Top Ten Things Not to Do at the Battle of the Alamo

Alamo

The inspiration for this list is the idea of matching Ten Things Not to Do with historical events. I hope you enjoy this one.

10 If you are caught at the battle of the Alamo, do not think offering margaritas all around is going to help anything. If you do, at best everyone will be too busy to take you up on the offer. At worst only the best shooters on your side decided to have a couple and now can’t hit the broad side of a barn. (I guess you were hoping the Mexicans would be in a similar shape huh, Fritz?)

9 If you are caught at the battle of the Alamo, do not ask Tiny the WWF champ if you can borrow his gun. If you do, at best he’ll just say no. At worst, since he extremely nearsighted he may mistake you for a Mexican soldier and give you a body slam over the wall. (It only hurts getting up, Felco so I would just lay there.)

8 If you are caught at the battle of the Alamo, do not walk around eating a bean burrito. If you do, at best you will have to share. At worst, from far away a sharpshooter may mistake you for a Mexican Federal soldier. ( I know you were hungry, Freddie, but the food of the day is hardtack and salt pork. Tortillas are the other side food of the day.)

7 If you are caught at the battle of the Alamo, do not wear your Santa Anna Sucks t-shirt. If you do, at best no one will notice. At worst, Santa Anna will want it as a souvenir.  ( I think you heard him right, Faris. He said he didn’t care if it was bloodstained or not. Just give it to him.)

6 If you are caught at the battle of the Alamo, do not ask Davy Crockett for an autograph. If you do, at best he’ll just laugh. At worst, he’ll give you a lesson in flying. (You could flap your arms harder, Farid but I think you are going to hit the ground pretty hard. That wall is quite high.)

5 If you are caught at the battle of the Alamo, do not tell someone you know all about cannons if you don’t. If you do, at best you won’t be asked to fill in on one. At worst, you’ll be put in charge of the only cannon that guards the entrance. (Now what did the manual say, Fabumi? Load the ball then light the fuse? Or was it the other way around? You better hurry looks like those doors won’t last another minute.)

4 If you are caught at the battle of the Alamo, do not think it is time to start Spanish lessons. If you do, at best you may learn a few words. At worst, whether or not you speak Spanish will not help you in the end. (It looks like the order of the day is take no prisoners, Fadeyka. I think it’s going to take a little more than a few “holas” and “Buenos Dias” to save you.)

3 If you are caught at the battle of the Alamo, do not think that sombrero and serape will be an effective disguise. If you do, at best no one will laugh at you. At worst the troops will consider you a spy. (You know what they do to spies, Fallon. Dump that outfit now.)

2 If you are caught at the battle of the Alamo, do not wave that “Come and Take It” cannon flag from the Battle of Gonzales. If you do, at best you will make the Mexicans angry. At worst, you will be singled out for elimination. (That flag has been a sore spot since the Texas revolution began, Falk. No need to start that fire again.)

1 If you are caught at the battle of the Alamo, do not make plans for your summer holiday. If you do, at best your heirs will have to cancel. At worst, you may lose some of your deposits. (I guess no one told you that getting out of the Alamo was a feet-first proposition huh, Farnley?)

80 comments

  1. John,

    Wait a minute, I thought margaritas could solve ANY dispute! Oh . . no, that’s right. They oftentimes lead to ’em, I forgot. And personally, I would walk around in a sombrero and a serape ALL the time, if I could get away with it.

    I’ll be sure to remember the Alamo . . list.

    Liked by 2 people

    1. I think the Clint Eastwood look on you is terrific. 😀

      Liked by 2 people

      1. I watched him in “Unforgiven” the other night. One of the more understated, I think, westerns that he has done. But man, what a presence. It’s funny because John Wayne? Was not much of a fan of the young Eastwood. It’s a shame when two generations of cinematic cowboys never were going to arrive at an age where they could sip something friendly on the front porch together and talk shop. What a conversation that would be, huh?

        Liked by 1 person

      2. I would love to be there. As it turned out Clint is even more conservative than the Duke. I think they would have rnjoyed each other’s company.

        Liked by 1 person

      3. I think so too.

        Liked by 1 person

  2. Not sure about #4. Never too late to learn a new skill.

    Liked by 2 people

    1. Thanks, Charles. 😀

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  3. Maybe I’ll take the Alamo off my bucket list?

    Liked by 1 person

    1. Beautiful place to visit. I’d keep it on.

      Liked by 1 person

  4. Number eight is too funny, John!

    Liked by 1 person

    1. Thanks, Jill. Had to laugh myself 😀

      Liked by 1 person

  5. Gwen Plano · ·

    A “feet-first proposition”? Too funny, John. I’ve always wanted to visit San Antonio, but not for the Alamo. You’ve sparked my interest, so I’m adding this site to my list. 😀

    Liked by 1 person

    1. The Alamo is a must see. Thanks, Gwen

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  6. Just wonderful. I especially like that you included the Come and Take It flag. Even a lot of Texans don’t know that the original cry was “Remember the Alamo! Remember Goliad!” Now, if you’ll pass that pitcher of margaritas…

    Liked by 1 person

    1. Here you are, Linda. Salt?

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  7. I kind of like the idea about margaritas all around – couldn’t hurt.

    Liked by 1 person

  8. I liked #8. If someone ate enough bean burritos, his own side would toss him over the wall as a weapon to chase the enemy away. It would be close quarters in that compound. 😀 — Suzanne

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    1. Ha haha. Secret weapon. Thanks, Suzanne.

      Liked by 1 person

  9. When Travis draws his famous line in the sand, don’t improve it by making it into a drawing of Kilroy.

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  10. I like #10 – you should know the power of Margaritas! ♥

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    1. Yes. Very good diplomatic tool.

      Liked by 1 person

  11. I love #5 and can totally see that happening. Well done, John. Nice to know the surgery didn’t erase your wonderful sense of humor! Hope you’re feeling better and will be biking again before long!

    Liked by 1 person

    1. Thank you, Debbie.

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  12. Amazing beginning of a new branch of “Things not to Do”, dear John! Super!

    Liked by 1 person

      1. Mon Dieu! What a shame! Sorry for my misattention!

        Liked by 1 person

      2. Sacre blu and Mon Dieu. 😀

        Liked by 1 person

  13. If you think you are caught in the Battle of the Alamo, remind yourself that it is 2018 and what looks like a losing battle is just rush-hour on I35. While you are no more likely to survive than the original battle, no one is going to write songs about you.

    Liked by 1 person

    1. Sung to the tune of “Davy Crockett.”

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  14. Haha. John, I got a kick out of all the F names. But darn about the margaritas — although I see you point. No pun intended. Have a marvelous Monday. Hugs.

    Liked by 1 person

    1. Thank you, Teagan. Hugs on a Monday.

      Liked by 1 person

  15. Wait… No margaritas, no bean burritos, no sombreros? Dang… Best wait till after the battle, then.

    Liked by 1 person

    1. Yeah, I would stay at the W in San Antonio till its over.

      Liked by 1 person

      1. Great advice…. or, got a sofa for me? 😉

        Liked by 1 person

      2. You da best… I’ll bring food … not a mooch who arrives empty-handed…

        Liked by 1 person

      3. Given the Woodstock menu I am sure you would not arrive empty handed. Also, given your writing you would never be empty handed.

        Liked by 1 person

      4. You are right about that. I would never…

        Liked by 1 person

  16. “…a feet-first proposition” I love that line, John.

    Great list. Good to see email from you on schedule again.

    Liked by 1 person

    1. Thanks, Dan. Still having challenges with out and about picture taking. Not too long though.

      Liked by 1 person

      1. You’ll get there – we can wait.

        Liked by 1 person

  17. D.L Finn, Author · ·

    I guess the margaritas should come after the fighting…lol. The Alamo has been on my list of places to see, now I will chuckle thinking of your list.

    Liked by 1 person

    1. Thank you, Denise.

      Liked by 1 person

  18. I am really enjoying this historical top 10 posts, John. Very good indeed.

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  19. Oh, goodness. I think any of these could apply at the Battle of the Alamo. 😊 But asking Davy Crockett for his autograph takes the cake.

    Liked by 1 person

    1. Thank you, Jan

      Liked by 1 person

  20. Sigh … and of course there was Jim Bowie or Mr.'”Ya call that a knife?” as he’s affectionately known as down under.😎

    Liked by 1 person

    1. Ha ha ha. Thanks Soooze. Isn’t knife pronounced noyfe?

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      1. lol … I don’t hang out with the guys that pronounce it that way. 😎

        Liked by 1 person

      2. Ah. That is good to hear.

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  21. Nicely done, good sir! The Margaritas were a great touch!

    Liked by 1 person

    1. Thank you, John. So glad you liked it. 😀

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  22. Sombrero and serapes, cannons, margaritas, Davy Crockett, and of course Tiny… this was a ten on the laugh-o-meter. Loved it! Thanks, John.

    Liked by 1 person

    1. Thank you, Jennie. I’m so glad.

      Liked by 1 person

      1. My pleasure, John. 🙂

        Liked by 1 person

  23. Reblogged this on Author Don Massenzio and commented:
    Check out another great top ten list from John Howell from this post on his blog. This one is the Top Ten Things not to do at the Battle of the Alamo

    Liked by 1 person

    1. Thank you, Don.

      Liked by 1 person

      1. You’re welcome.

        Liked by 1 person

  24. LOL I love the idea of time travel but think I’ll stay away from the Battle of the Alamo. Would love to visit the present day site and museum though.

    Liked by 1 person

    1. It is a lovely place to visit, Darlene. Thank you.

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  25. You got me at #7. Couldn’t stop laughing. The enemy would have fled after seeing me taking off my Santa Anna T-shirt.

    Liked by 1 person

    1. Yeah, No. You need to leave that on, Hugh.

      Liked by 1 person

  26. I think margaritas offer a great solution, John. 😉

    Liked by 1 person

  27. I’m in the majority I think cause not having margaritas sounds no bueno. (sp?) Good list John!

    Hope you’re feeling better.

    Liked by 1 person

    1. Thank you, Deborah.

      Liked by 1 person

  28. Great job with the historical not-to-dos! Very clever! You would have thought offering the Mexicans margaritas would stop the siege. I hope the pt is going well.

    Liked by 1 person

    1. Thank you, Jo. Glad you liked it. PT is fine. Making good progress.

      Like

  29. Hey John,
    Now these are fighting words, San Antonio was my hometown. 🤓When people came to visit and we didn’t like them, we took to the Alamo and left them. OR We put them on I-35, they never came back. Lots of hidden humor with this post.

    Liked by 1 person

    1. Since I lived there ten years I know what you mean. We always loved the stories of tourests taking a dive into the San Antonio river.

      Liked by 1 person

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