Photo by Kevin Ianeselli on Unsplash
This post ran on June 5th, 2017. I think folks still camp, so it may come in handy. I hope you enjoy it.
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The inspiration for this list was surveying the damage after the Memorial Day weekend. Several campsites were either blown or washed away. Such a situation caused the development of a list that might save others from a similar fate.
Top Ten Things Not to Do While Camping
10 If you are camping, do not arrive in the dark to set up. If you do, at best, you might accidentally choose a high dry spot. At worst, your camp was pitched in a low area that the forest animals routinely use as a freeway. (Nothing like having a family of Coyotes in your sleeping bag huh, Bradley?)
9 If you are camping, do not go to the site without having tested new equipment. If you do, at best, your stove has no fuel, and it’s trying to cook over a fire time. At worst, your water purifier kit is missing a part, and now you have nothing to drink but Bud Light. (Okay, so maybe you don’t mind, Buford, but the family looks like they are in the beginning stage of dehydration.)
8 If you are camping, do not think you will be immune to insect bites, and not take repellent. If you do, at best, you’ll have to hope the mud stops the itching. At worst, you might be the only member of the team to come down with malaria. (Who knew that the only Anopheles mosquito in North America had a crush on you, Leroy?)
7 If you are camping, do not take the weather reports lightly. If you do, at best, you have not planned activities that can be done in inclement weather. At worst, you may experience what it is like to be cold, wet, and hungry for several days. (You could have done the same thing in your backyard, right, Doofis?)
6 If you are camping, do not think you can buy more food at the campsite. If you do, at best, your trip will end early. At worst, your attempts to borrow food from other campers will be met with the same welcome extended to bears. (You also learned a lesson about challenging a bear at the dumpster, huh, Bunky?)
5 If you are camping, do not think your fellow campers welcome your loud morning wake-up music. If you do, at best, the park management will help you pack. At worst, Tiny, the WWF champ, having been advised by his anger management counselor to go camping for the peace and quiet, is now heading toward your site with a good morning greeting of his own. (It won’t help to ask Tiny to put you down. He’ll be thinking of a body slam, Tex.)
4 If you are camping, do not forget the first aid kit. If you do, at best, the rule of camping that says, “someone will get hurt,” might pass you by. At worst, in one day, your group will have two sprained ankles, a dislocated shoulder, a fish hook in the eyebrow, and poison ivy. (The funny thing is all these things happened to you, Burt, and it wasn’t even noon on the first day yet.)
3 If you are camping, do not count on a hot shower. If you do, at best, you’ll have to use a cold lake. At worst, you are now attracting wild things from the forest and are being asked to sleep outside the tent. (Your stubbornness regarding hot water is not paying off, is it, Buster?)
2 If you are camping, do not arrive at the campsite without a reservation. If you do, at best, a standby spot will open up. At worst, you, the family, and the dog will be sharing the backseat of your Toyota Corolla. (At least you all have learned what makes each of you really mad right, Putz?)
1 If you are camping, do not think you can recreate the luxury and convenience of your home. If you do, at best, you will come up short. At worst, the lack of electricity and air conditioning will finally push you over the edge. (You might as well admit camping is not for you, Ferd.)
Fiction Favorites 
I’m not much of a camper, never have been. It’s not the cold showers, I don’t mind them once in a while. It’s just, well . . . everything else.
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I’m with you. When I was a boy scout it was fine. After that more of a bother than a rest.
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Yeah, it was kitschy back then.
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Yup.
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Such memories you have awakened… Have set up at night (not ideal); have forgotten bug repellent; have had wet trips… nope. Once we moved from tent to pop-up tent trailer to trailer, there was no going back. I want me a bed, a/c, an inside space in case of inclement weather… I kinda miss that, to be honest!
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Does bring us to a primal point for sure. Maybe that’s the missing part. Thanks, Dale.
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Maybe it is!
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😊
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Sounds great to me. My option today is the office.
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At least there won’t be ants.
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Great tips, John! Although I love the outdoors, I’m not big on sleeping outside. The bugs are always after me!
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I agree. Seems I have some kind of sign that says “Bite me.”
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I haven’t camped in a mighty long time, but if I remember correctly, these are ALL true!
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I haven’t either, GP. I think those days are gone.
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Sage advice as always!
Regards
Thom
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Thank you so much Thom. How have you been?
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I have a friend who sold her house three and a half years ago, bought a small camper van, and hit the road. She’s still going — the last time I talked to her she was in Kansas City, trying to decide between Minnesota and South Carolina — but every one of the things you’ve listed would be appropriate for people who choose those ‘movable campsites,’ too!
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I think camping is more than just a tent, so I agree, Linda. Could apply to all types.
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All great advice. Also why I prefer hotels.
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Me too.
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Makes me think of the time I got caught in our tent during a thunderstorm in the Black Hills… 🙂
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Not a happy memory I’m sure.
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It was… interesting. Fortunately, I survived the storm without huge pine trees being blown down on the tent. We were in a KOA campground and my husband “conveniently” decided to stay in the showers for the duration of the storm. 🙂
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The fact that hubby stayed in the showers makes a great story. 😂.
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Oh, it was. The minute the storm passed, he came back to camp. You’ve given me an idea for a future blog post!
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How rude to wake up a whole campground with one’s morning music. I hope that doesn’t happen often.
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I think it does, Vera. 🙄
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True, John. Camping takes some thinking and planning, even if you like it.
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I agree, Tim. It’s not something you just run off and do.😁
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I only camped in my early 20’s, John and only with my ex and her family. I broke rules 10, 9 and 7. My SIL broke number 3, and I was on the other side of number 5, but I wasn’t as big as Tiny, so I had to politely ask. Hmmm, I wonder why the Editor never wanted to try camping???
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Sounds like The Editor has a clear idea of what is fun. Thanks for the laughs, Dan
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Lots of camping over the years…….in Marriotts🐳
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The best campground. 😂
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I’ve never camped and have no desire to. I like my A/C and comforts of home too much.
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For me it is all about getting rid of the sweat. Don’t mind it when it’s happening but do want it to go away.
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Great Top Ten Things, John. When I was a kid, my dad took us camping every summer, and your points are right-on. Thanks for the memories. 😊
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Glad you had some memories, Gwen. I’ll bet they were good ones. Thanks.
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The last time I camped, I had to call down to the desk for a complimentary toothbrush.
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I feel your pain on that one. Thanks for sharing, Tom.
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And another thing, how do you select your names ?
Bradley
Buford
Leroy
Doofis
Bunky
Tex
Burt
Buster
Putz
Ferd
Glad I didn’t make the list Ralph
😀😀😀
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I used some that came to mind. The key was the name had to be funny. I finally went to a list in later years.
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I think you missed one ….. 😀
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😊
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{snicker} Nothing worse than arriving at dusk with a new tent that you haven’t put together yet. Oy.
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I would say one thing worse would be leaving the poles in the garage.
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Or realizing you don’t have all the pegs. LOL ⛺️
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That too.
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The rednecks where I live here in LA (lower Alabama) would take umbrage with #5. Doesn’t everyone like a little Leonard Skynyrd first thing in the morning? 🙄
Great list, John. Love all the names.
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Let’s just say a Neil Young song would be a no-no. Thanks, Lois.
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Great post. I failed twice at Number 10 – on the same night! First, we set our tent up on dry ground that 3 hours later was awash from a nearby tidal creek. Who knew? Then after hastily moving to higher high ground and sleeping soundly, we were awakened by a scrabbling noise…coming from within the two-person tent. The beam from my flashlight revealed a prehistoric-looking beast. The two-person tent had become a two-person one Armadillo tent. Armadillos are surely present-day proof of the continued existence of prehistoric life forms. Thanks for the memory-provoking post!
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I’m glad you enjoyed the post, Babsje. Glad it raised a memory that by now is laughable.
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Thanks, John. Fortunately the Armadillo segment of the night was laughable real-time in the moment once the initial shock wore off. An armor-plated critter with beady eyes in my tent?!? Not even Disney could invent such an animal.. I don’t suppose Twiggy has ever encountered one while out chasing – or embodying – that Puma in the backyard?
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I have passed by my camping days. We take the trailer or I enjoy a hotel 🙂
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If I slept on the ground, I would never get up again so I’m with you.
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Enjoyed you list today Yogi.
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Thanks Boo Boo
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I haven’t been camping in some time, but I do love the primitive side of being one with nature. I always enjoy your lists, John, and I always leave smiling.
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Thank you, Mar. I’m glad you enjoy them. Thank you for letting me know.
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#1 is why I’m not much of a camper, John. There’s just no way to recreate the “luxuries” of home when on the road! Those insects, cold showers, and food cooked on a fire aren’t too appealing, either. But you’ve got a nice, inclusive list for those so inclined.
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Thank you, Debbie. I’m with you on the comforts. Not much for being dirty and covered with insect bites. 😁
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John, I have great stories I could tell about more than five of these cautions, which we ignored. Camping became quite a topic of conversation. PS We don’t camp anymore!
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I am with you on the no more camping. I think I went once when I was first married. After that, no more.
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Brings back some memories John, no good ones 😊🏕 enjoyed!
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I’m with you. Thanks, Holly.
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I Remember lots of mosquitoes and some other inconveniences 😊
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Yeah like no running water that was hot.
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…and what there was was too far away.
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Yup.
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There’s always some good things to look back on like getting away into nature for a while.
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It is like most things. Always some positive stuff happening .
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That’s so and we need to look on the bright side 😎👍
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🌞
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Great list, John, but thankfully nothing on this list applies to me … anymore. We used to go camping but sleeping on the ground is no longer appealing to either of us 😉
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I agree. I woud be afraid I couldn’t get up. Thanks, Marie.
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Also, do not bring someone along who hates camping as she will complain all week. (speaking about a friend of course)
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Ha ha ha. Yes for a friend.
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At this stage in my life, I’m with Ferd in #1.
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Me too. hey hit that generator. I think we need to keep the drinks cold.
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Re: Your comment above. (When I was a boy scout it was fine. )
When we were boy scouts, we had adults around to make sure we got into no trouble. Perhaps that’s why everything was fine.
At my age, I think I’d try #1 even though you advise against it.
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I think glamping is a thing so go ahead and try. Get that refrigerator set up first. Most important to have ice.
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Thanks for the list, John. On my one and only camping trip (3 days), no one brought coffee. 😳 The crawl to the coffee pot when we got back home was not pretty. We just saw the new Indiana Jones movie (wonderful) and couldn’t help but think of Tiny at that early morning blast of music. 😀
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I loved all the Indiana Jones movies. Glad this one is good.
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It is one of the best. I have seen them all, and this one you have to see. Really. And, it closes the whole series. Tiny was there, too. 🙂
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I’ll check it out. 😁
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😀
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😀
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ALL so true! I remember as a kid that the sand on the tent floor and even in the sleeping bags just about put me over the edge. I remember doing a lot of sweeping…
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Then magically the sand got wet. Great memories.😁
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Exactly!
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😁
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This is a good list, John! We still like to tent camp and are actually going in a week. No backpacking though because of my foot. 😦 And as the years go by, a rec van or some kind of trailer sounds real nice. 🙂
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I can understand those who love to camp for sure.
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Never camped, but the insects and the weather remind me of sleeping under the stars along with my grandparents. Of course, all we had to do was run inside the house when faced with inclement weather. It does seem that the world was a much safer place then. The place was in the open. Anyone could have come in there while we slept. Nobody ever did.
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Sounds wonderful, Ankur. Thanks for sharing
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Number 6 hits home, never expect to buy food at the campsite. But honestly, this comes from a lack of experience and not researching where you’re going.
At least, that’s how I’ve made this blunder a few times, since being in southern Ontario we have all the comforts nearby, then you get up north and there’s not even a gas station for 200 kms. 😥
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I remember traveling in Canada and having to keep the fuel need in mind.
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