Top Ten Things Not to Do Returning From a Long Trip

~ John W. Howell
Photo by John McArthur on Unsplash

 

This was originally posted on July 3rd, 2017. Now that we are back to making trips, I think it might still be current.

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The inspiration for this list was my return from a ten-day trip. In case you wonder, I am entirely innocent of these incidents. Hope you enjoy it.

Top Ten Things Not to Do Returning From a Long Trip

10 If you are returning from a long trip, do not forget where you parked your car. If you do, at best, security will help you find it. At worst, you’ll have to catch a cab home, convincing your family that you need a physical intervention. (That brain MRI was a pleasant experience, right, Bosco?)

9 If you are returning from a long trip, do not argue with the parking attendant about the price of parking. If you do, at best, he will call the police. At worst, the attendant is Tiny, the WWF champ working nights to pay his fine for the last criminal assault charge. (Looks like you had better use your feet to avoid this one, Buford.)

8 If you are returning from a long trip, do not arrive in the middle of the night and expect a warm welcome. If you do, at best, you will be disappointed. At worst, your watchdog, which is especially protective, will confuse you with an intruder. (Good thing you have that tall tree in the front yard, huh? Putz.)

7 If you are returning from a long trip, do not think the hotel shampoo and conditioner bottles count as souvenirs. If you do, at best, the only one talking to you right now is you. At worst, you’ll have to find an alternative sleeping arrangement. (That couch is as lumpy as you thought, isn’t it, Buster?)

6 If you are returning from a long trip, do not dump your laundry on the floor and declare, “No rush.” If you do, at best, the pile will stay there forever. At worst, you may wonder why the Goodwill receipt is on your bureau. (On the plus side, you can deduct the donation, Ferd.)

5 If you are returning from a long trip, do not make comments at dinner about how good the food was on the trip. If you do, at best, you will be eating out for weeks. At worst, you will be invited to prepare the meals according to your taste. (That includes menu and shopping, Bunky.)

4 If you are returning from a long trip, do not think everyone you meet wants to hear about your experiences. If you do, at best, people will avoid you. At worst, you will have to listen to the experiences of others. (It really gets to you when their trip sounds better than yours, doesn’t it, Tex?)

3 If you are returning from a long trip, do not think everyone wants to hear you speak in the language of the place visited. If you do, at best, most will believe that you are affected. At worst, you will meet someone fluent in the language, and you’ll be stumped. (A little hard to keep up after hello, don’t you think, Pard?)

2 If you are returning from a long trip, don’t keep saying, ”It’s good to be home.” If you do, at best, people will think you had a lousy time. At worst, most will wonder why you left in the first place. (Of course, they may also see through your desire to answer the question, “Where have you been? Leroy.”)

1 If you are returning from a long trip, do not think you won’t have to resume helping out around the house. If you do, at best, you will get a gentle reminder. At worst, you may find your suitcase repacked and ready for another trip. (That one-way ticket is sobering, don’t you think, Cousin?)

79 thoughts on “Top Ten Things Not to Do Returning From a Long Trip”

  1. Not being able to find my car is an issue when I go to the grocery store sometimes, so yeah, the airport totally blows. Which is why I always left notes- with myself and others- as to where I left my car in long term, LOL.

    Liked by 1 person

  4. There are some points someone – not me Lol – had experienced the same way. Good planning is always a good first step for a journey, and we’d never to forget there always will be a return. 😉 Thanks, John! Have a nice week! xx Michael

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  5. The first time I went to DFW airport (two or three years after it opened), I was convinced someone had stolen my mother’s car. Turns out we were in the wrong parking garage!

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  12. So funny, John. After a lengthy search for my car several years ago, I learned to take a cell photo of the location and the marker. And, I make sure my phone is charged before I fly, in case I need that photo.😂

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  15. I have never been able to find my car, even if it’s the only one left in the lot. So, you can imagine how I actually would make sure I had the location where the car was left written in about five different places. And keeping a low profile upon a lengthy return is best…at least until you can get a feel for what has transpired in your absence. Then, maybe you can get a little chatty about your trip. Proceed with caution!

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  16. I’ve been taking a photo of where I park in airport parking lots for a number of years now. Even at the mall sometimes! It’s amazing how fast I forget where I parked and how every row looks the same after a 10 day trip away!

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  18. All terrific, John. My one addition is after returning from a long trip, do not think you are entitled to an immediate nap. You will find yourself inundated with things your partner has been saving up for you to do!
    The parking advice was great – I can’t tell you the number of times we’ve lost the car!

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  23. Thanks for the timely advice, John. I’ll keep that in mind unti we return from our long trip.
    As to #6″ that can never happen to me. I keep my dirty laundry in my suitcase until a day before the next trip!
    As to #4: that’s why I write about my trips in my blog. So my readers can choose themselves if they want to “listen” to my blabbering away. 😉
    All the best from Middlebury/VT,
    Pit

    Liked by 1 person

  24. Good list. I think one chore gets added for each day when I’m gone “Wait a minute, this ‘honey do’ list grew while I was gone.”

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  25. Forgetting where the car is parked is a thing of the past, now that we have cellphones. I ALWAYS take a picture of the number where I park. We learn after we spend an hour looking for the damn thing!

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