Top Ten Things Not to Do While Women Prohibitionists Smash 12 Saloons in Kansas in 1901

 

This post continues the Top Ten Things Not to Do with a historical background. This week is the anniversary of the 1901 smashing of twelve saloons in Kansas by women prohibitionists lead by Carrie Nation. If you have the ability to time travel to that event this list is designed to keep you out of trouble.

Top Ten Things Not to Do While Women Prohibitionists Smash 12 Saloons in Kansas in 1901 by John W. Howell © 2019

10 If you are there with Carrie Nation, do not try to sneak a sip from your flask of Jack Daniels. If you do, at best you’ll be unseen. At worst, the prohibitionist will be tempted to treat you like a piece of the bar. ( You should have thought about that drink, Garbhan. Maybe the fact that everyone was wielding a hatchet might have given you a hint. Lucky you got hit with the dull end.)

9 If you are there with Carrie Nation, do not try to hold on to your bottle while Tiny the WWF champ is attempting to pull it from your hand. If you do, at best it will slip out. At worst, Tiny who just lost his last marble in a game has no intention of losing a tug of war over a bottle of bourbon. (Best to let him have it, Garet. His big hand is on your head, and he is getting ready to squeeze. I’ve seen him open cantaloupes  this way)

8 If you are there with Carrie Nation, do not wear your “One Man One Vote” T-shirt. If you do, at best you can talk fast and save yourself. At worst, it will be assumed you are not in favor of women’s suffrage. (That would be like wearing a honey coated shirt to a bear convention, Garrard. Just not done.)

7 If you are there with Carrie Nation, do not shed a tear as all those bottles of booze get smashed. If you do, at best they may think something got in your eye. At worst, you might be mistaken for an anti-temperance person. (Getting tossed out of the bar on your ear is better than a lot of possibilities, Garrson. Consider yourself lucky.)

6 If you are there with Carrie Nation, do not try to sing hymns if you don’t know the words. If you do, at best someone may find you a hymnal. At worst, the group may consider you an outsider and want you gone. (If you had only hummed the tune, you would have been home free, Garton. BTW it is “Bringing in the Sheaves” not “Hide the Shives.”

5 If you are with Carrie Nation, do offer to order take out after the “hatchetations.” If you do, at best no one will understand what you mean. At worst, you will give your time traveler status away. (There are still a lot of people who believe in witches, Garwood. Looks like a big pile of firewood is left from the bar. I think I would book out of there.)

4 If you are with Carrie Nation, do not start talking about the Kansas City Chiefs while chopping up saloons. If you do, at best you will be ignored. At worst, someone will ask you what you are talking about. (Since the Kansas City Chiefs were named in 1963 you are a little ahead of yourself, Gavino. Also, Ms. Nation wants to speak in private. Never a good thing.)

3 If you are with Carrie Nation, do not mistakenly call her Lizzy Bordon. If you do at best, she never heard of Lizzy. At worst, since Lizzy became famous in 1892, Carrie is well aware of who she is. (Good luck trying to explain it was the hatchet that made you make the mistake, Gearald. You see Lizzy was accused of using an ax to commit murder.)

2 If you are with Carrie Nation, do not argue with her when she claims to have invented the airplane. If you do, at best she will tire of trying to convince you. At worst, she will tire of you. (You have to remember she is the one with the hatchet, Gedalyahu. You’ve seen that look in her eye before.)

1 If you are with Carrie Nation, try not to be arrested by the police. If you do, at best you are only charged with a misdemeanor. At worst, the police have decided to make an example of the Carrie Nation and her band. (The judge has given you a fine that amounts to over $15,000 in today’s money, Gennadi. I think you should hot the time travel button and get out of there. I hope you didn’t give them your real name.)

69 comments

  1. Gwen Plano · ·

    Wow, she was a fiery soul! A hatchet?? I suspect life at home was interesting in her household. 😀

    Liked by 1 person

    1. She and her husband got a divorce prior to her hatchetations. Thanks, Gwen

      Liked by 1 person

  2. I did not know about this historical event, John. Great to learn about it in such an amusing way.

    Liked by 1 person

    1. Thank you, Robbie. These are fun for me as well. 😄

      Liked by 1 person

  3. Definitely going to avoid this event during my travels. Never heard of it before, so thanks for the warning. 🙂

    Liked by 1 person

    1. Yes. Forewarned is forearmed.

      Like

  4. I have a question for ya. Answer me this: When do you have time to write books? I know you put a lot of research into your “Top Ten Things Not to Do with a Historical Background” thingy. So that’s gotta take up some time. Then you gotta write the damn thing. Then you post about 1,100 other posts every day. So, when do you write your books?

    Now, getting back to the booze angle. When I’m busy writing the next Great American Novel, I don’t take breaks to bathe, let alone keeping my blog up. But … I do make time to keep my drinking up to par. I mean, it’s in the bylaws of the writing guild. At the meetings, Hemingway, Fitzgerald, and London are held up as examples of what a writer should be. And I don’t mean their prose, I mean their imbibing.

    Anyway, I do enjoy reading your “Top Ten Things Not to Do with a Historical Background” thingy because I know all the history put forth is the real deal.

    Liked by 2 people

    1. So I need to explain one thing. I only post once each day unless it is a special event. I try to keep my posts under 600 words. I do also write 1000 words a day on my WIP. So let’s say worst case is 1600 (600 post +1000 WIP) words a day. This means I can get a book first draft in 90 days (in theory). I only publish one book a year so I have nine more months to correct the crap and get a final form.
      I’m glad you haven’t let your drinking slip and in all probibility the quality of your work given your intensity is far greater than mine. At least I think so. I’m also glad you like the top ten. I was a history minor in college and really enjoyed it.

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      1. I can really relate to the correcting the crap bit.

        Liked by 1 person

  5. John,

    Whoa! On top of having a sensational name, Carrie Nation was all business all the time, wasn’t she?

    I would have abstained in her presence, no doubt about it.

    Liked by 1 person

    1. Naw. You would have been temped to sneak a drink. All that “thou shalt not” would get to you.

      Liked by 1 person

      1. You’re probably right, LOL.

        Liked by 1 person

      2. 🥃👍🥃

        That’s emoji for “Right on Boss!”

        Liked by 1 person

  6. Phew! After that list, I think I’ll just stay clear of old Carrie. (She sounds like someone Stephen King might have thought up. On second – maybe that where he got the idea?)

    Liked by 1 person

    1. She was something for sure. Lucky for everyone she chopped up bars and not people.

      Liked by 1 person

  7. Yikes! Thanks for the heads up, John. I remember watching the movie Lizzy Bordon…almost as scary as Silence of the Lambs.

    Liked by 1 person

    1. I never saw it. If you say it was scary I take your word.

      Liked by 1 person

  8. I am assuming that Tiny hasn’t gone on the wagon. Do you think he’d object to sharing? Again with the cantaloupe thing…Lizzy Bordon took an ax, gave her father… This is not going to end well, is it? Hmmm, what’s interest and penalties on that fine after 118 years?

    Good one, John.

    Liked by 1 person

    1. I guess the interest would take it into six figures. Better to give a flase name. (There were no driver’s licenses then.)

      Liked by 1 person

  9. I don’t like the thought of either meeting (or bumping into) Carrie, or of Tiny’s big hand squeezing my head so he can use it as an extra marble.
    Thanks for the Monday laughs, John.

    Liked by 1 person

    1. Yeah I would watch the controls on your time travel thingy. Wouln’t be the best place to drop down. (I could see you with a glass of Lillet Blanc saying, “Hi my name is Hugh. What’s yours?”)

      Liked by 1 person

      1. I wouldn’t last 2 seconds with Carrie. Beam me up, Scotty.

        Liked by 1 person

  10. Hide the Shives and Litzy Borden cracked me up. Hubby walked past me when your post popped up, looked at the title and photo and announced, “Now you know why men drink.” 😅

    Liked by 1 person

    1. ha haha. Love that. 😂

      Liked by 1 person

      1. I loved it, too. He never batted an eye. 🙂

        Liked by 1 person

  11. I wouldn’t want to be on the wrong side of those women prohibitionists! Hide the Shives!!! Where do you get your ideas??

    Liked by 1 person

    1. They float around in my head. I have to confess to having an imagnation that doesn’t rest. Thank you, Darlene.

      Like

      1. And thats a good thing. XO

        Liked by 1 person

  12. It’s interesting how many folks have never heard of this event. I don’t recommend offering to show them the proper technique for using an axe either. Something tells me they aren’t in the mood.

    Liked by 1 person

    1. Ha haha. I can hear it now. “So you great big ole he-man is going to teach little ole me how to use a hatchet?”

      Liked by 1 person

      1. Probably wouldn’t go over too well. From the look of her, she’s practiced on any number of chickens.

        Liked by 1 person

      2. “You stay right there and hold this peanut in your teeth. I’m going to show you how well I can use this hatchet.”

        Liked by 1 person

      3. I’m really surprised by the number of people who haven’t heard of Carrie Nation, too. And I’m even more surprised that no one brought up the classic event — also a bit back in time — when someone else volunteered a lesson in hatchet throwing. Despite the temptation to stop midway through, you have to watch it all the way through for the even funnier comment at the end.

        Liked by 1 person

      4. I was watching that Carson show when it happened. I thought I was going to wet my pants I laughed so hard.

        Liked by 1 person

  13. She was a fierce one, no doubt about it. I wouldn’t muck about in her presence either…

    Liked by 1 person

    1. I think that would have been dangerous. I don’t think Carrie had much of a sense of humor. Here’s to her. 🥃

      Like

      1. Agreed!
        Cheers! 🍻

        Liked by 1 person

  14. Like a few others here, this was an event I hadn’t heard of – sounds like a doozy.

    Liked by 1 person

    1. You can imagine the wood flying. Thanks, Teri.

      Liked by 1 person

  15. C’mon Carry, Can’t we all just get along? Let’s talk about it over a beer.

    Liked by 1 person

    1. 😂 Pwerfect. Thanks, Greg

      Like

  16. I just got a good chuckle from the image of Tiny opening a cantaloupe with his bare hands! This one’s got a lot to like, John — bourbon, hatchets, bear convention, hymn singing, the Chiefs, airplanes — whew! Nice photo, too — she certainly is the picture of determination!!

    Liked by 1 person

    1. I can see the rightiouness in her eyes.

      Liked by 1 person

  17. D.L Finn, Author · ·

    I honestly haven’t heard of Carrie Nation and I’m now curious:) Another great list John for a Monday morning smile!

    Liked by 1 person

    1. Thank you, Denise. Glad you liked it.

      Liked by 1 person

  18. Hey, John, you had me with the title. Great # 3. I never mention Lizzie to any woman.
    Same with Lorena Bobbit.

    Liked by 1 person

    1. A very wise man, Andrew.

      Liked by 1 person

  19. A blast from the past. Thanks, John haha!

    Liked by 1 person

    1. Thak you, Luanne.

      Like

  20. I’m going to have to start writing this stuff down for when I finally get that time platform, John…

    Liked by 1 person

    1. Yeah that is true.

      Like

  21. Reblogged this on Author Don Massenzio and commented:
    Check out this post with the latest in John Howell’s series, the Top Ten Things Not to Do with a historical background from this fiction favorites blog

    Liked by 1 person

    1. Thank you for the reblog, Don

      Liked by 1 person

  22. Reblogged this on Musings on Life & Experience and commented:
    John’s list of problems a time traveler would have if he traveled back and were with Carrie Nation and her group as they smashed up a saloon.

    Liked by 1 person

    1. Thank you for the reblog, Suzanne. 😁

      Liked by 1 person

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