Top Ten Thing Not to Do When having a Garage Sale

September 22, 2014June 26, 2024 ~ John W. Howell ~ 25 Comments

Top Ten Things Not to Do When Having a garage Sale.

This list was inspired by a recent weekend of visiting a number of garage sales in the search of nautical artifacts that were supposed to be available in different locations.

10 If you have a garage sale, do not stock the inventory with all junk. If you do, at best you will look like you are down and out. At worst, you won’t make many sales since everyone has enough junk that looks and smells like yours at home.If you have a garage sale, do not advertise items that you don’t intend to sell. If you do, at best you can tell the folks the item is already sold.

9 If you have a garage sale, do not advertise items that you don’t intend to sell. If you do, at best you can tell the folks the item is already sold. At worst, you may have some early birds who will know the item isn’t sold and will have to deal with the subsequent mob who will convince you to go get the item in question or face walking the plank.

8 If you have a garage sale, do not put a child in charge of collecting money. If you do, at best your child will feel the impatience of the line that has formed since making change is not your child’s life skill. At worst, you may get a pirate who will be tempted to empty the cash box and steal the child to collect money at other garage sales to continue the cycle forever.

7 If you have a garage sale, do not sit in a big overstuffed chair eating chicken. If you do, at best some of your buyers will be disgusted and leave. At worst, you might lose your chicken to the highest bidder and have no say so in the matter.

6 If you have a garage sale, do not offer for sale any clothing that has not been washed. If you do, at best you will end up with the same inventory which you started out the day. At worst, you will be forced to discount the clothes to the point where some pirate will talk you into paying to remove the stuff.

5 If you have a garage sale, do not offer any eight track stereo tapes for sale. If you do, at best your age will automatically be transparent to all attendees over the age of forty. At worst, you will actually get a buyer who will insist on playing the choices before buying and you won’t have a player which this person has in the car and will loan you while staying and listening in your house for the next week since he has nowhere else to go.

4 If you have a garage sale, do not think the Ty Beanie babies are still thought of as rare finds. If you do, at best they will be priced unreasonably and you‘ll still have them at the end of the sale. At worst, you may actually find someone who is in the dark as much as you and who will buy all of them only to return tomorrow with a can of gas and a demand for their money back.

3 If you have a garage sale, do not smoke cigarettes or let one bob on your lip as you are doing a deal. If you do, At best many will realize all your items will smell like they have been in a forest fire and leave. At worst, one of your ashes will fall into your precious amber collection and produce a conflagration to rival the eruption of Vesuvius.If you have a garage sale, do not offer alcoholic beverages to those attending. If you do, at best you may have

2 If you have a garage sale, do not offer alcoholic beverages to those attending. If you do, at best you may have way more attendee than buyers. At worst, you may have a party which gets out of hand and makes your neighbors so upset that the next morning you find over ten for sale signs on your front lawn.

1 If you have a garage sale do not forget to post signs on where you are located. If you do forget at best you may miss some interested buyers. At worst your buyers will finally find you with only the thought of revenge in their heart which does not make for a happy customer.

Stream of Consciousness Saturday – Prompt- Average

September 20, 2014September 19, 2014 ~ John W. Howell ~ 13 Comments

Today’s prompt as determined by Linda Hill is AVERAGE. If you would like to read more about the Stream of Consciousness Saturday yo can go here: http://lindaghill.wordpress.com/2014/09/19/the-friday-reminder-and-prompt-for-socs-september-2014/ The following is my interpretation of the prompt. It is a story titled “So?”

“Hey, Frank what yew up to?”

“You a poet?”

“HUH? Wadda ya mean?”

“You, to. You sound like you been in a coffee shop too long.”

“I still don’t get it.”

“That’s cause you are average.”

“Average? What’s that supposed to mean?”

“I am putting out some high-value subtle bits of humor and you aren’t getting it cause you are not a high-level intellect. Just average.”

“Oh, I see what you mean.”

“I’m glad. Makes it easier to get along with me.’

“So Frank since I’m only average I have a request.”

“What’s that?”

“Pay me the thousand bucks you owe me. NOW!”

TGIF JohnKu Friday

September 19, 2014September 12, 2014 ~ John W. Howell ~ 24 Comments

Friday again. Not sure, but I think this has been one fast week. If seems just yesterday that I did the last Friday post but here it is a whole week later. Makes me wonder where the time goes. I find now my time is pretty well-marked by the number of words written. Of course, doing a blog also give some perspective of how fast the time goes by. I usually do the three regular blog posts which act as mileposts for the week. Monday is the Top Ten Things Not to do, Wednesday is the hump day story and Friday is the JohnKu (a term coined by Words4jp). I do throw in a Tuesday and Thursday blog if there is something going on like a blog tour or maybe some information I want to share. On Saturday, I tie into the Stream of Consciousness prompt. As I sit writing it now occurs to me that in essence I am blogging six days a week. Damn, no wonder the time flies. I gotta think about this for a minute. In the meantime, here is the JohnKu for this week. It is titled Having Fun, I hope you like it.

Struggle hard Writing,

Many words pumped every day. . .

Just may not be work.

Stream of Consciousness Saturday Prompt- Funny

September 13, 2014September 12, 2014 ~ John W. Howell ~ 13 Comments

The Stream of Consciousness Saturday prompt as put up on Linda Hill’s blog is funny. Could be funny strange or funny funny. Read about here: http://lindaghill.wordpress.com/2014/09/12/the-friday-reminder-and-prompt-for-socs-september-1314/ Here is my attempt to cover the prompt.(Pardon me I didn’t mean to create that alliteration. I can’t go back since this is Stream of Consciousness but I think it in itself is funny) Anyway the name of this piece is Funny Man. I hope you like it.

“You have to see this guy. He is the funniest stand up comic.”

“The funniest? That says something. Where is he appearing.’

“Right here. Right now.”

“What are you talking about Frank? You mean you?”

“Yes I mean me. I have a great routine. I’m telling you it is funny.”

“Bear with me if I’m not laughing, but you have never impressed me as someone who is particularly funny.”

“Okay, give me five bucks and I’ll show you.”

“Five bucks? You crazy?”

“Aw come on. I guarantee it will be worth it.”

“I know I will regret this, but okay here you go.”

“Thanks, Bill. Okay, here we go. This horse walks into a bar and goes up to the bartender, The bartender says, ‘Hey buddy why the long face?’”

“That’s it?”

“You get it, right? The horse has a long face and the bartender asks ‘why the long face?’”

“I get it Frank it’s just not funny.”

“How about the termite walks into the bar and says, ‘where’s the bartender?’”

“I hear crickets Frank. Give me my five back.”

“I thought they were funny.’

“You would Frank. You would.”

Friday JohnKu. TGIF

September 12, 2014September 5, 2014 ~ John W. Howell ~ 18 Comments

Friday is here. Happy days are here again, the sky above is clear again. Happy days are here again. Looks like we may all make the week. At least we have a good shot from this point. Eight hours and a margarita is mine. I have noticed a number of posts this week talking about the fall colors. Sitting here on the Gulf I really don’t get much change except for the lawn starts to turn pale with the shortening days. I do notice our Boxer Lucy is sleeping a little later since the sunrise is getting later each day. I think if we lived further North (like Scandinavia) she would never go to sleep in the summer. Today’s JohnKu (a term coined by Words4jp) is about season change. The title is Stay. I hope you like it

Stay by John W. Howell © 2104

The summer goes fast,

Makes room for the new colors. . .

Just wish it would stay.

Work Place Blog Hop

September 10, 2014June 26, 2024 ~ John W. Howell ~ 32 Comments

The workplace Blog Hop post by Charles Yallowitz is intended to get some perspective of what our workplace looks like. You can read his post HERE

I have just recently moved my workplace from the dining room to an actual space which I can call my own. So I am very glad to show you all around.

Here is a picture of our cat Frankie waiting on my desk. One would think he is waiting to greet me and to wish me a joyous day of writing. No, what he really wants is to get fresh water from my glass and walk on my keyboard. The windows open to a view of a pond in the rear of the house. This is a third-floor location so the view also includes the Corpus Christi bay which is barely visible through the houses. Here is a photo of the view. The owl is not a pet, but is standing guard over the mourning doves.

This last photo is another view of the desk. The two doors off to the right lead out to the porch where some serious suntan and snooze time can be had. Needless to say, I don’t often go out there.

The item I can’t do without is music. I write while listening and it seems to keep me focused on my work. I especially enjoy Queen and have every one of their songs on a rotation. I also have a number of other favorites and basically hit shuffle. My iTune library is quite large and covers the sixties to present. Now for my nominees:

Now for my Tagees:

Wednesday Story – Hump Day

September 10, 2014September 5, 2014 ~ John W. Howell ~ 16 Comments

Wednesday again and time for a story. This week’s story involves our boy Frank actually trying to do a good deed for someone and getting a little bit overwhelmed. The title is Help and I hope you like it.

“So sir can I help you.”

“What makes you think I need help.”

“Well, you are sitting on the curb and you haven’t moved for the last ten minutes.”

“How do you know. Are you watching me?”

“Well no. I was just sitting on that bench over there having my lunch and noticed you sitting here with your feet in that mud puddle.”

“What’s your name anyway?”

“Frank. How about yours?”

“I don’t have a name you would understand. I was left here from another planet. Now get outta here and leave me alone.”

“Another planet? Which one.”

“Yeah right. You get me to tell where and you go there and turn me in.”

“Turn you in? Turn you in to who?”

“To whom. To whom. Turn in to whom. Damn, I have to listen to the language being slaughtered after ten years of lessons. Just makes you want to spit.”

“Okay sir. I get it. You are a crank and you want to be left alone. Here take this.”

“What’s that?”

“It’s five bucks. Maybe you can get enough wine to kill yourself you old goat.”

“Wine? I don’t drink wine. I’m an officer in the imperial force. We don’t have time for wine.”

“Whatever. Do you want the fiver or not?’

“Not Frank”

“Okay then I tried. See you around old man.”

“Agent Zorra. You okay?”

“Yeah, I never thought that guy would leave.I’m glad I kept my helmet on being under water all this time and holding onto your feet. Pull me out of this water will Ya.”

“The next time we do a transport, I hope you pick a dry spot.’

“Who would have thought a pothole in New York would swallow our ship? I think we better tell Zamboo we have a problem.”

Rave Reviews Spotlight Author Tour – Tamie Dearen

September 9, 2014June 26, 2024 ~ John W. Howell ~ 22 Comments

I want to Welcome Tamie Dearen to Fiction Favorites. She is being honored by Rave Reviews Book Club as a spotlight author. She is now on tour and I am so happy one of her chosen stops is here. She is the author of the critically acclaimed Best Girls Series. Her latest release is Best Foot Forward. The first of the series is Best is Yet to Come. Best is Yet to Come. All can be seen and bought here on Amazon. So Tamie the blog is yours.

Hi! I’m Tamie Dearen—wife, mother, grandmother, dentist, Jesus-lover, musician, composer, and author (as of 2013). I’ve published four books and a novella in The Best Girls Series, and one Young Adult Fantasy, Alora: The Wander-Jewel. As a relatively new author, I’ve found Rave Reviews Book Club to be a great resource for information and a wonderful place for mutual support. I thought I’d share this fun poem.

The City of Flout

I must say, I dare say, it was quite a shock

When I heard that Count Koffner had stolen the lock,

The lock that protected the City of Flout

Kept the good people in and the bad people out

I knew it the minute I opened the door

And saw laughing and dancing and people galore.

So I asked them, “Who did this? Who opened the gate?

Why didn’t you stop him before ‘twas too late?”

The answered, “’Twas taken by some tall dark feller.”

So I set out to find him, in attic or cellar.

I searched for to find him and put him in jail.

I searched for three days, but ‘twas to no avail.

And meanwhile the people so much I did pity

For the terrible things that went on in that city.

The bad people flocked in by hundreds each day

And I, though the mayor, had nothing to say.

They brought toys for the young and books for the old

And jewels in lockets of silver and gold.

There was feasting—what feasting—they ate and they ate.

But what could I do with no lock on the gate?

Then one day I saw in the midst of a crowd

Count Koffner proposing a toast right out loud.

“A toast,” he said, “to the City of Flout,

The most wonderful place in the world without doubt!”

I rushed to Count Koffner and cut off his head.

Then I shot him three times to make sure he was dead.

And then I chased all of the bad people out

And locked up the gates to the City of Flout.

Now the laughing and dancing and feasting are o’er.

The children don’t play with their toys anymore.

I burned all the books and the jewels in lockets.

I searched every home and I emptied all pockets.

But even though everything’s normal again,

With the bad people out and the good people in.

For some silly reason, I really can’t wait

Until somebody else steals the lock from the gate.

By Tamie Dearen

Follow

Twitter: https://twitter.com/TamieDearen

Facebook: https://www.facebook.com/pages/Tamie-Dearen/1384772145109650

Website: http://tamiedearen.weebly.com/

Amazon Author Page:

http://www.amazon.com/Tamie-Dearen/e/B00FS21B4Y/ref=sr_tc_2_0?qid=undefined&sr=1-2-ent

Top Ten Things Not to Do While Drinking

September 8, 2014June 26, 2024 ~ John W. Howell ~ 19 Comments

This is the 62^nd installment of Ten Things Not to Do. This was inspired by seeing some very strange things happen on the beach over Labor Day. I hope you enjoy.

Top Ten Things Not to Do When You Have Been Drinking.

10. If you have been drinking, do not think the soft sand on the beach will prevent you from serious injury as you fall out of the back of your ten foot high monster truck. If you do, at best you’ll get a nasty bump. At worst, you may end up buried up to your neck upside down.

9, If you have been drinking, do not think your four-wheel drive Hemi V8 will pull you out of the surf. If you do, At best you might need to figure out how to get towed back to reality. At worst, you may be the new captain of the good ship Dodge Tough that is slowly going down for the last time.

8. If you have been drinking, do not stand up in the back of your pickup truck yelling an offer to trade beads for bras. If you do, at best you may be spotted by the beach patrol and given a PI ticket. At worst, you may be asked to pay an additional amount in the form of tooth contribution for the poor judgment you have demonstrated by a band of unappreciative Hells Angles.

7. If you have been drinking, do not think doing donuts in the sand with your diesel powerhouse is entertainment for all who watch. If you do, at best you might eventually get stuck to the relief of everyone on the beach. At worst, trying to get unstuck will only see your high-powered monster bury itself well below the place where it will cost more than $500.00 to tow you out.

6. If you have been drinking, do not think the world wants to join you in a skinny dip. If you do at best, the cooler water will bring you to a point where you now realize your mistake and a friendly person will bring your swimsuit to you.. At worst, you will be spending the rest of the day in the water waiting for nightfall so you can finally sneak back to your swimsuit.

5. If you have been drinking, do not think the fire which you intend to build is not big enough. If you do, at best you won’t be able to find any more wood. At worst, you will look high and low for objects that will burn including; beach chairs, tents and tons of beer cans only to discover they don’t.

4, If you have been drinking, do not think you can play beach volleyball as good as the people who are younger than you. If you do, at best the next morning will point out your limitations for the next time. At worst, you may pull several unused muscles and windup at the ER to get straightened out.

3. If you have been drinking, do not think you can fish from the back of your truck way after the tide has come in. If you do, at best you may be there until the tide goes out again. At worst, you may not be there since the tide was stronger than your truck.

2. If you have been drinking, do not think the rest of the beach would enjoy your Dr. Dre turned up to the pain level. If you do you, at best you may get a visit from a big neighbor asking you to turn it down. At worst, you may find your sound system being tested for its water resistance.

1. If you have been drinking, do not get behind the wheel of that monster wagon with the intent to drive home. If you do, at best you might be caught for a DUI. At worst, you may actually be responsible for the injury or death of an innocent person or animal.

Stream of Consciousness Saturday – Prompt

September 6, 2014September 5, 2014 ~ John W. Howell ~ 8 Comments

The Stream of Consciousness Saturday, prompt for this week is re-. After the re the writer can to anything with it. I have to admit these prompts are starting to get real esoteric. The fact I enjoy esoteric makes me like them. If you want to know more go to Linda Hill’s site and check it out right here: http://lindaghill.wordpress.com/2014/09/05/the-friday-reminder-and-prompt-for-socs-september-614/

So here is my impression of re-. The title is Rewind. I hope you like it.

“So what the hell you doing?”

“trying to get this thing to work.”

“What is it?”

“Can’t you see it’s a lamp?”

“No I can’t see it’s a lamp. Doesn’t even look like a lamp. Looks like something out of

“Hello. Wasn’t that a lamp?”

“W-Well yes, I guess─”

“You guess? Don’t you know what I have here?”

“Tell me Frank.”

“This is the damn lamp from

“Yeah, okay Frank. You go boy.”