Top Ten Things Not to Do on New Year’s Eve.

Photo by Alysa Bajenaru on Unsplash

This post ran on December 29th, 2015. I think there is still some relevant advice. I hope you enjoy it even though it ran one day early.

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Since this is Monday, you should expect a Top Ten list. This week will be the same as the others for the last year. So YES, here is the Ten Things Not to Do list (although a little late today). This week’s list was inspired by a New Year’s Eve party I attended (or maybe many). I’m not saying if I was a perpetrator of any of these things, but I hope you enjoy them.

Top Ten Things Not to Do on New Year’s Eve.

10 On New Year’s Eve, do not try to set a personal record for alcohol consumption. If you do, at best, your evening will close early. At worst, New Year’s Day will represent your personal purgatory, just begging for relief. (Getting off your knees might be the first step to redemption)

9 On New Year’s Eve, do not set resolutions that you think would be great to accomplish if you were a superhero. If you do, at best, you will not last a week on your new plan. At worst, you will consider your failure at resolutions to be among one of the many failures for the year. (Now you need to be talked down off the ledge)

8 On New Year’s Eve, do not think your goodwill to humankind feeling leftover from the holidays should be demonstrated by public displays of affection for everyone you meet. If you do, at best, most will try to dodge your advances. At worst, there will be one person who will think you are the new lost love that they have been searching for their whole life. (Now you have someone stalking you for months despite the restraining order)

7 On New Year’s Eve, do not think your stomach deserves to be challenged with copious amounts of strange food. If you do, at best, your later hours will be spent in a degree of discomfort. At worst, your stomach will get even when you least expect it. (Yes, it is two in the morning, and that’s you calling trains into the ceramic microphone)

6 On New Year’s Eve, do not think your off-key singing throughout the year will suddenly get better with the addition of Champaign. If you do, at best, you will still draw the same looks you got for the rest of the year. At worst, you will begin to gather stray cats and dogs who think you are calling them for dinner while singing Auld Lang Sine. (Better find some kibble fast)

5 On New Year’s Eve, do not think your famous green monster punch will be enjoyed by everyone. If you insist everyone try it, at best, your party may end early. At worst, you may be responsible for sending some guests over the edge due to a strong allergy to Everclear and, if not an allergy, certainly a diminished capability for strong drink. (hint green carpet spots never come up)

4 On New Year’s Eve, do not try to surprise your significant other with a mystery destination that you promise will make the best New Year’s Eve ever. If you do, at best, you may have selected a place that has some negative memories. At worst, you may spend the entire evening lost in a strange neighborhood which will not be the best destination. (It might be the most memorable as the prime reason your significant other is no longer significant and not your other)

3 On New Year’s Eve, do not get all romantic if all year you act as if romance was as welcome as the measles. If you do, at best, you will look ridiculous. At worst, you could cause a significant upset to the person you are ordinarily ambivalent about. (How was that first dose of pepper spray?)

2 On New Year’s Eve, do not think it a good idea to put that lampshade on your head. If you do, at best, some will laugh not with you but at you. At worst, the shade is an antique given to the host by a grandmother just before her demise, and now it is on the floor under your fanny after you slipped on a bottle and fell to the floor. (Oh, though you would like to know, the video on U Tube has gone viral)

1 On New Year’s Eve, do not think you have to stay up past a reasonable hour to see in the New Year. If you do, at best, the next day’s activities will be a challenge. At worst, you will throw off your sleep cycle, not to mention nodding off at your mother-in-law’s New Year’s Day family gathering. (The pool of drool on the damask fabric of the antique couch will be your mark forever)

64 comments

  1. I sure am glad I don’t celebrate New Year’s Eve . . .

    Liked by 1 person

      1. You’re welcome, John.

        Liked by 1 person

  2. Today is Sunday – where is the bus? I could start celebrating 2022 early though, eh?

    Liked by 3 people

  3. Gwen M. Plano · · Reply

    I don’t celebrate New Year’s Eve – for all the reasons you’ve mentioned. “A pool of drool?” Too funny, John. I hate to think where that one came from. 🤣

    Liked by 1 person

    1. I should have mentioned sleeping on a pool table too. Another story for another time. Thanks, Gwen.

      Like

      1. Gwen M. Plano · ·

        Pool table? I’ve gotta hear that story. 🤣

        Liked by 1 person

      2. Hahaha. It is a grim one. Spent the whole night locked in the venue since the table was in the attic and I had “disappeared.” (passed out on it is the word)

        Liked by 1 person

      3. Gwen M. Plano · ·

        Oh My Gosh! If anyone’s truly lived life, you’ve done it, wild man. 🤣 🤣

        Liked by 1 person

      4. I know right. I’m in touch with two guys who used to work for me and they love to bring up the wild and crazy stuff we used to do. They said they never had so much fun. I know I never did have more fun than those days.

        Liked by 1 person

  4. Great reasons to spend a quiet evening at home, John. I wondered the same as GP. Did we miss the bus? I don’t know what day of the week it is!

    Liked by 1 person

    1. Yeah I made a mistake. Rather than pull it down I let it run. I’ll explain that tomorrow. All will be well by Tuesday. 😁

      Like

  5. Good suggestions that I’ll try to keep in mind. No telling what will happen though, once the champagne is opened. 🙂

    Liked by 1 person

    1. Yes the devil’s own brew. Try to get a lampshade that in in your color range.

      Liked by 1 person

  6. Don’t miss the bus or the buss…

    Liked by 1 person

    1. Especially the buss.

      Liked by 1 person

  7. D.L. Finn, Author · · Reply

    All good advice. I try to keep it to movies and niose makers now 🙂

    Liked by 1 person

    1. Don’t inhale while operating a noisemaker. 😁

      Like

  8. […] Rather than pull it down, I decided to let it run and explain it today. If you missed it, here is a link. Top Ten Link […]

    Liked by 1 person

  9. Great advice. Most of my New Year’s Eve celebrations are spent at home where it’s nice and quiet. (Often I’m already asleep.) 🙂 Happy New Year, John!

    Liked by 1 person

    1. Thank you, Joan. Happy New Year to you.

      Liked by 1 person

  10. Hilarious! Thanks for more laughs!

    Liked by 1 person

    1. I’m glad you enjoyed it. Best wishes. 😁

      Like

  11. We always host a NYE party, and hubby struggles to stay up for it every year, lol.

    Liked by 1 person

    1. Hahaha. I remember one New Year’s party that was still going strong at 2:30 AM. I snuck off to bed. Unbeknownst to me until I got in bed my spouse had slipped off earlier. We don’t think anyone mssed us at all.

      Liked by 1 person

  12. All good advice. Last one isn’t even necessary if you DVR the bal drop. 😁

    Liked by 1 person

    1. That is true. Thanks, Charles.

      Liked by 1 person

  13. I’ll spend the eve watching the Twilight Zone Marathon, as usual, John. I’ve come close to violating a few of these. It’s a good list to keep handy. Scheduling bites us all in the butt on occasion.

    Liked by 1 person

    1. Yes indeed. The Producer will be at daughters babysitting the granddog, so maybe I’ll join you in a Twilight Zone marathon. Miserable Steelers game yesterday BTW.

      Liked by 1 person

      1. I know, that was so hard to watch. WVU plays tomorrow.

        Liked by 1 person

      2. So late in the day too.

        Liked by 1 person

  14. This was hilarious!! Is it only men who call into that ceramic microphone? 😂

    Liked by 1 person

    1. I have held the hair of many female announcers. My favorite train destination to call is Albuquerque.

      Liked by 1 person

      1. Oh, that is so funny! I promise I won’t tell anyone. Hubby tells me the guys used to call Ralph. I supposed the sound of saying Ralph could be the reason. Albuquerque, I like that. 😀

        Liked by 1 person

  15. I’m with Liz Gauffren, all the way back on top there.

    Liked by 1 person

    1. New Year’s Eve is amateur night. Certainly would not include you.

      Like

  16. The last one is perfect, John. We are usually in bed by 10:30 on New Year’s Eve. The next year will roll in with or without our presence!

    Liked by 1 person

  17. Calling trains to a ceramic microphone! Buahahahah!

    Liked by 1 person

    1. I know right. That’s up there with the technicolor yawn. One of my favorite trains to call is Poughkeepsie.

      Liked by 1 person

      1. Hahaha! All of ’em great!

        Liked by 1 person

  18. Wonderful advice 👍
    Happy New Year 2022

    Liked by 1 person

    1. Thank you, Isadora. Happy New Year to you as well.

      Like

  19. Oh, John. On the food and drink, you’ve brought back memories of a New Year’s Eve decades ago. No dinner and the champagne flowed early. Ugh. Will never do again! Eat well and often:). Happy New Year!

    Liked by 1 person

    1. I’ve had a few of those New Year’s Eves in my time. Always swore never again. Now that I have finally matured I stick to that promise. Happy New Year, Kristine. 🎉

      Liked by 1 person

  20. :-)) Great advices! xx Michael

    Liked by 1 person

    1. Thank you, Michael

      Liked by 1 person

      1. 😎 Thank you as well, John! xx Michael

        Liked by 1 person

  21. Not a fan of speaking to the ceramic microphone. 🙂 All the best in the New Year, John.

    Liked by 1 person

    1. I’m with you, Mark. Not my favorite thing to do. 🤣

      Liked by 1 person

  22. All is calm and quiet at our house on New Year’s Eve… Thanks for Ten good reasons not to go out that night. 🎉✨❤ HAPPY NEW YEAR, JOHN!

    Liked by 1 person

    1. Happy New Year, Bette. 🥂

      Liked by 1 person

  23. This was nice. Thanks for your post. Id also recommend you read on how to host an epic Christmas/ New Year’s Eve party just in time for 2022
    https://misspresident.home.blog/2021/12/30/how-to-throw-an-epic-christmas-new-years-eve-holiday-party/

    Liked by 1 person

    1. Thank you, Angel Joanne. Your post was excellent.

      Liked by 1 person

      1. Thank you so much. I’d appreciate if you left a comment on the post though. Or joined our community by following the blog. We’d hope to see more of you please

        Liked by 1 person

      2. I thought I did. I corrected that. Happy New Year.

        Liked by 1 person

  24. The last…many many years I’ve slept right through midnight and not rung in the new year with noise makers or a toast. I’ve not yet put a lampshade on my head, but my life’s not over yet! 🤣🤣

    Liked by 1 person

    1. I’m pretty much like you, Deborah. 😁

      Liked by 1 person

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