Top Ten Things Not to Do at Full Moon Campfire on the Beach

 

Moon Rise

The inspiration for this post has been my attendance at some full moon campfires on the beach. Now I know everyone who will read this will not have the opportunity to attend some full moon campfires, but you never know and should be prepared. A full moon bonfire event usually has a collection of friends, a little food, and some adult beverages. The idea is to celebrate the moonrise with companionship and good cheer.

Top Ten Things Not to Do at a Full Moon Campfire on the Beach.

10 If you are at a full moon campfire, do not over rotate the demonstration of your fire building skills. If you do, at best your neighbors and friends will wonder if you have some problem with fire. At worst, the conflagration generated will take a company of firefighters and several thousands of dollars to get under control and damage repaired. (Boy, that gasoline sure went up quick didn’t it baldy?)

9 If you are at a full moon campfire, do not think volume alone will get everyone to like your selection of music. If you do, at best no one will hear you when you ask how they like the music. At worst, the accidental slip of your boombox into the tub of ice will generate a standing ovation. (You are just now beginning to suspect the fall wasn’t so accidental)

8 If you are at a full moon campfire, do not take the opportunity to talk non-stop about your favorite subject. If you do, at best you will end up talking to yourself. At worst, the generous folks who have put up with you for the last four full moon campfires will finally crack and will offer you a big cup of ” shut the f**k up.” (Wow! Where did that come from huh pilgrim?)

7 If you are at a full moon campfire, do not bring some exotic dish that only a food crank could love. If you do at best, you will have plenty of leftovers for tomorrow. At worst, someone will take a taste of your dish and ask loudly “who brought the dog food?” (So everyone didn’t care for charbroiled, sustainable, line-caught, tofu but did they have to be insulting?)

6 If you are at a full moon campfire, do not think you need to consume your weight in an adult beverage. If you do at best, you will fall asleep before anything embarrassing happens. At worst, you will be living down the suggestion that everyone go skinny dipping in the Gulf. (The funny part is  you were the only one and that moon was the brightest.)

5 If you are at a full moon campfire, do not think you need to instruct everyone on the fine art of marshmallow roasting. If you do, at best most will ignore your technique and burn them anyway. At worst, the youngsters will now see you as that old fart who doesn’t know how to mind their own business. ( Halloween will be the time for the payback)

4 If you are at a full moon campfire, do not misplace your shoes. If you do, at best you will give the impression that you have lost your faculties as well. At worst, while searching in the dark, you will have stepped any number of beasties not to mention that corkscrew that old man Jenkins dropped last month.(Makes you wonder why you didn’t just keep them on doesn’t it?)

3 If you are at a full moon campfire, do not scream at every passing vehicle to slow down. (This is in Texas only where driving on the beach is allowed) If you do, at best you will lose your voice in a half hour. At worst, that hulk of a guy getting out of the truck happens to be named Tiny and just broke up with his girlfriend who used to tell him to slow down all the time. ( I guess you know how to pick ’em huh?)

2 If you are at a full moon campfire, do not think you need that twenty million candlepower military surplus flashlight. If you do, at best those you illuminate won’t pass out. At worst, that helicopter above you from homeland security is thinking the source of the light is a danger and is requesting permission to let go with the equivalent of a thousand gallon water balloon. (Good thing you wore your bathing suit Bunky.)

1 If you are at a full moon campfire, do not believe all the attendees will benefit from a full lecture on the type and history of this full moon. If you do, most will ignore what you have to say and will keep offering you a drink. At best, you will be looking at the moon and discussing the fine points without noticing the group has moved fire and all a quarter of a mile away. (You thought they were are stunned into silence by your brilliance didn’t you Professor? (Sure is lonely at the top.)

 

46 comments

  1. I love the concept of line-caught tofu. So much more nutritious than the farmed, captive-bred variety.

    1. And safer than the gill net form of capture.

  2. Gwen Plano · ·

    One of my friends has a home on Padre Island, but her stories are no match for yours. I always appreciate the morning chuckle, John. 🙂

    1. Is that North Padre or South Padre. North is 15 miles from me. South way more than that. 🙂

      1. Gwen Plano · ·

        South Padre…. she loves her home and is a lover of all things Texas… 🙂

      2. Beautiful area. I kind of like all things Texas as well. Thanks, Gwen.

  3. I’ve actually seen #1 in action and people threw roasted marshmallows at the person. Waste of food, but people thought it was necessary.

    1. The campfire version of rotten tomatoes. 😀

      1. Only with more burning sensations.

      2. Ha ha ha. So true. 😀

  4. I love to give instruction on how to roast a marshmallow. Let them catch on fire and then peel off the burn outside. Nice job, John!

    1. You and I have the same method. Happy day, Jill. 🙂

  5. I’ve never seen and overly rotated fire demonstration, it sounds dangerous.

    1. Yes. Poking, prodding, and messing with the god of fire is dangerous.

  6. Great list John. Re: #7, someone once brought ‘squirrel stew’ to a Christmas pot-luck lunch. Happy Holidays, indeed.

    1. OMG. I’ll bet there were few takers. 😦

      1. She was upset that no one even tried it.

      2. URP! What a surprise for her. Ha ha ha.

  7. I love it. The line caught tofu did it for me.

    1. Thanks, Craig. Gotta worry about those tofu gill nets. 😀

      1. Don’t want to deplete the stock.

      2. Underage tofu are becoming more scarce.

  8. hahaha I thought it was a nudist camp!

    1. Ha ha ha. 🙂 Thanks, Pam.

  9. Sounds like a great party!

    1. Yes it is. Thanks, Teri.

  10. I hope that tofu’s gluten-free too …

    1. Always have to check. You just don’t know. Good suggestion.

  11. A full moon campfire on a beach? Wow that does sound nice. I hope they pay attention to your list. …Although I always liked my marshmallows with a touch of carbon at the edges. 😀 Have a marvelous Monday. Hugs.

    1. You as well, Teagan. I’m with you on the marshmallows.

  12. I suspect the likelihood of my finding a full moon campfire on the beach is slim-to-none here in land-locked Central Illinois, John, but I enjoyed fantasizing about it through your post! Sounds like a wonderful way to usher in Fall!

    1. We do it every month so we tend to usher in every season. Thanks, Debbie.

  13. You must have been inspired by the full moon recently. We were driving home Saturday night and it was magnificent over the water. I can imagine what it was like on the island. Great tips!

    1. We had a lovely event. The harvest moon was spectacular.

  14. But numbers 6 and 5 go so well together. Smiles.

  15. The header shot is incredibly beautiful on that background. 🙂 Heading for some of my favourite beaches soon. Nice to meet you 🙂

  16. The sounds like a good list. And plenty of drive on beach here in Daytona, FL as well. Thanks for the tips.

    1. Thanks for the visit and the comment. Don’t you just love the speedsters?

  17. Sorry, I’m late to this party, John – thanks for the chuckles!

  18. I think number six is the one that most scares me. If I ever went skinny dipping in the Gulf but was too drunk to notice I was the only one doing it, I think I might also be too drunk to notice the shark swimming up behind me.

    1. Very true. Best to keep your clothes on while drunk. 🙂

      1. I couldn’t agree more! 🙂

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