The inspiration for this list comes from the memory of having to return to the day job after a long weekend like we are having now. It seems the wounds are just beginning to heal and it is time to go back to battle only to be reopened again. This list has been developed so that the temptation to stay home on Tuesday is successfully avoided.
Top Ten Excuses Not to Use For Skipping Work
10 If you want to skip work, do not tell the boss your dog ate your driver’s license. If you do, at best your boss will wonder why you can’t take public transportation. At worst, your boss will send a car only to discover that you are still in your pajamas. (What made you think the boss was going to be working and allow you to stay home huh, Bunky?)
9 If you want to skip work, do not call in holding your nose to support your sickness claim. If you do, at best the boss will think you were overserved over the holiday. At worst, you will get a call from human resources with your appointment at the substance abuse treatment center. (That went well didn’t it, Bosco?)
8 If you want to skip work, do not blame the weather for not getting to the office. If you do, at best you will be the only one not at the office. At worst, the weather that you thought was going to hit your town moved out of the area. (Here you are looking at the sun trying to explain the absence of snow, sleet, and ice. Better luck next time, Buford.)
7 If you want to skip work, do not blame a mechanical failure of your auto. If you do, at best some boss sycophant will volunteer to come get you. At worst, you’ll be at the drive through for lunch, and your boss will be in the car behind you. (At least you got the morning before you magically made the repair. Right Bucky?)
6 If you want to skip work, do not pretend you are out-of-town, and the planes are all grounded. If you do, at best there will be some bad weather somewhere, and you picked it right. At worst, just after hanging up with the boss, a newscast will come on extolling the fact that for the first time ever there were no flight delays. (Well, you will have an additional story to tell tomorrow. Right Bud. How about the fact that your plane was hijacked?)
5 If you want to skip work, do not use the excuse that your spouse is ill and needs care. If you do, at best the sympathy calls will give you little rest. At worst, the knowledge of the collection at work and the bouquet of flowers that shows up in the afternoon convince you to quit. (This was not the outcome you wanted. Or was it. Roscoe?)
4 If you want to skip work, do not report to the boss that you are telecommuting. If you do, at best you will get some additional assignments and be forced to work anyway. At worst, you will get a critical call that goes unanswered which triggers a massive shutdown of IT systems. (You forgot about the fail-safe hacking control. It is a shame since you set it up, Bubba)
3 If you want to skip work, do not report you have an off-site meeting with a customer. At best, you can always say the client canceled the meeting. At worst, you get a call from the boss who decided to meet you at the customer’s office letting you know the client is in Bangkok. (Now is the time to try to carry off the fact that you are in Bangkok as well. Good luck with that, Rube)
2 If you want to skip work, do not set up an elaborate scheme that includes throwing a punch at Tiny the WWF Champion. If you do, at best the detailed plan will fall through. At worst, your stay in the hospital will not compensate for the one day off. (Why you decided to throw a punch at Tiny is still being debated in the halls of the company. You did pick up some street cred, though, Buddy.)
1 If you want to skip work, do not enlist fellow workers as co-conspirators in whatever excuse you decide to use. If you do, at best you will owe the favor. At worst, the boss will get a confession out of the weakest link, and you will be given up in a heartbeat. (I guess you could have predicted the result. Couldn’t you Sucker?)
Fiction Favorites 
Enjoyed the laugh…and the funny word “sycophant”. 🙂
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It is a great word. Brings to mind some kind of kiss butt instrument. Thanks, Gwen. “Yes I play first chair sycophant in the work symphony.”
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Pretty sure each of these has been attempted. Funny how one could just say ‘I need another day off and I have the vacation/sick time to use’, but that rarely comes up. Then again, I remember being told that not wanting to come in isn’t an excuse to use a vacation day.
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I’ll bet that was a shocker. Why does a vacation day need an excuse?
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No idea. It’s like you’re not supposed to use them.
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They should call them non-vacation days
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🙂
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🙂
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Another great list. #4 seems like it was aimed in my direction, John. We do support telecommuters with our technology but it should work for us too. If I were to skip work, I’d have to figure out how to avoid the task list here st home. Oh, and Maddie seems to need to go out. Where are my keys?
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Yes, take care of Maddie. She has a level of importance that needs attention. Thanks, Dan
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Oh yes, the old dreading going back to work! Guess I have to regardless of how many of these I have thought of trying😜
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Yup. Sorry but you have to do what you have to do. Thanks, Lynn
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Thank goodness it was a holiday for me — else I might be using all ten of those! 😀
Have a marvelous Monday, John. Mega hugs.
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There is always tomorrow. 🙂 Thanks, Teagan
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My, my! Skipping work looks like a lot of hard work! Any Molson left?
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It is hard. I was going to ask you for some Molson.
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Yeah, but you’re doing the hosting here!
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BYOM Bring your own Molson. I can’t get it here.
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Oh no! I may have to rethink a visit to Texas!
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well we can get Molson but not the good high powered stuff.
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Oh, the joys of being self-employed!! Thanks, John, for reminding me why I quit the office gig to work at home in jeans and moccasins!
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My public service. Thanks, Debbie. 🙂
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Ugh – unpleasant deja vu with this one, on both sides of the fence for me… Thanks goodness that’s all behind me now! 😀
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Yes, all behind you now. Here take this margarita.
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Yeah, I’m feeling this. I’ve enjoyed my time off, but it’s back to the grind for me tomorrow.
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You could call in from outer space and explain you haven’t been given reentry coordinates yet.
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Possibly, but I like the Lottery option better.
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I think the odds will be the same.
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True.
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😀
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Back to work today – but taking a long weekend vacation. Guess that counts as recovering from the holidays?
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It does count. For sue. 🙂
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Darn! I guess I’ll be heading out in the thunderstorms come tomorrow morning. These were hilarious, John! And of course…the meme is perfect. 🙂
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Thanks, Jill. Stay dry if you can. 🙂
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Always entertaining, John!
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Thank you, Jan.
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Damn! I tried ALL of these and none of them worked. Oh … wait … I work from home …and I’m the boss. Do you know how difficult it is for someone to kiss their own butt? Seriously? Not a good look.
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I can just imagine. Thanks, Soooz. 😀
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Another funny post. I try not to recall my working days. I was a workaholic. My boss looked for excuses for me to stay home. Hmmm…I wonder what she was trying to tell me?
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Ha ha ha. I wish I could say that. I was a workaholic and my boss loved it and could care less if I burned out.
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I love it!
And as far as #2 goes, I don’t believe street cred can be claimed as a tax deduction.
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Aw gee. Don’t tell the IRS. 🙂
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Okay, Very funny. I won’t admit to the ones that I’ve used.
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This is a judgement free zone. You can spill the beans.
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Hmmmm….I’m calling in sick tomorrow because I spilled hot beans on myself…thanks for the idea.
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Good one, Don. Ha ha ha. 😀
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Thanks.
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🙂
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Perfect John!
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Reblogged this on When Angels Fly and commented:
Better late than not???? John forced me to share this…
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Ha ha ha. Thank you. 😀
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