This week marks the 87th anniversary of the invention of the board game Monopoly. The Game was developed based on a 1904 patent by Lizzy Magie for a game called The Landlord’s Game. This game was played one evening in 1932 Charles Todd, and his wife hosted Esther Jones and her husband Charles Darrow for dinner. After dinner, the couples played The Landlord’s Game. After that night, Darrow went on to distribute the game himself as Monopoly. Parker Brothers bought the copyrights from Darrow, and the game was distributed throughout the US and eventually the world.
It would be fun to go to that first game. Of course, itis imperative that we take a list of things not to do so that we don’t inadvertently cause a problem in the time continuum.
Top Ten Things Not to Do at the First Monopoly Game in 1933.
10 In the first game, do not try to convince everyone that Free Parking should have a payoff. If you do, at best, someone will remind you of the real rules. At worst, you will convince them to put all the fines in the middle to be collected by whoever lands on free parking. (Why is that so bad, Kirk? Since you have landed on free parking six times, you tell me. I think your fellow players want to see you outside.)
9 In the first game, do not ask Tiny the WWF champ if he wants to trade his Boardwalk for your Baltic Avenue. If you do, at best, Tiny will think you are joking. At worst, Tiny has not attended his “scammed victims” support group for two sessions. (You see, Keanu, Tiny was scammed out of some stock and lost his life savings. He is in no mood to have that feeling repeated in a game. Yes, you are feeling the pressure of Tiny’s hands on your head. I would say, “Just kidding,” as soon as you can speak. Maybe you need to find a pencil and paper to write it out.)
8 In the first game, if you are the banker, do not forget to pay $200 when a person passes “Go.” If you do, at best, the person will remind you. At worst, the person thinks you are trying to cheat them out of their pay. (Now we have a situation, Keenan. Of course, you didn’t try to trick them on purpose, but it is tough to explain that $200 up your sleeve. Maybe a real $5 bill will help soothe feelings.)
7 In the first game, do not try to figure out whether it is cheaper to pay the income tax of $200 or 10% of your holdings. If you do, at best, you are playing with folks who have the patience of Job. At worst, you are performing with a pack of impatient twenty-somethings. (By the time you figure out your move, Kipp, all the rest of the players have moved on to playing ragtime records and drinking bathtub gin.)
6 In the first game, do not buy everything you land on with no rhyme or reason. If you do, at best, you’ll go broke. At worst, you have prevented anyone else from getting a monopoly, and the game will grind on for weeks. (No, you can’t have food and water, Koby. This was your fault, and you are lucky your game participants let you visit the facilities. Oh, wait, they are discussing that subject again.)
5 In the first game, do not insist on using your favorite token. If you do, at best, no one will care. At worst, that big guy across from you is not interested in giving up the car. (I think I would go ahead and use the iron, Kane. After all, the better part of valor is letting go. The worst part of valor is getting punched in the face.)
4 In the first game, do not laugh fiendishly when an opponent lands on Boardwalk, which you own along with a hotel. If you do, at best, they have the money to pay up. At worst, they don’t have the money and no desire to negotiate. (See there, Kiran. Your fiendish laugh, along with you wringing your hands, has caused your opponent to quit. You could have taken payment in properties by nooooo. Now the game is over.)
3 In the first game, do not think rolling doubles three times won’t land you in jail. If you do, at best, your fellow players will call you on the rules. At worst, your opponents will think you are trying to get away with something and will watch your every move from here on out. (Trying to sneak that Get Out of Jail Free card from the deck will end in disaster, Killian. You may even land in a real jail.)
2 In the first game, do not try to miscount the dice roll, especially if you are going to land on “Go to Jail.” if you do, at best, everyone will be talking and missed the fact. At worst, the guy with the most amount of money has called you out. (What are you going to do now, Karim? You’ve been caught, and by the looks of the guy, he has a less than zero sense of humor.
1 In the first game, do not throw the dice before your opponent has finished their move. If you do, at best, your apology will be accepted. At worst, Earth Quake Muldoon (Your opponent) has decided that you were doing that to rattle him. (I hope you can finish the game from that position, Kellan. I know it will be difficult trying to roll the dice with your feet. That’s gotta hurt right?)