Top Ten Things Not to Do When Choosing to Adopt a Pet

Here is the 38th installment of Ten Top Lists of What Not to Do by Marie Ann Bailey of 1WriteWay at http://1writeway.com and John W. Howell of Fiction Favorites at http://johnwhowell.com. These lists are simu-published on our blogs each Monday. We hope you enjoy.

 

PetAdoptionAd

Top Ten Things Not To Do When Choosing To Adopt a Pet

10.  When choosing to adopt a pet, do not go to the animal shelter without your significant other to help you make a decision.  If you do go without your significant other, at best your significant other will forgive you for bringing home a cat with an ear-piercing howl and buy you both a lifetime supply of earplugs so you can at least sleep through the night.  At worst, your significant other may start talking about the need to “see other people, particularly people without cats.”

9. When choosing to adopt a pet, do not assume that just because Newfoundland puppies are cute and a perfect size for cuddling, that they will always be a perfect size for cuddling.  At best, you may learn to not mind when you get pushed off the bed when your grown-up, 130-pound Newfoundland stretches out next to you.  At worst, you may have to design a harness and pulley system to get your grown-up, 130-pound Newfoundland off your lap.

8.  When choosing to adopt a pet, do not think just because the ferrets at the pet store were all asleep during your visit the one you picked will spend most of its time sacked out.  At best, you won’t mind playing daily games of hide-and-seek as your ferret playmate finds new places to hide in your home.  At worst, you may find those new places to hide involve the ferret eating holes in your upholstery causing you to buy a new suite of living room furniture every week.

7.  When choosing to adopt a pet, do not think that your regular vacuum cleaner will suffice for cleaning up the hair shed by the white Himalayan cat you desire.  At best, you will be properly advised, causing you to purchase a top-of-the-line model.  At worst, you may have to learn to live with having your brown velour furniture look like it has been blanketed with snow.

6.  When choosing to adopt a pet, do not think bringing home a python will do much to improve your social life.  At best, you and the animal control officer who was called out to your house after your neighbors complained may fall in love and together you will find a proper home for the python.  At worst, you may be confronted by a mob of your neighbors after your python repeatedly escapes and the small animals in your neighborhood disappear.

5.  When choosing to adopt a pet, do not think that cats are more hygienic than dogs.  While generally that may be true, at best, you may find  your new cat poops outside its litter box only when you provide food it doesn’t like (and thereby quickly training you to give it what it wants when it wants it).  At worst, your cat may eventually eschew the litter box altogether causing you to invest heavily in wee-wee pads and kitty diapers and daily meditations of “Fluffy is a good kitty. Fluffy is a good kitty.”

4.  When choosing to adopt a pet, do not assume that little Fido’s incessant yipping is something he will simply outgrow.  At best, you may wind up deciding at least you no longer need a security system for your home since Fido emits a series of high-pitched yips at every movement behind your door or window.  At worst, you may invest in a series of expensive sessions to train Fido not to yip only to learn that Fido is as Fido does—YIP!

3.  When choosing to adopt a pet, do not assume simply training your German Shepherd Gunther to obey commands gets you a pass at keeping your dog on a lease in public places.  At best, joggers will quickly learn to stop running when they see Gunther so he will not chase them as you call in vain for Gunther to “Heel!”  At worst, the next jogger whose crotch Gunther sticks his nose into will be an employee of the police force who will be more than happy to write-up a series of citations against you and to confiscate Gunther for conscription into the police dog unit.

2.  When choosing to adopt a pet, do not assume fish would be a good choice if you live in an apartment where pets are not allowed.  At best, your landlord never visits your apartment and you manage to keep your relationship with George, your oscar cichlid, a secret.  At worst, your landlord may catch you in the elevator with the new aquarium for George which you had to buy because he doubled in size, and your  landlord doesn’t buy the story that you plan to use the aquarium for a sitz bath.

1.  When choosing to adopt a pet, do not think you will be able to stop at just one.  At best, you may learn to accept the fact that animals will gravitate toward a warm heart and a safe home, meaning you and yours.  At worst, you will find yourself having to make accommodations for your pets in your will since as you get older, your willingness to rescue abandoned animals has grown greater.

28 comments

  1. Olivia Stocum · ·

    Reblogged this on The Claymore and Surcoat and commented:
    A Monday laugh as you start the week. ❤ Olivia

    Like

  2. The joy of Ferret ownership. I remember them smelling bad too.

    Like

      1. Destructive creatures always are. 🙂

        Like

  3. Good morning, John! There’s a true story in almost every item on this list, #10 especially. My husband was on a business trip when I went to the animal shelter to adopt our first cat, Joshua. This is the “freshly pressed” cat who “sprayed and stayed” 🙂 I’m very lucky that my husband liked cats enough to put up with him (and me).

    Like

    1. We had a spayed female who would get mad at me and spray my dirty shirts which were in a basket in the closet. I tried very hard to stay on her good side.

      Like

      1. Lucky you it was your dirty shirts! Joshua sprayed one of Greg’s jackets … we didn’t realize it until we were at a party and eau de Joshua started to fill the air as the temperature in the room warmed up. We left 😉

        Like

      2. How about a friend who brought a dog to visit. Our cat jumped into the bathtub while she was brushing her teeth and looked this person in the eye and pooped. Seemed to say “you and your dog are not welcome here.”

        Like

      3. Ha ha ha! No subtlety there 😉

        Like

  4. and when choosing to adopt a pet – do not forget to take into consideration what hats may or may not work for their head/ears… – OOPS – wait, this would be a ‘me – Pee’ thing. Never mind:)

    Like

    1. Yes Miss Pee needs her proper hat.

      Sent from my iPhone

      >

      Like

  5. I didn’t see birds mention. We have a small cockatiel. He sings from time to time and we water and feed him like the flowers. On occasion, we let him out to fly around or move him out onto the porch. I like him.

    Once upon a time, my husband brought home a scarlett eclectus parrot. Big red bird. Big beak. She bonded with him and hated me. After she drew blood three times we sent her to live in Puerto Rico with a neighbor’s mother. Never again.

    Like

    1. Maybe a bird special some other time. I don’t have bird experience. Thanks for the story good thing on the move. I would say never again as well.

      Sent from my iPhone

      >

      Like

  6. I once had some gerbils that cannibalized each other. Put me off pets for quite a while…

    Like

    1. Ugh. I though Gerbils were vegan

      Like

  7. Kirsten · ·

    Ha! This was great, John. So true. Number #9…oh soooo true. There’s a great commercial on TV that has this example. Although, they should of had a clue since when they picked up the pup the adult was sitting in the pasture…the same size as the pony! lol And #1, well that would be me. I have been bringing strays home since I was a kid! It never stops at just one.

    Like

    1. Thanks. Good for you on the strays. 🙂

      Like

      1. Kirsten · ·

        Yep, I have a big “S” stamped on my forehead with the cape to match 😉

        Like

  8. bfostrickson · ·

    I adopted a dog about 6 years ago with my husband, and I think that we broke nearly every rule! Luckily for us, it couldn’t have turned out better.

    Like

    1. Since your husband and dog came together of course it all turned out well. Oh you didn’t mean you adopted the dog and the husband. My error 😉

      Like

      1. bfostrickson · ·

        Hah! You know, it would be an interesting world if we could adopt husbands.

        Like

      2. I think some wives think they have. 🙂

        Like

  9. I don’t understand the snake people. I just don’t.

    Like

    1. You should not. I don’t either.

      Like

  10. banksjay · ·

    I would add this one: When choosing to adopt a pet, do not forget that it’s like you were inviting a friend for a longer time. When they leave you, it’s really sad. The hardest part is realising that your animal friends are getting old faster than you…

    Like

    1. As one who has outlived several pets I agree. So sad to say goodbye to loyal and loving friends. The only comfort is I gave them the best lives I could while they were with me. Thank you for commenting.

      Like

  11. Hi, John. That’s really sound advice. Pet adopters would do well to heed it. It’s a funny post that made me giggle, but there is so much truth there.

    Like

    1. I am glad you liked it. Thanks

      Like

%d bloggers like this: