Top Ten Things Not to Do Playing Board Games

~ John W. Howell

Ten Things not to do

 

The inspiration for this list is the approaching holidays where families all gather around and play a board game or two. I hope you enjoy the list.

10 If you are playing a board game, do not insist on using the same token as last year. If you d,  at best, you will be teased for being a stick in the mud. At worst, you’ll have to sit out the game since your older brother already laid claim to the piece. (You believe he did that on purpose don’t you, Chester?)

9 If you are playing a board gamed, not argue with  Tiny the WWF champ who is spending the holidays at your house as part of a prison holiday release program, when he lays down a scrabble word XXZZWMP. If you do, at best you’ll need to leave the game. At worst, you’ll need to find some ice for that black eye. (Mama said not to argue with Tiny didn’t she, Conor?)

8 If you are playing a board game, do not think by getting monopolies on all the properties you will win. If you do, at best no one will have money left. At worst, you could be the cause of your unemployed brother-in-law to go off the deep end. (Maybe you should have let him have a few wins Collin. You need to talk him down off the roof.)

7 If you are playing a board game, do not start belly aching if you must go to jail. If you do, at best the other players will make fun of you. At worst, you will cause everyone to decide to do something different. (Not much fun playing the game alone is it, Cyrus?)

6 If you are playing a board game, do not try to mark the career cards so you can pick the best career. If you do, at best you might get caught. At worse, even if you cheat you lose anyway. (How does this happen, Chance? With a name like yours you could have just played the game.)

6 If you are playing a board game, do not shout out who killed Mr. Boddy of Tudor Mansion until all the clues are exposed. If you do, at best the game is over. At worst, you will be eating Thanksgiving dinner outside on the porch. (Kind of chilly here in Minnesota at Thanksgiving huh, Cecil?)

5 If you are playing a board game, do not set that BIG GULP cup too close to the game. If you do, at best the condensation off the cup may get some money wet. At worst, an excited player will inadvertently tip the cup over. (Guess where all that soda went, Cormac? Yup that’s right the tsunami of Coke and ice wiped the game out and FEMA doesn’t want to hear about it.)

4 If you are playing a board game, do not think you have to play until there is a clear winner. If you do at best, it will be hours. At worst, the game could go on for the entire weekend. ( you planned on doing other things, didn’t you Crispin? Like take a shower.)

3 If you are playing a board game, do not slip from reality. If you do, at best others will notice. At worst, you will need to decompress once the game is over. (Your psychologist is not available on Sundays, Carlin. You need to lay down.)

2 If you are playing a board game, do not try to confuse your fellow players with some off the wall move. If you do, at best you will be reminded to stick to the rules. At worst, you off the wall move will backfire and you’ll lose all your gold. (Now what are you going to use for food huh, Chase? Beginning to feel the specter of starvation aren’t you? What was that about reality?)

1 If you are playing a board game, do not think the rest of the players don’t notice your extra helpings of $100.00 bills as you do your banking duties. If you do, at best you’ll be asked to return the bills. At worst you will be formally banned from the family games and turned over to the justice department for bank fraud. (Okay so the justice department is not interested, Curt. It is still mighty embarrassing.)

 

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Published by John W. Howell

I have been working in business for over forty years and now have the time to work in special areas of interest. My passion has always been to create compelling stories of fiction. I have authored six novels and am working on my Seventh. The first novel is still in manuscript form and being utilized as a door stop in the laundry room. The second is a contemporary fiction novel of 89,000 words and is complete and I am currently seeking a publisher. I also write poetry but have not had the guts to share any with anyone. The one time I read a piece to a person their only comment was, “it doesn’t rhyme.” I will continue to write and hopefully my blog, Fiction Favorites at www.johnwhowell.com will provide some entertainment and an interesting thought or two. I live in the Austin area with my wife Molly and an assortment of loving pets.

81 thoughts on “Top Ten Things Not to Do Playing Board Games”

  1. This takes me back…my Mum and Dad used to visit for the holidays and both of them would stay up until there was a clear winner…everyone else learned to go to bed and leave them to it. x

    Liked by 1 person

  3. Too funny…those were the days, weren’t they? You’ve brought back some fond memories with this list. Monopoly and Scrabble were big in our household. 😀

    Liked by 1 person

  9. It’s always a great list when I have to make notes while reading it.

    10 – I want to be the boot – must be the boot

    8 – My daughter and I both let the other one get certain properties. There are others that are fair game, and then there are the railroads 🙂

    4 – Very good advice

    1 – I am still reminded of the time that I “honestly confused” the money going to the bank, with my pile of money. I won that game, but I’ve lost the aftermath.

    I didn’t see a rule that captures my daughter’s outright zeal when I would fall down the long chute, or when she first learned to play Sorry and smacked me off the board when I was two steps from home.

    Liked by 1 person

      1. My daughter loved both of those moments and I seemed to fall into both traps all the time. We actually played Sorry again a couple of years ago on Thanksgiving and she still enjoyed smacking me.

        Liked by 1 person

  10. Lol! These are obviously all written from personal observations or experience. 🙂 You could have added, “Do not bring out your Ouiji Board and expect everyone to participate. At best, you and your sister will be huddled over it alone. At worst, you’ll be asked to leave the family gathering and take your witchcraft with you.” 🙂

    Liked by 1 person

  14. Perfect list for this time of year. I always enjoy a good board game! I have had the unfortunate experience of a spilled soda and a game it is forever sticky after that…

    Liked by 1 person

  15. Hahaha, these are great. My father was the gamemaster, so I grew up with lots of board games and card games. My husband doesn’t even like so play so I rarely play any more. But one thing that was big in our family was accusing one another of cheating. The only one who really did, I think, was my father haha. Thanks for the trip down memory lane for me.

    Liked by 1 person

  17. LOL… It looks like you’ve witnessed some familial cheating at board games, John. o_O
    The “C” names were fun. And always good to see Tiny. LOL.
    You started with a bang, with that cartoon. Made me laugh even after a day of Mordor nonsense. Hugs!

    Liked by 1 person

  22. My sons and I love board games and many an argument has started over Monopoly, Life, etc, or when the cat decided to do a drive-by across the board and games pieces went flying. Great post, John!

    Liked by 1 person

  27. It was more about playing card games at Christmas time in our household, John. I remember how my Grandmother was not amused that we were playing for 10 pence stakes at Christmas time. “Not at Christmas Time” were her words, yet she still liked a few glasses of sherry on the day.

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