Top Ten Things Not to Do on National Spaghetti Day

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Normally I would be doing a post on a historical event but this week was pretty slow in the History department. (Sorry, Susannah and Andrew) It just so happens that today is National Spaghetti Day. So I thought it would be fun to lay out some things not to do in celebration of spaghetti day.

Top Ten things Not to Do on Spaghetti Day

10 If you celebrate, do not wear white. If you do, at best, the sauce will be alfredo. At worse, you will be served a big bowl of sausage and basil. (good move, Martyn. You now look like the subject in a Lizzy Bordon reenactment.)

9 If you celebrate, do not reach for Tiny the WWF champ’s bowl of spaghetti. If you do, at best, have a $20 bill handy. At worst, Tiny, who has skipped several group sessions on his food aggression treatment plan, will grab your arm. (Looks like Tiny wants to separate you from the bowl, Malcolm. I think to drop it while your hand still works is good advice.)

8 If you celebrate, do not try to substitute Bucatini for spaghetti. If you do, at best, no one will see you make the switch. At worst, you’ll be having dinner with Guido Barilla. (You must understand, Marston. Guido is the president of Barilla pasta and does not take kindly to anyone fooling with his spaghetti. Looks like he has called his friend with the big car to take you home. Maybe.)

7 If you celebrate, do not toss your spaghetti against the wall to test for doneness. If you do, at best, you are in your own house. At worse, you are visiting your in-law’s new house. (I guess it goes without saying, Macauley, that the idea of spaghetti on the wall of a new house won’t be well received. I see your father in law going to his gun safe. That can’t be good.)

6 If you celebrate, do not try to twirl your spaghetti on a fork if you don’t know how. If you do, at best, you will be able to fit it in your mouth. At worst, you will be faced with a twirl the size of your head. (Now, what are you going to do, Maverick. You can’t fit it in your mouth, and there is no way to untwirl it. Might want to see if anyone wants to play basketball.)

5 If you celebrate, Do not think el dente means raw. If you do, at best, no one will show up for your meal. At worst, your guests all decide to go to the spaghetti house for dinner. (Seems a shame they all left you, Miska. That advice to read the box cooking directions was especially hurtful. )

4 If you celebrate, do not try to serve Five-Way Chili as an authentic spaghetti original. If you do, at best, there will be no spaghetti experts at the meal. At worse, you have invited Bobby Flay to dinner. (So what are you going to do now, Mace? Bobby keeps looking at his bowl of chili over spaghetti as if there should be more. I think carry out might be the best option.)

3 If you celebrate, do not try a new goat sweetbread pasta recipe. If you do, at best, your guests love sweetbreads. At worst, all your guests have to leave early. (The sad part, Mikhael, is your guests are all together in the ER. I don’t think you should join them for an after-dinner drink. It is ipecak all around)

2 If you celebrate, do not try to serve spaghetti for dessert. If you do, at best, you make it sweet. At worse, you’ll serve up your garlic special. (If your guests haven’t left by now, Mablevi. This concoction of spaghetti and garlic will drive them from the room. No, that chocolate sauce just makes it worse.)

1 If you celebrate, do not make funny animal pictures on everyone’s plate out of the spaghetti. If you do, at best, the sauce will cover them. At worst, your guests will slowly get the feeling that they should leave. (Funny thing about adults, Macbeth. Not many like having their food manipulated into characters. It’s that uncomfortable feeling about not knowing where your hands have been. Oh yes, and that spaghetti giraffe is positively creepy.)

125 comments

  1. Gwen M. Plano · ·

    Number 6 got me laughing out loud. Some of us non-Italians solve the problem by switching to a different pasta, or we just might break the spaghetti noodle before adding it to the boiling water. Loved your Top Ten, John. Thank you for the morning laughter. 🀣

    Liked by 4 people

    1. I’m so glad you did, Gwen. Thanks for letting me know. πŸ˜‚

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  2. Number 10 is priceless. Hard to maintain also if you aren’t told what’s for dinner.

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    1. That is the fly in this ointment, Charles. For whatever reason I always were white wen eating a tomato based pasta. I think it is a corollary to one of the Murphy laws. Thanks.

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      1. It’s one of the universal constants of our reality.

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  3. This is hilarious, John! Number seven cracked me up. Way to wake us up this first Monday of the new year!

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    1. Thank you , Jill. Yes, it’s time to go to work. (Work is the curse of the drinking class.) 😁

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      1. D.L. Finn, Author · ·

        I’m going to have to make spaghetti tonight. I will keep your list in mind, but making animal shapes does sound fun:)

        Liked by 1 person

      2. Go for it. No one will know. Thanks, Denise.

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  4. Hilarious! I laughed out loud at the spaghetti twirl the size of my head!

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    1. Thank you, Liz.😁

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  5. Terrific, John. You can make a list out of anything, can’t you?!! hahaha
    Can I ask Tiny for some white clam sauce?

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    1. The problem with Tiny is he is very literal. When you ask for white clam sauce he starts to wonder how he’s going to dig clams in the middle of winter. You know what happens then. He gets to a point of frustration that can only be worked out in the ring. How’s that step one toe hold feeling? Thanks, GP. 😁The beauty of a top ten list not connected to history is I can make it all up and don’t need research.

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      1. The way they teach history in schools these days – no one would know if you’re wrong or not!

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      2. That is true. As long as it is anti-American it ends up in the course study

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      3. Sad but true.

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  6. I confess to being a spaghetti cutter. It’s one of those foods that does not get along with beards.

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    1. I can imagine the beard problem. Cutting would be the answer. Thanks, Craig.

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  7. Thanks for a good laugh to start the week, John. Although, I am a little hungry for pasta. Maybe Tiny is going to leave some in the bowl. I have created some large spaghetti twirls in my day.

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    1. I have created some large spagetti twirls myself. A disaster just waiting to happen. Thanks, Dan.

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  8. A great post to kick off the new year, John. We all love spaghetti, although not on the wall or as a pudding.

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    1. Yes, two things to avoid, Robbie. Thank you.

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  9. Regardless of what day it is, whenever I eat spaghetti, I get stains all over what I am wearing. It’s pitiful because I love spaghetti and don’t plan on stopping to eat it.
    Shalom aleichem

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    1. I have taken to wearing a cooks apron. Since I do the pasta cooking, no one seems to notice. Thanks, Pat. Shalom aleichem.

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  10. I did not know it was such a special day. I may have to celebrate by eating a bowl of spaghetti and singing the meatball song. I promise not to throw it or make animal pictures out of it.

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    1. If you have the kind of place that can support throwing and food animals you can go ahead. A bowl of spaghetti does sound good though. Thanks, Mary.

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  11. #10 always gets me. Seems like every time I have red sauce, I’m wearing a light color. The next day I’m usually using stain remover.

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    1. I keep a gallon of Shout around for that very purpose. Thanks, Teri.

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  12. My #1 woud be: never cook spaghetti for Mary. Waste of time, because she doesn’t eat pasta. πŸ˜€
    Have a great week, John.

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  13. Number 7 is hilarious! I can just see the look on my mother-in-lawΒ΄s face!! Especially since she has never made spaghetti in her life (if you can imagine).

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  14. Funny you should mention Bucatini, John. Over Christmas, Domer was regaling me with some story he’d read about the shortage of Bucatini (https://www.grubstreet.com/2020/12/2020-bucatini-shortage-investigation.html). Who knew? I didn’t realize today was National Spaghetti Day, but I’m thinking any day is fine for pasta!

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    1. We read the same article. That’s why I chose Bucatini. Thanks, Debbie.

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  15. I suppose the zoom zoom sound as the airplane goes into the hanger is out too ! ? !

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    1. Yeah that one needs to go too.

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  16. Very amusing, John! Happy Spaghetti Day:)

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    1. Thank you, Becky. Happy Spaghetti day to you.

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  17. A great entertaining top ten to kick off 2021, John!

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    1. Thank you, Jan

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  18. Being the Italian that I am, and from Connecticut where you don’t even wear white after Labor Day, yes, a print is preferable when eating spaghetti since, even Don Corleone splashes here and there, especially if meatballs are included. And yes…NO TWIRLING EVEN IF YOU JUST CAME BACK FROM ROME. !!! Funny list John. And it’s not too raw πŸ™‚

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    1. Thank you, Susannah. Glad you liked it.

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  19. LOL, I’m definitely having spaghetti for dinner now, John. This has completely blanked lunch from my memory. White is certainly a tomato sauce magnet. When I used to go out to eat, I was not above matching my wardrobe to the kind of food.
    Hugs on the wing!

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    1. Thank you, Teagan. Nothing beats a big ole bowl of pasta. Hugs

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  20. Number 10. Story of my life. GUARANTEE any time I wear white, I’m going to get spaghetti sauce on me. I could be in the middle of the ocean on a life raft, but if I was wearing white, I’d get spaghetti sauce on me.

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  21. So much fun, John. Ummm. nooo… sweetbreads would only be served when you know for sure the guest eat that stuff… and definitely NOT with spaghetti!

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    1. I agree. Not much of a sweetbreads man myself.

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      1. If they are well prepared…

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      2. I made a deal with organ meats. If they won’t eat me I won’t eat them. So far we have kept our pact.πŸ˜‚

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      3. Offal is awful to most peeps πŸ˜‰ Rather ironic the name, don’t you think?

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      4. I do indeed. I think whoever picked the name did a good job. It’s like a warning. 😁

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      5. Hahaha! No kidding… And there are those who are all into offal. Me? I gladly pass…

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      6. I worked for a German company and they are all over offal. They thought I was nuts taking a pass on simple stuff like liver (makes me shudder thinking about it)

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      7. Hahaha! You were too delicate for their sensibilities πŸ˜‰ I’ll do liver – loaded with bacon and caramelized onion (no, I’m not trying to hide the taste…); the rest? Meh.

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      8. It is a texture thing for me on liver. It always looks good but….

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      9. I completely understand – it’s why I load it up with onions and bacon. To make it palatable… I guess you could say I am NOT a fan…

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      10. Although I love goose liver pate. There is usually a baget under it though.

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      11. That’s a whole ‘nother kettle of fish, m’dear!!

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      12. Yum. Martini and pate. Nothing finer.

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      13. Ooooh… Ice wine goes well with pate as well…

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      14. Yeah of course. 😁

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      15. But only one glass… too sweet. After we have to move to something else πŸ˜‰

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      16. Yes. Maybe a nice red.

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      17. Mmmm… Count me in.

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      18. πŸ™‚

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  22. I am an admitted twirler. But I’m also an admitted wine drinker. What does one have to do with the other? When I drink wine, I don’t remember.

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    1. I get that for sure.

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      1. I knew you might.

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  23. My goodness — now I want pasta for dinner! I would suggest an addition: whatever you do, dn’t bring up the Flying Spaghetti Monster at the table. Everyone knows that religion’s one of the topics to avoid at dinner. The Pastafarians might not care, but you’d sure get some looks!

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    1. I loved that article. Thanks, Linda.

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  24. Hey John, I missed reading your Top Tens every week. Glad to be back to it. Number 6 brought back some memories for me. When I was a kid in an Italian household, my grandmother, a Sicilian, and my father, with a family from the alpine region of Northern Italy, would debate on the twirling technique. My dad used a spoon over the tines of the fork as he twirled and my grandmother thought this was unnecessary. It got to the point where she would make a big production of providing a spoon to my father whenever she made spaghetti.

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    1. Glad to see you back, Don. We had the same battle in our house. My in-laws used the spoon technique which I thought was not needed. Of course I eventually let it go and put spoons at everyone’s place. Thanks for the story. 😁

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      1. That’s interesting John. In my house is was a battle for which part of Italy is better.

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      2. Oh a bigger issue. Lucky there was no plate throwing.

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      3. Did I say there wasn’t? πŸ™‚

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      4. Hahahaha. πŸ˜‚

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  25. Maybe not wearing white should be repeated? 🀣 I always manage to get sauce on myself when wearing any color, but white is the worst!

    You need a spoon to help you make the perfect twirl. πŸ˜€

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    1. Since I do most of the pasta cooking I have double jeopardy. Spoon helps but I like going commando.

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  26. Brilliant John. I love spag bol.. and one of the first things I learnt to cook.. thanks for the reminder and we will have this week.. and behave ourselves…hugsx

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    1. Yes indeed. Spaghetti all around. It amazes me that spaghetti is a universal food (at least in the western world and China.)

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      1. Great stuff.. my go to comfort food..xx

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  27. Glad I read all the not to DOsπŸ˜‚

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    1. yes. Much easier to stay out of spaghetti jail. Thak you for the nice comment, Christin.

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  28. Thanks for the many laughs, John. I loved this!

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    1. Thanks, Jennie.

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      1. You’re welcome, John.

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  29. Great list John. Thanks for the smile. My daughter got one of those calendars that tells you what is being celebrated eachday, so I knew about spaghetti day. Apparently there is also a day to celebrate ‘Nothing’.

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    1. That would be a good one too.

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  30. […] Top Ten Things Not to Do on National Spaghetti Day […]

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  31. […] Top Ten Things Not to Do on National Spaghetti Day […]

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  32. […] Top Ten Things Not to Do on National Spaghetti Day […]

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    1. Thank you for sharing the post.

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  33. […] Head over to read and enjoy the other 8 entertaining things not to do on National Spaghetti Day: Top Ten Things Not to Do on National Spaghetti Day with John Howell […]

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  34. petespringerauthor · ·

    Oh, man, I needed this. #7 and #1 🀣

    Anything that involves tossing spaghetti against the wall, I’m signing up for. I’m picturing that guy with the Jugs gun at a baseball game. “Oooh, that registers 98 mph on the gun. This kid can really bring it.”

    Making animal pictures on everyone’s plate. “What is it?” You may have just started some dinner conversation or created the next great debate similar to the Mona Lisa’s smile.

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    1. I’m glad you enjoyed it Pete. Come back anytime. 😊

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  35. I’ve seen a recipe for pasta made into dessert, but I’ve never tried it. I do love bucatini, though. It’s one of my favorite pasta shapes. I’ve even made it from scratch. Loved this post, John.

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    1. Made it from scratch? Goodness. You are the one for sure.

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    2. I love to make pasta. It’s not hard to do, and it’s so much better than store-bought.

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      1. That hole in the middle of a strand would get me.

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      2. I’d love to tell you I’m a master at rolling the noodles, but I use a machine.

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      3. If a machine works then why not? 😁

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  36. So funny, John. It makes me want to whip up a batch of spaghetti. πŸ˜€

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    1. Yes. Do it and throw in a couple of meat balls too. 😁

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  37. LOL, hilarious John. Good thing I don’t eat spaghetti πŸ™‚

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    1. Yes you don’t have to worry aboiut youir white clothes. Thanks Debby.

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      1. LOL πŸ™‚

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      2. Can you believe the “i” in those words up there. Sheesh.

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      3. LOL πŸ™‚

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  38. William Price King · ·

    These were fun, John. Didn’t know about National Spaghetti Day. We eat lots of pasta in our house but rarely spaghetti. I really liked #6, probably because I’m not the best spaghetti twirler in the world. Guess I could always try a little harder. Take care, all the best.

    Reblogged on Improvisation – β€œThe Art of Living”
    https://williampriceking.tumblr.com/

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    1. Thank you for the share, William. 😁

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  39. I forgive you for no history in this one. But good advice is always appreciated.

    Liked by 1 person

    1. There you go. I appreciate your forgiveness

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