Tag: thriller fiction

Top Ten Things Not to Do When Choosing to Adopt a Pet

~ John W. Howell ~ 28 Comments

Here is the 38th installment of Ten Top Lists of What Not to Do by Marie Ann Bailey of 1WriteWay at http://1writeway.com and John W. Howell of Fiction Favorites at http://johnwhowell.com. These lists are simu-published on our blogs each Monday. We hope you enjoy.

 

PetAdoptionAd

Top Ten Things Not To Do When Choosing To Adopt a Pet

10.  When choosing to adopt a pet, do not go to the animal shelter without your significant other to help you make a decision.  If you do go without your significant other, at best your significant other will forgive you for bringing home a cat with an ear-piercing howl and buy you both a lifetime supply of earplugs so you can at least sleep through the night.  At worst, your significant other may start talking about the need to “see other people, particularly people without cats.”

9. When choosing to adopt a pet, do not assume that just because Newfoundland puppies are cute and a perfect size for cuddling, that they will always be a perfect size for cuddling.  At best, you may learn to not mind when you get pushed off the bed when your grown-up, 130-pound Newfoundland stretches out next to you.  At worst, you may have to design a harness and pulley system to get your grown-up, 130-pound Newfoundland off your lap.

8.  When choosing to adopt a pet, do not think just because the ferrets at the pet store were all asleep during your visit the one you picked will spend most of its time sacked out.  At best, you won’t mind playing daily games of hide-and-seek as your ferret playmate finds new places to hide in your home.  At worst, you may find those new places to hide involve the ferret eating holes in your upholstery causing you to buy a new suite of living room furniture every week.

7.  When choosing to adopt a pet, do not think that your regular vacuum cleaner will suffice for cleaning up the hair shed by the white Himalayan cat you desire.  At best, you will be properly advised, causing you to purchase a top-of-the-line model.  At worst, you may have to learn to live with having your brown velour furniture look like it has been blanketed with snow.

6.  When choosing to adopt a pet, do not think bringing home a python will do much to improve your social life.  At best, you and the animal control officer who was called out to your house after your neighbors complained may fall in love and together you will find a proper home for the python.  At worst, you may be confronted by a mob of your neighbors after your python repeatedly escapes and the small animals in your neighborhood disappear.

5.  When choosing to adopt a pet, do not think that cats are more hygienic than dogs.  While generally that may be true, at best, you may find  your new cat poops outside its litter box only when you provide food it doesn’t like (and thereby quickly training you to give it what it wants when it wants it).  At worst, your cat may eventually eschew the litter box altogether causing you to invest heavily in wee-wee pads and kitty diapers and daily meditations of “Fluffy is a good kitty. Fluffy is a good kitty.”

4.  When choosing to adopt a pet, do not assume that little Fido’s incessant yipping is something he will simply outgrow.  At best, you may wind up deciding at least you no longer need a security system for your home since Fido emits a series of high-pitched yips at every movement behind your door or window.  At worst, you may invest in a series of expensive sessions to train Fido not to yip only to learn that Fido is as Fido does—YIP!

3.  When choosing to adopt a pet, do not assume simply training your German Shepherd Gunther to obey commands gets you a pass at keeping your dog on a lease in public places.  At best, joggers will quickly learn to stop running when they see Gunther so he will not chase them as you call in vain for Gunther to “Heel!”  At worst, the next jogger whose crotch Gunther sticks his nose into will be an employee of the police force who will be more than happy to write-up a series of citations against you and to confiscate Gunther for conscription into the police dog unit.

2.  When choosing to adopt a pet, do not assume fish would be a good choice if you live in an apartment where pets are not allowed.  At best, your landlord never visits your apartment and you manage to keep your relationship with George, your oscar cichlid, a secret.  At worst, your landlord may catch you in the elevator with the new aquarium for George which you had to buy because he doubled in size, and your  landlord doesn’t buy the story that you plan to use the aquarium for a sitz bath.

1.  When choosing to adopt a pet, do not think you will be able to stop at just one.  At best, you may learn to accept the fact that animals will gravitate toward a warm heart and a safe home, meaning you and yours.  At worst, you will find yourself having to make accommodations for your pets in your will since as you get older, your willingness to rescue abandoned animals has grown greater.

Heaven Help Us it is Really Friday

~ John W. Howell ~ 22 Comments

 

Friday

Thanks be to our lucky stars; we made it. Only eight more hours before we can break the binds that tie us to our money machine and run headlong into the ethereal bliss that is the weekend. We can be free, to be, who we want to be. (Whoa wait a minute. This is getting out of hand and sounds like a Coke or US Army commercial)

It is always good to hit the last day of the week and know we have fought the good fight and have given it our best shot. We need to take a minute and reward ourselves if for nothing else than actually making it through the week.

Here is the Haiku celebrating our fortitude during the work week.

Guts by John W. Howell ©2014

All week we stood tall,

Crouching in the perfect spot . . .

To avoid arrows.

Have a great weekend

Wednesday Story Day AKA Hump Day

~ John W. Howell ~ 20 Comments

a wed

Another Wednesday. As a celebration of Wednesday there is a story to be told each week. In case you wondered, all the stories are written for this post and are original. I continually wonder if these stories are what you want to read. I have been reading up on what makes a good blog and have to admit some of the advice seems to make sense. Well . . . it seems to make sense for those bloggers who follow the advice. For instance; the advice says the blog can be really long and if enough good content is there, people will read it. This does make sense, since there are a number of really good blogs out there where the writer has over 4000 words and about as many followers. I try to keep mine to less than 400 words and up until recently I could say I had about that many followers. Maybe there is some relationship between number of words and followers. I sure hope not.  I have this belief people are way too busy to read every blog they follow anyway and to have to read several at 4000 words it doesn’t take much time to get to 80,000 words. This would be like reading a book a day. So unless y’all have any objections I’ll go against the advice and keep it short. Which brings up the story for today:

The Follower by John W. Howell ©2014

“You asked for comments and here is mine. I really like your blog. You seem to understand the subject and it is presented in a very interesting way. I am following you.”

Your comment is in moderation

“Dear Frank. Thank you for following my blog. I had a chance to go and visit yours and am following you as well.”

Your comment is in moderation

“Thank you George for the follow. I hope you like my blog as much as I like yours. In case you want to read my book here is a link.” http://amazon.com/mybook/frankthejerk

“Yeah thanks for the link. I guess you never thought about certain rules regarding hijacking a comment section of a blog with personal promotion.”

“Gee. I did not mean to get you in a wad. I really thought you would like my book.” 🙂

“I’m not in a wad, but I have spent a lot of time on preparing this post and hate to see it ripped off with a book promotion.” 😦

“Well I really didn’t mean to rip off your blog with one little comment. I guess you are really sensitive.” 😉

“I don’t think sensitive covers it. This is not appropriate behavior.”

“Who made up the rules. You?”

“No. I just write this blog.”

“Figures.”

“What does that mean?”

“I‘ve noticed certain bloggers invite comments, but when they come in they have a problem with them” 😦

“I don’t think that is the point.”

“So what is the point?”

“You have used my blog to promote your book. If I promoted your book on my blog it would be a different matter. You did not even ask.”

“Oh I understand. Okay let me ask; will you promote my book on your blog?”

Your comment is in moderation

Top Ten Things Not to Do on St. Patrick’s Day

~ John W. Howell ~ 16 Comments

Here is the 37th installment of Ten Top Lists of What Not to Do by Marie Ann Bailey of 1WriteWay at http://1writeway.com and John W. Howell of Fiction Favorites at http://johnwhowell.com. These lists are simu-published on our blogs each Monday. We hope you enjoy.

a patty

Top Ten Things Not to do on Saint Patrick’s Day

10. On St. Patrick’s Day, do not dye any of your body hair green. If you do, at best, you will get strange looks and a possible reprimand from your boss. At worst, you will have to live with the color until the hair grows out or your divorce is final, whichever comes first.

9.  On St. Patrick’s Day, do not try to wish everyone a happy day with a made up Irish brogue. If you do, at best, you might offend a genuine Irish person. At worst, the genuine Irish person offended might just be the local police officer.

8.  On St. Patrick’s Day, do not believe you need to bring your homemade corned beef and cabbage to the office to share. If you do, at best, you might have coworkers avoiding your cube since the smell of cabbage might lead them to believe it is something else. At worst, the hazmat team from office services will have foamed down your work area before you have a chance to explain.

7.  On St. Patrick’s Day, do not think Guinness stout drinks just like any other beer when you go out to celebrate with your coworkers. If you do, at best, you might have to find a ride home. At worst, you might have to rehearse your apology for the coworkers and your boss in an effort to salvage your job.

6. On St. Patrick’s Day, do not sing your favorite limericks no matter how innocent you believe them to be. If you do, at best, you will start a round of Limericks that aren’t so innocent. At worst, the local authorities will be called in to calm the disturbance reported by those within earshot of what can best be described as X-rated songs.

5.  On St. Patrick’s Day, do not follow the suggestion of a coworker to play a Leprechaun at the cake and coffee gathering. If you do, at best, you will be the laughing-stock till next year. At worst, you will be asked by your boss to play the leprechaun at the family St. Patrick’s Day picnic and there is still snow on the ground.

4.  On St. Patrick’s Day, do not wish everyone Erin Go Bragh unless you know what it means. If you don’t know what it means and you say it to the wrong person, at best, you may get some weird looks. At worst, you may find your self embroiled in a political battle with someone with a different view.

3.  On St. Patrick’s Day, do not think Bushnell’s in coffee is no more harmful than sugar. If you do, at best, you may find yourself slurring your words when you say Erin Go Bragh. At worst, you may find yourself totally wide awake and unable to find your way home.

2.  On St. Patrick’s Day, do not put any kind of green-colored hat on your head. If you do, at best, you will look ridiculous. At worst, there will be several photos snapped that you will pay large sums to have deleted.

1.  On St. Patrick’s Day, do not drink anything green.  If you do, at best, you will have the lips of a lizard. At worst, you will need to schedule a dentist appointment to have your teeth restored to their original color unless you plan to attend a vampire convention.

Another Great My GRL Review by Gingerfightback (Jim O’Sullivan)

~ John W. Howell ~ 3 Comments

gingerfightback_banner

 

Many of you know Jim O’Sullivan as the curator of some of the funniest posts on the planet. His Gingerfightback blog has some curious inhabitants and some serious writing as well. On any given day you may get love advice from Oily George, A review of the arts by Terry Cotter the Potter, musings about life by Bob on the Pot, and life style advice from Auntie Bill. In addition, there are enough sausages to be placed on celebrities heads to satisfy any urge. All this is put together with an eye toward those lucky few who were born with ginger hair.

On the serious side of his blog Jim tells a great story and will from time to time allow us entrance into his talented venue of fiction. His Train Travels Series is not to be missed. He also shows his poetry side and his intolerance for bullying. The Gingerfightback site is well worth a visit if you never have been and well worth returning if you have.

Jim wrote a nice review about My GRL and posted it to Amazon. Jim said:

“Normally I am not a fan of this genre. But the plot of My GRL and the quality of writing soon put paid to my prejudices and took me on an imaginative and inventive roller coaster ride of an espionage thriller. The pacey narrative, well drawn characters and a plot which sadly these days would appear to be less than fanciful, add up to a book the reader can immerse themselves in. The twists were clever, never forced and added to the depth and suspense John generates. The wry humour percolating through the book provided additional textures and characterisation which sets the book apart from others in this genre and is I hope one of the reasons we will see a sequel in the not too distant future Well worth reading.”

That humour ( I kept the Crown version) line I loved since Jim is a person who can make you laugh out loud so he sets a pretty high bar.

Thank you Jim.

Interview by Freado Books

~ John W. Howell ~ 4 Comments

 

 

19990602

Freado Books did an interview on me. Clicking on their name will get you to the site. Interesting folks and their BookBuzzr is one way to market your book. They have a free listing and then you can buy additional support for nominal fees.

Here is the interview:

1. Could you tell us a little bit about yourself?
I was a business person retired at age fifty, a consultant hired by one of my clients, a contracts professional for fifteen years, and finally an author. I currently live on a barrier island in the Gulf of Mexico off the Texas coast. My children are grown and my wife and I tend to our rescue pets
2. Describe your book My GRL in 30 words or less.
John J. Cannon, is unaware his new boat, My GRL, will be used to destroy iconic symbols of America’s power. John is caught between the terrorists and their mission’s success.
3. What was the hardest part of writing your book?
The hardest part was making the story flow with the proper timing, humor, and suspense to keep the reader engaged.
4. What books have had the greatest influence on you?
I think Catch 22 by Joseph Heller, Jailbird by Kurt Vonnegut, Mila 18 by Leon Uris, and Hotel New Hampshire by John Irving had the greatest influence.
5. Briefly share with us what you do to market your book?
My marking plan calls for social media interaction, continuous e-mail mailing campaign, advertising on book sites, reviews and pod casts. I am also doing book signings and appearances.
6. How do you spend your time when you are not writing?
When not writing, which is seldom, I work restoring my 1978 Toyota land Cruiser. I am doing all the work myself. I also read everything I can fit in during the day and make sure I spend time with my wife and our pets.
7. What are you working on next?
My next project is the sequel to My GRL which has a working title of His Revenge.  It continues the interaction of the protagonist and those out to destroy him. The draft is finished and in the edit stage. I am also starting the third book in the trilogy with the working title of Our Justice which will conclude the series.

Thank Goodness it is Friday – Margarita Ho.

~ John W. Howell ~ 13 Comments

margarita-002

Friday is the last golden day of the work week. That is unless you are a type A personality and need to keep working through the weekend to satisfy some inner need to drive to perfection. If you are; allow me to step aside and you can bowl right through there and jump on those opportunities. I could almost feel the wind go by me on your way to perfection. YOU GO! Don’t let anyone or anything try to persuade you to alter the path to your own actualization. You deserve the best and by dammit you shall have it.

For the rest of us this is a day to look forward to some off-time. While the type A there is minding and grinding the details of the next salvation machine for mankind why don’t we relax. Take a deep breath and say after me. MAR . . . go ahead say it. GAR . . .that’s it. RITA . . .YAY you are well on your way to an enjoyable couple of days. Here is a Haiku to get you started.

Relax by John W. Howell © 2014

Every muscle tight,

Down to the very last nerve and . . .

Need Saturday now.

Have a great weekend everyone.

Wednesday Story for Hump Day

~ John W. Howell ~ 6 Comments

break

No that is not me in the blue hat.

Wednesday comes so fast. We are in the middle of the week and time for a story. Also our little community here at the beach is right inside the first week of Spring Break. The stories I could tell which are not Fiction Favorites. This time of year we absolutely hibernate in order to avoid the chaos. We go to the store only when we absolutely need to go since we buy about two weeks’ worth of stuff so we won’t have to go downtown. Unless the lime juice runs out there is no need to go there.  Going downtown normally takes about four minutes. During spring Break you may be lucky to make it in an hour. Sometimes the mayhem gets so out of hand you have no choice but to turn around and go back home. Those of us in the know, simply don’t go out. Enough of my lesson on living in a place where every drunken young adult wants to congregate and drink more. Yeah you are right. We knew this would happen. It’s like hurricanes, we know they could arrive, but it doesn’t stop us from living here.

Here is the story, it is called Spring Break by John W. Howell © 2014

“So where do you want to go to dinner tonight?”

“Eh I don’t care. You choose.”

“Okay. There is a good pizza place downtown.”

“Mmmm naw. Pizza is loaded with fat and calories.”

“How about a nice burger. The Ground Cow has some really good burgers.”

“Well. . . I gave up beef a couple of years ago. I just don’t want to violate my body with cow flesh.”

“There is a real nice seafood place and we can walk there.”

“Eu seafood. You mean the stuff that comes out of the Gulf?”

“Ah well yeah and it’s really fresh.”

“I hate to be picky, but I just don’t know where the seafood has been and I’m gonna pass.”

“Okay how about a salad then?”

“I’m not sure. You think the greens are okay? I mean I hear a lot about salmonella and stuff.”

“I guess I give up. What can you have for dinner?”

“I think we can stay right here on the beach. These blue corn chips are great and the green tea is cold. There is Grey Goose in the cooler. What else do we need? Besides I can’t stand up.  Oh by the way. Got a light?”