Top Ten Things not to do Storming the Bastille in 1789

 

 

Bastille

Since yesterday was the anniversary of the storming of the Bastille in 1789 I thought it would be a good idea to lay out some things not to do should you have the ability to go there and join in the fun. As you know, the Bastille was a prison that the government of the time used to incarcerate and torture political prisoners. The day is called “Bastille Day.” in English (la Fête Nationale in French) and is widely recognized as the beginning of the French revolution. If you are going, take this list. Who knows it might just save your head.

Top Ten Things Not to Do while Storming the Bastille in 1789

10 If you are storming the Bastille, do not continue to carry your Vive Le Roy banner. If you do, at best someone will take it from you. At worst, you will be associated with royalty and may become a guest of the third estate at the next guillotine party. (why on Earth didn’t you know this was a demonstration against Louis XVI, Ike. Too many Vin rouges, eh?

9 If you are storming the Bastille, do not get in front of Tiny the WWF champ. If you do, at best, you’ll fall down, and Tiny will run over you. At worst, Tiny just left the rally where the beer was free and is anxious to grab the royal flag. (The sad thing is Tiny is focused on getting through the locked door and is now using you like a battering ram. It should be over in a few minutes, Iggy one way or another.)

8 If you are storming the Bastille, do not count on trading stories with the Marquis de Sade a prisoner there. If you do, at best you’ll accept that he left ten days before. At worst, you’ll try to organize a group to storm the insane asylum where he was transferred. (You have to admit not many want to help you, Ilias. Maybe that should give you a clue.)

7 If you are storming the Bastille, do not insist on a foie gras lunch. If you do, at best, you’ll be ignored. At worst, the average person has no idea what a foie gras is and will think you a royalist. (Now we are back to the original invitation to the head loss party after the storming is done, Inigo. I would think you could learn something in all this.)

6 If you are storming the Bastille, do not get caught with your “Go Camera recording the whole thing. If you do, at best you can tell them it’s a new kind of bomb, and they’ll believe you. At worst, your explanation will fall on deaf ears. (So now you are in line for the dunking chair which is designed to get the truth out of witches. Just tell them you are a witch, Isaak. Maybe they’ll go easy on you.)

5 If you are storming the Bastille, do not say to the mob that red, white, and blue are not your colors. If you do, at best you’ll get a sympathetic colorist. At worst, you be confessing to a bloodthirsty peasant your disdain for the tri-color, the symbol of the revolution. (Yes, his eyes are red, Isah. No, I don’t think he has allergies I believe he is mad at you. Yeah, running may not be the answer.)

4 If you are storming the Bastille, do not stop for a cafe au lait and croissant. If you do, at best you won’t be late for the storming. At worst, you’ll arrive after the storming is over and be accused of dereliction of duty. (I’ll bet you can guess what the punishment is for dereliction of duty, Iman. You got it. The big falling blade and close haircut.)

3 If you are storming the Bastille, do not try to yell Liberté, égalité, fraternité in French. If you do, at best the noise will be too loud, and no one will hear you. At worst, you will be heard, and your American accent will give you away. (You wonder why everyone is so angry, Iain? They want their revolution to themselves without interference from Americans. If you continue to try and help you will. only be dispised later)

2 If you are storming the Bastille, do not suggest that it would make a beautiful condo after the storming. If you do, at best folks will think you are shell shocked. At worst, Maximilien Robespierre will overhear your idea. (You may wonder why ole Max gave you a card with the number one printed on it, Idi. You have been honored to be the first to give up your head for the revolution. There’s the guillotine line right over there. You just march right to the front. It’s your right.)

1 If you are storming the Bastille, do not throw away that stale baguette. If you do, at best you will still have a sword. At worst, that baguette would have made an excellent weapon, and now you are defenseless. (Everyone knows that a day old baguette can be used to drive nails, Ignace. Think of what a beautiful club it would have made.)

 

69 comments

  1. It could be difficult to keep your head at a time like that. Best to stay at home, in the 21 century!

    Liked by 2 people

    1. I have to agree, Darlene. 😁

      Liked by 1 person

  2. Looks loud and messy. Think I would have stayed home.

    Liked by 2 people

    1. Smoky too. Not the best place.

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  3. nice share john

    Liked by 2 people

  4. Gwen M. Plano · ·

    Who knew a stale baguette could be so useful? My inclination is just to hide and nibble away. 😀

    Liked by 2 people

    1. You would need a spare set of teeth on the day old. Thaks, Gwen.

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  5. Number two is hilarious! Great job, John!

    Liked by 2 people

    1. Thank you, Jill 😊

      Liked by 1 person

  6. Very good, John. Especially the last point. I know, I have made those.

    Liked by 2 people

    1. Ha ha ha. Thanks, Robbie.

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  7. I like # 2. Just think what elegant apartments we could make out of that place. HGTV would have a field day!!!

    Liked by 1 person

    1. Yes a big open floor plan, plenty of bedrooms and a special room to entertain those who oppose you. Can you say,”rack?”

      Liked by 1 person

      1. The dungeon is for those don’t like our blogs, John!!! lol

        Liked by 1 person

  8. “The big falling blade and close haircut.” I am just not well suited to time travel, John. I think I’ll stick to Wikipedia.Oh wait, did I say that while back in 1789? Oooh, look, number 1 – yay!

    Liked by 2 people

    1. Yes, I agree. Better to stay where we are.

      Liked by 1 person

  9. You made me think ‘Death by Baguette’ Buahahahaha!

    And the Bastille as a condo . . . “The Bastille” is a hilarious thought, Boss.

    I laughed my head off with this one, which really beat the alternative I guess.

    Liked by 2 people

    1. Yes. Laughing is much better. Those haircuts can be a little extreme. Thanks, Marc.

      Liked by 1 person

      1. I’d rather go shaggy, thank you very much.

        Liked by 1 person

      2. Could get a trim just behind the ears.

        Liked by 1 person

      3. Call me paranoid but I don’t trust it. There are zero Yelp reviews about the guillotine. That has to mean something . . .

        Liked by 1 person

      4. So true. Reviews are hard from the other side.

        Liked by 1 person

      5. So far. I’m sure Google will come up with something.

        Liked by 1 person

  10. I’ll let someone else deal with the condos, but enough stale baguettes and some mortar might make a nice house.

    Liked by 2 people

    1. I think until the rains come it will be an interesting place. Baguette Bungalow

      Liked by 1 person

  11. Well, if I can’t have a café au lait and a croissant, I’m simply not going. I’ll wait till things have cooled down somewhat.
    Always fun.

    Liked by 1 person

    1. Here take this margarita. It’ll​ put you in the storming mood.

      Liked by 1 person

      1. Haha!! 🍸

        Liked by 1 person

      2. Of course, the next morning will be a bitch.

        Liked by 1 person

      3. There is that… feeling it this morning, matter of fact! 😉

        Liked by 1 person

      4. Aw. Here take this bloody mary. You’ll feel better fast.

        Liked by 1 person

      5. Over here, we make those Bloody Caesars 😉
        And the temptation is strong. ‘Cept I needs must go to work for 4… sigh…

        Liked by 1 person

      6. I used to find drinking before work to be helpful at times. Best wishes for the day.

        Liked by 1 person

      7. There are days where I think it would help 😉

        Liked by 1 person

      8. A little clamato with a splash of vodka can’t really hurt now, right?
        Mind you, at work, when I make margaritas, there always seems to be some leftovers in the blender. I so hate waste…

        Liked by 1 person

      9. I can get there for sure. Clamato has vitamin C. It’s good for you.

        Liked by 1 person

      10. There ya go. No more reason NOT to!

        Liked by 1 person

  12. I think I would just sit that one out, John! Thanks for the chuckles again!

    Liked by 2 people

    1. Aw, come on. A couple of drinks and it will be like a line dance.

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  13. I’d have to do #4, only with a Diet Coke – and then I’d hide and try to keep my head.

    Liked by 1 person

    1. Yes. I would recommend hiding.

      Liked by 1 person

  14. D.L. Finn, Author · ·

    Great list, John. I have had one of those stale baguettes and the definitely would make a good weapon:)

    Liked by 2 people

    1. Thanks, ​Denise.

      Like

  15. I particularly liked number nine… tiny might run over you. That cracked my face! 😀

    Liked by 2 people

    1. Good. had to laugh a little when I wrote it.

      Liked by 1 person

      1. It’s always good to laugh. 😀

        Liked by 1 person

  16. Ha-ha-ha, dear John! I have been longing for this post! Well…and don’t confess that you can speak English….otherwise you will be buried right there 🙂 I did not expect that the verb “storm” is used for the Bastille… It sounds so funny as…the whole concept of its storming 🙂 Storming here, storming there, storming all over France and no old France’ll be ever. 🙂

    Liked by 2 people

    1. Storm is a good word to describe the revolution.

      Liked by 1 person

      1. You are right! The exact one!

        Liked by 1 person

  17. Anonymous · ·

    Dude, like no one would storm the Bastille these days. They would tape themselves to it.

    Liked by 2 people

    1. Ha ha ha. I think you​ are right.

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  18. Grand humour!!! I loved this post … thank you for giving me laughter amidst the darkness!

    Liked by 2 people

    1. Come back often, Jill. This is a sanctuary place for weary darkness warriors like yourself. 😊

      Liked by 1 person

      1. I shall! It’s so nice to step away, even if just for a couple of minutes. “Weary darkness warrior” … that is a perfect description!

        Liked by 1 person

      2. Well after a few stops you’ll be a rested Darkness Warrior

        Liked by 1 person

  19. You learn something everyday. I never knew that about the Marquis de Sade. I tried reading him once, but he was too weird even for me.

    Liked by 2 people

    1. That is weird indeed. He could have been released by the crowd but was yelling his head off days before the storming about prisoners being killed in the Bastille (There were only seven total prisoners at the time). He was sent to an insane asylum. Thanks, Andrew.

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  20. Really funny, John!

    Liked by 2 people

    1. Thank you, Jennie.

      Liked by 1 person

      1. You’re welcome!

        Liked by 1 person

  21. I’m not a “storm the Bastille kind-of-guy”.
    I’m more of the “wait the whole thing out from a cave” person.
    But this was awesome, John.

    Liked by 1 person

    1. Thank you, Hook. If it’s a champagne cave, count me in.

      Like

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