Photo by Avi Waxman on Unsplash
I no longer live in an area with a homeowners association. This post was published on March 9th, 2015, when I did. If you live in an HOA, maybe there is a helpful tip or two.
Top Ten Things Not to do While Attending a Home Owners Association Annual Meeting
10 If you are attending an HOA meeting, do not challenge everyone who disagrees with your point to go outside and settle things. If you do, at best, you will come off as a crackpot. At worst, several bigger neighbors may take you up on your offer. (Leading to a hurried trip to the ER.)
9 If you are attending an HOA meeting, do not tell a long-winded speaker to sit down and shut up. If you do, at best, you will appear to be a bully. At worst, the speaker may be a black belt Karate champ who will show you how he breaks cement blocks using only a head. (Yours)
8 If you are attending an HOA meeting, do not ask questions just to show how smart you are about the covenants. If you do, at best, your neighbors will make a note to avoid you at all costs. At worse, you may be appointed as the rule cop for the neighborhood that will endear you to everyone to whom you point out errors (not to mention the joy of egg on your windows)
7 If you are attending an HOA meeting, do not try to convince everyone your idea is the next best thing to whipped bread. If you do, at best, you will delay the meeting while contributing to the boredom. At worst, someone in the crowd will yell at you to shut up and sit down, which will expose them to the remedies in item nine. (They will be waiting outside to settle the deal.)
6 If you are attending an HOA meeting, do not bring your Italian sub sandwich to eat during the meeting. If you do, at best, everyone will move away from you. At worst, the biggest guy in the room will invite you to join the sandwich. (It is now in the garbage can outside.)
5 If you are attending an HOA meeting, do not get up and ask for donations for your book’s marketing fund. If you do, at best, your neighbors will think you have lost your mind. At worst, they will discover you are an author and warn their family members to stay away from you. ( Especially if they see you carrying books.)
4 If you are attending an HOA meeting, do not bring the kids. If you do,, at best, you will be distracted and lose sight of what is being voted. At worst,, your kids will see a bunch of new people and ask some potentially embarrassing questions like, “why is that man wearing hair on his head that doesn’t fit?” (True but embarrassing none the less.)
3 If you are attending an HOA meeting, do not try to pretend you haven’t forgotten a few names. If you do, at best, your charade will be transparent, and some will believe you to be an idiot. At worst, you will run out of introductory statements like “Hi there” and be forced to admit you’ve forgotten the name of your next-door neighbor. (He is the man who was kind enough to run out in the rain to help you catch your dog.)
2 If you are attending an HOA meeting, do not be the first to “second” every motion. If you do, at best,, your neighbors will think you have no friends. At worst, you may be seconding things that will cause frictions among the neighbors, and you will be seen as in favor no matter that you didn’t even hear the motion. (Don’t try to stamp out that burning brown bag on your front porch.)
1 If you are attending an HOA meeting and the President is reading the agenda, do not sigh and mumble, “Another long boring meeting.” If you do, at best, you are quickly losing a friend in the President. At worst, your outspoken comment may be shared by others, but because you said it, you will be the one who the neighbors will talk about tomorrow. (They’ll begin with the words, “Can you believe how rude he was to his wife?”)
Fiction Favorites 
Great list, John! I think avoiding the HOA meeting all together is a wise move.
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I’m with you, Jill. 😊
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Makes me glad I’ve never had to deal with an HOA.
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Yes, a good thing for sure.
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I sure am glad I don’t live in a place with an HOA.
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I am too. (now)
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Now I know why I don’t attend our HOA meetings!!
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Wise man. 😁
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For most of my life, I have escaped being ruled by an HOA – I would suggest (from a friend’s experience) that many of these can be used/adapted to fit a School Board meeting.
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Except at school board meeting s you can be declared a domestic terrorist and arrested by the feds.
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That’s a new twist since I attended my last one. I’m done with those.
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Yes. The progressive head of the NEA sent a letter to the US AG wanting protection and autonomy for school boards. The AG sent orders to the FBI to make it happen. The NEA guy has since apologized but who knows what the FBI is doing.
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I had a moment of unfortunate honesty during one meeting. A woman in town hasn’t spoken to me since 🙁
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You are probably better off.
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I have only lived within an HOA governed community once. We had a few run-ins when their rules were beyond reasonable. (They wanted us to pay to tow someone’s truck that broke down in front of our house even though we did not know whose truck it was.) I should have remembered the paper bag trick. 😉 Great advice, John.
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Wow. That takes a lot of cheek. I would have told the association to pay to have the truck removed. That’s what the dues are for.
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You cannot reason with the unreasonable, John.
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I guess so.
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When we were part of an HOA, it seemed like there was always a #9. Can’t get away from them.
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I think there is a #9 in every organization. Thanks, Teri.
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I couldn’t see myself living in a place with an HOA… and um… whipped bread?
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Yes. In the early 50s long before you were born the Wonder bread company came up with bread dough that was whipped so there were no annoying air holes for your jelly to drip through. They made a big deal out of it. Eigth wonder of the world. Whipped bread.
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Haha! Too funny… And there is something special about the holes found in homemade bread… I guess not acceptable in the commercial stuff!
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I think they were looking for a difference.
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Good ones, John. My ability to turn mute my hearing and nap with my eyes open makes me feel fortunate. 🙂
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Ha ha ha. Real life skills
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Avoiding the HOA meetings (which are all on Zoom, so I can tune them out) is one of my specialties. But as you know, there are residents who LOVE them. As long as nothing of significance is discussed (the norm and ad nauseum), I’m happy. This is our first time living with an HOA – we didn’t know how lucky we were for the previous 35 years!
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I get that, Noelle. You’ve told snippets about decorations etc.
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I’ve always avoided areas with HOAs. If I want to put a toilet in my front yard and plant a geranium in it, I can!
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You bet you can. Right next to the overturned car, Thanks for the laugh, Bonnie.
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There’s always the guy who seconds every motion. Sit down and shuddup!
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Ha ha ha ha Yup. Thaks, Steve.
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I’ve never been to one of ours, and really like it that way.
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I don’t blame you.
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Great list, John! This is the first time I’ve ever lived in a neighborhood with an HOA. So far it’s not horrible. They’re pretty sensible but, do enforce the rules. We’ve been called out for two things…Spider webs on the exterior of the house and for our tree when it died. When we replied with solutions and dates the problems would be corrected then of course did what was needed that was the end of it.
The spiders here are awful in the summer. They’re teenie tiny little things that leave little spider webs all over the houses. Lots of newbies to the neighborhood are shocked by that (we were!) and being called out to keep the house free of them. We quickly learned that sweeping our house and spraying in the warmer months Bob’s your Uncle! 😀 Oh, I don’t attend the meetings. I’m content to wait for the minutes to arrive in the mail. 😉
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I would wait for the minutes too.
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Timely list, John. I have an HOA meeting to attend this evening. Always fun 🙄. I’ll be sure to follow your advice. 😁
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Good luck at the meeting. I’ll bet you see some of the characters I mentioned. 😁
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😂 I’m sure I will.
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😊
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A high number of HOA never complete the final step and register with the state. So they are not legitimate. Then again these days the whole idea of putting state and legitimate in close proximity is an intriguing concept. Happy Monday John.
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Yeah, govenment and the law of utility are two different worlds.
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I have never lived in an area with an HOA but I’m sure if I ever do, these tips will be helpful. Thanks, John!
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Try to avoid it if you can.
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I never attended a Home Owners Association Annual Meeting. But in case I will in the future, I’m somewhat prepared now. 🙂
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Yes, you are prepared but if you take my advice avoid an HOA at all costs. Thanks for the comment, Rabirius
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I don’t belong to an HOA either. Not having to attend long, boring meetings is one big plus for no longer being a newspaper journalist!!
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Yes, I agree. They are usually long and boring.
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Great list and advice, John 🙂 I hope I never have to deal with this!
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Yes, that is a good hope for sure.
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A good laugh. The very last line was hilarious.
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Thank you, Lauren. 😁
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Aw, John:). Numbers 9 and 10 sound so very fun! Wink, wink. Almost as if you’d tried them yourself:).
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I have been guilty of a few of these. Thanks, Kristine.
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Fortunately, I’m not in an HOA. #4 is hilarious. Out of the mouths of babes. 🙂
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Thank you, Joan. 😊
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I like the image of #1 and sighing as the President passes out the agenda.🤣 By the way, bringing the kids may be an excellent way to shorten the meeting or a perfect excuse to get out of there quickly when one of them acts up.
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Good point, Pete.
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I have a feeling you know of what you speak with #5. Never miss a chance to market I say! I would add, Never complain about the admin as you will get voted in. Hubby is now the VP of our HOA.
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Ha ha ha. Poor Hubby. 😁
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The home (owners association) is where the heart (burn) is.
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For sure.
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Ugh.
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😊
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Trees and fields make the best neighbors…:)
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And concertina wire.
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🙂
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Super, John!
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” … but if you take my advice avoid an HOA at all costs.” Truer words were never spoken. I’ve been ranting about condos and HOAs for fifty years now. Seems like you learned your lesson.
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I did. That’s why I give that advice now.
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