Top Ten Things Not to Do at the Adoption of the 16th Amendment – Establishing the Income Tax in 1913

Happy Birthday the 16th amendment

This post continues the Top Ten Things Not to Do with a historical background. Today in 1913 saw the adoption of the 16th amendment establishing the legal basis for the income tax. If you decide to go there, here is a list of things not to do that may prove handy. Also, this week is the anniversary of the battle of the Alamo. I chose not to try and be funny around a significant event in Texas History.

Top Ten Things Not to Do at the Establishment of the Income Tax in 1913.

10 If you were there, do not try to write off your time travel trip. If you do, at best the agent will have no idea what you are talking about. At worst, an agent will ask more questions than you are willing to answer. (Just how are you going to explain time travel, Grant? You might as well have the agent hop on the traveler and give him a demonstration. I’m sure that will clear things up or get you committed.)

9 If you were there, do not think you don’t have to answer to Tiny the WWF champ and new IRS agent. If you do, at best Tiny will call the Marshalls. At worst, having just graduated from an interrogation school Tiny will not want to give up. (He finds that sitting on tax dodgers is his second most favorite thing to do, Gale. First is a windmill body slam.)

8 If you were there, do not try to hide earnings.  If you do, at best your under the table scheme will not be detected. At worst, you will be discovered and learn the pleasures of the Federal pen first hand. (It seems the guy who paid you under the table needed to give you up, Gerald.)

7 If you were there, do not ask an agent if you can file electronically. If you do, at best the agent will think you are nuts. At worst, the agent being a trusting soul will think you are up to something to avoid paying your tax. (Looks like you are going to be the first waterboard interrogation in history, Glenn. If you survive, you’ll be famous. I know small honor)

6 If you were there, do not think by not signing your form in protest you will get out of paying. If you do, at best someone will sign for you. At worst, your form will be rejected, and you will now owe penalties and interest more substantial than the original tax. (I see the protesting business is not so profitable huh, Glen? Next year might be a different story.)

5 If you were there, do not wear your Income Tax Sucks t-shirt. If you do, at best you’ll get some laughs. At worst, your shirt will be taken as an affront to the Federal Government. (Yes, we are having bread and water again today, Grayson. The judge was very clear on how to treat you.)

4 If you were there, do not pay your taxes with bags of pennies. If you do, at best the agent will turn you away. At worst, you will be asked to count and roll all the coins before being accepted. (Since it will take you a month, Garth, this little protest attempt backfired big time.)

3 If you were there, do not try to convince the agent that your dog ate your return. If you do, at best you’ll get a new form. At worst, the agent will want to talk to your dog. (As you know, Garner, Fido has not eaten your return, and it is possible the agent speaks dog. You gotta convince Fido to back you up. Yes, it may cost a few bones for sure.)

2 If you were there, do not try to avoid taxes by declaring yourself to be a non-profit entity. If you do, at best the IRS will just say no. At worst, you will be challenged to prove your non-profit status. (Your bar bills will not hold up as evidence of not having taxable income after you pay them, Gil. You’ll have to do better than that one.)

1 If you were there, do not try to give the auditing agent a gift. If you do, at best you will be rebuffed. At worse, the agent will press charges since bribing an IRS agent is not allowed. (That bottle of wine would have been better placed in your stomach, Goran. Now it looks like real trouble ahead plus you lost the bottle of wine.)

 

53 comments

  1. Hahaha!

    How about saying you’re close, personal friends with Woodrow Wilson? No, not working? Oh well . . .

    Liked by 2 people

    1. I think that would work. Of course you would have to pick up his unpaid bar bill.

      Liked by 1 person

      1. Hey, it’s the price of doing b’ness!

        Liked by 1 person

  2. Pretty sure #5 would be worth it.

    Liked by 1 person

    1. I agree. Only to see the faces of the IRS folks

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  3. For # 2 I’d like to try that with gambling debts – ya think?

    Liked by 1 person

    1. Sure go right ahead. Make the receipts read, “Gifts to Gamblers Anonymous.” 😀

      Liked by 1 person

      1. Sure, that should work. If not – have you got bail money? 🙂

        Liked by 1 person

      2. Wait! You are the one doing the crime. Ypu need to do the time. 😁

        Liked by 1 person

  4. Good list, John. #1 is scary – Put the agent in the machine and he’ll see how much they can get away with. Re: #2 I think my bar bills should count as research. Can you take that up with Tiny for me?

    Dogs never lie.

    Liked by 1 person

    1. Tiny agrees with you. If you get audited just tell them Tiny said it was okay. My dogs stretch the truth a little especially when asked, “Who shredded this toilet paper?”

      Liked by 1 person

  5. Gwen Plano · ·

    Hmmm, I think you enjoyed this fantasy trip. #4 really made me laugh…a bag of pennies? I suspect the IRS has seen everything – including pennies. Hope this year’s taxes go smoothly for you. I’ve yet to focus on mine. 🙂

    Liked by 1 person

    1. Yup. Mine are filed. Thank you, Gwen.

      Liked by 1 person

      1. Gwen Plano · ·

        I’ve never been late, but this year might break my record. 😀

        Liked by 1 person

  6. “Do not wear your Income Tax Sucks t-shirt.” LOL! Great list, John!

    Liked by 1 person

    1. Thank you, Jill. I would like to get one of those shirts.

      Liked by 1 person

  7. Great list! If I were there I might have knocked off anyone voting for it!

    Liked by 1 person

    1. Ha haha. You are such a militant, Noelle. 😀

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      1. Well, my son is a soldier!

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  8. Congress could use a dose of Tiny!

    Liked by 1 person

    1. Maybe he can get a job as a page or intern. Doubt anyone will harrass him.

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  9. I kind of like the idea of the T-shirt – and #10 seems logical.

    Liked by 1 person

    1. Thank you. Teri. It is logical. Like writing off fan cocktails.

      Liked by 1 person

  10. Those guys never were much for good humor.

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    1. Or even semi good humor. Ha haha. Thanks, Craig.

      Liked by 1 person

  11. But – my dog did eat my return, honest!! ONly you could get us laughing at a nonlaughing matter.

    Liked by 1 person

    1. Ha haha. Thanks for sharing, Darlene

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  12. Oh dear. The annual drudgery. Almost as misery-evoking as the annual financial accounting when Domer went to college (fortunately, that was merely a four-year headache!). Thanks for the tips, John. My eyes seem to glaze over when I see numbers, ha!

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  13. If you do number 4, by the time you are done, they are going to add interest!

    Here, in Canada, our “temporary” income tax came into being in 1918…

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  14. Well done with this one, John. It is always lovely to have a laugh at the expense of the tax collection office.

    Like

  15. D.L Finn, Author · ·

    I wonder what they would think seeing our tax laws now?

    Liked by 1 person

    1. Maybe have a tax revolt. Thanks, Denise.

      Liked by 1 person

  16. Serious point, dear Jonh!

    Liked by 1 person

    1. Very serious. Paying Taxes.

      Liked by 1 person

  17. I’m still learning my way around the amendments to the American Constitution. So, does this enable you to claim the 5th in relation to the 14th?

    Liked by 1 person

    1. You can plead the 5th in relation to the 16th (taxes) The 14th gives anyone born in the US citizenship. I guess an Aussie might want to plead the 5th if born here. 😁

      Liked by 1 person

      1. 😉Methinks I best plead the 5th well in advance.

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  18. Another good one, John!

    Liked by 1 person

    1. Thank you, Jan.

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  19. It seems Tiny’s idea of pressing charges is sitting on and pressing the tax dodger. Good luck surviving that process. The trouble is you can’t pay if you don’t survive. Good list John. 😀 — Suzanne

    Liked by 1 person

    1. Thank you, Suzanne. 😁

      Liked by 1 person

  20. Really funny, John!!

    Liked by 1 person

  21. Reblogged this on Author Don Massenzio and commented:
    Check out this post from John Howell’s blog with the Top Ten Things Not to Do at the Establishment of the Income Tax in 1913

    Liked by 1 person

  22. If only Tiny the WWF champ were on our side, we would have that blasted tax!

    Liked by 1 person

    1. Or blasted the tax.

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  23. Things To Do: 1- 10: Warn them what the future holds for America and the world!

    Liked by 1 person

  24. You hit on one of my pet peeves here. You know how they sold the 16th to us unsuspecting citizens? No? Then I’ll tell ya.
    “They” said they were only going to tax the ultra rich. People like Rockefeller, Carnegie, and Mellon (Andrew W.). So, we the trusting idiots that we were/are, allowed them to change the Constitution and allowed the income tax. How did that work out?
    I could go on for another eighteen paragraphs, but my drink is getting low …

    Liked by 1 person

    1. Yeah, Get another drink and join the 200 million of us that were and are being shilled.

      Like

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