Top Ten Things Not to Do During the 1849 California Gold Rush

~ John W. Howell

Top Ten Things not to do

 

This edition continues the historical background on the Top Ten feature. I hope you like it.

10 If you are near the gold rush, do not sell everything to go mine gold. If you do, at best you will break even. At worst, you’ll find that you have blown your life savings chasing a dream. (Seems you could have found a better way to blow your money, Farquharson. You could try self-publishing.)

9 If you are near the gold rush, do not move that stake at the corner of Tiny the WWF champ’s claim. If you do, at best Tiny will let you put it back. At worst, Tiny figures you are jumping his claim. (No use even putting up a fight, Farrin. I would just lay there. Tiny is bound to lose interest sooner or later.)

8 If you are near the gold rush, do not hide your gold under the straw mattress on your cot. If you do, at best the lump will keep you awake. At worst, sadly that’s the first place a thief will look. (Well, now you need to start over, Farrs. With any luck, you get that gold dust back in another six months of panning.)

7 If you are near the gold rush, do not describe someone to his face as a sourdough. If you do, at best the person is too new to the file to know that a sourdough is someone from Canada who has come to California in search of Gold. At worst, the person might take exception to be labeled as a Canadian even if he is. (Might as well take it back, Farson. Looks like he is mighty angry.)

6 If you are near the gold rush, do not wear your 7 for All Mankind jeans to work. If you do, at best you will attract many stares. At worst, the Levi-Strauss salesperson might decide a gunfight is in order. (I guess you didn’t realize that Levi’s were the official jean of the gold rush huh, Favian. No worries, just buy a pair and all will be forgotten.)

5 If you are near the gold rush, do not announce any discoveries of gold. If you do, at best you’ll have more friends. At worst, the mob scene that will transpire is more than you can handle. (Your claim needs to be defended, Fedyenka. But do you really want to shoot someone?)

4 If you are near the gold rush, do not complain about the cost of food. If you do, at best you’ll be told to go elsewhere. At worst, the cook may decide that serving you requires more reimbursement and raises his prices again. (Funny, Felix but you are the only one paying more for everything.)

3 If you are near the gold rush, do not think you can set up a get rich quick wagon and tool rental business. If you do, at best all your tools will be rented out, and you’ll need to get more. At worst, none of the devices will be brought back, and the rentals do not cover the cost. (This was not how it was supposed to work, Fergus.)

2 If you are near the gold rush, do not drink whatever is in that bottle in the saloon. If you do, at best you won’t go blind. At worst, you might lose track of time and wake up three weeks from now broke and homeless. (Imagine if you’d had enough money to buy two bottles, Fiacre. You might not be with us right now.)

1 If you are near the gold rush, do not pan for gold. If you do, at best you won’t find any. At worst, you might pull a couple of specks out of the sand which will cause an extreme attack of gold fever. (Well that does it, Fidelis. You are hooked. See you in a couple of years when your money runs out.)

64 thoughts on “Top Ten Things Not to Do During the 1849 California Gold Rush”

  1. I’ve learned something today, John. I didn’t really know where the term “sourdough” originated. I’ve heard of the bread but didn’t know about the Canada part. Anyone jumping Tiny’s claim must be suffering from more than gold fever. 😀 — Suzanne

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  10. Goodness, I didn’t know that Levi’s were the official jean of the gold rush. 😀 Enjoyed the list, John. Have a great Monday!

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  11. My great-great-grandfather left Iowa to pan for gold in Colorado. When the Civil War broke out, he came back to Iowa and helped establish the 34th Iowa. It may or may not be true that he claimed life in the army beat life on the claim. Great list.

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  14. Comparing the goldrush to self publishing perfect! Lol. Living in the heart of goldrush country.your list made me want to break out that gold pan and head to the river…maybe this time it won’t be fools gold;)

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  15. Sourdough? They called us Sourdoughs? What up wit dat??? Like it would be insulting to be called Canadian… hmmph!
    As for the jeans, c’mon peeps, no self-respecting wanna be gold-digger/cowboy/westerner would be found dead in anything BUT Levi’s…
    Thanks for the laugh, John 🙂

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  18. #2 had me belly laughing, John. Go blind. That was really funny. And, I did not know that a Sourdough was a Canadian. Another great Top Ten! Love the history themes you’re doing.

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  21. I read this to my 6 year old son (a few bits we got confused, like thinking Canadians were artesian bread) but he liked the panning of gold causing an extreme attack of gold fever.

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  24. I bet an awful lot of men spent their life savings getting out here and had Gold Fever when it was learned thar was Gold in them thar hills!

    Levi’s! 501 button up jeans. Classics if ever there was one. I have one pair- I bought them in WY. back in 83′ they still fit! I don’t wear them anymore I’m just hanging on to them cause they’re the real deal.

    Great list! You’re on a roll with this Historical Top Ten’s!

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      2. Oh, and the only reason I can recall the year I bought them and place is because He-Man, myself and Big Baby Boy who was a toddler then were on our Amazing, Epic USA cross country road trip vacation. We spent 6 weeks driving, and camping around the country. While in Yellowstone N.P. in July it started to snow, and storm, and I’d only brought summer clothes for myself and our toddler! I needed a pair of jeans so went to the General Store and bought my 501’s there. I bought a nice warm fleece hoodie for Big Baby Boy, and He- Man…I can’t remember what he bought if anything.

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