Tag: thriller fiction

Top Ten Things Not to Do at the Battle of New Orleans in 1815

~ John W. Howell ~ 52 Comments
By Edward Percy Moran – Library of Congress

 

On January 8th, 1815 A rag-tag army under Andrew Jackson defeats the British on the fields of Chalmette in the Battle of New Orleans. Since this piece of history is fascinating you may want to go and observe. If you do, take this list with you and maybe you can avoid and trouble time travel-wise.

10 If you go, do not ask anyone if they have heard the song, Battle of New Orleans by Johnny Horton. If you do, at best no one can understand you. At worst, someone will ask you to sing it. (When you get to the part about using a gator as a cannon, Jackie you might want to explain you were just kidding.)

9 If you go, do not ignore a command from Tiny the WWF champ to help build an earthen barrier that will be used to protect the Americans from the British. If you do, at best Tiny will become preoccupied with something shiny. At worst, since Tiny has missed his last four anger management sessions he forgot about snapping the band around his wrist. ( He is now snapping your bones, Jacobe. Don’t worry usually two snaps of the band calms him down. You might want to yell, “wrist band.” If couldn’t hurt.)

8 If you go, do not wear your favorite red sweater. If you do, at best all the sharpshooters know a sweater when they see one. At worst, your sweater will be mistaken for a British uniform. (The outcome of this is not good, Jacobus. There are no less than 2500 angry shooters from Kentucky anxious for practice. I think I would take it off. DUH.)

7 If you go, do not turn your nose up at spicy cajun food. If you do, at best you can find something else to eat. At worst, you will be left on your own for food. (There is no organic store here, Jacorey. Just suck it up and eat the beans and rice. Besides, the spice will keep down dysentery.)

6 If you go, do not expect a Kentucky militiaman to loan you a rifle. If you do, at best you might be able to borrow a knife. At worst, since many of the militiamen did not bring there own weapons, there is a short supply. (You just might have to fill a gator’s mouth with cannonballs and powder his behind, Jacque. In fact, Andrew Jackson said, “I don’t understand these guys not bringing their guns. I have never seen a Kentuckian without a gun, a pack of cards, and a bottle of whiskey in my life.”)

5 If you go, do not try to convince everyone that the Treaty of Ghent, which was signed by the British and Americans on December 24, 1814, made the battle unnecessary. If you do, at best you’ll be ignored. At worst, General Jackson will order you to go tell the British to stop advancing on New Orleans.  (You are in a fine kettle of fish, Jacques. Unknown to you the British forces have orders to attack in spite of the treaty being signed. So how’s it feel to be in the middle. Yes, those are bullets from both sides.)

4 If you go, do not ask Jean Laffite how his British friends are doing. If you do, at best, Jean will think you are joking. At worst, since he is double-crossing the British, he may take offense. (Jean agreed to help the British and is now helping the Americans, Jacy. So he is not very happy with you for pointing out his relationship with the British. When Jean says to walk the plank, he is not talking about the deck of the ship. Good luck, treading water.)

3 If you go, do not tell the British where their misplaced ladders are located. If you do, at best, it won’t help them. At worst, they will be able to scale the rampart Jackson built to keep the British out of New Orleans. (Old hickory is sure mad at you, Jadon. He had the 1500 yard rampart built to repel the British who lost the ladders needed to do it. I would tell the British you were kidding and don’t know where the ladders are being kept before you alter the outcome of the battle or Jackson has you shot.).

2 If you go, do not question the decision to put New Orleans under martial law. If you do, at best, Jackson won’t hear about it. At worst, General Jackson will personally let you know to mind your own business. (Andrew Jackson felt strongly that without martial law, the city could not be controlled. Yes, your writ of Habeas Corpus has been suspended, Jae. Good luck in solitary on bread and water.)

1 If you go, do not ask for a glass of bourbon on bourbon street. If you do, at best you’ll get some funny looks. At worst, those you ask will know you are not from around here. (French engineer Adrien de Pauger laid out the streets of New Orleans in 1721 and chose one to carry the name of the French royal family ruling at the time, Rue Bourbon, Jafar. It is not named for the drink which wasn’t called Bourbon until the 1850s.)

Stream of Consciousness Saturday – Prompt “Ow.”

~ John W. Howell ~ 48 Comments

 

It is Stream of Consciousness time again and this week’s prompt is “ow.” Lrt’s let Linda explain. “Your prompt for #JusJoJan and Stream of Consciousness Saturday is: “ow.” Find a word that contains “ow” or use it as a word in your post. Have fun!”

There’s that “have fun” thing again. If you would like to have fun visit Linda’s blog and read how. Here is the link.

The Friday Reminder for #SoCS & #JusJoJan 2020 Daily Prompt – Jan. 4th

Ow by John W. Howell © 2020

“Don’t say it.”

“What?”

“The prompt word.”

“How do you have the knowledge that I’m going to say it?”

“I just know you and your prowess when it comes to prompts.”

“Now you’ve thrown me. What do you mean by prowess.”

“I’ve shown you time and time again how you take the path of least resistance.”

“Allow me the dignity to understand your accusation.”

“You were going to say “ow,” weren’t you? Then start some kind of downhearted attempt at a story around an injury.”

“I resemble that. You could at least give me an allowance for creativity.”

“I did. You have a narrow band of creativity and I guessed where you were going to go.”

“Yeah okay. So I don’t have the creative horsepower that you have. At least I try hard.”

“I’m not sure it’s horsepower. Might just be brainpower.”

“You can use two powers in the same sentence.”

“They are different words, chowderhead.”

“Oh, I like the sounds of that. Let’s go to town for some clam chowder.”

“A downright capital idea.”

“Yeah. We can work on the prompt tomorrow.”

“Not sure about that. After a couple of growlers of beer, I might not be in any shape for word games.”

“We could try anyhow.”

“Let’s see where the wind blows.”

Tuesday- Anything Possible _Kreative Kue #243 by Keith Channing

~ John W. Howell ~ 43 Comments

In Keith’s words.

“Using this photo (below) as inspiration, write a short story, flash fiction, scene, poem; anything, really; even just a caption for the photograph. Either put it (or a link to it) in a comment or email it to me at keithchanning@gmail.com before 6pm next Sunday (if you aren’t sure what the time is where I live, this link will tell you). If you post it on your own blog or site, a link to this page would be appreciated, but please do also mention it in a comment here.

Go on. You know you want to. Let your creativity and imagination soar. I shall display the entries next Monday.”

The Photo

Diary by  John W. Howell © 2019

Dear Diary,

I certainly hope someone takes the time to read this message after I’m gone. I will try with the last remaining strength to chronicle the whys and wherefores of my demise. Where to begin? I suppose the best place to start, Dear Diary is in the beginning.

I have to laugh since where else would I start. The ending is quite clear. I’m held captive by this exceptionally strong being who looks like a dog. Let me assure you it is not a dog but some interstellar traveler that I managed to interrupt during one of its experiments.

Where was I? Oh, Yes. It began when I walked into the yard and beheld (I love the term beheld) this monster digging in the turf. I told it to shoo, but instead of leaving, it ran after me and cornered me in my bedroom. After what I would call a sterling resistance by Moi, I finally succumbed to its power. Although it did not speak, what it wanted was clear. Maybe it did a telepathic number on me, but I somehow knew I was to lay in the bed, and it followed.

I tried to get up, but it reached over and secured me by the neck. It is very crafty in allowing me only enough air to marginally meet my needs. Its control is absolute. Even now it sleeps but still has me in its power.

“Keith. Where are you?”

“In the bed, love.”

“Is Ranger with you?”

“Yes. Sound asleep.”

“What are you doing?”

“Oh, just writing a little story.”

“I hope you finish before I get there.”

“Not to worry, my love. I think it is done.”

Views of the Neighborhood – A Walk in the Smith Greenbelt.

~ John W. Howell ~ 52 Comments

Today we are taking a stroll in the Smith Greenbelt in Lakeway, Texas.

We are approaching the greenbelt. A gentle stream and Lilly pads with a main road in the background.

There is a footbridge ahead and a place to sit.

We have to cross a stream to get to the greenbelt. Love the green mixed with fall leaves.

The trailhead.

Some picturesque trees and fall colors with a backdrop of a stream.

A babbling brook.

I thought this old log was worth a shot.

A footbridge over a stream.

The path leads by a large rock.

Here is a shot of two kinds of trees growing out of a rock. The rock is actually split bu the trees.

Another bridge over untroubled waters.

I wanted to give you an idea of the topography and the numbers of rocks on this hill.

The path ahead with lichens and moss. You can keep walking if you wish, but it is time for these old bones to head back. I hope you enjoyed the stroll.

Thursday – A Little Personal – After Christmas

~ John W. Howell ~ 62 Comments

“Hey Little One, Mom wants us to come out and take a picture with our stockings.”

“Gee, Lucy. Why didn’t she do this yesterday at Christmas?

“I think with all the excitement, everyone forgot.”

“Yeah, the folks are like that.”

“How about a ruckus first, Lucy?”

“I could go for that.”

“Whoa. What was that?”

“The call of the wild Little Potato. It’s Mom.”

“Lucy, what do they want us to do?”

” In all my years, I could never figure out what ‘smile” means.”

“Well, I’ll give my best super cute look.”

“Maybe you will save both of us.”

“I just love this candy cane toy.”

“I know you’ve been playing with it for a day.”

“I see you like your Santa toy.”

“Yes, I do, and I would put that ‘wounded panther’ look back where you found it.”

Stream of Consciousness Saturday – Prompt “Ingle”

~ John W. Howell ~ 48 Comments

 

 

Stream of Consciousness

It is Stream of Consciousness Saturday time again, and this week’s prompt requires a visit by Linda Hill. In her words, “Your Friday prompt for Stream of Consciousness Saturday is “ingle.” Find a word that contains “ingle” and use it any way you’d like in your post. Have fun!” I love how she always throws in the “have fun” thingy.

If you would like to be part of the have fun thingy group, visit Linda’s blog and read how. You would be surprised how easy it is to have fun. Here is the link. https://lindaghill.com/2019/12/20/the-friday-reminder-and-prompt-for-socs-dec-21-19/

Ingle by John W. Howell © 2019

“Now, you really look pensive, my friend.”

“I’m writing a letter to Chris Kringle.”

“Santa Claus? Why are you saying Kris Kr— Oh, I’ll bet Linda Hill has you on a wild goose chase again.”

“It’s not a wild goose chase it’s words that have ‘ingle’ in them.”

“Hence ‘Kringle.”‘

“Yes. I had intended to put ingle words into my letter.”

“Oh, really? Is the letter done?”

“Yes, it is.”

“Will you read it to me?”

“Sure. Ahem

My Dear Mr. Kringle,

I have been very good this year. I can’t think of a single time where I was bad. Well, there was the time that I had too much Inglenook Chardonnay, but that was only a meaningless slip of judgment.  You see, I was mingling with the wrong crowd, and the ringleader got me into a chardonnay chugging contest, and before I knew it, my toes began to tingle. By then, it was too late, and I was wingless, so to speak. 

Besides that, I have tried my best to hang out a shingle of virtue. To that end, all I want for Christmas is a Bentley Turbo Convertable. I’m not fussy about the color, but a beautiful slate grey would be lovely. How does it sound?“

“If I were Kris I would leave you one jingle of a bell.”

“Aw come on. I deserve that car.”

“Sure you do. Like I deserve you or a case of the shingles.”

“Cold brother.”

“Speaking of?”

“Right behind you.”

 

 

Friday JohnKu – AKA – TGIF

~ John W. Howell ~ 58 Comments
Lucy and Twiggy
“is that Friday, Lucy?”
“By golly, it is Little One.”

 

Once again Friday has arrived. It seems like this week it took its sweet old time. I can’t put my finger on it, but it sure felt like a long week.

We got the Christmas tree up along with some other decorations. It is always nice to have the holiday come around again. I didn’t think my inbox would survive black Friday and Cyber Monday but it certainly did. Heard on the news that this was the biggest retail and online sales figures made to date. I have to believe people are feeling good about buying and giving gifts.

I’m still plugging away at my WIP. Almost halfway through the latest round. It looks like I will be calling for beta readers after January 1st and will then allow until February 15th for comments. I always hate to rush beta readers. After the beta read comes the professional edit. I have made up my mind that this book will be launched in the spring. Probably in April or May.

Today’s JohnKu talks about the holidays and the spirit of the time. I hope you have an enjoyable weekend.

Holidays by John W. Howell © 2109

No matter the way,

We celebrate holidays . . .

The spirit’s the same.

Thursday – A Little Personal – Decorations

~ John W. Howell ~ 69 Comments

Lucy and Twiggy

“Hey, you guys. What are you doing?”

“Decorating the tree. You want in?”

“Goodness. All the ornaments are already on the tree.”

“Well, you wanted to go outside and chase the squirrel.”

“I know but no one said anything about decorating.”

“That’s true Little One. I think they thought it would go better if you were out playing.”

“There is not even an old bone to hang on the tree.”

“Yeah, as if that’s what everyone would want.”

“Did you help decorate, Lucy?”

“No. I took up my position on the couch.”

“Why aren’t all the ornament boxes put away?”

“I think the folks are taking more totes to the garage.”

“It’s a sad thing to know I missed everything.”

“Geez, Twiggy. You didn’t miss anything. How many ornaments could you hang?”

“Well, that’s not really the point. I’m going to give mom and dad a piece of my mind.”

“Good idea. That always works well.”

Top Ten Things Not to Do Wrapping Presents – Redo

~ John W. Howell ~ 53 Comments

Gift wrapping no nos

This post was published in December of 2017. Since history does not lend itself to humor this week, I thought you might enjoy a revisit or a visit for those who missed it.

I always enjoy wrapping presents. I pretty much avoid the “store gift wrap” in favor of the messes I create. I think putting oneself into the process is a way you can show the recipients of the gift that you really care. The inspiration for this post is every year of doing my own. I hope you enjoy it.

10 If you are gift wrapping, don’t think it’s the thought that counts. If you do, at best, your wrapping will look like you didn’t think at all. At worst, your package will be mistaken for trash and never opened in the first place. (No wonder you didn’t get a thank you, Cassidy.)

9 If you are gift wrapping, do not try to use a fake box with Tiny, the WWF champ who just enrolled in a court-ordered intensive course on how to handle disappointment. If you do at best, you won’t be in the room when Tiny open,s the Tiffany box to find a screwdriver. At worst, although Tiny will do his best to control himself, it may be more than one can expect. (You have been thinking of removing that dining room wall anyway right, Crane?)

8 If you are gift wrapping, do not use seasonally inappropriate paper. If you do, at best, others will think you mentally unstable. At worst, friends and family will gather and determine what to do with you now that you have lost track of time. (Okay, so you wanted to save a few bucks on paper, but Easter wrap was not the way to go, Clive.)

7 If you are gift wrapping, do not forget the nametags. If you do, at best, you’ll remember each gift and who it goes to just by the wrapping. At worst, Uncle Phil will wonder what you are trying to say with the Lady Schick electric razor gift. (You thought for sure that red box was a bottle of bourbon, Cal. I wonder what aunt Helen thinks of it.)

6 If you are gift wrapping, do not forget to measure twice before cutting once. If you do, at best, there is a smaller box that can be wrapped with your mistakes. At worst, you have another trip to the wrapping store to get additional supplies. (Too bad they are all out of Christmas wrap, huh, Cameron? They have plenty of Easter wrap, though.)

5 If you are gift wrapping, do not use the same paper for all the gifts. If you do, someone will recognize it as last year’s $0.99 Target sale item. At worst, your display under the tree will look like the packages were done by Mrs. Jones first grade class. (Why is everyone asking if these gifts are meant for a Toys for Tots donation, Carling?)

4 If you are gift wrapping, do not throw away the return receipts. If you do, at best all your gifts will be perfect. At worst, those gifts that were a little off the mark will show up next year. (You could have sworn you gave this scarf to your cousin last year, huh, Carmichael?)

3 If you are gift wrapping, do not think more scotch tape will solve sloppy wrapping. If you do, at best, your recipients will have a scissor handy to cut through. At worst, you’ll get calls about paper cuts and tape in kid’s hair. (Maybe taking more time would have been a good idea, Carver.)

2 If you are gift wrapping, do not try to create what you are not qualified to design. If you do, at best yours will be the last one opened. At worst, your package will end up looking like a bizarre thing that should soak in water before being disarmed. (Gotta wonder why your brother-in-law called the bomb squad. That grenade on top was a dummy right, Caster?)

1 If you are gift wrapping, do not think a bunch of sparkling confetti in the box will be well received. If you do, at best, the recipient will be kind and not shoot you. At worst, the gift is opened on the new white living room carpet. (You just know that stuff will be there until next year, don’t you, Chadwick?)

Wednesday Story Day – AKA Hump Day

~ John W. Howell ~ 39 Comments
“What’s that noise? Lucy.”
“Sounds like Wednesday hit a hump.”

It is Wednesday Story Day again, and the last time we learned that Larry wants to talk one more time to Charles the server. Charles had spent some time with Mrs. Rafferty that he never mentioned. Jerry, the server, told Andrew and Larry that Charles left a party with Mrs. Rafferty and didn’t show up for work the next day, so now Charles is a person of interest. I see Charles is just now entering the conference room let’s hot foot it over there before we miss any of the juicy stuff.

 

“You wanted to see me again, detective?”

“Yes, Charles have a seat.”

“What’s this about?”

“Well, Charles, my man. It seems you left a little bit of information out of our last discussion. I would like to catch up with it.”

“What do you mean?”

“You went through an elaborate process of trying to remember Mrs. Rafferty. Do you recall that?”

“You mean the dates and the room service order?”

“Exactly.”

“So?”

“You failed to tell us you were at a party where Mrs. Rafferty attended as well.”

“I go to a lot of parties, detective. How am I to remember who is who.”

“Uh, huh. Did you forget who you escorted out of the party?”

“Escorted out? Excuse me detective but I’m having difficulty following your line of questions.”

“Did you leave the party with Mrs. Rafferty?”

“I don’t recall the party, let alone who I took home. I can assure you that if I left a party with Mrs. Rafferty, I would remember. She is stunning and I don’t get around much.”

“So how about work the next day.”

“What about it?”

“You missed work.”

“If you say so. What day was that again?”

“The fourteenth of February.”

“Valentine’s day?”

“That’s right.”

“Oh, wait. Now I remember. I went to that party, and after a while, I was not feeling well. I tried a drink but couldn’t even get it down. I want home alone and went straight to bed. I was still sick the next day and called it in. Jerry took my place.”

“Can anyone corroborate your story.”

“It’s the truth why do I need to corroborate it?”

“Cause an eyewitness says you left the party with Mrs. Rafferty on the night her husband had his accident.”

“That’s not true. Even if it was, what would it mean?”

“That maybe you helped Mrs. Raffery arrange the accident.”

“Oh, no way. You saying I need a lawyer?”

“Why? Do you have something to hide?”

“No, but you are accusing me of being an accessory.”

“You know the term?”

“Yeah, I was in pre-law in college. I certainly know the term.”

“No one is accusing you of anything. You can get a lawyer if you wish but I think it might be a little early for that. Why do you think Jerry told us that you left with Mrs. Rafferty?”

“I have no idea. You have made me a little uncomfortable detective so if you don’t mind, I would like to go.”

“This is a free country, Charles. I’m going to ask you to stay in town if you don’t mind. We may have some more questions that we would be happy to share with your attorney. Here’s my card. Let me know when you are ready to talk more.”

“You really think I am involved in this, don’t you?”

“Right now, we are just keeping our options open. Thank you for the conversation.”