Top Ten Things Not to do if You are Going to Disneyland

~ John W. Howell

 

A lot of folks used to head to Disneyland or Disneyworld for spring break before the pandemic. I dug this post out of the March 23, 2015 archive. I thought it would be fun to revisit a historical spring break. By the way, I did find a reference to Brutus, the WWF champ, in a 2016 post. This may be the beginning of Tiny. More research is needed. I hope you enjoy this revisit.

 

Top Ten Things Not to do if You are Going to Disneyland

10 If you are going to Disneyland, do not tell the kids until you are there. If you do, at best, there will be no hiccups, and you will get there after what seems like an eternity. At worst, your fight has a detour to Fargo, North Dakota, because of the weather, and the snow will melt in ten days. (And the kids will ask every three minutes when you are leaving for Disneyland)

9 If you are going to Disneyland, do not try to navigate the park without a guide-book. If you do, at best, a three-day visit will seem like three years of waiting. At worst, you and all the other uninformed visitors will be arriving at the same rides at the same time only to all decide to go to a different ride at the same time and so on and so on till you realize you haven’t ridden one ride in eight hours.

8 If you are going to Disneyland, do not think the weather will be the same in the afternoon as it is in the morning. If you do, at best, there will be a little rain you didn’t expect. At worse, you may get caught in a monsoon-like downpour or the North Pole-like cold snap, which will also be the perfect growing conduit for the flu virus you picked up on the airplane.

7. If you are going to Disneyland, do not let your kids talk you into allowing a friend to come along. If you do at best, they will all get along and only cost an additional five hundred dollars. At worst, after the first day, the friend is no longer speaking to your kids and insists they want to go home and have informed their parents you are holding them against their will. (The state police and FBI are very understanding on these kinds of situations)

6 If you are going to Disneyland, do not think the breakfast with the characters will be anything but a trial. If you do, at best, you will be dismayed at the lack of non-screaming picture-taking opportunities. At worst, your child will be the one who is afraid of a giant Mickey Mouse and makes a scene that is so traumatic you hear people talking about the reaction for three days. (Luckily, your child looks completely different when not screaming bloody murder)

5 If you are going to Disneyland and plan to eat in the park, do not think the cost will be reasonable. If you do, at best, you will discover the three meals you are used to will need to be trimmed to one and a half. At worst, you will have dinner the first night you are there and then spend your time at the front gate with a cardboard sign that reads “will write for food.”

4 If you are going to Disneyland, do not try to make the actors break out of character. If you do, at best, you will simply be annoying for the kids. At worst, you may encounter a character like Jim Fink, king of the river, who will take great pleasure breaking out of character with a knuckles sandwich to your nose.

3 If you are going to Disneyland, do not try to join the main street parade just because it looks so all-American, and you had one too many pops at dinner. If you do, at best, you will be sleeping in the car tonight. At worst, the parade was a success, and unfortunately, it came to an abrupt end with fingerprinting and a drafty cell.

2 If you are going to Disneyland, you cannot think the rides are for adults only. If you do, at best, your children will think you don’t know how to share. At worst, you will need to have a time out while your spouse explains the purpose of going to Disneyland in the first place. (the session in full view of the park visitors)

1 If you are going to Disneyland, do not forget the idea is to have fun. If you do, at best your family will have less of a good time. At worst, you will find your family has made up a little game of hide and seek, and you are it. After you count to one hundred, they have all disappeared, and the next time you talk to them is at the hotel through a locked door.

162 thoughts on “Top Ten Things Not to do if You are Going to Disneyland”

  1. So funny, as usual. But, also, so true. Went there twice around ‘80. Space Mountain just opened. My wife and 5 yr old rode it while I opted out at last minute and, like the boring guy I’ve always been, went right and toured the GE ‘house of the future’. Never lived it down.

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      1. I think I’m living in that ‘future home’ now, but like it, mist everything is the same vintage…maybe I exaggerate a bit, but to hear my wife tell it. Hey, my attitude is, if it works and it’s not about to kill us, then why change. Right?……..Right?😉

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  2. You had me at the first one, #10. 😂 Oh my gosh! Having grown up in southern CA with 6 siblings, you can imagine the car ride to Disneyland. Thank you for the morning laughter, John. Always appreciated. 😁

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  8. About four years ago, we were at Universal in FL and decided to visit Disney World one day – hadn’t been since the kids were little. HUGE mistake. It was a nightmare and all of us were ready to leave after just a few hours. Never again. We’re die hard Universal fans for life!

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  11. No problem for me, John, as I don’t like Disneyland and other places [“Fantasialand” in Germany for example] like that and don’t want to go there.
    Have a great day,
    Pit

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        11. Thierry Hermès started the company in 1837 in Paris. It began as a harness shop. Might be fun. Of course, the number of readers who would identify might be a little small. (you and me) 😁

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        65. I’m seeing it differently. A special nut that makes everything better as a result of being there is the Pistachio. That’s you. The pecan is a staple that alone or combined with others always puts on a good appearance. That’s Marco. Also, we are talkng about a difference in size which cannot be overlooked. 😁

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  13. This is new to me, delighted being a diehard Disney fan, my equivalent to a Dead Head.

    I just read that at one point in his life, before he exploded, Walt was told he had no creative talent. How’s that for a lesson of, no matter what anyone says, don’t give up.

    I hope in our pandemic world, we’ll be able to go to the castle and ride the train without fear or masks. Bet Mickey and Donald feel the same. Thanks. I enjoyed this. 🙂

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  15. Loved this, John:) I admit to be an adult who still loves to go there. We made the mistake of taking our kids friends with us…yikes.

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  16. I’ve been there twice, but I’m not going back until I have a grandchild to spoil. The comment about a friend coming along was hilarious. Our thinking is, “Oh, it will be so much more fun if he/she has a friend along.” The over-under on that is about two hours. 🤣

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  18. Oh the joys of Disney World or Land… Went there in 2009 and after two days, hubby spent the next six in hospital… A trip that we will never forget…

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  21. And one should not forget that it is important to return back from Disneyland as well! 🙂 🙂 🙂 These impressions are so strong! Thank you, dear John, for useful sushi-set! 🙂

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  22. So funny, John! I grew up 5 minutes away from Disneyland, went there all the time with my friend, Cindy. 🙂 Those were the times with ticket books and who didn’t love an E ticket ride! So many great memories. I’d love to go again, but during off-season whenever that may be. The last time we went as a family was over Christmas in 2012. It.was.insane! Fun, but insane. So, I’ll go when the crowds have all gone home. 😂🤪

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  24. Was at Disney World in Orlando on opening day in 1971. They were still building the place. I remember only two things about that day. I walked through some freshly laid asphalt (no signs or barriers indicating construction). The company bought me a new pair of shoes. And there was no booze in the whole damn place!

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