Stream of Consciousness Saturday – Prompt “How”

 

 

SOCSHow do I start Stream of Consciousness Saturday? Well, like I always do with some kind words from Linda Hill. She has given us the prompt “How.” She further will allow bonus points if we start and end the post with the word “how.” Okay, so I have one-half of the bonus in the bag. (notice the first word up there.) If you want to learn more and join in here is a link to Linda’s post. https://lindaghill.com/2017/02/24/the-friday-reminder-and-prompt-for-socs-feb-2517/

How by John W. Howell © 2017

“How do you think we are going to get out of this mess?”

“I’m not sure but for god’s sake keep your head down.”

“Don’t worry about me. Mrs. Dumbrowski didn’t raise no dumb shit.”

“Mrs. Dumbrowski? Who’s that?  Your name is Smith.”

“Oh, she was my caretaker when I was a kid.”

“Jeez. Always something with you. Why not just say Mrs. Smith didn’t raise no dumb shit.”

“Cause my Mom remarried and her name was Roselle.”

“For heaven’s sake. We are surrounded by a bunch of badasses trying to kill us, and you’re driving me nuts with word games.”

“It’s not word games. It’s the truth.”

“Who gives a f— Whoa what was that?”

“I think someone has themselves a new mortar. That was a shell flying over our head and exploding behind us.”

“I know it was. I was just using a figure of speech. I’ll bet the next one lands in our laps, and I’m going to spend eternity having to watch what I say since you take everything literally.”

“I resemble that. Words are important. You can’t just toss them around Helter Skelter and expect people to understand you.”

“Do me a favor and quit talking. I have a headache and would like to enter the gates of heaven in peace.”

“Larry?”

“What?”

“You think you are going to heaven?”

“I don’t know. I hope so. I’ll tell you one thing. If we don’t get help soon, we are certainly going to find out.”

“Find out what?”

“What eternity looks like. OMG here comes another shell.”

“Wow, that was close. Those guys aren’t very good are they?”

“Lucky for us.”

“Something about their sloppiness bothers me.”

“A little too Helter Skelter for you?”

“Yeah. If I had that mortar, I wouldn’t miss them.”

“Why don’t you make it easier for them. Or better yet. Why don’t you stand up and walk over there and show them how to do it.”

“Sounds good but I’m not sure they would accept my help.”

“Sure they would. Hold up a white handkerchief and take some chocolate.”

“Now you are putting me on. You just want to shut me up.”

“Is it working?”

“And how. ”

 

 

46 comments

  1. Gwen Plano · ·

    Your stories are always a surprise. LOL Well done, John.

    1. I hope so. Otherwise I would have to give it up. (don’t cha know)Thanks, Gwen.

  2. When you can make mortar flinging into a funny enterprise, you have arrived at the corner of funny and man. Love it Sheriff. Thank you for the coffee fun!

    1. I’m glad you liked it, Pilgrim. Good to hear it gave you a laugh.

  3. Nice job, John! Congratulations on the bonus points. Happy Saturday!

    1. Thank you, Jill. Happy Saturday to you. *sung to the tune of Midnight Confessions by the Grass Roots.

  4. Sounds like a plan. 😁

    1. Ha ha ha. Thanks. 😀

  5. Scored you some bonus points, John – nicely done. I’m glad you got to the end before the mortar jockeys dialed in on the range. Heaven can wait.

    1. Ha ha ha. Thanks, Dan. I originally wanted to go with a George Custer riff but couldn’t get by the political correctness. It would have been pretty funny. Oh well.

      1. There will be other Saturday’s John. Maybe Linda will give you “little / big” as a prompt.

      2. Still not sure I can do it. Think Washington.

      3. You guys slayed me with this exchange.
        I’ve been tired of the excessive demand for “PC” for a long time. I vote for a special non PC blog. Would love to have seen the original, John. Hugs.

      4. It ended with one asking the other if he ever met an Indian and other says no and the Indian says, “How.”

  6. HOW does you put the surprise element in your stories HOW??

    1. Um….Good question. I let the characters run the dialog and then think of how to surprise the reader. Thanks for the question.

      1. Hmm…thanks for the tip…

  7. A morning chuckle from John Howell!! Good one. 🙂

    1. The chuckles is what I live for. Thank you, Jan. 🙂

  8. How you keep coming up with clever conversations on the weekly themes is always entertaining!

    1. Thanks Phil. Quite a compliment from an accomplished entertainer as yourself. 🙂

  9. Thanks for another hearty morning laugh, Mr John! Well done!

    1. Thank you, John. Glad you liked it.

  10. I hope if I’m ever in a situation like that, I can keep my sense of humor, like your characters. But, of course, I’d rather be on a deserted island with my best friends where falling coconuts are the only danger. (I think I’m still in SOC mode.)

    1. Ha ha ha. Thanks, JoAnna. Oh and don’t forget those deserted islands have snakes. Lots of snakes. 😀

      1. Really? Well, I’ll just have to laugh at them and watch where I step. 🙂

  11. This got my heart pumping this morning. Thanks again for my Saturday laugh, John. It’s worth getting out of bed just to read them. Happy weekend. 😀

    1. Or you could just stay there and read them too. 🙂

  12. Haha! That surely would have shut him up — one way or the other. Great use of “how” John. Have a satisfying Saturday. Mega hugs!

    1. Thank you, Teagan. Hugs

  13. Haha. I’ve been left alone with people like him at parties. Happy Saturday, Butch

    1. Thank you, Audrey. I used to work for this guy.

      1. I’d toast to leaving that guy behind, John

  14. Reblogged this on Steve Boseley and commented:
    Stream of consciousness Saturday post from John Howell. Always worth giving up 5 minutes of your time for…

    1. Thanks, Steve. This reblog is great. 🙂

  15. Love this one. Send that guy away and at least explode in peace.

  16. A twist! As usual. I should expect them from you, but don’t. YET! ^5! For getting the bonus points! I don’t know how you and Dan do it! I can’t write so can’t even begin to get it. I do enjoy your skillage and stories though.

    1. Ohhhhh. I like the word skillage. It sounds like something important. Thanks, Deborah. 🙂

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