The coffee is taking an unusual amount of time today. An ear to the machine picks up the usual sounds, so all must be normal. It brings to mind that perhaps divices have trouble getting going in the morning too. Looking in the back of the fridge pays off with not only spotting the half and half but hearing the satisfying sputter and pour sounds of the nectar of the gods flowing into my mug.
The addition of half and half pushes the morning brew into a new dimension whose mesmerizing quality is broken by the klaxon warning horn. Throwing treats on the floor finally gets Twiggy and Lucy to come down from the ceiling and substitute sounds of joy for the ear-bleeding decibel level of their barking.
A gulp of coffee and a sigh precede the opening of the door ritual. Gate thrown open, bar lifted, concertina wire coiled, machine guns on standby, Trebuchet disarmed, Claymore mines picked up, submarine net in the moat raised, boiling oil turned off, hovering drone grounded, bolts thrown and locks undone.
The open door reveals a being that looks like Wile E. Coyote. “Don’t tell me. I called the ACME explosives company and asked for an engineer to help remove that safe and person from my backyard. So please don’t say you are him.”
He nods, and the cold feeling along my spine immediately leads me to believe a problem of monumental proportion now exists. Wile E. Coyote is perhaps the most incompetent user of ACME products. He immediately hands me two envelopes. The first contains a certification of one Wile E. Coyote as an ACME happiness engineer. Looking him in the shifty eyes confirms the depth of the trouble. The second envelope contains a message from Linda Hill. It reads. Your Friday prompt for Stream of Consciousness Saturday is “back of the fridge.” Write the first thing that comes to mind when you think of the phrase “back of the fridge.” Enjoy!
If you want to have fun like this, visit Linda’s blog and find out how. Here is the link. https://lindaghill.com/2022/10/07/the-friday-reminder-and-prompt-for-socs-oct-8-2022/
Back of the Fridge by John W. Howell © 2022
“You didn’t do the prompt.”
“I did so.”
“You mentioned the phrase but not the first thing you think of when you think of ‘back of the fridge'”
“Yes, it was the half and half.”
“For heaven’s sake. I thought you would come up with something like a hairy cheese ball or a petrified pork chop.”
“And what kind of story would that make?”
“I don’t know. You are the writer, not me.”
“Who wants to read about a piece of cheese or pork chop anyway?”
“You could have made a humorous thing out of it.”
“Like how?”
“I don’t know. Maybe the pork chop that ate New York.”
“Good thing I’m the writer here.”
“What does that mean?”
“Your suggestion sucked.”
“Gee, don’t hold back on my account.”
“I thought you would mention a Voo Doo Ranger in the back of the fridge.”
“You have one?”
“The Producer just loaded twelve in there.”
“Twelve? For you, that’s a three-month supply. Maybe I can help you with that.”
“Maybe so. Give me your keys.”
“I’m only going to have one.”
“Says the man with no self-control.”
“I resemble that. Okay, here are the keys. Where’s the opener?”
“I thought you would say trading car keys for a church key.”
“Now you know why I’m not the writer. Opener?”
“Top drawer over there.”
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Thank you for sharing, Michael.
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Thanks as well for the great entertainment, John! xx Michael
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I am glad you liked it, Michael. Have a great Saturday.
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Thanks, John! Enjo also a great weekend! xx Michael
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😊
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Your morning is really loaded with action. Aren’t Twiggy and Lucy in duty for securing the property? You should not distract them with sweeties, John. 😉 Have a nice weekend! xx Michael
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They are effective unless a burglar is hard of hearing. 😁
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Brilliantly entertainment John..
But what is a Good Doo Ranger? 💜💜💜
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Voo Doo Ranger is an Ale sold here. My brand of choice.
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Oh! Yes I recall now I got confused and thought it was food! 😉💜
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Can happen for sure. Thanks, Willow.
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Great beer choice! I couldn’t help but wonder how many people these days know what a church key is? You did the prompt justice as always, John.
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I was worried about that but decided not to explain too much and just go back to “opener.” Thanks, Maggie.
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Well, I am certainly of a certain age! 😉 I loved it.
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Thanks, Maggie.
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I love the not-so-subtle dig at WordPress! (Gleeful chortling . . . )
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They have earned it. Thanks, Liz.
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They certainly have. (Boo, hiss.) You’re welcome, John.
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Ha ha ha. 😁
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Nice shot with the “ACME happiness engineer,” John. That says more about Wile E. Coyote than him falling over a cliff. Keeping Voodoo Ranger in the back is safer than half and half.
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Yes it is. Never hear of anyone getting high cholesterol from Voo Doo. Just high.
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🙂
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Did you read the fine print on Wile E. Coyote ACME happiness engineer’s business card ? The coyote people call when they realize the gravity of the situation.
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Perfect tie in too. Thanks, John
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Makes perfect sense. Wile E. Coyote, Happiness Engineer.
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Yes indeed.
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Hmm. It might be worth the long, long drive to Lakeway just to experience the commotion caused by a doorbell ring. Hilarious, John. 😄 Have a great weekend!
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Thank you, Gwen. I’m not sure you would like it at all. It makes nails on a blackboard seem like a concerto. 😁
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🤣
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😁
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Took me too long to figure out this prompt. Thought it meant something that fell behind the fridge.
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Ah. Yest that too.
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The good stuff is always in the back of the fridge. . .
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Yup.
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Great from the start, John! I’m glad the Producer keeps you well stocked. Happy Saturday sung to the tune of It’s Five O’Clock Somewhere by Alan Jackson and Jimmy Buffett. Cheers!
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Great song. Happy Saturday to you *sung to the tune of What About Us by Pink.
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John, make sure Wile is a certified remediation specialist before he attempts removing the safe. Otherwise, you could face steep fines from the EPA.
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I’ll check h papers. Thanks, Dan
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Good old Wile E. Coyote! Appropriate that he showed up on Saturday morning. 🙂
Thanks for the smiles, John.
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Thank you, Tim.
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Everything in our refrigerator is at the back (so says my wife). But we do use a couple of turntables. That helps.
Now to your safe problem. You may want to check with Officer Dibble on this. You don’t want Dick Dastardly showing up.
Good luck with it all.
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I don’t think I could handle Dick Dastardly. Snidely Whiplash? Maybe.
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I love getting two tweaks to my funny bone each time you write these. So, thank you!
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Thank you so much, Pamela
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John, your prose is deliciously descriptive that I could practically smell the coffee brewing. Well done.
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Thank you, Monika. I’m working on first person prose without the use of “I.”
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I think when I was a kid I saw “The Pork Chop That Ate New York” as part of a double feature with “The Brisket That Ate Texas.” 🙂 Hope you have a great weekend, John.
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You as well, Bruce
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I guess Twiggy and Lucy are hiding? Anyway, ‘back of the fridge’ conjures up horrible stuff, which you definitely paid homage to – hairy cheese ball. At least it didn’t have legs!
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I think it did. Can’t find it anywhere. 😁
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I wouldn’t trust Wile E. Either. Good one, John 🙂
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Thanks, Denise.
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So many good, laugh-out-loud bits, John! I’m still chuckling over the “ACME happiness engineer” … as if 😉
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Thank you, Marie. I’m glad you liked it.
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You didn’t say if Mr. Coyote managed to do the job, John. I guess that’s for next week.
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Yes next week. Thanks, Robbie.
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Great story and description John. I could hear the dog barks, lol. 🙂
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I’m glad I got them to be quiet finally. Thanks, Debby.
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🙂
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😊
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ACME happiness engineer… hahaha! I’d like to be a fly on the wall watching you find more and more security devices. You’re the dude! BTW, Voo Doo Ranger isn’t everywhere up here, so last week when I was at the liquor store – there it was. I (kind of) yelled, “Voo Doo Ranger”, thinking of you. The stares from others… well, they just didn’t understand. 🙂
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Ha ha ha. I’ll bet they thought you were a little strange. There are two kinds of VooDoo Ranger. The IPA and Imperial. I do the Imperial. Bigger flavor and 9% alcohol. (since I only have one a week I want it to count) IPA is 7%.
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Yes, I got a few stares. One a week?? John, life’s short, you gotta live. Definitely stick with the 9% (and a few more than one a week.)
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My go to is wine and bourbon. So the beer has to take a back seat. I do enjoy my one like no one else.
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Your bourbon is famous, John. Just ask Dan 😎. One day I hope to see a photo of you in a Bentley with a John Howell’s special. Yes, I jumped the gun, Voo Doo Ranger can take a backseat.
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Thank you, Jennie.
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You’re welcome! 😀
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I’m glad to see Wile E. is still gainfully employed. Did you invite him in for a pint?
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He’s got to figure out the safe first. Thanks, Mark.
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Hahaha!
Well, I suppose you’re going to have to give Wile E. a chance. I mean ACME certified him and everything!
Perhaps he’s gained some knowledge?
Okay, I misspoke. Look on the bright side, if he does manage to blow the safe and its occupant sky high, it will land on him.
Then Sam will shoot him with that dang nabbit cartoon shotgun!
Hmm, but still, the safe will be there, so will Sam and a flattened Wile E.
Oh well, tuning in next week to see what happens!
🐂💋🐂💋🐂💋🐂
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Yes it is turning into a serial so I have to get Sam and then Wile E and safe out of there. 🐂💋🐂💋🐂💋🐂 🥃
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Lol, John. Another great response to the prompt, but now I’m wondering what’s happening in the back yard with the safe. 🙂
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Big problem, Jan. We need to find a solution.
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Back of the fridge can reveal all sorts of goodies we forgot about! And I dunno about Wile E. Coyote
(Sorry, I fell behind on the SoS… Catching up now!)
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Thank you, Dale. Doesn’t matter when you get here. Always happy to see you.
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You are most gracious! xo
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😊
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