Top Ten Things Not to Do at an Auto Show.

This post originally ran on October 6th, 2016. It still looks like good advice. I hope you enjoy it.

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Photo by Timeo Buehrer on Unsplash

The inspiration for this list came as I walked around the Mustangfest on Saturday. I swear all of these are made up, and I did not use actual personal experiences to compile this list. Hope you enjoy it.

Top Ten Things Not to Do at an Auto Show.

10 If you attend an auto show, do not touch the cars. If you do, at best, you will be reminded not to do it. At worst, that tall guy with the polish cloth heading in your direction has orders to use his knuckles if necessary to keep people back from the cars. (Just your luck, his T-shirt has “Punch First, Ask Second” silk-screened on the front)

9 If you attend an auto show, do not ask the owner how much was spent on the restoration. If you do, at best, you’ll get a vague answer like “too much.” At worst, you will get an actual number that is said within earshot of the owner’s spouse, followed by a round of bickering. (You can’t escape this one and find yourself on the receiving end of blows from both.)

8 If you attend an auto show, do not insist on a ride in one of the cars. If you do, at best, the owner will try to ignore you. At worst, the owner will call security to have you escorted out. (Security just happens to be handled by the Oakland, California chapter of the Hell Angles. Yes, Tiny is President and happy to help you out.)

7 If you attend an auto show, do not take pictures of cars and people without permission. If you do, at best, you’ll be kindly asked to stop. At worst, you can reclaim your camera in stall one of the men’s room. (It is amazing how low the tolerance level was when you snapped that flash into the face of the big guy asking you to stop.)

6 If you attend an auto show, do not set a beverage container on a car. If you do, at best, you will be asked to leave. At worst, you will cause an apoplectic reaction from the owner that will require an EMS intervention. (I’ll bet you never saw that shade of red on a human face before, did you? Oh, by the way, Tiny was asking around for you.)

5 If you attend an auto show, do not point out flaws in the car to the owner. If you do, at best, the owner will walk away. At worst, you will have said enough to trigger the set point for past anger issues, and the consequences will be noisy at best. (You never knew you could run that fast, primarily through crowds of people. How did you know this was the owner’s first day out of the institution?)

4 If you attend an auto show, do not open anything on the car that isn’t already open. If you do, at best, you will be asked kindly to leave the vehicle alone. At worst, you will open the door, lid, or hatch to a potentially embarrassing situation. (How did you know seven days of laundry was in that trunk?)

3 If you attend an auto show, do not let the children run free. If you do, at best, they will behave as you have taught them. At worst, that all-day sucker that is missing will show up inside the award-winning convertible. (The sad part is your child cries out, “Hey, that’s my sucker,” as the man tries to remove it from his white leather seat. The crowd now turns to you.)

2 If you attend an auto show, do not ask the car owner’s spouse about the family participation in the hobby. If you do, at best, you will get a short reply that broadcasts resentment. At worst, you’ll get an invitation to have a drink that will turn into a four-hour complaint session resulting in a slurred outburst against the whole idea. (Another fine fix you are in, hey, Bunkie. You are lucky not to be named a co-respondent in the divorce.)

1 If you attend an auto show, do not attempt to impress the muscle car owner with the performance attributes of your Prius. If you do, at best, the scoff gives you a hint to move on. At worst, the owner will call a few friends over so that there will be an audience to witness the put-down. (What ever made you think muscle car love had anything to do with fuel economy?)

 

69 comments

  1. Good morning, dear John,
    we love your no-to-do advice 😂😂😂
    Wishing you a wonderful week
    The Fab Four of Cley
    🙂 🙂 🙂 🙂

    Liked by 1 person

    1. Wishing you a beautiful week as well. Thanks, Klausbernd.

      Liked by 2 people

  2. These are hilarious! I’ll bet some of them have actually happened.

    Liked by 1 person

    1. I’m sure they have. 😁

      Liked by 1 person

    1. Thanks for sharing, Michael.

      Like

  3. Great tips, John! Thank you, and don’t forget: In future we maybe only will watch cars in museums. Have a beautiful week! xx Michael.

    Liked by 1 person

    1. That could be very true, Michael. 😳

      Like

  4. I remember going to a car show years ago. Think I saw all of these rules get broken.

    Liked by 1 person

    1. I think you are right. I saw a few of these myself.

      Like

  5. And don’t ask your girlfriend to pose on the hood. (I used to own a show car many years ago, and this stuff happens.)

    Liked by 1 person

    1. I remember when Princess Di leaned on the hood of Charles’ Aston Martin and put a dent in the hood. Charles was a little upset.

      Liked by 1 person

  6. Are you sure this wasn’t from personal experience?!! 🚗

    Liked by 1 person

    1. Nope. Observation only. (i know he doth protest too much) 🤣

      Liked by 2 people

  7. These are great, John!

    Liked by 1 person

    1. Thanks, Jill. 😊

      Like

  8. Gwen M. Plano · · Reply

    Over the years I’ve been to several car shows. Though I didn’t have your wisdom at hand, my husband and the owners taught me the basics pretty quickly. 😄

    Liked by 1 person

    1. Ha ha ha. Hard lessons I’m sure. Thanks, Gwen. 😊

      Liked by 1 person

  9. Can’t say I’ve ever been to a car show, but wouldn’t be surprised if all of these things happen on a regular basis.

    Liked by 1 person

    1. I think they do. Thanks, Teri.

      Liked by 1 person

  10. This is a great list, John. I’ve been to car shows where I’ve see a couple violations, including one of No. 5 by my friend. Talk about guilt by association. I’m surprised not to see, “don’t drool on the Bentley…”

    Liked by 1 person

    1. Don’t even get close enough to drool on the Bentley. 😁

      Liked by 1 person

  11. I can believe these things happen. Thanks, John.

    Liked by 1 person

    1. I have seen it. Thanks, Joan.

      Liked by 1 person

  12. Good advice. So much can go awry if you try these.

    Liked by 1 person

    1. They can Michele especially a visit from Tiny.

      Liked by 1 person

  13. Very on point, John. I’ve been to my share of auto shows and know the rules. The antique car owners are more forgiving, though, and the wives enjoy the rides.

    Liked by 1 person

    1. That is true. Thanks, Noelle,

      Like

  14. Good ones, John. Astute observation on muscle car owners and their thoughts on fuel economy. One of their favorite sayings is “There’s no replacement for displacement.” 🙂

    Liked by 1 person

    1. I think that pretty much sums up the muscle car justification.

      Liked by 1 person

  15. D.L. Finn, Author · · Reply

    I will attempt to steer clear of any of these when we go to the next car show 🙂

    Liked by 1 person

    1. Yes a good idea, Denise. 😁

      Like

  16. Prius… LOL. You slay me, John. Well worth a repeat. Hugs on the wing.

    Liked by 1 person

    1. Thank you, Teagan. 😁

      Like

  17. John, all good points. Although, I must say my interest in cars is mostly functional. I’ve never been one to want the best-looking or fastest-driving vehicles. I just want one where the air conditioning or heater will always work. 🙂

    Liked by 1 person

    1. Not a bad expectation, Bruce. 😁

      Liked by 1 person

  18. Great list, John, but gee, it’s so hard not to touch when these things are so beautiful!! I’d never even think of setting a drink down on one of them, but I’d love sitting behind the wheel…if they were amenable!

    Liked by 1 person

    1. I have never met a car show exhibitor who would let someone sit in their car. Of course if a pretty girl asked who knows? Go for it.

      Liked by 1 person

      1. 😉 HaHa!

        Liked by 1 person

  19. Great list, John. Gee, I’d be tempted to touch, seeing as how they’re so beautiful. Or maybe to sit in the driver’s seat, if the owners permitted it!

    Liked by 2 people

    1. Touching gets everyone all in a dither. Thanks, Debbie.

      Liked by 2 people

  20. Number 6 made me cringe, John. Even I know that one. Numbers 1 and 2 made me laugh. (An ex-Prius owner here). Lol. Great list.

    Liked by 1 person

    1. Thank you, Diana.

      Liked by 1 person

  21. Oh man! Number 6 would send an irate owner into a hissy fit! Good ones, John!

    Liked by 1 person

    1. Maybe a fisticuff or two as well.

      Liked by 1 person

  22. petespringerauthor · · Reply

    I imagine spouses may not be aware of all the expenses that have gone into restoring a vehicle. They’re beautiful, but what an expensive hobby! I thought golf was expensive.

    Liked by 1 person

    1. So true. Thanks, Pete. Also time consuming.

      Liked by 1 person

  23. Hilarious, but still, good advice! 😀

    Liked by 1 person

    1. Thank you, Vashti.

      Liked by 1 person

      1. You’re welcome.😊

        Liked by 1 person

  24. 😆 Kind of similar to attending a dog show.

    Liked by 1 person

    1. That’s true, Monika. 😁

      Liked by 1 person

  25. I suppose it is friend Tiny at no.10?

    Liked by 1 person

  26. So what you’re saying is I should keep my slushie on my person, not ask too many questions and never, ever tell an owner his car looks a little TOO custom.

    Liked by 1 person

    1. I think you took away the proper lessons. 😊

      Liked by 1 person

  27. This was one of your finest! Tiny and the drink can on the car, and the kid and the sucker…lol!

    Liked by 2 people

    1. Ha ha ha. Thanks, Jennie.

      Liked by 1 person

      1. You’re welcome, John. Say hi to Tiny for me.

        Liked by 1 person

      2. He says hello and to get better.

        Liked by 1 person

      3. Or he’ll come over there and teach you a thing or two about wrestling.

        Liked by 1 person

      4. Hahaha!!! I was tempted to type, “Oh Tiny, you’re all talk and really a big softie.” But then I regained my wits. 😅

        Liked by 1 person

      5. Yeah. I woudn’t do that. 😳

        Liked by 1 person

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