This list was inspired by a light that came on.
Ten Things Not to Do If Your Engine Light Comes On.
10 If your engine light comes on do not panic. If you do, at best you may make things worse by being rattled. At worst, you may pull off the road in a panicked state and keep rolling past the shoulder and into a culvert below.
9 If your engine light comes on, do not consult your owner’s manual until you come to a stop. If you do, at best you won’t find the section inconspicuously marked “Warning Indicator – Engine” and you’ll have to stop anyway. At worst, you will be concentrating on trying to use the index to find the subject matter and inadvertently run into the stopped care in front of you. In any case the index will be of no help.
8 If your engine light comes on, do not try to ignore it. If you do, at best you will be continually reminded that something is wrong. At worst, your engine light bulb will burn out and you will think the trouble has magically cleared up until you hear the rending screech of metal marking the final moments of the life of your engine.
7 If your engine light comes on, do not think this is a normal function of the car’s systems. If you do, at best you will only have a minor additional repair. At worst, you may be saying goodbye to your trusty car as you watch it disappear into the local u-pull-it parts depot.
6 If your engine light comes on, do not attempt to diagnose the problem yourself. If you do, at best you may end up at the mechanic since you couldn’t find the problem. At worst, you may have misdiagnosed the problem and be happily motoring along in a remote area as you see the light again followed by billowing clouds of smoke after passing the last gas station for one hundred miles sign, fifty miles ago.
5 If your engine light comes on, do not think it is a nice accompaniment to the soft romantic music on the radio. If you do, at best you may not be able to start your car someday. At worst, you could be seeing the beginning of the end of the soft music and your car.
4 If your engine light comes on, do not pretend it doesn’t bother you. If you do, at best you will have unsettled moments until you come to grips with the fact there is trouble. At worst, the light will trigger long suppressed anxieties which could cause a major episode requiring hours of psychological help which would make the repair bill on the car look cheap.
3 If your engine light comes on, do not think your car is irreparably damaged. If you do, at best you will lose confidence in its reliability. At worst, you will take unreasonable steps to get rid of the car which could lead to significant loss of funds and peace of mind especially if you shove it off a cliff and are cited by the state police for littering.
2 If your engine light comes on, do not suggest to your spouse that you trade cars for a change. If you do, at best your spouse will have to deal with the problem. At worst, the problem is so acute your spouse breaks down on the freeway and a gang of carjackers come along, strip and burn your car. In addition, your spouse thinks the lawless lifestyle looks pretty romantic and joins their gang and now sports an “I Strip for a Living” tattoo on the back. (With big wings)
1 If your engine light comes on, do not drive the car to anyplace but the mechanic. If you, at best you may have a small repair bill which could get bigger. At worst, the problem will continue to get bigger until you are no longer in control of your car. You will become its bitch with all the negative attention related to the title.
Fiction Favorites 
#2 happens so often that some people call it Tuesday. 😉 I kept thinking about Penny from Big Bang Theory and the running gag of her car always having the ‘check engine’ light on. How often do mechanics check to make sure it’s not a short in the engine light wiring? That’s happened to a friend of mine where it would go off whenever he started to break.
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That would be a pain. Would probably keep one awake if driving at night.
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Do some of those warnings come with a beep or constant click? I might be thinking of turn signals though.
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Ha! If my engine light came on I would call the rocket scientist. He’s awesome at dealing with things like that. Also, I can blame him if the problem isn’t fixed 🙂
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Very good. We men stand to be the object of blame because it is out fault. (What is you ask? everything)
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Love #9, John! You’re right, the index is never helpful. I had a short once that caused my check engine light to stay on, even though there wasn’t a problem. It is one light I never like to see.
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I have never found anything in the index. It’s like looking up something in the Yellow Pages. Whoever is in charge of creating the index is from another planet. Thanks
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#8 Reminds me of my mother. She put black tape over her light just so she didn’t have to look at it, insisting that nothing was wrong. 🙂
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I like that approach.
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Since getting our Prius several months, we’ve been learning as we go. The manual is several inches thick and the DVD tutorial was so long we gave up. While I love our Prius, I actually appreciate our 1994 Toyota pickup even more for its simplicity. After leaving the Prius parked for two weeks, I drove to work one morning with an odd indicator light on. It drove (no pun) me crazy for 30 minutes (the length of my commute) because I couldn’t just intuit what the light indicated. The icon looked like headphones to me, and I was anxious the whole time. Soon as I got to my office and parked, I pulled out the 20-pound manual. What I saw was the indicator for low tire pressure. What looked like headphones to me was supposed to an image of a car tire. If I didn’t have the longer commute, I’d probably be driving the truck again 😉
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That tire one gets me every time.
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Reblogged this on 1WriteWay and commented:
Take a break from NaNoWriMo (or just take a break) and enjoy John Howell’s latest Top Ten Things Not To Do …. This time it’s all about that annoying engine light that comes on in your car at the worst times.
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How that little light rules our lives. I had one. Was told it was nothing. Drove it for ages and then my car died. Some mechanic!
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I feel your pain. I have battled engine lights my whole life
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Sigh. 😦
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I know what you mean about these indicator lights causing anxiety. Our engine light kept coming on and we had it checked by a mechanic and he could find nothing wrong. I like the bit about the carjackers. 🙂
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I know some folks who believed #7, thinking the Check Engine light was simply a way for the dealer to scam them for service and parts they didn’t need….unfortunately, they learned the hard way that this wasn’t the case.
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Unfortunately sometimes they are. Good to check though.
On Mon, Nov 10, 2014 at 3:23 PM, Fiction Favorites wrote:
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I have tried your Number 5 strategy with the Black Keys pumping my sound system- since they’re one of my faves. It didn’t work out as I had hoped…..
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Interesting. I always ignore those lights. Then take the car in at my leisure. But I continue to drive even though all of the lights come on occasionally! 🙂
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Whatever works, *sputter, cough, clunk*
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🙂
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