Top Ten Things Not to Do at the First New Year’s Eve Celebration Held in Times Square (then Longacre Square), in New York City – 1904

~ John W. Howell

New Year's eve 1904

 

This post continues the Top Ten Things Not to Do with a historical background. Since today is the one hundred fourteenth anniversary of the first New Years Eve celebration in Times Square, I thought the following list would be handy if you somehow get to go there.

Top Ten Things Not to Do at the First New Year’s Eve Celebration Held in Times Square (then Longacre Square), in New York City – 1904 by John W. Howell © 2018

10 If you are at the first Times Square New Year’s Eve celebration, do not ask about the dropping ball. If you do, at best you’ll get some strange looks since the first ball drop wasn’t until 1907. At worst, those you ask will assume you need help and will turn you over to the police. (How does it feel to spend New Year’s Eve in the mental ward, Godwine? Stop talking about a ball and you may get out in a few years.)

9 If you are at the first Times Square New Year’s Eve celebration, do not kiss the woman standing next to Tiny the WWF champ at midnight. If you do, at best she is alone. At worst, she is on a first date with Tiny who has just left his first group session on overcoming jealousy. (Had it been the tenth session you might have had a chance, Gofried. As it is that beet red expression on Tiny’s face will soon manifest into a pin wheel body slam and it won’t be the woman who hits the concrete.)

8 If you are at the first Times Square New Year’s Eve celebration, do not try to set a personal record for consumption of alcohol. If you do, at best your evening will close early. At worst, New Year ’s Day will represent your personal purgatory just begging for relief. (Finding yourself in a strange time also adds to the confusion, Goodwyn. You should quit asking people to call 9-1-1 for you.)

7 If you are at the first Times Square New Year’s Eve celebration, do not think your good will to mankind feeling left over from the holidays should be demonstrated by public displays of affection for everyone. If you do, at best most will try to ignore your advances. At worst, you will have violated one or more of the Victorian standards of the day. ( Don’t worry, Gorsedd, the term “sex fiend” won’t follow you into the twenty-first century. That is assuming you can get out of that straight jacket long enough to get home.)

7 If you are at the first Times Square New Year’s Eve celebration, do not think your stomach deserves to be challenged with copious amounts of strange food. If you do, at best your later hours will be spent in a degree of discomfort. At worst, your stomach will get even when you least expect it. (You should have known, Gottfried, that food made with lard and animal innards would not set well. You should have taken your own low-fat, low cholesterol, zero growth hormone, and gluten-free food with you. Maybe next time.)

6 If you are at the first Times Square New Year’s Eve celebration, do not think your off-key singing throughout the year will suddenly get better with the addition of boucoup amounts of Champaign. If you do, at best you will still draw the same looks you get all year-long. At worst, you will begin to gather around you stray cats and dogs who think your Auld Lang Sine is a last call for free eats. (You called them and now you need to find a way to take care of them, Gradon.)

5 If you are at the first Times Square New Year’s Eve celebration, do not wear your Chicago Cubs t-shirt. If you do, at best no one will notice. At worst, since the New York Yankees won the National League pennant in 1904 a few may think you are a sore loser. ( Since the Cubs came in second, I think you should cover that shirt, Grantham. Oh too late. A couple of guys from the docks want to talk to you.)

4 If you are at the first Times Square New Year’s Eve celebration, do not try to find “Rockin’ New Year’s Eve on your smart phone. If you do, at best everyone around you are too drunk to notice. At worst, someone will ask you about that device and you will draw a crowd. (How are you going to explain a cell phone, Gregar? Bad enough your clothes look funny, now you are holding something that looks like it is from outer space. One other thing. The cell signal doesn’t time travel.)

3 If you are at the first Times Square New Year’s Eve celebration, do not think everyone will welcome the noise from your stadium horn at midnight. If you do at best, you will find yourself alone after the first blow. At worst, the biggest guy who you’ve annoyed will help you to cease blowing the horn. (The doctor in the emergency room is quite puzzle how that horn got there, Gregorior. Don’t worry, he will figure out how to separate it sooner or later.)

2 If you are at the first Times Square New Year’s Eve celebration, do not think it a good idea to put that Tiffany lampshade from the antique store on your head. If you do, at best no one will find it funny. At worst, the shade was the only one made and is now laying on the street in one thousand individual pieces. (If you start now, Griffen you might get it back together before the shop owner notices. Oh yeah, you also have a lottery chance at about the same odds. That is if the lottery exists in 1904.)

1 If you are at the first Times Square New Year’s Eve celebration, do not think you have to stay up past a reasonable hour to see the New Year in. If you do, at best the next day’s activities will be less enjoyable. At worst, you might be so sleep deprived that you will forget how to get back to 2019. (Although 1904 is a peaceful time, Gru, I don’t think you want to be stuck there. Yes it is a slower pace but think of the advancements that have been made since then. Fine have it your way.)

 

Happy New Year Everyone.

 

59 thoughts on “Top Ten Things Not to Do at the First New Year’s Eve Celebration Held in Times Square (then Longacre Square), in New York City – 1904”

  3. Hmmm, I’d be wearing a Pittsburgh Pirates jersey. I think they would let that slide, since we beat up on the Cubs that year and we were no threat to NY.

    Great list. How much were the Sabrett’s hot dogs in 1904?

    Liked by 1 person

  7. John,

    If were are there for the first NYE celebration, you won’t have to worry about accessing the New Year’s Rocking Eve on your phone. Dick Clark will be there!

    Happy New Year Boss

    Liked by 1 person

  8. There’s no need for me to worry about what to do or not do, since I wouldn’t be there anyway — but I will wish you a happy New Year, John. That’s one nice custom that hasn’t changed.

    Liked by 1 person

  9. Always a hoot and celebration!

    Happy New Year, John. May your home be filled with lots of love, laughter, good health, good food, good drink, good company…. oh, and prosperity, too, why not?

    Lotsa love,
    Dale
    xo

    Liked by 1 person

        2. The small cans are 5 cents a pop, here. The bug 500 ml ones, a whopping 20 cents. Want me to start a collection for ya?
          You keep on writing – my kids got me a Kindle for Christmas and I have to John W Howell books in there already…

          Liked by 1 person

  11. Love this line — “food made with lard and animal innards would not set well.” I imagine it wouldn’t! Funny how eating traditions have changed over time. And it’s probably never a good idea to assume the pretty girl standing beside Tiny isn’t with him! Happy 2019 to you and yours, John!

    Liked by 1 person

  12. Now that’s a year and time I’d like to time travel to! If I attracted all those animals with my singing I’m sure I’d take them home…lol. Happy New Year, John! May it be filled with health, love and lots of success for yours and Gwen’s upcoming release and new projects.

    Liked by 1 person

  13. I must have done too much of #8 because now it looks like there are two #7s! Help!!! Thanks for another good one and for being a fun read all year long, John! Happy New Year!

    Liked by 1 person

  14. LOL! And given that I have no urge to be in Times Square in 2018 (it is a wet one, and no umbrellas, let alone no respite — as in, in every sense of the world — and a certainty of being penned in …), I’m gonna be violating as many as those ‘rules’ as I want, from the comfort of my living room to watch the rained-on-by-more-than-confetti crowds as they slosh their way (with no alcohol for them) through the first minutes of the next year … (that said, it seems I could end up having a temporarily displaced friend and her toddler who’d be docking here for the night, given unexpected construction at their building. In which case the evening may look a lot more like pancakes, blankets, and nursery rhymes in countdown to slumber than a countdown to a new year …) 😉 Happy 2019!
    Na’ama

    Liked by 1 person

  15. 😊Thanks for a good laugh, John! What a great way to begin my New Year! It’s already 8.30 a.m 1/1/2019 here in Oz! So far the year is progressing well. lol …😀 I hope your 2019 is simply awesome, my friend.

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  16. This was one of your best, John. By the time I got to “lard and animal innards” I was rolling with laughter! And the 9-1-1, and the stadium horn- priceless. Of course, Tiny is in a class by himself 🙂. Happy New Year!

    Liked by 1 person

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