Top Ten Things Not to Do When You Need a Rest Area.

~ John W. Howell

 

Photo by Steven Weeks on Unsplash

 

This list first ran on July 28th in 2014. Since summer travel is going on now, I thought it would be relevant. Also, it was about a year after Top Ten things Not to Do started.

***

Here is the 56th installment of Ten Top Lists of What Not to Do. So, with all the summer travels, I thought I would offer advice on what not to do when you need to stop. I hope you enjoy it.

Top Ten Things Not to Do When You Need a Rest Stop

10 If you need a rest stop, do not think you need to finish that 32-ounce Big Gulp. If you do, at best, you will reach the rest stop with no delay. At worst, the traffic pile-up on the 687 caused you to run onto the median for relief. Of course, the evening news carried the story with the enhancement of your handcuffed frame over the back of a police car.

9 If you need a rest stop, do not continue down the highway. If you do, at best, you may make it to your destination dog tired but in one piece. At worst, you will be wondering why the police wake you up with a summons and ask you to move your car off the interstate highway into the care of the friendly tow truck driver.

8 If you need a rest stop, do not speed up to get there faster. If you do, at best, you may not make it any quicker. At worst, you will be trying to explain to the friendly officer why you have a grimace on your face and why you were speeding.

7 If you need a rest stop, do not listen to others in the car who call you chicken. If you do, at best, you will be uncomfortable. At worst, you will get no credit for being brave when everyone finally gets wind of your mistake.

6 If you need a rest stop, do not assume there is one every ten miles and go flying by the last one. If you do, at best, you may get lucky, and there is one close. At worst, you have just seen the last rest area for one thousand miles, and you might as well pray for a cover of darkness which you will need in ten minutes.

5 If you need a rest stop, do not think everyone in the car needs one as well. If you do, at best, you will only hear the grumbles about stopping again. At worst, your car mates (or family) will take your frequent needs to stop as evidence you never wanted to go on this trip in the first place and may end up on the roof like granny Griswold.

4 If you need a rest stop, do not think the water found there is safe for drinking. If you do, at best you may only have a slight reaction. At worst you might be spending your entire vacation in the ER clutching a metal pan begging the attendants for painkilling drugs, or failing that, to use euthanasia as a final solution.

3 If you need a rest stop do not pull into one of those country kitchen store kind of places. If you do, at best, you will only have to shell out a small fortune for the treats everyone picked up. At worst, your family will want to stay for a nice $25.00 a plate country fried steak dinner (with all the fixin’s), and before you know it, all your vacation money has been spent.

2 If you need a rest stop, do not try to get free air for your tires. If you do, at best, it will only cost you a dollar to fill them. At worst, the machine has been programmed to actually suck the air out of your tires, and the only way to get a refill is to pay an attendant to do it for you. You will probably need to sell your car to settle up

1 If you need a rest stop, do not get off the interstate to go see a crocodile farm as a way to kill two birds with one stone. If you do, at best, the owner of the crocodile farm will not have gas and a restroom. At worst, you will be hearing the music from Deliverance as you meet the lovely down-home family who has yet to see a more beautiful car in all their born days.

88 thoughts on “Top Ten Things Not to Do When You Need a Rest Area.”

  1. #11 struck a chord with me. My dad used to see how far he could drive before running out of gas. One time in the middle of the Mojave Desert, the car barely rolled into a gas station right out of Deliverance. My mother and I were too scared to leave the car and ended up squatting behind some cactus a few miles down the road. At least, the car got filled up with gas!

    Liked by 5 people

  5. Especially in Texas, #6 is critical. There’s nothing more discouraging than flying past a rest stop and then, two miles down the road, seeing the sign: “Next Rest Stop 183 miles.” Thank goodness for Buc-ees!

    Liked by 2 people

  6. We came close to one of those “Deliverance” experiences many years ago. Got lost in the Appalachians. The people where we stopped for directions were nice but it didn’t help that we’d watched that movie a few days before our trip.

    Liked by 2 people

  13. Hahaha all good reasons. Definitely identify with blowing through a rest stop only to discover a sign shortly thereafter that says, “Next rest stop 97 miles.” And then there’s the alternate of stopping so frequently it almost doubles the length of the trip, because one of your kids has a pea sized bladder. 😄

    Liked by 2 people

  14. These are very funny and very true. Our daughter never needed to use the rest stops when we stopped but always did about ten minutes later. Hubby would say, “Why didn’t you use the bathroom when we stopped?” Her answer was always, “Because I didn’t need to go then.” Of course, at this point, she needed to go right now! Hubby tried hard not to lose it. Lots of side of the road stops.

    Liked by 2 people

  16. Great list of rest stop rules. I agree to stop when they can be found, but being a little careful about the places you pick. I found this post very humorous, especially the crocodile farm. Do they even have those in the US?

    Liked by 2 people

  17. Great list, John 🙂 We’ve learned not to pass too many rest stops. Much safer than some of our gas station restroom experiences.

    Liked by 2 people

  18. Hard programming everybody in the car to need the bathroom at the same time, huh?! Ah, well, this is a great list and very timely for those taking summer vacations. Thanks for bringing it back, John!

    Liked by 2 people

  19. LOL…pure craziness. This list is one of your best, John. Of course, I’m wondering if you experienced any of these predicaments. Since I’m the overly cautious type, I’m always on the lookout for a good spot to stop and never let the gas gauge get below half full. 😂

    Liked by 2 people

  20. The van made me think of the one in the film Little Miss Sunshine…no one gets left behind, ringing in my ears. The whole piece reminds me of being a kid in the back seat of our Chevy Impala always having to pee my mother instructing me to hold it. my kidneys in peril. When you said Big Gulp…I ran to the john, John. 🙂

    Liked by 2 people

  23. What’s frustrating to me is to wait to get to a rest stop, only to learn it’s not open and under construction.

    Liked by 3 people

  26. Oh man… I am reminded of our caravan of three cars, driving down to South Carolina to take our first family cruise (three sisters and families plus my mom and her beau = 16. One family took the plane, the rest of us the cars). Rest stop, large Starbucks… hour later, through the walkie-talkie – “ummm… gotta make a pit-stop”. Grumble, grumble, pit stop, another coffee… and so it goes.
    Took us forever to get there!
    On the way back – NO COFFEE FOR NO ONE!! 😉

    Liked by 3 people

  32. Pingback: Top Ten Things Not to Do When You Need a Rest Area. – Nelsapy

Comments are closed.