Top Ten Things Not to Do on National Spaghetti Day

~ John W. Howell
Pixabay image

 

Normally I would be doing a post on a historical event but this week was pretty slow in the History department. (Sorry, Susannah and Andrew) It just so happens that today is National Spaghetti Day. So I thought it would be fun to lay out some things not to do in celebration of spaghetti day.

Top Ten things Not to Do on Spaghetti Day

10 If you celebrate, do not wear white. If you do, at best, the sauce will be alfredo. At worse, you will be served a big bowl of sausage and basil. (good move, Martyn. You now look like the subject in a Lizzy Bordon reenactment.)

9 If you celebrate, do not reach for Tiny the WWF champ’s bowl of spaghetti. If you do, at best, have a $20 bill handy. At worst, Tiny, who has skipped several group sessions on his food aggression treatment plan, will grab your arm. (Looks like Tiny wants to separate you from the bowl, Malcolm. I think to drop it while your hand still works is good advice.)

8 If you celebrate, do not try to substitute Bucatini for spaghetti. If you do, at best, no one will see you make the switch. At worst, you’ll be having dinner with Guido Barilla. (You must understand, Marston. Guido is the president of Barilla pasta and does not take kindly to anyone fooling with his spaghetti. Looks like he has called his friend with the big car to take you home. Maybe.)

7 If you celebrate, do not toss your spaghetti against the wall to test for doneness. If you do, at best, you are in your own house. At worse, you are visiting your in-law’s new house. (I guess it goes without saying, Macauley, that the idea of spaghetti on the wall of a new house won’t be well received. I see your father in law going to his gun safe. That can’t be good.)

6 If you celebrate, do not try to twirl your spaghetti on a fork if you don’t know how. If you do, at best, you will be able to fit it in your mouth. At worst, you will be faced with a twirl the size of your head. (Now, what are you going to do, Maverick. You can’t fit it in your mouth, and there is no way to untwirl it. Might want to see if anyone wants to play basketball.)

5 If you celebrate, Do not think el dente means raw. If you do, at best, no one will show up for your meal. At worst, your guests all decide to go to the spaghetti house for dinner. (Seems a shame they all left you, Miska. That advice to read the box cooking directions was especially hurtful. )

4 If you celebrate, do not try to serve Five-Way Chili as an authentic spaghetti original. If you do, at best, there will be no spaghetti experts at the meal. At worse, you have invited Bobby Flay to dinner. (So what are you going to do now, Mace? Bobby keeps looking at his bowl of chili over spaghetti as if there should be more. I think carry out might be the best option.)

3 If you celebrate, do not try a new goat sweetbread pasta recipe. If you do, at best, your guests love sweetbreads. At worst, all your guests have to leave early. (The sad part, Mikhael, is your guests are all together in the ER. I don’t think you should join them for an after-dinner drink. It is ipecak all around)

2 If you celebrate, do not try to serve spaghetti for dessert. If you do, at best, you make it sweet. At worse, you’ll serve up your garlic special. (If your guests haven’t left by now, Mablevi. This concoction of spaghetti and garlic will drive them from the room. No, that chocolate sauce just makes it worse.)

1 If you celebrate, do not make funny animal pictures on everyone’s plate out of the spaghetti. If you do, at best, the sauce will cover them. At worst, your guests will slowly get the feeling that they should leave. (Funny thing about adults, Macbeth. Not many like having their food manipulated into characters. It’s that uncomfortable feeling about not knowing where your hands have been. Oh yes, and that spaghetti giraffe is positively creepy.)

125 thoughts on “Top Ten Things Not to Do on National Spaghetti Day”

  1. Number 6 got me laughing out loud. Some of us non-Italians solve the problem by switching to a different pasta, or we just might break the spaghetti noodle before adding it to the boiling water. Loved your Top Ten, John. Thank you for the morning laughter. 🤣

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      1. I’m going to have to make spaghetti tonight. I will keep your list in mind, but making animal shapes does sound fun:)

        Liked by 1 person

    1. The problem with Tiny is he is very literal. When you ask for white clam sauce he starts to wonder how he’s going to dig clams in the middle of winter. You know what happens then. He gets to a point of frustration that can only be worked out in the ring. How’s that step one toe hold feeling? Thanks, GP. 😁The beauty of a top ten list not connected to history is I can make it all up and don’t need research.

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  7. Thanks for a good laugh to start the week, John. Although, I am a little hungry for pasta. Maybe Tiny is going to leave some in the bowl. I have created some large spaghetti twirls in my day.

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  9. Regardless of what day it is, whenever I eat spaghetti, I get stains all over what I am wearing. It’s pitiful because I love spaghetti and don’t plan on stopping to eat it.
    Shalom aleichem

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  10. I did not know it was such a special day. I may have to celebrate by eating a bowl of spaghetti and singing the meatball song. I promise not to throw it or make animal pictures out of it.

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  18. Being the Italian that I am, and from Connecticut where you don’t even wear white after Labor Day, yes, a print is preferable when eating spaghetti since, even Don Corleone splashes here and there, especially if meatballs are included. And yes…NO TWIRLING EVEN IF YOU JUST CAME BACK FROM ROME. !!! Funny list John. And it’s not too raw 🙂

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  19. LOL, I’m definitely having spaghetti for dinner now, John. This has completely blanked lunch from my memory. White is certainly a tomato sauce magnet. When I used to go out to eat, I was not above matching my wardrobe to the kind of food.
    Hugs on the wing!

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  20. Number 10. Story of my life. GUARANTEE any time I wear white, I’m going to get spaghetti sauce on me. I could be in the middle of the ocean on a life raft, but if I was wearing white, I’d get spaghetti sauce on me.

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  21. So much fun, John. Ummm. nooo… sweetbreads would only be served when you know for sure the guest eat that stuff… and definitely NOT with spaghetti!

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        6. Hahaha! You were too delicate for their sensibilities 😉 I’ll do liver – loaded with bacon and caramelized onion (no, I’m not trying to hide the taste…); the rest? Meh.

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  24. Hey John, I missed reading your Top Tens every week. Glad to be back to it. Number 6 brought back some memories for me. When I was a kid in an Italian household, my grandmother, a Sicilian, and my father, with a family from the alpine region of Northern Italy, would debate on the twirling technique. My dad used a spoon over the tines of the fork as he twirled and my grandmother thought this was unnecessary. It got to the point where she would make a big production of providing a spoon to my father whenever she made spaghetti.

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    1. Glad to see you back, Don. We had the same battle in our house. My in-laws used the spoon technique which I thought was not needed. Of course I eventually let it go and put spoons at everyone’s place. Thanks for the story. 😁

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  29. Great list John. Thanks for the smile. My daughter got one of those calendars that tells you what is being celebrated eachday, so I knew about spaghetti day. Apparently there is also a day to celebrate ‘Nothing’.

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  34. Oh, man, I needed this. #7 and #1 🤣

    Anything that involves tossing spaghetti against the wall, I’m signing up for. I’m picturing that guy with the Jugs gun at a baseball game. “Oooh, that registers 98 mph on the gun. This kid can really bring it.”

    Making animal pictures on everyone’s plate. “What is it?” You may have just started some dinner conversation or created the next great debate similar to the Mona Lisa’s smile.

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  35. I’ve seen a recipe for pasta made into dessert, but I’ve never tried it. I do love bucatini, though. It’s one of my favorite pasta shapes. I’ve even made it from scratch. Loved this post, John.

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  38. These were fun, John. Didn’t know about National Spaghetti Day. We eat lots of pasta in our house but rarely spaghetti. I really liked #6, probably because I’m not the best spaghetti twirler in the world. Guess I could always try a little harder. Take care, all the best.

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