This list first ran on July 28th in 2014. Since summer travel is going on now, I thought it would be relevant. Also, it was about a year after Top Ten things Not to Do started.
Here is the 56th installment of Ten Top Lists of What Not to Do. So, with all the summer travels, I thought I would offer advice on what not to do when you need to stop. I hope you enjoy it.
Top Ten Things Not to Do When You Need a Rest Stop
10 If you need a rest stop, do not think you need to finish that 32-ounce Big Gulp. If you do, at best, you will reach the rest stop with no delay. At worst, the traffic pile-up on the 687 caused you to run onto the median for relief. Of course, the evening news carried the story with the enhancement of your handcuffed frame over the back of a police car.
9 If you need a rest stop, do not continue down the highway. If you do, at best, you may make it to your destination dog tired but in one piece. At worst, you will be wondering why the police wake you up with a summons and ask you to move your car off the interstate highway into the care of the friendly tow truck driver.
8 If you need a rest stop, do not speed up to get there faster. If you do, at best, you may not make it any quicker. At worst, you will be trying to explain to the friendly officer why you have a grimace on your face and why you were speeding.
7 If you need a rest stop, do not listen to others in the car who call you chicken. If you do, at best, you will be uncomfortable. At worst, you will get no credit for being brave when everyone finally gets wind of your mistake.
6 If you need a rest stop, do not assume there is one every ten miles and go flying by the last one. If you do, at best, you may get lucky, and there is one close. At worst, you have just seen the last rest area for one thousand miles, and you might as well pray for a cover of darkness which you will need in ten minutes.
5 If you need a rest stop, do not think everyone in the car needs one as well. If you do, at best, you will only hear the grumbles about stopping again. At worst, your car mates (or family) will take your frequent needs to stop as evidence you never wanted to go on this trip in the first place and may end up on the roof like granny Griswold.
4 If you need a rest stop, do not think the water found there is safe for drinking. If you do, at best you may only have a slight reaction. At worst you might be spending your entire vacation in the ER clutching a metal pan begging the attendants for painkilling drugs, or failing that, to use euthanasia as a final solution.
3 If you need a rest stop do not pull into one of those country kitchen store kind of places. If you do, at best, you will only have to shell out a small fortune for the treats everyone picked up. At worst, your family will want to stay for a nice $25.00 a plate country fried steak dinner (with all the fixin’s), and before you know it, all your vacation money has been spent.
2 If you need a rest stop, do not try to get free air for your tires. If you do, at best, it will only cost you a dollar to fill them. At worst, the machine has been programmed to actually suck the air out of your tires, and the only way to get a refill is to pay an attendant to do it for you. You will probably need to sell your car to settle up
1 If you need a rest stop, do not get off the interstate to go see a crocodile farm as a way to kill two birds with one stone. If you do, at best, the owner of the crocodile farm will not have gas and a restroom. At worst, you will be hearing the music from Deliverance as you meet the lovely down-home family who has yet to see a more beautiful car in all their born days.