This list was originally posted on August 21, 2015. Still makes some sense. I hope you enjoy it.
***
This list is inspired by having some unpleasant experiences with items purchased without having the luxury of trying them out first. Although extreme, this list represents some of the potential disappointments a buyer can experience in shopping online.
Top Ten Things Not to Buy Onlne
10 If you are shopping online, do not buy that cosmetic kit that promises an instant youthful appearance. If you do, at best, you’ll learn that what seems too good to be true is too good. At worst, you will need an intervention by an expensive dermatologist just to remove the facial mask. (And don’t you look good with a Jim Carrey green mask?)
9 If you are shopping online, do not buy that cheap juicer that claims to be as good as the $700.00 version. If you do, at best, you will still be able to use a spoon to eat the pulp, which is the only thing produced. At worst, the overload on your electrical system as the juicer tries to extract carrot juice will kill your lights and the entire East Coast grid. (And you thought your last electric bill was high)
8 If you are shopping online, do not buy that used car advertised to run like new. If you do, at best, you might get at least fifty miles before your first breakdown. At worst, the claim of running like new had small print where they were referring to a new Yugo. (Yes, that smoke you smell is coming from the engine compartment)
7 If you are shopping online, do not buy that bargain-priced pacemaker. If you do, at best, you may wonder why you are getting the Chicago Bears radio broadcast in your chest. At worst, you may figure out the thing does not keep pace according to the Western ecology. (Yes, it is noon, and you are sound asleep)
6 If you are shopping online, do not buy the do-it-yourself appendix removal kit. If you do, at best, you will have a fool for a patient. At worst, it will be challenging to perform the work and read the instructions. (Yeah, the picture of the appendix looks fuzzy to me too.)
5 If you are shopping online, do not buy those pharmaceuticals that are half-priced. If you do, at best, you won’t be ingesting pharmaceutical-grade cement. At worst, you will have to deal with why your symptoms won’t go away, and your face is blue. (Cornstarch is a miracle product but not for the treatment of illness. Your breath smells terrific)
4 If you are shopping online, do not buy that half-priced airplane engine part. If you do, at best, you’ll have plenty of warning before it fails, and it is not critical. At worst, you will learn a little too late Murphy’s law of airplane parts which states, “The criticality of a plane engine component is directly proportional to its original cost.” (So the half-price was attractive up to the point where the ground and you meet un-expectantly)
3 If you are shopping online, do not buy that hotel room at 70% off. If you do, at best, you will only suffer from the brick wall, no view outside your window. At worst, you will return from your cheap trip only to discover you have brought home some rare and highly reproductive things that move fast when the lights go on. (That is an exciting rash you have there)
2 If you are shopping online, do not buy that robot vacuum kit priced way below what you have seen elsewhere. If you do, at best, you may be able to assemble it even though several parts are missing. At worst, once your new robot is ready, you realize it now has control over your house and a Napoleonic complex. (Sure is fun saluting a robot, isn’t it?)
1 If you are shopping online, do not buy that sale-priced Xbox game. If you do, at best, you’ll find out on level three that your cheats no longer work, and you get killed every time. At worst, in playing the game, you suddenly realize that it is for real, and now you are running for your life. (Okay, slight exaggeration. Hey, look out, that guy has an ax.)
Fiction Favorites 
I’m glad humour can cover for the ten worst decisions of my life. Hey, at least the rash is clearing but where’s the smell coming from? By the way, you never did tell me how you got a copy of my purchase list John.
Hugs
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It was posted at the town bulletin board under the heading “laugh of the week.” 🤣
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I think some of these still do apply, John. Good list – good laughs. I hope your week is off to a good start.
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The fact that I have 9 KB of memory left to post photos on WordPress makes it a challenging day for sure. Lots of deleting ahead. Have a good one. 😊
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Timeless advice here.
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Hahaha. Thanks, Charles.
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Don’t think I’d want to buy any of these things online. (I have booked hotel rooms and gotten bargains with much success.)
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That is a good thin, Joan. Thanks.
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I laughed at the pacemaker, until I remembered the number of people who enjoy passing themselves off as doctors. There might just be a market for such things…
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Could be. The hearing aid glut makes me wonder.
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I haven’t seen a Yugo joke in awhile–love it!
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This was six years ago. I think they faded with the Yugo.
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Rusting peacefully into oblivion with the other cars that seemed like a good idea at the time but werent. (I’m talking about you, Chevy Vega.)
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Yeah and I’m talking to you, Ford Pinto.
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My dad had a series of Ford Pintos. By the time my brother got done with the last one, it was unsafe to drive at any speed.
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I think it was unsafe when it came off the assembly line. 😁
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Quite so . . .
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They are all great, but it was # 7 that got me really laughing!
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Glad you liked it, GP. 😁
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This was great, John! That meme cracked me up.😉
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Me too. It was funny six years ago too.
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LOL. I suspect we’ve all made that list, one time or another, with our not-so-wise choices. 😁
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I think so too Gwen. Thanks.
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This is a great list filled with sound advice.
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Thanks, Molly Shea. 😊
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Hubby and my sons have gotten some real lemons in the past. I keep telling them to read reviews before they buy.
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The best way to find out if it is a good thing or not. 😁
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I’ll have to show this list to my wife. I think we’re now eligible for our own dedicated Amazon delivery vehicle.
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Hahaha. I thought I saw one go by with your name on it, Bob.
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Hah! Number three gave me the heebie-jeebies… shudder!
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I think I share that feeling, Dale. 😊
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😁
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😊
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Lol! I almost spewed my coffee over the on-line appendix removal kit. I’m off to search. 🙂 Great list, John and still timely!
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Try not to buy the ACME brand. I hear it isn’t very good. Thanks, Jan
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Love the robot vacuum.
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Thanks, Craig. I’m glad you did.
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That comic provided a needed chuckle for a Monday morning, John. And your list is hilarious — do people really buy those sorts of things online?!?
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I’m not sure since I made the whole thing up. I’m sure they do ( Well except for the pace-maker and the do-it-yourself appendectomy kit.
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LOVE that cartoon! 😀
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I do too. Thanks, Pit.
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I might have a bought something from this list 😉 The good thing is now we have reviews to warn us, right?
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Yes that is a good thing. 😁
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Love the cartoon. I’m with Dale…number 3…OOH!
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Hahahaha.
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LOL, trying to decide if that rash was caused by bedbugs or crabs hahahahahahaha.
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Let’s hope it’s the kind of detergent in the wash.
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Haha let’s.
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😁
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Quite amusing, and that cartoon really tops the post off nicely!
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I’m glad you liked it Becky. Thanks for letting me know.
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My pleasure, John!
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😊
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Gone shopping!
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😁
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“Lots of deleting ahead.”
Good! It will keep you out of trouble for once.
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Yes. My delete finger is sore.
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This post has really held up. It’s impressive Boss . . and a tad bit disturbing.
Both.
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I agree. Both. 🙄
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Haha!
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Reblogged this on OPENED HERE >> https:/BOOKS.ESLARN-NET.DE.
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thank you, Michael
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Great list. I love the advice not to buy the appendix removal kit. 😉 But wait on sometimes they will also offer a remote surgery. xx Michael
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Thank you, Michael. Yes remote surgery is possible.
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Reblogged this on OPENED HERE >> https:/BOOKS.ESLARN-NET.DE.
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Thank you for the share, Michael.
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As my wife likes to always say to me when I’m trying to save a couple of bucks, “You get what you pay for.”
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I hear that too. Thanks, Pete.
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Very good John .. I have had a few surprises in the last 18 months of buying online… I will avoid the pacemaker and the sale airplane parts definitely…hugsx
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I think the do-it-yourself appendix kit might be one to pass on as well. Thanks, Sally.
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no kidding lol..hugsxx
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😁
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LOL! Loved the cartoon at the top! That was us yesterday…almost. We needed to get out of our of “house clothes” and go to a real store to try things out. It was an adventure. Trying to find a store with an open dressing room was a challenge. Let’s not talk about that person in the mirror looking back at me…nightmare! 😂
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Those mirror gremlins are the worst. Pay no attention to them.
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😀 Good idea!!
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😁
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[…] Head over to discover the nine other items to avoid buying online: Buying online guide by John Howell. […]
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Thank you, Jacqui. 😁
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Thank you, Sally
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I hope the people in your picture don’t frequent my local shopping centre, John.
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Yes they would be an image that would be hard to drink away.
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Lol. From now on, I will definitely beware of discount DIY surgical tools. Thanks for the education, John.
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Just doing my duty to warn the unsuspecting public, Diana. Thank you. 😁
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Years fly & nothing changes, dear John! Thank you for this timeless retro sushi set. 🙂 🙂 🙂
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The sushi set is timeless. Good thing we have refrigeration. 😁
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Thank you, John, for bringing some giggles and smiles. Love the cartoon!
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I’m so glad you liked it, Karen.
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Good advice – for some reason I thought of the hair extension my sister bought from the back of a comic book in the 60s. Not online, but an earlier version of buying without seeing.
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Thank you, Barbara
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Pretty good advice John, especially #5! 🙂
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Always try to proffer the very best even if I have to make it up. Thanks, Debby. 😁
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Lol John 🙂
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🤣
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D.I.Y surgery doesn’t quite hit the spot as doesn’t the aeroplane parts…lol…Thank you for the giggles, John… although I have had a few online buying disasters over the last year they haven’t been that spectacular…
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Thank you, Carol. 😁
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I’ll try to stick with buying books online. Great list John, too funny. 🙂
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Glad you liked it, Mark.
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The appendix kit… never underestimate what some people might do. Funny, John!!
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