Top Ten Things Not to do if You are Going to Disneyland

 

A lot of folks used to head to Disneyland or Disneyworld for spring break before the pandemic. I dug this post out of the March 23, 2015 archive. I thought it would be fun to revisit a historical spring break. By the way, I did find a reference to Brutus, the WWF champ, in a 2016 post. This may be the beginning of Tiny. More research is needed. I hope you enjoy this revisit.

 

Top Ten Things Not to do if You are Going to Disneyland

10 If you are going to Disneyland, do not tell the kids until you are there. If you do, at best, there will be no hiccups, and you will get there after what seems like an eternity. At worst, your fight has a detour to Fargo, North Dakota, because of the weather, and the snow will melt in ten days. (And the kids will ask every three minutes when you are leaving for Disneyland)

9 If you are going to Disneyland, do not try to navigate the park without a guide-book. If you do, at best, a three-day visit will seem like three years of waiting. At worst, you and all the other uninformed visitors will be arriving at the same rides at the same time only to all decide to go to a different ride at the same time and so on and so on till you realize you haven’t ridden one ride in eight hours.

8 If you are going to Disneyland, do not think the weather will be the same in the afternoon as it is in the morning. If you do, at best, there will be a little rain you didn’t expect. At worse, you may get caught in a monsoon-like downpour or the North Pole-like cold snap, which will also be the perfect growing conduit for the flu virus you picked up on the airplane.

7. If you are going to Disneyland, do not let your kids talk you into allowing a friend to come along. If you do at best, they will all get along and only cost an additional five hundred dollars. At worst, after the first day, the friend is no longer speaking to your kids and insists they want to go home and have informed their parents you are holding them against their will. (The state police and FBI are very understanding on these kinds of situations)

6 If you are going to Disneyland, do not think the breakfast with the characters will be anything but a trial. If you do, at best, you will be dismayed at the lack of non-screaming picture-taking opportunities. At worst, your child will be the one who is afraid of a giant Mickey Mouse and makes a scene that is so traumatic you hear people talking about the reaction for three days. (Luckily, your child looks completely different when not screaming bloody murder)

5 If you are going to Disneyland and plan to eat in the park, do not think the cost will be reasonable. If you do, at best, you will discover the three meals you are used to will need to be trimmed to one and a half. At worst, you will have dinner the first night you are there and then spend your time at the front gate with a cardboard sign that reads “will write for food.”

4 If you are going to Disneyland, do not try to make the actors break out of character. If you do, at best, you will simply be annoying for the kids. At worst, you may encounter a character like Jim Fink, king of the river, who will take great pleasure breaking out of character with a knuckles sandwich to your nose.

3 If you are going to Disneyland, do not try to join the main street parade just because it looks so all-American, and you had one too many pops at dinner. If you do, at best, you will be sleeping in the car tonight. At worst, the parade was a success, and unfortunately, it came to an abrupt end with fingerprinting and a drafty cell.

2 If you are going to Disneyland, you cannot think the rides are for adults only. If you do, at best, your children will think you don’t know how to share. At worst, you will need to have a time out while your spouse explains the purpose of going to Disneyland in the first place. (the session in full view of the park visitors)

1 If you are going to Disneyland, do not forget the idea is to have fun. If you do, at best your family will have less of a good time. At worst, you will find your family has made up a little game of hide and seek, and you are it. After you count to one hundred, they have all disappeared, and the next time you talk to them is at the hotel through a locked door.

162 comments

  1. So funny, as usual. But, also, so true. Went there twice around ‘80. Space Mountain just opened. My wife and 5 yr old rode it while I opted out at last minute and, like the boring guy I’ve always been, went right and toured the GE ‘house of the future’. Never lived it down.

    Liked by 2 people

    1. I love this story. Has a mr. Rogers kind of feel.

      Liked by 1 person

      1. I think I’m living in that ‘future home’ now, but like it, mist everything is the same vintage…maybe I exaggerate a bit, but to hear my wife tell it. Hey, my attitude is, if it works and it’s not about to kill us, then why change. Right?……..Right?😉

        Liked by 1 person

  2. Gwen M. Plano · · Reply

    You had me at the first one, #10. 😂 Oh my gosh! Having grown up in southern CA with 6 siblings, you can imagine the car ride to Disneyland. Thank you for the morning laughter, John. Always appreciated. 😁

    Liked by 1 person

  3. Number five cracked me up! Thanks for the giggles, John.

    Liked by 1 person

  4. I have never, ever had a desire to go to Disneyland. *shudder*

    Liked by 1 person

    1. IWe took our kids and did have fun with them.

      Like

  5. I had to laugh at # 7. How true, how true. But being as I’m a FL resident, it probably would only be $450. 😣(ouch)

    Liked by 2 people

    1. Hahaha. Thanks, GP.

      Liked by 1 person

  6. Thanks for the laughs to start the week, John. I’m picturing you with the “will write for food” sign, and me asking for a sneak peek at Wednesday’s story.

    Liked by 2 people

    1. Hahaha. It could happen. I’ve been checking out some highway underpasses for availability. 😁

      Liked by 1 person

  7. Great throwback. Totally true on the weather issue too. Wonder if anything has changed in the parks to alter the list.

    Liked by 1 person

    1. Great question but I don’t intend to find out. Thanks, Charles.

      Like

  8. About four years ago, we were at Universal in FL and decided to visit Disney World one day – hadn’t been since the kids were little. HUGE mistake. It was a nightmare and all of us were ready to leave after just a few hours. Never again. We’re die hard Universal fans for life!

    Liked by 1 person

    1. I always liked Universal better. I just could not stand the crowds of America’s finest.

      Liked by 1 person

  9. You are a master of truth, John.
    Well done.
    Again.

    Liked by 1 person

    1. Thanks, Hook.

      Like

  10. Brutus, huh? Yes, more research is called for. I’ve only been to Florida’s Disneyworld once time, but I had a ball!

    Liked by 1 person

    1. 😁 Cause you are a kid at heart.

      Liked by 1 person

      1. You bet!!

        Liked by 1 person

  11. No problem for me, John, as I don’t like Disneyland and other places [“Fantasialand” in Germany for example] like that and don’t want to go there.
    Have a great day,
    Pit

    Liked by 1 person

    1. You too, Pit.

      Liked by 1 person

  12. Number seven was never going to be an option for me, no way no how. And after coming back from Disney World, I feared my credit card bills . . . for a while.

    Liked by 2 people

    1. I can just see there, chattin’ up Snow White. “Hey, wanna read my blog???”

      Liked by 2 people

      1. It’s almost as if you were spying on me, 😉

        Liked by 1 person

      2. Hahahaha I called it.

        Liked by 1 person

      3. I have this view finder with a snazzy lens.

        Liked by 2 people

      4. Of course you do

        Liked by 2 people

      5. It’s by Chanel. I’m joking.

        Liked by 2 people

      6. Actually by Hermes

        Liked by 1 person

      7. Ah yes, the one place that can take on Coco with classic ease.

        Liked by 1 person

      8. I think so. I used to buy my ties there until one morning I was chatting with some folks and discovered my tie soaking up coffee in my coffee cup. Marshalls from then on.

        Liked by 1 person

      9. That’s pretty funny. Wonder when they first opened. Might be a great Monday post…starting with your Marshalls line. Too funny.

        Liked by 1 person

      10. Thierry Hermès started the company in 1837 in Paris. It began as a harness shop. Might be fun. Of course, the number of readers who would identify might be a little small. (you and me) 😁

        Liked by 1 person

      11. I don’t know. It’s longevity is mighty impressive.

        Liked by 1 person

      12. Vuitton didn’t come along until 1854 and Coco in 1910.

        Liked by 1 person

      13. I find that so interesting, it’s staying power. I have two scarves that I simply cherish.

        Liked by 1 person

      14. Those scarves are the best.

        Like

      15. You’re so cheeky.

        Liked by 2 people

      16. God I love that word. Don’t you? Says it all. 🙂

        Liked by 2 people

      17. I was called cheeky a little while ago and my response was, “Dang me.”

        Like

      18. So much. If you could touch the word, it would be plush. I just know it.

        Liked by 2 people

      19. Like a carpet in Gracie mansion

        Liked by 1 person

      20. Plush…what a good word.

        Liked by 2 people

      21. In the file?

        Liked by 2 people

      22. The file is bursting like a Webster pinata.

        Liked by 1 person

      23. Love the image.

        Liked by 1 person

      24. Wouldn’t that be great. BTW…no Peggy this week. Don’t know why but occasionally she does miss one.

        Liked by 1 person

      25. Thanks for letting me know. Have a super weekend. 😊

        Like

      26. I checked….she didn’t post an oped this week. She’s allowed. 🙂

        Liked by 1 person

      27. Yes she is. Thanks for checking.

        Liked by 1 person

      28. I rented out a couple rooms in the National Archives.

        Liked by 2 people

      29. You many need a wing.

        Liked by 1 person

      30. You’re not wrong!

        Like

      31. Do you need a password to get in…harumph

        Liked by 2 people

      32. Enquiring minds want to know.

        Liked by 1 person

      33. A cheap laugh, but so what. 🙂

        Like

      34. The password is “Chief Of Staff”.

        Liked by 2 people

      35. I would have thought “Chief of Stuff.”

        Liked by 1 person

      36. Either or. 😉

        Liked by 1 person

      37. I’m laughing. You’re so funny.

        Liked by 2 people

      38. And punny. And sometimes even sunny.

        Liked by 2 people

      39. Like the up and coming, Easter Bunny. 🙂

        Liked by 2 people

      40. To this I would bet money.

        Liked by 2 people

      41. SB for the win!

        Liked by 2 people

      42. Oh, you quit, after me telling John we were going into extra innings.

        Liked by 2 people

      43. We went to the top of the 10th, but like the Yankees yesterday, I just came up short.

        Liked by 2 people

      44. it’s only one game, and it’s early yet. 🙂

        Liked by 2 people

      45. Yeah there’s a whole season yet.

        Liked by 1 person

      46. We’ll be fine. 🙂

        Liked by 2 people

      47. I know. We’re champs.

        Liked by 2 people

      48. The Bombahs are going all the way!

        Liked by 2 people

      49. Bombahs…where do that come from. Melville File perhaps??? Does John know about the file?

        Liked by 2 people

      50. Pilgrim adds words. You add historical moments. I think it’s perfect.

        Like

      51. We’re two nuts…a Pecan and a Pistachio.

        Liked by 1 person

      52. Who is the Pistachio?

        Liked by 1 person

      53. He sounds more important so I’m guessing Marco.

        Liked by 1 person

      54. I’m seeing it differently. A special nut that makes everything better as a result of being there is the Pistachio. That’s you. The pecan is a staple that alone or combined with others always puts on a good appearance. That’s Marco. Also, we are talkng about a difference in size which cannot be overlooked. 😁

        Liked by 1 person

      55. This is true. Will reconsider. 🙂

        Like

      56. John does indeed know about the file.

        Liked by 2 people

      57. Excellent. He can contribute.

        Liked by 2 people

      58. Like there was ever any doubt.

        Liked by 1 person

      59. He is a master contributor.

        Liked by 2 people

      60. Also good at baiting hooks

        Liked by 1 person

      61. And fixing drinks. And telling stories. And . . .

        Liked by 1 person

      62. Lighting up smokes.

        Liked by 1 person

      63. That’s reminiscent of the Billy Joel song.

        Liked by 1 person

      64. Yup. I thought the same.

        Liked by 1 person

      65. You’re one cool cat.

        Liked by 1 person

      66. Hahahaha, Thanks, Pilgrim.

        Liked by 1 person

      67. You are the champ, Susannah.

        Liked by 1 person

      68. He hasn’t retorted yet…wait..it’s like a slow train comin’.

        Liked by 1 person

      69. Slow boat.Maybe he doesn’t know he should.

        Liked by 1 person

      70. I see him like Huck Finn lolling on the riverbank with a blade of grass in his mouth, thinking.

        Liked by 1 person

      71. Good image. I believe he does a lot of thinking.

        Liked by 1 person

      72. I do too. You can tell in that Heroes piece every week. You can’t just phone that one in.

        Liked by 1 person

      73. True that for sure.

        Liked by 1 person

      74. Thank hevens not runny.

        Liked by 1 person

      75. Haha! Yes, let’s hope not.

        Liked by 1 person

      76. Hahaha. That’s when Snow White hits you with an harassment suit.

        Liked by 1 person

      77. #METOO. I could just see her in court hauling in those dwarfs. Sneezy better watch out never mind Mr. Imma.

        Like

    2. Yes you had to lay low with the blinds down. 😁

      Liked by 1 person

      1. “Hey kids. Tell whoever is pounding at the door that daddy left town.”

        Liked by 1 person

      2. Haha! Think it’ll work?

        Liked by 1 person

  13. This is new to me, delighted being a diehard Disney fan, my equivalent to a Dead Head.

    I just read that at one point in his life, before he exploded, Walt was told he had no creative talent. How’s that for a lesson of, no matter what anyone says, don’t give up.

    I hope in our pandemic world, we’ll be able to go to the castle and ride the train without fear or masks. Bet Mickey and Donald feel the same. Thanks. I enjoyed this. 🙂

    Liked by 1 person

    1. It looks like the park in LA is going to open soon. They are doing a lot of advertising here. 😊

      Liked by 1 person

      1. I think that’s great.

        Liked by 1 person

  14. Been there, done that. Sounds like you have, too. Our daughter was just a baby. I remember being the guy who took her to ride little teacups while Mom took the boys on all the fun stuff.

    Liked by 1 person

    1. We took all the kids but at separate times due to ages. I had a ball. Rode everything.

      Liked by 1 person

      1. I eventually did, once our girl took a snooze. The boys just went again with me this time.

        Liked by 1 person

  15. D.L. Finn, Author · · Reply

    Loved this, John:) I admit to be an adult who still loves to go there. We made the mistake of taking our kids friends with us…yikes.

    Liked by 1 person

    1. No friends was a big rule for me. Family time. 😁

      Like

  16. petespringerauthor · · Reply

    I’ve been there twice, but I’m not going back until I have a grandchild to spoil. The comment about a friend coming along was hilarious. Our thinking is, “Oh, it will be so much more fun if he/she has a friend along.” The over-under on that is about two hours. 🤣

    Liked by 1 person

    1. We put the old foot down. Family vacation.

      Liked by 1 person

  17. I’ve never been, but my kids went last year. I was envious of getting to see them be kids one last time together. I’m grateful they had the experience.

    Liked by 1 person

    1. Yes kids need that.

      Like

  18. Oh the joys of Disney World or Land… Went there in 2009 and after two days, hubby spent the next six in hospital… A trip that we will never forget…

    Like

  19. Reblogged this on Author Don Massenzio and commented:
    Check out another great list from John Howell via this post from his blog. This one is the TOP TEN THINGS NOT TO DO IF YOU ARE GOING TO DISNEYLAND

    Liked by 1 person

    1. Thank you for the reblog, Don. 😁

      Liked by 1 person

      1. You’re welcome.

        Liked by 1 person

  20. We went once but took teenagers. They had fun, apparently, but never smiled once and kept telling me not to be so childish! Oh, the joy. I loved it!

    Liked by 1 person

    1. Yeah I used to love my teens telling me to act my age.

      Liked by 1 person

  21. And one should not forget that it is important to return back from Disneyland as well! 🙂 🙂 🙂 These impressions are so strong! Thank you, dear John, for useful sushi-set! 🙂

    Liked by 1 person

    1. Thank you, Maria. 😁

      Liked by 1 person

  22. So funny, John! I grew up 5 minutes away from Disneyland, went there all the time with my friend, Cindy. 🙂 Those were the times with ticket books and who didn’t love an E ticket ride! So many great memories. I’d love to go again, but during off-season whenever that may be. The last time we went as a family was over Christmas in 2012. It.was.insane! Fun, but insane. So, I’ll go when the crowds have all gone home. 😂🤪

    Liked by 1 person

    1. Not sure when the crowds go home. I thnk after the pandemic it will be wall to wall for a while. Thanks for sharing. 😊

      Liked by 1 person

  23. I loved this, John. So true.

    Liked by 1 person

    1. Thanks, Jennie.

      Liked by 1 person

      1. You’re welcome, John.

        Liked by 1 person

  24. Was at Disney World in Orlando on opening day in 1971. They were still building the place. I remember only two things about that day. I walked through some freshly laid asphalt (no signs or barriers indicating construction). The company bought me a new pair of shoes. And there was no booze in the whole damn place!

    Like

  25. Great post 😀 wonder what’s next

    Like

    1. Me too. Thanks for the visit.😊

      Like

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