well, then what is this end doing?”

“I think it’s a different cable. Put it down.”

“No, I can see it is part of the one you put on the hook.”

“Oh. For heaven’s sake give it to me.”

“Here. What are you doing?”

“Putting it on the same hook.”

“Cool. You are really smart.”

“Gee thanks.”

“You have a boyfriend?”

“No do you?”

“Ha, ha very funny. No, I’m not attached. You ready to give this a try?”

“I guess so. Our homework assignment says we have to hold this for a full hour.”

“I don’t think it’s a problem do you? We just have to lift it by the cable attached and hold it in the air.”

“How long have you been enrolled in superpower school?”

“One term. Before this, I was attached to Jor-El for a few years.”

“I hear he’s tough.”

“How about you?”

“Worked as Wonder woman’s assistant. I was her political attaché.”

“Nice. You ready?”

“Yeah, piece of cake.”

“You know the hook is attached to the Earth and we have to hold the whole thing up right?”

“You go man. I’m right here with you.”

Friday AKA -TGIF

February 13, 2015September 20, 2021 ~ John W. Howell ~ 19 Comments

Friday is here and with it comes Valentine’s Day Eve. Yup, that is right the night before Valentine’s Day. (the fact that it is Friday the thirteenth shouldn’t bother anyone) Hope everyone has planned something special for that someone special. If not then the someone special may turn up as someone not so special, after all. The best way to keep that someone special is to present them with a thought about how much they mean to you. Not just in words but also in actions. You know the old-fashioned stuff. Open a door, help carries the groceries, help out with the household chores, cook an excellent meal, rent an extraordinary movie, send the kids to grandmas. And you men out there could do the same for your lady. If all else fails maybe my JohnKu (a term coined by Words4jp) would be of some help in the romance department. Go ahead and use it. If it helps just send me a comment and I’ll be happy. Here it is (and you can put your name on it as well)

Single they knew not,

To love with no holding back . . .

Together as one.