Hump Day is as Hump Day Does

Wednesday is story day to celebrate Hump Day. Since this is Wednesday there will be no exception. Today’s story tells of a young man thinking he has a solution to his problems. I hope you enjoy.

The holdup by John W. Howell ©2104

“Yes Sir, can I help you?”

“Er . . . why yes. I need to make a withdrawal.”

“I can help you with that. Do you have a withdrawal slip filled out, or do you wish for me to do it?”

“N-No I have it fill out. Here take it.”

“Oh my sir. This is not a proper withdrawal slip. This is a note.”

“Y-Yes just follow the instructions.”

“Let me see. It says to put all the money in a bag and don’t tough the alarm. I have a gun and I ain’t afraid to use it.”

“T-That’s what is says alright.”

“Sir I need to help you a bit here. First of all, you don’t want to put in writing you have a gun.”

“W-Why not?”

“When you say something about a gun this crime becomes armed robbery whether or not you have a gun. You see, in this state, the mere belief the perpetrator is armed is just as intimating as if you waved a gun around. Also, you just admitted to the higher offense in writing.”

“Just get the money and cut the chatter.”

“Secondly your note has a number of typos in it. As a substitute school teacher I just don’t have respect for you when you make these kinds of mistakes.”

“Mistakes where?”

“Here see the word ‘tough’ right here. I think you meant ‘touch.’ Don’t touch the alarm. Am I right?”

“Yes, but so what?”

“Also the word ‘ain’t’ should never be used in this context. You should say ‘I am not afraid to use it.’”

‘Well you got that right. I am not afraid to use it.”

“You actually have a gun?”

“Well. . . no not really.”

“Okay here’s what we are going to do. I’m going to tear up this note and give it back to you. You go home and think about what you did today. If you still want to hold up the bank, you come back tomorrow with a proper note. Do you understand young man?”

“Yes ma’am. Sorry ma’am.”

39 comments

  1. And that’s how you turn someone away from a life of crime. Confusion and correcting grammar and spelling.

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    1. I thought with all the discussion about grammar correctness this one would be apropos.

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  2. I loved it! Gave me the smile and laugh to get my day started 🙂

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    1. Always my goal.

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  3. I must say, you had me laughing … and of course I love that commercial!

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    1. Thanks Frank. You made me smile today.

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  4. Olivia Stocum · ·

    Reblogged this on The Claymore and Surcoat and commented:
    A hump day laugh to cheer up all of you who are trudging into yet one more day of winter.

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  5. Olivia Stocum · ·

    Thanks for the laugh! Hugs.

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    1. Good thing to do on a daily basis. 🙂

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      1. Olivia Stocum · ·

        Your posts definitely help with that.

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  6. Beth Drew · ·

    Great story…. Love Hump Day!!!

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    1. Glad you did. This commercial makes me smile every time. This story also shows what can happen when typos and bad grammar are put into writing. 🙂

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  7. Hah! I love your storiettes:) (My homemade word – small stories).

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    1. I like the word. I am going to use it next week. (properly footnoted of course)

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      1. no need to footnote;)

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  8. Hahaha! This is priceless, John.

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  9. And a writer was born. 🙂

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    1. Ha Ha Ha. By the way, you just saw through the satire. Well done.

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  10. Nice job. Reminds me of “Take The Money And Run.” If it weren’t for Woody Allen’s problems these days, I’d say you were in good company!

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    1. Well I think Woody is innocent and thank you.

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  11. Just spay cornflakes over my laptop!

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    1. Good thing it wasn’t Wheat -a- Bix. Mess to clean.

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  12. This provides terrific inspiration for aspiring writers everywhere, not to mention serving as a cautionary tale for bank robbers with weak grammatical skills. Great work!

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  13. I used to correct the notes my kids brought home from their teachers, and send them back marked up in blue pencil.

    They probably have a special prison for me.

    So glad Susie sent me here. This is hilarious!

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    1. You are so kind. I’m glad you enjoyed it. I’m sure the teachers were honored to have your edits. 🙂

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      1. Strangely, not only did the teachers not thank me, but my kids assure me that the topic comes up regularly in their ongoing therapy…

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      2. Ha ha ha. At least they can blame you for something rather than seeking answers where none exist.

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  14. Ha! John, you know my love of grammar. This one had me dying…and reminiscing about the little love notes I’d send back to my boyfriends (in Jr. High) with red ink for them to correct and re-send. 😉 Sorry I missed this post the first time around, but I’m glad you left it at Susie’s party for me to play catch up. I’m officially subscribing to you via email, and not just through my reader.

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    1. So nice. I love your blog.

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      1. The love is mutual (though lately I’ve been a bit incommunicado working on my writing projects). 🙂

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  15. Found my way here via Susie’s party. It’s not Wednesday any more but thanks for the laugh!

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    1. You are very welcome. Each Wednesday has a story so come back.

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  16. I can totally imagine this happening! Hahaha!
    Great story John. Thanks for bringing it to the party. Have fun clicking on links and meeting my friends!

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    1. Thank you again Susie

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  17. I love this John, and I am looking forward to reading more of your stuff! Thank you for following my blog as well! Cheers, Lynne

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