Top Ten Things Not to Do at the First Heavier Than Air Aircraft Flight by the Wright Brothers in 1903

Top Ten Things not to do

1903 Wright Flyer (A19610048000) at the Smithsonian Institution National Air and Space Museum. February 27, 2017. Smithsonian photo by Eric Long (A19610048000.3T8A5583) (NASM2018-10795)

 

December 16th marks the 116th anniversary of the first flight of a self-propelled heavier than air aircraft by the Wright brothers at Kitty Hawk, North Carolina. We do want to go and witness this major event. I have a list of things to avoid so that we don’t get into any trouble while we are there. So let’s get ready to go.

Top Ten Things Not to Do at the First Flight of an Airplane.

10 If you are at the first airplane flight, do not ask the Wrights for a special in-flight meal. If you do, at best, you’ll get a confused look. At worst, Orville will think you have a great idea, but the weight of the turkey will prevent the flight from taking off. (You did not have to specify turkey, Jose. A nice cucumber sandwich would have sufficed.)

9 If you are at the first airplane flight, do not ignore Tiny the WWF champ and self-appointed flight attendant directions. If you do, at best, Tiny won’t notice. At worst, Tiny, who has skipped the last ten court-ordered anger management sessions, is highly offended. (Well, Jamie. You only have yourself to blame. It appears Tiny wants to see if you bounce when dropped out of a plane at 1000 feet. I think we’d all like to know that too.)

8 If you are at the first airplane flight, do not demand a hotel and meal voucher if your flight gets canceled. If you do, at best, no one will understand what you are talking about. At worst, on top of all their troubles, the Wright brothers will consider you a pest. (Looks like Wilber is coming out of the barn with his trusty shotgun, Jackson. It may be time to try out those new Nike running shoes.)

7 If you are at the first airplane flight, do not shout, “Go Gamecocks.” If you do, at best, everyone will be busy and not hear you. At worst, the crowd will come to a silent halt. (You see, Jake, The Gamecocks are a South Carolina University team, and you are standing in Tar Heels territory, which is North Carolina University space. I see a few men picking up shovels. Best head for the hills.)

6 If you are at the first airplane flight, do not try to check an overweight bag. If you do, at best, it will be refused. At worst, the luggage will be jettisoned once the Wrights are airborne. Β (Looks like those Sponge Bob Squarepants boxers are a big hit with the goats, Jude. With everyone else not so much.)

5 If you are at the first airplane flight, do not ask Wilber if he gives frequent flyer miles. If you do, at best, Wilber will miss the point. At worst, Wilber will issue you credit for the 100 feet before he ejects you from the plane. (You see, Juan. This thing isn’t ready for passenger travel yet no matter what Orville says.)

4 If you are at the first airplane flight, do ask about a Wright Airline club membership. If you do, at best, you’ll get no response. At worst, Wilber will collect a lifetime fee and direct you to the barn. (Quit complaining, Jay. This club is so exclusive you are the only member. Those chickens are interlopers, and I would report them to the management. Free drinks? Sure the pump is right over there.)

3 If you are at the first airplane flight, do not ask for champaign once you get on the plane. If you do, at best, you’ll get a laugh from Orville who will think you are joking. At worst, Orville will find it easier to take someone else than to get a bottle of champaign (Well that didn’t end well, Joe. Now you’ll have to beg for a ride.)

2 If you are at the first airplane flight, do not ask Wilber what time you are arriving at your destination. If you do, at best, Wilber won’t hear you. At worst, Wilber will wonder what happened to your brain. (The first flight lasted 12 seconds and went 120 feet, Jerome. It’s no wonder Wilber thinks you are nuts.)

1 If you are at the first airplane flight, do not ask which movie is playing. If you do, at best, you’ll get a blank stare. At worst, since Orville and Wilber are serious fellows, they think your question is an insult. (Movies are just becoming popular, Jerry but are seen as frivolous entertainment. These two guys from Ohio are very sensitive. Oh look, they have called the sheriff. It must be time to go.)

64 comments

  1. This was hilarious, John. I didn’t know I was in “Tarhill” territory…LOL! Happy Monday!

    Liked by 1 person

    1. Don’t know how that happened. All fixed now. Thanks, Jill.

      Liked by 1 person

      1. LOL! I thought you were making a joke! πŸ™‚

        Liked by 1 person

      2. No I think I was an autocorrect victim.

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      3. πŸ™‚ Of course!

        Liked by 1 person

  2. Amazing how far air travel has come since then. Even with the comedy, you can see all the big changes.

    Liked by 1 person

    1. I know right? I wonder how many 120 foot flights it would take to cross the country. 😁

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      1. Enough that the passengers will walk instead.

        Liked by 1 person

  3. Pretty funny!! What would Wilber and Orville think if they traveled by airplane today? They should try Ryan Air. Their flight might seem like luxury!!

    Liked by 1 person

    1. I have never flown Ryan Air but have heard about it. Thanks, Darlene.

      Liked by 1 person

  4. If you are at the first powered aeroplane flight, do not forget to remove all metal items including belts with metal buckles, electronic devices and boots or shoes (unless you’re over 75). Also, take off your jacket and empty your pockets.
    This is not for security, they’re just trying to keep the weight down.

    Liked by 2 people

    1. Hahahaha. I always wanted to write a story about a 75 year old shoe bomber. Nice reminder. 😁

      Liked by 1 person

      1. Boarding three flights last week (FLL, MCO and EWR) provided what were probably the only times since my teens that I’ve wanted to be five years older – I hadn’t encountered a 75+ concession before arriving in the USA.

        Liked by 1 person

      2. I was quite surprised four years ago when the security guy told me since I was a aged soul they trusted me not to take off my shoes. Same shock when I ordered a coffee from McDonalds and the clerk said, “One senior coffee coming up, sir.”

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  5. So this is where the trend to a bag of 13 peanuts began. Maybe if Wilber has focused a bit more on customer service…

    Great list, John. Where do you suppose Tiny is working today? I need to avoid that airline.

    Liked by 2 people

    1. I think Tiny is an orderly in a nursing home in LA is my guess. Thanks, Dan.

      Liked by 1 person

  6. Love the Monday morning laughs, John. This was so funny!

    Liked by 1 person

    1. Thank you, Jennie. 😊

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      1. You’re welcome, John.

        Liked by 1 person

  7. You left out the do not about the biker bar in Dayton Ohio. Don’t go in there and order a drimk and say ‘and they call that flying…’

    Liked by 1 person

    1. I think I did that only one time. Good thing my health insurance was current. 😁

      Liked by 1 person

  8. Twelve seconds!!! Look at what those guys started. I betcha they didn’t envision Spirit Airlines.

    Liked by 1 person

    1. I’ll bet not. I would like to see their face walking down the asile of a 747 let alone paying $119 to fly from Austin to Las Vagas on Spirit.

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  9. Some fun facts included on this entertaining list, John!

    Liked by 1 person

    1. Thank you, Jan.

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  10. Ah, how things have changed. What we take for granted is so far removed from flight’s early days. I think I’d have liked being there though, just to have history unfold right before my eyes.

    Liked by 1 person

    1. That would have been cool, Debbie.

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  11. So they traveled ten feet per second. Which doesn’t seem very fast, unless you were up there! LOL

    Liked by 1 person

    1. I think a guy on a pogo stick could go faster.

      Liked by 2 people

      1. Yep, my money is on pogo guy.

        Liked by 1 person

  12. No vouchers, really?
    Merry Christmas, John!

    Liked by 1 person

    1. Thanks Susie. Merry Christmas to you.

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  13. D.L. Finn, Author · ·

    That first flight has always fascinated me how they thought it would work, but I’m glad it did:)

    Liked by 1 person

    1. LIke being the first to drink milk from a cow. Pure courage.

      Liked by 1 person

      1. D.L. Finn, Author · ·

        True

        Liked by 1 person

  14. Ha! You slayed me with the mere idea of Tiny being there. The photo is fabulous! Wouldn’t it have been amazing to be there! Hugs on the wing.

    Liked by 1 person

    1. Yes I would have loved it.

      Liked by 1 person

  15. Love #9, I think we’d all love to know that, too.

    Liked by 1 person

  16. I’m thinking that twelve seconds seemed really long to them!
    Always a learning experience these top tens…

    Liked by 1 person

    1. I’ll bet it did. Not knowing if you can fly and then once it flew not knowing if you could land. Tense.

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      1. No kidding. And thrilling

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      2. Buahahaha!!

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  17. So many seemingly innocent things can go wrong! It’s rather like walking through a minefield, isn’t it? Great post John … thanks for some much-needed humour!

    Liked by 1 person

    1. Always welcome. Thanks for letting me know you liked it.

      Liked by 1 person

  18. Having lived in SC for over 18 years, you have to take #7 seriously.

    Liked by 1 person

    1. I’m sure you do. Would be like saying go Patriots in Dallas.

      Liked by 1 person

  19. Reblogged this on Author Don Massenzio and commented:
    Check out this post from John Howell’s Fiction Favorites blog with the TOP TEN THINGS NOT TO DO AT THE FIRST HEAVIER THAN AIR AIRCRAFT FLIGHT BY THE WRIGHT BROTHERS IN 1903

    Liked by 1 person

    1. Looks great. Thank you for the reblog, Don.

      Liked by 1 person

  20. […] Head over to find out the rest of the things not to do at the first flight of an aeroplane:John Howell – Top Ten Things Not To Do […]

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    1. Thank you so much, Sally.

      Like

  21. So funny John. πŸ™‚

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  22. Thanks for the chuckle, John.

    Liked by 1 person

    1. Always good to chuckle, Mark. 😊

      Liked by 1 person

  23. And for heaven’s sake, don’t ask the Wright brothers if they’ve heard of Icarus. They probably have, and they won’t be pleased!

    Liked by 1 person

    1. Good one, Linda. That would put a damper on the day for sure. 😁

      Liked by 1 person

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