Top Ten Things Not to Do if You are Going to Disneyland or Disney World

Photo by Kitera Dent on Unsplash

 

This list was published on March 23, 2015, as helpful suggestions if a trip there is planned for spring break. Since this is the last week of spring break, I thought it might come in handy.

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Top Ten Things Not to Do if You are Going to Disneyland or Disney World

10 If you are going to Walt’s place, do not tell the kids until you are there. If you do, at best, you will get there after what seems like an eternity. At worst, your fight has a detour to Fargo, North Dakota, because of the weather, and the snow will melt in ten days. (The kids will ask every three minutes when you are leaving. That’s only 4,800 asks.)

9 If you are going to Walt’s place, do not try to navigate the park without a guide-book. If you do, at best, a three-day visit will seem like three years of waiting. At worst, you and all the other uninformed visitors will be arriving at the same rides simultaneously only to all decide to go to a different ride at the same time and so on until you realize you haven’t ridden one ride in eight hours. (You sure have made a lot of friends, though)

8 If you are going to Walt’s place, do not think the weather will be the same in the afternoon as it is in the morning. If you do, at best, there will be a little rain you didn’t expect. At worse, you may get caught in a monsoon-like downpour or a North Pole-like cold snap, which will also be the perfect growing conduit for the flu virus you picked up on the airplane. ( No gin does not kill the flu virus.)

7 If you are going to Walt’s place, do not let your kids talk you into allowing a friend to come along. If you do, at best, they will all get along and only cost an additional five hundred dollars. At worst, after the first day, the friend is no longer speaking to your kids and insists they want to go home. ( They informed their parents you are holding them against their will. The state police and FBI are very understanding on these kinds of situations)

6 If you are going to Walt’s place, do not think the breakfast with the characters is going to be anything but a trial. If you do, at best, you will be dismayed at the lack of non-screaming picture-taking opportunities. At worst, your child will be the one who is afraid of a giant Mickey Mouse and makes a scene that is so traumatic you hear people talking about the reaction for three days. (Luckily, your child looks completely different when not screaming bloody murder)

5 If you are going to Walt’s place, do not think the cost of eating in the park will be reasonable. If you do, at best, you will discover the three meals you are used to will need to be trimmed to one and a half. At worst, you will have dinner the first night you are there and then will spend your time at the front gate with a cardboard sign that reads “Will write for food.” (Sadly, you are accompanied by 100 other parents doing the same thing)

4 If you are going to Walt’s place, do not try to make the actors break out of character. If you do, at best, you will simply be annoying for the kids. At worst, you may encounter a character like Jim Fink, king of the river, who will take great pleasure staying in character with a knuckle sandwich to your nose. (That came fast, didn’t it?)

3 If you are going to Disneyland, do not try to join the main street parade just because it looks all-American and you had one too many pops at dinner. If you do, at best, you will be sleeping in the car tonight. At worst, the parade, unfortunately, came to an abrupt end for you with fingerprinting and a drafty cell.(At least no one died as a result of your prank.)

2 If you go to Walt’s place, you cannot think the rides are for adults only. If you do, at best, your children will think you don’t know how to share. At worst, you will need to have a time out while your partner explains the purpose of going to Disneyland in the first place. (Of course, the session is in full view of the park visitors)

1 If you are going to Walt’s place do not forget the idea is to have fun. If you do, at best your family will have less of a good time. At worst, you will find your family has made up a little game of hide and seek, and you are it. After you count to one hundred, they have all disappeared, and the next time you talk to them is at the hotel through a locked door. (Fooled you they did.)

67 comments

  1. Great advice. I’ve heard the parks have changed a lot though. Number 1 might be harder than it used to be.

    Liked by 1 person

    1. I was last there 25 years ago so could very well be.

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      1. Think it was 1993 for me. Went to other Disney parks when I lived in Florida. Just not the big one.

        Liked by 1 person

  2. Having lived in Florida, number eight is spot on. Great advice, John.

    Liked by 1 person

    1. Thank you, Jill. 😊

      Liked by 1 person

  3. Great list, John. Are you sure about gin and viruses?

    Liked by 1 person

    1. Maybe need more research.

      Liked by 1 person

  4. I’d rather be drawn and quartered, but if I’m ever forced to visit this place, I’ll remember your list!

    Liked by 1 person

    1. I can see where you might not be the best candidate for such a place. 😁 Thanks, Linda.

      Liked by 1 person

  5. Yeah. I’ve been twice in my life and a big scoop of patience is required.

    Liked by 1 person

    1. They should offer “Line relief stations” stocked with adult beverages. But then those would have a line as well. Thanks, Craig.

      Liked by 1 person

  6. All the reasons I have refused to go anywhere near Walt’s place. It’s one of Dante’s circles of hell.

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  7. Sounds like solid advice to me, John. Thanks for sharing.

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  8. Good advice, John. Makes me wonder if Clark Griswold has some tips to share. 🙂

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    1. I’m sure he has a lot to say about grandma,

      Liked by 1 person

  9. Most excellent advise, but #1 is the most important!! 😀Have fun! My inner child always comes out while there. I love so many of the rides and get impatient waiting in the queues, but Disney knew how to move them along the best.😀

    Liked by 1 person

    1. It is a place for inner child development for sure. Thanks, Deborah.

      Liked by 1 person

  10. We’re fans of Universal Studios and when we were there a few years ago, we decided to take a day and go to Disney since it had been so long since our last visit. All are us were completely miserable – long waits, crowds – I’m talking shoulder to shoulder, chest to back and no one moving. We couldn’t get out of there fast enough and swore we’d never go back.

    Liked by 2 people

    1. I loved Universal Studios. I was at a private event there and rode the back to the future ride alone. So cool.

      Liked by 1 person

  11. I went to the one in Florida many moons ago, and it was expensive then. I can only shudder at how much it might cost in today’s dollar! Great list for those willing to undertake it though.

    Liked by 1 person

    1. Thank you, Debbie. The ticket is $109.00 per person per day for each park. (There are four)A four day park visit would cost a family of four $1600.00 😳

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      1. Yowsa! That’s steep! I don’t recall what we paid, but obviously it wasn’t near that high. Thanks for doing the research, John. Hard to believe so many people from foreign lands can afford to travel here and take in events like this.

        Liked by 1 person

      2. I know right? Seems to be a lot.

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  12. These are SOOO true. We took our kids when they were too little to care about photos, thank heavens. But it was exhausting and budget-bending!

    Liked by 1 person

  13. petespringerauthor · ·

    Good tip about not being responsible for one of your kids’ friends. One less moody child to pacify.

    Liked by 1 person

    1. Yes for sure. Thanks, Pete.

      Liked by 1 person

  14. I don’t need any of those 10 top things as I have only one: not go there. Amusement parks are not my idea fun.

    Liked by 1 person

  15. When we took our daughter all those years ago, I got caught at #8 and had to buy a couple of warmer tops at the gift shop. I have finally paid off the credit card.

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    1. Ha ha ha. Love this story, Darlene.

      Liked by 1 person

  16. You are not kidding. Since we raised our kids in southern Cali Disneyland was a big part of things. Either we had to take them or they got asked by friends. So the one about not taking a friend, while SO TRUE, is how we all got stuck every time haha.

    Liked by 1 person

    1. I can imagine.

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  17. And if you go, don’t leave your most comfortable shoes at home!!

    Liked by 1 person

    1. Excellent advice, GP.

      Liked by 1 person

  18. I’ve never been to Disney World, but went to Disney Land many years ago. These days, people would probably need to take out a mortgage just to go!

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    1. Cost $109.00 per person per park in Florida. There are four parks so a family of four could spend $1600.00 in four days.

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  19. Walt is not going to see my face this spring break, and most likely ever. We took our kids to Disney Land (since we live in the Bay area) and do you know what their memory was a month later, and is STILL? That their dad left the headlights of the car on in the parking lot, and 10 hours later when we returned to the car, it still started! ;-0 Now THAT’S magic! 🙂 Fabulous list, John.

    Liked by 1 person

    1. I like that story, Pamela, 😁

      Liked by 1 person

      1. And you know it’s well repeated in our house. 🙂

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      2. I’m sure. It’s like when I took the kids swimming one winter and forgot my suit. Bought a Speedo in the hotel shop. Never lived it down. 😁

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      3. Ooh, that is classic! 🙂

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      4. I know. It comes up often

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  20. This made me laugh out loud!!

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    1. I hope you were alone at the time. 😁

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      1. Fortunately, yes. And I wasn’t drinking my morning coffee… I’ve learned that coffee and Top Ten don’t work well together. 😀

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      2. Ha ha ha . 😁

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      3. 😅

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  21. I still have PTSD from our trip to the place, and that was fifteen years ago. The best deal in the park was a huge drumstick for five bucks. That was the highlight. Well, that and the kickass martini they made at our hotel. Almost made me forget all the pain that was awaiting me when I got back home.

    Liked by 1 person

    1. We went to Disney World and lucky for us our little one had some kind of aversion to characters. So we just rode the rides and stayed clear of Mickey and the gang. Didn’t have to do the breakfast with Mickey thing either. That was in 98.

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      1. It’s one of those experiences, I’m glad I went with my kids and they loved it but . . . I’ll never need to do it again.

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      2. I’m with you. I also agree on the killer martini.

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      3. It made all the difference.

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      4. As most do. 🍸

        Liked by 1 person

  22. “Never been either one on them. But after reading all the comments, I can’t wait to go,” he said sarcastically.

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    1. These would not be your kind of places Andrew. 😁

      Liked by 1 person

  23. Reblogged this on Nelsapy.

    Liked by 1 person

  24. Quite a professional collection I think. Makes me wonder how many of these ‘fun’ trips you have been cajoled into.

    Liked by 1 person

    1. Enough to know what not to do for sure. 🤣

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    1. Yes, be careful. 😁

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