Top Ten Things Not To Do While Creating Top Ten Lists

~ John W. Howell

 

Photo by Glenn Carstens-Peters on Unsplash

This list was first posted on July 14th, 2014. I think the advice still holds today. Of course, I seem to be the only one making top ten things not to do lists, so I will take it under advisement. I hope you enjoy it too.

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Top Ten Things Not To Do While Creating Top Ten Lists

10. If you are creating a top ten list, do not wait until the last minute before publication. If you do, at best, you may have to go with nine. At worst, you might get stuck after two items, leading to severe writer’s block, which might transfer to your latest novel.

9. If you are creating a top ten list, do not ask your significant other how they like it. If you do, at best, you might get an honest answer. At worst, you may find out your significant other and you have nothing whatsoever in common, which will be more of a problem than a top ten list.

8. If you are creating a top ten list, do not choose a limited subject. ( like creating top ten lists) If you do, at best, you will be hard-pressed to think of ten items, At worst, you will make your vulnerability on the subject transparent to everyone, and you could be the laughing stock of the blogosphere.

7. If you are creating a top ten list, do not think you are in line for a Pulitzer prize. If you think you are, at best, you will have a very bad day when the Pulitzers are announced. At worst, you will set yourself up for a monumental disappointment that might cripple you for life.

6. If you are creating a top ten list, do not start if you can’t count to ten. If you do, at best, you may be asking others for help. At worst, you will muddle on with no hope of completing the task and no notion as to why.

5. If you are creating a top ten list, do not start a list at number one. If you do, at best, your readers will not understand the arrangement and complain since everyone knows you count down from ten. At worst, your action could force some fragile individuals to become wards of the state for the next twenty years since you have altered what they perceive as universal normalcy.

4. If you are creating a top ten list, do not try to fit in some political rhetoric. If you do, at best, you may get some opposing comments that are not very pleasing. At worst, you’ll have political trolls after you for the rest of your natural life, and the only way to escape is to write under a pen name.

3. If you are creating a top ten list, do not get wrapped up in the serious stuff. If you do, at best, you may spend more time researching than the list is worth. At worst, you may not do enough research and find yourself on Wikipedia as an example of an idiot.

2. If you are creating a top ten list, try to find some humorous things to say. If you don’t, at best, you will collect some mercy likes but no comments. At worst, you will watch your followers drop like flies at a Raid convention.

1. If you are creating a top ten list, try to remember the previous ten, so you don’t end up repeating yourself. If you forget, at best, your readers will assume you are a lousy proofreader. At worst, they will come to the conclusion that your drinking problem has gotten to the point of intervention, and the sound at the door is the friendly technicians from Sleepy Time Rehab trying to get in with your Demerol shot and the white jacket.

67 thoughts on “Top Ten Things Not To Do While Creating Top Ten Lists”

  9. If I ever try to do this, I’ll make sure to have a back-up blog post ready to roll. I assume these are the product of your imagination and not your experience, John. Either way, good list.

    Liked by 1 person

  13. I laughed at #5. Nothing confuses me more than blogs that arrange comments with the newest first. It seems a sure way to discourage conversation among commenters, and makes the whole concept of a thread meaningles. Grumpgrumpgrump….

    Liked by 1 person

  20. I know these top ten lists are often a bit silly, but I think you made one excellent point that others should accept—do not get wrapped up in the series stuff. Top Ten lists are opinion-based, and people that argue about someone’s opinion not “being right” miss the point.

    Liked by 1 person

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