Okay for the most of the United States I’m rushing this list a bit. I have always thought of spring as a matter of the mind and not necessarily how the weather is behaving (or not as the case may be). Spring here in South Texas has definitely arrived. I can tell because when I walk on the beach I’m almost run over by big ole pickups filled with overserved youngsters all yelling “woo woo” at the top of their lungs. Last year one even said to me “Hi old man.” She said it in a kindly manner so I didn’t take offense cause after all I am an old man. So on to the top ten things not to do if you have spring fever.
Ten Things not to do If You Have Spring Fever
10 If you have spring fever, do not fall in love with everyone you see. If you do, at best you will get a broken heart. At worst, you will need to deal with all the spouses to whom you have been reported for inappropriate sighing.9not to mention behavior)
9 If you have spring fever, do not daydream at work. If you do at best your fellow workers will think you use drugs. At worst, the boss will believe you have a motivation condition that can only be helped with a six-week motivational seminar (which is being held in Fargo ND)
8 If you have spring fever, do not operate heavy machinery. If you do, at best you may waste some material because of inattention. At worst, you may be deep in thought and run the heavy machinery through the shop wall or floor. (Better check to see what is below)
7 If you have spring fever, do not operate a motor vehicle. If you do, at best you may get a fender bender, At worst, you may just be pulled over by the state police because you are going the wrong way on the freeway.
6 If you have spring fever, do not lay in a bed of daisies. If you do, At best you will be allergic. At worst, you might be in contact with a nest of fire ants or bees and will end up in the ER having to explain why you decided to lay in a bed of daisies in the first place. (It will never come out right)
5 If you have spring fever, do not decide to take the day off. If you do, the best will be you miss some important phone calls. At worst, you will miss the meeting where your boss was going to announce your surprise promotion which now isn’t necessary since the office snitch explained you just didn’t come in today.
4 If you have spring fever, do not decide to write poetry. If you do, at best no one will ever see it. At worst, you will want to share it with your family and friends causing an instantaneous interdiction and a nice white straight jacket for you.
3 If you have spring fever, do not decide to force the family on a picnic. If you do, at best all of you will be wet and miserable. At worst, the park patrol will finally find you after several hours of your family being reported lost in the blizzard. (Guess who is not talking to you anymore?)
2 If you have spring fever, do not decide to take up guitar playing. If you do, at best you will get good enough to be described as awful. At worst, you will be strumming and singing a song and wonder why all the people have left and all the cats have arrived.
1 If you have spring fever, do not buy a convertible or sports car. If you do, at best you will be forced to drive it alone. At worst, you will be asked kindly by your spouse to return the vehicle to the point of purchase under penalty of a total and complete censure. (Guess how much the car is worth when you bring it back)
Fiction Favorites 
Ha!!! I think this is your best list yet, John. Number 6 had me lifting my feet up off the floor. I’m allergic to everything (including a big-swelling-head bee sting allergy)… and once long ago, i had pulled my old jalopy to the curb… adding oil for it’s constant thirst… And i had no idea i was standing in a pile of fire ants…
As for #4… i read my own poetry once — and promptly stopped writing it.
Happy springtime my friend. 😀
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We have fire ants as well and I always seem to be standing in the Ghengis Kahn memorial mound. I too tried out some poetry and am now staying very quiet on the subject. Happy spring to you Teagan.
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Spring fever has come to Florida as in #6 … It’s been sunny and warm and our vehicles are coated with pollen. We just spent the bulk of our weekend on our back porch. Although I don’t mind the cold weather, this winter has been the longest I’ve experienced in Florida. I’m happy to wear fewer layers 😉 I would love to be guilty of #5 but with spring fever coinciding with the little kids’ spring break, a lot of my coworkers will be taking the whole week off!
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Ahhhh the back porch. Listening to nature, talking about the day. I know how it is. We had lunch Saturday on ours, and it was a real treat. Thanks, Marie.
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Reblogged this on 1WriteWay and commented:
Has Spring Fever finally come to your neck of the world? If yes, well hopefully you’re not already guilty of any of the mishaps on Monday’s list from John Howell. If not, then here’s a list to help you plan ahead 🙂
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Thank you, Marie. Always a treat to see one’s stuff on another site.
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*laughing* I love #2…
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Thank you. Obviously this one is from experience.
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#3- Is the worst really that bad if it ends in joyous silence. 😀
#2- All I can think of is the ‘Animal House’ guitar scene with John Belushi.
Spring is an odd time for humans. We do seem to get more daydream-y and easily distracted. It makes me think we’re hardwired to relax and roam during this time. We truly are a strange creature that has built a society that doesn’t always work with what might be old instincts from our primal days. Honestly, I don’t see a problem with taking a few good weather days to enjoy being alive. Probably make people healthier, more productive, and happier.
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I agree on the enjoy life part since it its the only one we get (supposedly). Harder for younger folks to do though.
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Definitely. Seems to get harder and harder to enjoy life. Almost like it’ll eventually become illegal.
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Just think, in thirty years you will finally be okay with resting. (in fifty you won’t care)
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Hope I’m allowed to rest in 30 years. I don’t even want to think about 50. Though I would probably have all the books written by then.
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I’m not so confident that you will. (have them all written that is)
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I’ll have to reach the end eventually. At least I should have everything outlined and set up to be finished after I’m gone.
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Now you’re talking
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I always enjoy your top 10 lists, John, but this one is up there as one of my favorites…HILARIOUS! Having a personal experience with fire ants, #6 made me laugh out loud. Thanks! 🙂
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So glad Jill. Anyone who knows fire ants is a blood kin.
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Ha ha…I unknowingly stood in a nest, while playing a round of golf. They were on me so fast, I didn’t know what was happening.
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A familiar list, John. Glad I don’t have to worry about daydreaming at the office anymore. I can get out there any time I want.
Spring IS in the air. I did something uncharacteristic. I started dusting and cleaning like a fiend. Now I have a bad back. 😀 😀
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I’ve been driving with the top down for weeks, John. No incidents…….so far. 🙂
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