Top Ten Things Not to Do at the Battle of the Alamo

As you may know, I’m deeply into preparing to launch my next book, Eternal Road – The final stop. Part of that preparedness is to author a number of guest posts and announcements. Since tomorrow is the kick-off I hope you will forgive me running a post from August 27th, 2018. If you have seen it before thank you for last time. You may also like to visit Story Empire today since I’m there talking about the benefits of doing a preorder period with Amazon. Here is the link.

https://storyempirecom.wordpress.com/2020/08/31/to-pre-order-or-not-to-pre-order-that-is-the-question-a-look-at-the-benefits-of-pre-order/

 

Alamo

The inspiration for this list is the idea of matching Ten Things Not to Do with historical events. I hope you enjoy this one.

10 If you are caught at the battle of the Alamo, do not think offering margaritas all around is going to help anything. If you do, at best, everyone will be too busy to take you up on the offer. At worst, only the best shooters on your side decided to have a couple and now can’t hit the broad side of a barn. (I guess you were hoping the Mexicans would be in a similar shape, huh, Fritz?)

9 If you are caught at the battle of the Alamo, do not ask Tiny the WWF champ if you can borrow his gun. If you do, at best, he’ll just say no. At worst, since he extremely nearsighted, he may mistake you for a Mexican soldier and give you a body slam over the wall. (It only hurts getting up, Felco so, I would just lay there.)

8 If you are caught at the battle of the Alamo, do not walk around eating a bean burrito. If you do, at best you will have to share. At worst, from far away, a sharpshooter may mistake you for a Mexican Federal soldier. ( I know you were hungry, Freddie, but the food of the day is hardtack and salt pork. Tortillas are the other side food of the day.)

7 If you are caught at the battle of the Alamo, do not wear your Santa Anna Sucks t-shirt. If you do, at best, no one will notice. At worst, Santa Anna will want it as a souvenir.  ( I think you heard him right, Faris. He said he didn’t care if it was bloodstained or not. Just give it to him.)

6 If you are caught at the battle of the Alamo, do not ask Davy Crockett for an autograph. If you do, at best, he’ll just laugh. At worst, he’ll give you a lesson in flying. (You could flap your arms more, Farid, but I think you are going to hit the ground pretty hard. That wall is quite high.)

5 If you are caught at the battle of the Alamo, do not tell someone you know all about cannons if you don’t. If you do, at best you won’t be asked to fill in on one. At worst, you’ll be put in charge of the only cannon that guards the entrance. (Now what did the manual say, Fabumi? Load the ball then light the fuse? Or was it the other way around? You better hurry looks like those doors won’t last another minute.)

4 If you are caught at the battle of the Alamo, do not think it is time to start Spanish lessons. If you do, at best, you may learn a few words. At worst, whether or not you speak Spanish will not help you in the end. (It looks like the order of the day is take no prisoners, Fadeyka. I think it’s going to take a little more than a few “holas” and “Buenos Dias” to save you.)

3 If you are caught at the battle of the Alamo, do not think that sombrero and serape will be an effective disguise. If you do, at best, no one will laugh at you. At worst the troops will consider you a spy. (You know what they do to spies, Fallon. Dump that outfit now.)

2 If you are caught at the battle of the Alamo, do not wave that “Come and Take It” cannon flag from the Battle of Gonzales. If you do, at best, you will make the Mexicans angry. At worst, you will be singled out for elimination. (That flag has been a sore spot since the Texas revolution began, Falk. No need to start that fire again.)

1 If you are caught at the battle of the Alamo, do not make plans for your summer holiday. If you do, at best, your heirs will have to cancel. At worst, you may lose some of your deposits. (I guess no one told you that getting out of the Alamo was a feet-first proposition, huh, Farnley?)

51 comments

  1. Gwen M. Plano · · Reply

    Margaritas? Autographs? Spanish lessons? Sombrero? 😀 When I read your weekly Top 10 Things Not To DO list, I get a history lesson along with a belly laugh. Great job, John. ♥

    Liked by 3 people

    1. Thank you, Gwen. I was sorry to repeat one but these things take three hours usually and I didn’t have the time to spend. 😁

      Liked by 1 person

  2. Sounds dangerous. Think I’ll just stay behind on this one. Nothing good happens when you time travel to a battle anyway.

    Liked by 2 people

    1. I’m thinking the same thing, Charles. Maybe next time. 😁

      Like

  3. Oh my word…you are hilarious! Number eight cracked me up. Thanks for the Monday morning laughs, John. Enjoy your day!

    Liked by 2 people

    1. Glad I could make you laugh, Jill. Have a great one too. (It is Monday after all.)

      Like

  4. This was a good one, John. It was fun reading it again.

    Like

  5. If I’m caught at the Alamo, I just might ask Tiny what the heck he’s doing there!!

    Like

  6. Love the cover of your new book. Gonna click on it and head over to Amazon and see whats what.

    Liked by 1 person

    1. I think that is a sterling idea, Andrew. See you there. 😁

      Like

      1. Bought it. You got one hell of a hook there. Already pages in and lovin’ it.

        Liked by 1 person

      2. I am so glad you are enjoying it Andrew. I just Finished Danny the Dog and need to work up a review. I like it a lot.

        Like

  7. I was just thinking we’d already been to the Alamo when I saw this was a rerun, lol. Good luck with the launch!

    Liked by 1 person

    1. Thank you, Teri.

      Liked by 1 person

  8. Ah yes, I remember this one and you are so forgiven for doing a repost. Sending you all sorts of best wishes for your launch! We’ve got your back.

    Liked by 2 people

    1. Thank you, Dale.

      Liked by 1 person

  9. I missed this one the first time around — so glad you decided to rerun it! Too funny!!

    Liked by 2 people

    1. Thank you, Laura. 😊

      Like

  10. At least bean burritos would provide one last good meal :(.
    LOVE your book cover. That car!!!!! What is it? It’s not a BelAir. Is it an Oldsmobile?

    Liked by 1 person

    1. A 1956 Oldsmoble. I love it too.

      Liked by 1 person

      1. Oldsmobile! So gorgeous!!!!

        Like

  11. I’m a huge Alamo fan since, it was such a wash out across the board, never mind that, Davy Crockett and Jim Bowie, breathed their last. I always wanted to go there since it’s the Texan Gettysburg.

    I too love the part about drinks and autographs since it was anything but a cocktail party but, if you mixed a little bit of Dallas in there, you could see JR there in his Stetson, talkin to Davy, Sue Ellen’s cleavage causing those heads, that would soon be rolling, to turn. Dark humor.

    This was new for me, so I’m happy you reblogged it.

    Liked by 1 person

    1. I’m glad too because you and Andrew joyce (a terrific writer) are two muses on this feature. Never want to disappoint.

      Liked by 1 person

      1. It’s such a poignant story how well they fought despite the odds. It’s amazing it still stands, so majestically.

        Like

  12. Enjoyed this before and enjoyed it again — thank you, John. Hopping over to read about the per-orders, though I don’t know enough about that topic to leave a rational comment!

    Like

  13. D.L. Finn, Author · · Reply

    Fun to get to enjoy this again:)

    Like

  14. I would also not offer to show Santa Ana and his minions John Wayne’s version of the battle in his film “The Alamo.” Definitely not PC in old Mexico!

    Like

  15. A burrito and margarita sound pretty good right now. 🙂 But I’m glad I wasn’t caught at the Battle of the Alamo!

    Liked by 1 person

    1. Me too. I’m with you on the burrito and margarita. Thank, Joan

      Liked by 1 person

  16. I do remember this one from 2018, but it was fun to read it again. 🙂 Makes me glad once more that I wasn’t at the Battle of the Alamo! Best wishes on your launch!

    Liked by 1 person

    1. Thank you, Jan

      Like

  17. Aw, but I love margaritas and burritos! Talk about killjoy.

    Liked by 1 person

    1. I know. I’m sorry.

      Liked by 1 person

  18. This was hilarious!! 😀

    Liked by 1 person

    1. I’m glad you liked it, Liz.

      Like

  19. Too funny, John! Thanks for the Monday laughs; I needed them! 😂😂😂

    Liked by 1 person

    1. Always ready to deliver, Lauren.

      Liked by 1 person

  20. I said it before and I’ll say it again. I don’t think I would be able to help but ask for Davy Crockett’s autograph.

    Liked by 1 person

    1. Hahahaha. I remember. Cracked me up then as well.

      Liked by 1 person

  21. Here’s something a ten year old told me that I’ll bet you didn’t know: the men at the Alamo cooked their dinners in a Crockett-pot. (Insert groan here.)

    Liked by 1 person

  22. But I love burritos!

    Liked by 1 person

    1. Bring your own. Keep em out of sight though.

      Liked by 1 person

  23. Anonymous · · Reply

    Hey John, now that was funny and much needed during this crazy time. Humor is key…please keep it up! Mark

    Like

    1. Thank you, Mark. Hope all is well with you.

      Like

  24. You picked a great one to post again, John. Thanks!

    Liked by 1 person

    1. Thank you, Jennie.

      Liked by 1 person

      1. You’re welcome, John.

        Liked by 1 person

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