Top Ten Things Not to Do at the Debut of the First Stock Ticker in 1867

~ John W. Howell

 

 

This week marks the 153rd anniversary of the debut of the first stock ticker in 1867. The ticker was invented by Edward Calahan, who configured a telegraph machine to deliver stock prices on a thin strip of paper. Whether you care about stocks or not, we have to visit New York and take a look at this thing. While we are there, maybe we can look around and see what the city was like at that time. Jump in James’s Olds, and we’ll be off. Oh, as a reminder, grab this list so that you won’t inadvertently do something to cause a tear in the time continuum. Who wants a shotgun?

James’s Oldsmobile from Eternal Road – The final stop

Top Ten Things Not to Do at the Debut of the First Stock Ticker in 1967 by John W. Howell © 2020

10 If you go, do not ask the operator for the price of the Consolidated Edison Stock. If you do, at best, he won’t understand you. At worst, he’ll think you are making up a name. (Sure Consolidated Edison is the oldest stock on the exchange, Min, but in 1867, it was named The New York Gas Light Company. The name change came in 1936. Don’t look now, but the operator is talking to that policeman over there.)

9 If you go, do not ask Tiny, the WWF champ, how his stocks are doing. If you do, at best, Tiny will be distracted. At worse, Tiny, who has missed several Personal Empowerment group sessions mandated by the court, will think you are asking a trick question. (Tiny does not have any stock, Minoru, and he thinks less of himself as a result. When he thinks less of himself, he likes to do things to others, making them feel less. I think you are about to go on a short helicopter ride with no helicopter.)

8 If you go, do not ask about a ticker-tape parade. If you do, at best, the operator will be engrossed in work. At worst, you will get a puzzled look. (The first ticker-tape Parade happened in 1886 to mark the opening of the Statue of Liberty, Misha. Right now, the operator is wondering what the heck is a ticker. That term was only applied to the symbol tape machine in later years and reflected the machine’s sound.)

7 If you go, do not ask for directions to Tiffanys. If you do, at best, no one will know what you are talking about. At worst, you’ll ask Alexander Turney Stewart, the father of the department store. (Stewart founded a store called the Marble Palace in 1846, Miska. He then built what is accepted as the first department store in 1862, which tool up a city block and was eight stories high. He is now wondering why you want to visit a place that only sells jewelry. Telling him, you just want to have breakfast there is not cutting any ice with him.)

6 If you go, do not ask if Central Park is safe. If you do, at best, no one will understand your question. At worst, you will ask Frederick Law Olmstead, one of the architects of the park. (Frederick, along with Calvert Vaux, came up with their “Greensward Plan,” which laid out the park to be a rural oasis in the heart of the city, Mjolnir. The park opened in 1859 and has about 2,000,000 visitors a year in 1867. Fredrick has taken offense to your question and looks like he will slap you with a glove. I think I would duck if I were you.)

5 If you go, do not ask for directions to Studio 54. If you do, at best, you will be ignored. At worst, you will ask Owney Geoghegan ex bare-knuckle boxing champ. (Owney opened up a sporting house at 103 Bowery known as “The Bastille of the Bowery,” in 1864, Modi.  He now wants to know all about this Studio 54  business. He is willing to show you his bare-knuckle technique for the information.)

4 If you go, do not ask for directions to the Metropolitan Museum of Art. If you do, at best, you might get directions out of town. At worst, you might ask John Taylor Johnston, a railroad executive, and the first president. (The museum opened in 1872, Mohsen, so I think John wants to ask you a couple of questions about how you came to know about it. I don’t think he sees you knowing as a positive.)

3 If you go, do not ask if the city politicians are honest. If you do, at best, you’ll get a laugh. At worst, you’ll ask William Tweed, known as Boss Tweed. (I think you are in for a rough time, Monroe. You see, Tweed and his cronies swindled New York out of millions and were finally convicted of forgery and larceny in 1873. That doesn’t help you right now, though. That bucket of cement you are standing in looks a little suspicious.)

2 If you go, do not wonder aloud why The New York Herald does not have an evening edition. (Like you. would) If you do, at best, you’ll get lots of shrugs. At worst, you’ll ask Founded by James Gordon Bennett. (James founded The Evening Telegram in 1867, Montague. He is surprised you don’t know about his newspaper. Get ready for a two-hour lecture.)

1 If you go, do not ask about the absence of skyscrapers in the city. If you do, at best, no one will know what a skyscraper is. At worst, you’ll ask Bradford Gilbert. (Brad was the architect of the first skyscraper in NYC named the Tower Building, Montay. You see, buildings made of brick were limited to height. Brad used structural steel as his building’s skeleton and allowed it’s height to reach ten stories. Yes, Brad is looking at you funny since he has been dealing with the problem for years.)

 

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Published by John W. Howell

I have been working in business for over forty years and now have the time to work in special areas of interest. My passion has always been to create compelling stories of fiction. I have authored six novels and am working on my Seventh. The first novel is still in manuscript form and being utilized as a door stop in the laundry room. The second is a contemporary fiction novel of 89,000 words and is complete and I am currently seeking a publisher. I also write poetry but have not had the guts to share any with anyone. The one time I read a piece to a person their only comment was, “it doesn’t rhyme.” I will continue to write and hopefully my blog, Fiction Favorites at www.johnwhowell.com will provide some entertainment and an interesting thought or two. I live in the Austin area with my wife Molly and an assortment of loving pets.

57 thoughts on “Top Ten Things Not to Do at the Debut of the First Stock Ticker in 1867”

  4. These are good, John. If I could time travel to New York, I’d either go back a year or two or forward until after the pandemic. Which of those periods will be Tiny-free? I fear I can’t not upset him.

    Liked by 1 person

  7. Another great countdown, John. Poor Tiny must have contracted a pre-COVID virus to have missed out on the Personal Empowerment sessions. I’m sure he would have loved it, though I doubt the instructor would have felt the same. 🤣

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  10. The ticker was invented by Edward Calahan, who configured a telegraph machine to deliver stock prices on a thin strip of paper.

    Rumor has it that the guy on the other end of the first stock ticker was the same guy who invented the word, “Oops.” This was after typing 25 feet of crypts numbers and letters.

    Later that day, there was a run on a non-existent company whose stock symbol was “Oop.”

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  11. if… does it mean I’ll never go there, and never build a first skyscraper? 😮 I’m not sure I want to go back to 1867 with my “absurd and surreal, hooot” skills in writing, but maybe I could be at least first in ‘something’ :))

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      1. I always liked the song. The company I worked for sent me to the New York area from headquarters. The thought was originally banishment. That area became the number one area in the US. At meetings when the awards were handed out the sound guy always played New York, New York. We showed ’em for sure.

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  14. I love you mentioning all the old New York Papers from Park Row, or Newspaper Row, another name for that strip which, alas, is no longer. There were so many too. Bennett was quite the man in his time. The stock ticket…I go by the exchange often that’s been blocked off since 9/11, meaning the street is closed but you can walk along the sidewalk. I’m hoping they still put up their annual Xmas tree they decorate with ornaments that say….NYSE. It’s wonderful. I love these Monday essays of yours, as you know. Thanks for taking the time always. 🙂

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  16. ” I think you are about to go on a short helicopter ride with no helicopter.” Love Tiny! Thanks for starting my day off with a great history lesson. 😁)

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  17. You know,John, it’s no wonder some of our oldest citizens are shocked at how much things have changed over the years. Shoot, I’m amazed at how much things have changed over the last five years, ha! Most interesting post — thanks for doing the research.

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  18. Yeah, I can see how a helicopter ride without a helicopter could be problematic.

    Boss Tweed didn’t play so I was thinking . . he might have done very well for himself to take Tiny on as a . . . umm . . delegate. For when negotiations stalled.

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