Since I’m traveling today, I decided to rerun one of my Top Ten Not to Do lists. This list originally ran on July 11th, 2016. If you haven’t read it before I hope you enjoy it.
The inspiration for this list is many visits to organic chain supermarkets. I’m usually there because I like a brand of wine that the chain carries. Of course, living on an island means when I drive the 360 miles round trip, I want to linger and observe other activities. I hope you like the list.
10 If you are shopping at an organic supermarket, do not secretly pop samples into your mouth from the bulk food section. If you do, at best you may ingest a foreign object. At worst, you will be caught and weighed before being charged the $10.00 a pound going rate. (Had to wonder what that walk-on scale was for, huh Bo-Bo?)
9 If you are shopping at an organic supermarket, do not block the aisles as you study each purchase looking for evidence of an ingredient to which you are allergic. If you do, At best your cart will be hit as others try to get around. At worst, you might get run over by Tiny the 300 pound WWF champ as he sprints toward the carrot juice section. (Better to joust with a train. Right?)
8 If you are shopping at an organic supermarket, do not ask the butcher if the organic pork is grass-fed. If you do, at best he will laugh you out of the store. At worst, he will convince you to go home and read up on the dietary habits of pigs. (At least tofu is on the list of things pigs will eat. Of course, there is nothing pigs won’t eat.)
7 If you are shopping at an organic supermarket, do not ask the clerk if the organic bottled water is gluten-free. If you do at best, the clerk will be confused. At worst, you might cause a very delicate personality to crack completely. ( Can you imagine what would have happened if you asked for help finding something.)
6 If you are shopping at an organic supermarket, do not forget to bring your own bags. If you do, at best you will have to balance your purchases and hope to make the car before the peanut butter hits the parking lot surface. At worst, you will be charged for more bags which you’ll never need again. (Asking for a plastic bag was a big mistake)
5 If you are shopping at an organic supermarket, do not show visible signs of your pending heart attack when you see the total bill. If you do, at best you will make the clerk’s day. At worst, those around you will want your hide for exposing the fact that to eat this way is very expensive. (Yeah they knew it, but don’t need reminders)
4 If you are shopping at an organic supermarket, do not ask the clerk if there are cruelty-free grapes in the wine. If you do, at best the clerk will call the manager for an answer. At worst the manager has just turned in his gross receipts and is now on probation for slipping sales. (The manager’s sense of humor is at an all-time low and used to be a postal worker till released for anger management issues)
3 If you are shopping at an organic supermarket, do not ask the beauty aids clerk which essential oil they would recommend to attract more dates. If you do, at best the clerk will think you totally perverted. At worst, the clerk will take the opportunity to test the company’s non-hostile work environment policy with a request of the boss to toss you out of the store. (Wow! Talk about overused political correctness)
2 If you are shopping at an organic supermarket, do not buy hemp products with the belief that you can use then to get high. If you do, at best you will waste your money. At worse, you will feel pretty foolish waiting in the shower for the hemp soap to kick in. (Meanwhile, the water temperature is moving toward Antarctic)
1 If you are shopping at an organic supermarket, do not ask the carry out person any questions about attire, body art, or hairstyle. If you do, at best they will ignore you. At worst, they will start the long story about personal freedoms and what it means to be able to be who they are. (That organic ice cream dripping on the pavement cost $10.00. Might be time to move on)
Fiction Favorites 
Just as funny the second time around! Safe travels, John!
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Thank you, Jill.
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This was a hoot to read. I miss the organic supermarkets in California. And, you’re right about the bill, it will be higher. 😀 Travel safely.
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I’m so glad you liked it. Thanks for the travel wishes.
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I can relate to the part about the bill. Needless to say – my one and only visit there. 🙂
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Ha ha ha. Thanks, GP
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Point me to the Dorritos and the organic cheese whiz – and where can I dispose of this box from my KFC Happy Meal?
Good one John. I used to go to one of the real earthy stores, when our daughter was little. I used to always stop at Burger King on the way home.
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Ha ha ha. I can see that, Dan
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Please tell me you’ve seen 8 and 7 in action. Those are always hilarious to watch. I never saw the ‘grass-fed pork’ specifically, but I stopped to listen to a person push for an answer on ‘grass-fed lobster’ and a few months later the same person asking about ‘grass-fed salmon’. You really just have to hang around and see how those encounters end.
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Ha ha ha. Thanks, Charles.
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Yeah, asking for a bag has become a touchy subject.
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I know, right?
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Regarding #7, you have to be careful about organic bottled water, some of it has been proven to contain dihydrogen monoxide.
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Yeah, might be a problem. Thanks, Greg
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Groan… That’s me (10) reading the labels to see if I’m allergic, and hopefully not completely blocking the aisles. I’m blind as a bat, and the packaging is hard even for a normal person to read. Once it was a clear package with white text…
Oh, here we go, John — 10 Things Not To Do If You Have Food Allergies. #1, don’t ask a store employee to read the label. At best they’ll say they can’t read it either. At worst they’ll pretend to read it and tell your allergen is not in the item. (Usually it is in it.)
Safe travels, my friend. Hugs.
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Ha haha. Thanks for the laugh, Teagan
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Very enjoyable even the second time around! Safe travels, John (bet you got some of the teeth-rattling thunderstorms we had in Illinois, right??)
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We did get a lot of rain but not too many T-Storms. Thanks, Debbie.
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Still the second time around! Journey mercies to you, John!
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Thank you, Jo. I made it in one piece.
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I remember this one, too. I like you sharing some of your greatest hits.
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Thank you, Audrey.
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Haha John. Having visited one of these shopping centres last year in the UK, I can certainly vouch for the truth of this post.
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Ha ha ha. Thanks, Robbie.
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I am glad you re-posted this. I am one of those that forgets their bags…lol Hope you are having a great trip.
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Thank you, Denise. Home again.
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I still remember this one – great choice, John.
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Thank you, Teri. Makes it a quick read. 😀
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Hilarious, John. I’m glad you reposted as I missed it the first time.
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I’m pleased to catch you this time. 😀
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Me, too! I particularly enjoyed what you wrote following each top ten.
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