This is the 62nd installment of Ten Things Not to Do. This was inspired by seeing some very strange things happen on the beach over Labor Day. I hope you enjoy.
Top Ten Things Not to Do When You Have Been Drinking.
10. If you have been drinking, do not think the soft sand on the beach will prevent you from serious injury as you fall out of the back of your ten foot high monster truck. If you do, at best you’ll get a nasty bump. At worst, you may end up buried up to your neck upside down.
9, If you have been drinking, do not think your four-wheel drive Hemi V8 will pull you out of the surf. If you do, At best you might need to figure out how to get towed back to reality. At worst, you may be the new captain of the good ship Dodge Tough that is slowly going down for the last time.
8. If you have been drinking, do not stand up in the back of your pickup truck yelling an offer to trade beads for bras. If you do, at best you may be spotted by the beach patrol and given a PI ticket. At worst, you may be asked to pay an additional amount in the form of tooth contribution for the poor judgment you have demonstrated by a band of unappreciative Hells Angles.
7. If you have been drinking, do not think doing donuts in the sand with your diesel powerhouse is entertainment for all who watch. If you do, at best you might eventually get stuck to the relief of everyone on the beach. At worst, trying to get unstuck will only see your high-powered monster bury itself well below the place where it will cost more than $500.00 to tow you out.
6. If you have been drinking, do not think the world wants to join you in a skinny dip. If you do at best, the cooler water will bring you to a point where you now realize your mistake and a friendly person will bring your swimsuit to you.. At worst, you will be spending the rest of the day in the water waiting for nightfall so you can finally sneak back to your swimsuit.
5. If you have been drinking, do not think the fire which you intend to build is not big enough. If you do, at best you won’t be able to find any more wood. At worst, you will look high and low for objects that will burn including; beach chairs, tents and tons of beer cans only to discover they don’t.
4, If you have been drinking, do not think you can play beach volleyball as good as the people who are younger than you. If you do, at best the next morning will point out your limitations for the next time. At worst, you may pull several unused muscles and windup at the ER to get straightened out.
3. If you have been drinking, do not think you can fish from the back of your truck way after the tide has come in. If you do, at best you may be there until the tide goes out again. At worst, you may not be there since the tide was stronger than your truck.
2. If you have been drinking, do not think the rest of the beach would enjoy your Dr. Dre turned up to the pain level. If you do you, at best you may get a visit from a big neighbor asking you to turn it down. At worst, you may find your sound system being tested for its water resistance.
1. If you have been drinking, do not get behind the wheel of that monster wagon with the intent to drive home. If you do, at best you might be caught for a DUI. At worst, you may actually be responsible for the injury or death of an innocent person or animal.
Fiction Favorites 
Great tips, John. Well worth remembering.
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All great points. I’m scared to find out how many of those events happened during the tourist season.
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All of them.
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I was afraid of that. Why does it seem like tourist season doubles as Darwinism in action?
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I’m surprised you didn’t have not to sunbathe on the beach. I see drunk people do that a lot. Not a pretty sight when they wake up.Number one is definitely the BEST!
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Thanks. Sunbath would have been great. Next year.
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i have to admit, i do not have a healthy outlook on drinking – having grown up with an alcoholic and all that entailed. I am very uncomfortable around the smell and when I see people drinking, i typically haul my butt away from the situation, which is not really a problem, since i have become quite the shut-in. i personally think the most important item listed is #1. After all the years my father drank- and he drank till the end – it eventually killed him – i am grateful he died before he could ever kill anyone else. i must admit, it took an act of God for him to drive home. How he could drive and not walk was unexplainable – then and still is to me today.
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Thanks for sharing this story. I can’t imagine life with an alcoholic if you can’t get away as a child. My first wife was and I got away.
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😀 😀 😀 I promise not to do any of these inappropriate behaviors. I don’t drink beer.
Love These Monday series.
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Goes for margarita as well. Thanks for the comment.
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~(~_*)~~ Oops. *Hiccups*
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spelled Oopshesh
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😀 😀 😀
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Sad, yet so true. 🙂
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It is quite sad. Thanks
On Mon, Sep 8, 2014 at 8:36 PM, Fiction Favorites wrote:
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All very valid points. I have control issues, so I don’t tend to drink to the point of “drunk.” In fact, I’ve only been buzzed a handful of times…and mostly at home with hubby when we’ve thrown the party and I knew I’d be both safe under his watchful eye and not required to drive.
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Thanks for the comment. I wish I could say the same about a few buzzes. Lucky for me age finally took over and the Buzz years are far behind.
On Mon, Sep 8, 2014 at 11:03 PM, Fiction Favorites wrote:
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I like these. It sounds like you really saw a lot of yahoos over Labor Day, John!
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Yahoos and Googles. Saw them all.
Sent from my iPhone
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