This week’s top ten list is inspired by the fact that we on the South Texas coast are in the process of the annual migration of the northerners which we call Winter Texans. We like to be nice to those who choose to winter over here, but it is difficult at times. Not all the temporary Texans are the kind of people you really want in the community but since it is almost impossible to weed out the undesirables we have to take the bad with the good. It is interesting that most of these people are retired and one would think they learned something in the sixty-five plus years on this Earth. Since you are not a Winter Texan I hope you enjoy the list.
Top Ten Things Not to Do as a Winter Texan
10 If you are a Winter Texan, do not drive your fifth wheel and trailer at forty miles per hour in a sixty mile speed zone on the main two lane road. If you do, at best you may have to put up with the glares and tailgating of those trying to get around you. At worst, you could cause some hot head to take unnecessary risks trying to pass with possible tragic results.
9 If you are a winter Texan, do not fail to respond to a local greeting of “Good Morning.” If you do, at best the locals will take note of your state and never visit there. At worst, you will convince all locals who come into contact with you that Winter Texans are to be avoided and unfriendly.(We Texans put a lot of stock in a returned kindness and Good morning is the least of kindnesses)
8 If you are a Winter Texan on a fixed income, do not help yourself to the salt & pepper shakers and sugar packets when you visit a restaurant. If you do, at best the next person will have to do without. At worst, you will convince the local restaurateur to keep all condiments behind the counter for on-demand use creating an environment of inconvenience for others.
7 If you are a Winter Texan, and want to fish, do not fail to get a license. If you do, at best you will not contribute to the preservation of coastal fishing that fees provide. At worst, you could find yourself handcuffed over the hood of a Wildlife Ranger’s truck which will be the beginning of a very annoying process that could mean spending some portion of your golden years in jail.
6 If you are a winter Texan, do not go over the catch limits. If you do, at best you will contribute to declining numbers of certain species. At worst, you could end up like number seven.
5 If you are a Winter Texan, do not allow your dogs or yourself to use the beach as a private outhouse. If you do, at best you will be contributing to polluting the environment. At worst, you will be breaking the law and could find yourself fined for littering or arrested for indecent exposure. You would have to admit the sight of an unclothed senior citizen would indeed be indecent.
4 If you are a Winter Texan shopping the local stores, do not slip items into your farm overalls and then forget about them. If you do, at best you will contribute to higher retail prices to cover shrinkage. At worst, your pants may let go just as you pass the town constable and the unavoidable noise of products hitting the floor may be too much to ignore not to mention the view of those “greatest grandparent” boxers.
3 If you are a Winter Texan do not try to build the biggest bonfire on the beach. If you do, at best you will need to stay up all night to watch it. At worst, you neglect to stay up all night to watch it and sparks from your conflagration jump to the dunes and you are personally responsible for wiping out the west side of town.
2 If you are a Winter Texan, do not drive your dual wheel pickup near the waterline. If you do, at best you will contribute to the demise of delicate creatures who come in contact with your heavy tires. At worst, you may start an ecosystem chain reaction that could cause the abandonment of the area by those animals and birds that relied on the delicate creatures as a food source.
1 If you are a Winter Texan, do not leave anything behind. If you do, at best the locals will spend additional tax money cleaning your mess. At worst, your trash, old fishing line, beer cans, cigarette butts and six-pack carriers could end the life of a precious being that might be the final straw in the ecological balance. Then I will really be pissed and you don’t want that.
Fiction Favorites 
Wow. The list really seemed to go from rude to ‘please leave Texas’ levels of activity. Funny thing about the age mention. I’ve run into a lot of retired folks who act with the same level of entitlement that people accuse modern kids of. A few have even told me that they’ve ‘paid their dues’ and have earned the right to do whatever they want. So I’m guessing that such a mentality knows now true age group.
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I think you have touched on one of the issues.
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In that case, my new goal is to reach an age where I think the world owes me and nobody will tell me off. Or I’m too deaf to hear them complaining.
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I’m there. Some complications follow though.
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If you see evidence of any violations, it wasn’t me. I winter where I spring summer and fall, here in CT where it is currently 17f.
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I don’t know Dan. I thought I saw you yesterday
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This gives a whole new meaning to “Don’t mess with Texas.”
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I wish there was a way to enforce that saying more forcibly
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So many r.u.l.e.s. I’m afraid to winter in Texas now, not that it was on my to-do list but it might have been. 😀
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Don’t forget these are my rules. No one else seems to care
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Whew. Good to know. 😀
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Don’t forget to leave a big bag of glass beer bottles right where I will be walking the dog. (right under the NO GLASS sign would be the best 🙂
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😀 😀 😀
Empties? I don’t that much beer.
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Our snowbirds and spring-breakers give us as much grief…not to mention the traffic during winter and drivers who don’t really know where they are going, but know, rather suddenly, they are in the right lane and need to turn left…and they do. I hide all winter.
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The song “Grandma Got Run Over by a Reindeer.” should be changed to “Resident Got Run Over by a Winter Texan.”
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Maybe you can become a Winter Costa Rican and avoid all the trouble…
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Then some smart ass will write about Winter Costa Ricans and I will resemble that.
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din cand in cand realitates este impodobita asa de bine in ornamente festive, ca fiecare moment devine o imagine de vis, cu singura diferenta ca visul este real, tangibil, palpabil, precum suprafata nemiscata a apei, subracita, care devine gheata, la cea mai mica vibratie care-i atinge obrazul.
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Thanks, George. I do agree that realities are sometimes difficult to define and below the surface is sometimes the answer. Thanks for the comment.
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My pleasure!
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5 3 & 1
I tip my hat to you and help guard your thoughts, John. Sooo true! 🙂
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If I was scared of visiting TX before………….
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Non selfish, non litterers have nothing to fear.
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John did you wake up on the wrong side of the bed when you wrote this 😀
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Nope. Have to live with these people doing all this stuff from now until April.
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At least they’re not squatters I watched a film recently that said squatters in France can’t be removed until April in the winter! 😳 great film 3days to kill.
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