This post was published on September 12th, 2016. Let’s hope it has legs.
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The inspiration for this list came to me while watching a few shows where people compete for money, a hosting berth on a food show, to see if they would like to sell or list their house, or just want a new place to live. I did not know what to call these shows, so I labeled them competition shows. Anyway, I think you get the idea.
10 If you are watching a competition show and it involves food, do not think you need to match bite for bite. If you do, at best, you’ll be too full to sleep. At worst, your doctor will conduct an intervention and perhaps admit you to a sanitarium to lose weight. (Man, that first 100 pounds came quick, didn’t it?)
9 If you are watching a competition show that involves racing from one place to the next, do not think you need to rush to the store after it is over. If you do, at best, the kindly officer will let you off with a warning after he hears your story. At worst, your insurance company will not reinstate your policy in spite of your promise to get rid of the racing gloves. (You would have been okay had you not slid sideways into the 7-11.)
8 If you are watching a competition show and the players are all on an island with no food, do not plan your vacation while watching. If you do, at best, your room choices will seem luxurious when in fact, they should be condemned. At worst, you’ll arrive at your destination and realize that primitive camp living might not have been the best option. (Especially since your family considers roughing it to be no room service.)
7 If you are watching a competition show and the favorite day of the show is demolition day, do not tackle that small home improvement. If you do, at best, you will spend three minutes on demolition and ten days on reconstruction. At worst, your demolition fever will go unchecked until you realize you have no more bedrooms. (That night sky is sure filled with stars, isn’t it?)
6 If you are watching a competition show and the principles pay for rundown houses with cash, do not make an offer on a house. If you do, at best, you will overlook some needed repairs. At worst, you will realize there is no one to help you with what has been described as a “tear down.” (It looked so easy on TV, didn’t it, Bunky?)
5 If you are watching a competition show and the homeowners are asked if they love it or should they list it? Do not call an agent to list your house. If you do, at best, you will have second thoughts about your beloved home. At worst, your house will sell in two days with the new owners wanting to move in a week, and you have nowhere to go. (How come everything for sale is higher priced than what you got for your house? Huh?)
4 If you are watching a competition show and there are judges eliminating chefs, do not decide you can cook better than all of them. If you do, at best, your offerings may not be enthusiastically received. At worst, you will have a food walkout at your house, and you’ll be the last chef standing. (Seems kind of lonely, just you and that pot of stew.)
3 If you are watching a competition show and it involves food trucks, do not think that may be an easy way to make a buck. If you do, at best, your first week will be a killer. At worst, after you spend all that money to buy the truck, you realize you can’t sell the truck. (Kind of cramped to live in, right?)
2 If you are watching a competition show that involves two guys giving the homeowner a complete makeover for $30,000, do not ask for bids on your remodel. If you do, at best, you’ll never get a price low enough to proceed. At worst, you will find someone to do the job at your price and have to hire another contractor to redo the job at twice the price. (All looked good until the ceiling fell. Right?)
1 If you are watching a competition show that involves selecting a home from three choices of houses, do not think you will be that lucky. If you do, At best, you will need to see more. At worst, you will look at three, pick one, and discover that a better house has come on the market and is cheaper. (So much for being in a rush, huh, Rube?)