Top Ten Things Not to Do Playing Board Games

~ John W. Howell

This post ran on November 13, 2017. I think the advice may hold. I hope you enjoy it.

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The inspiration for this list is the approaching holidays, where families all gather around and play a board game or two. I hope you enjoy the list.

Top Ten Things Not to Do Playing Board Games

10 If you are playing a board game, do not insist on using the same token as last year. If you do, at best, you will be teased for being a stick in the mud. At worst, you’ll have to sit out the game since your older brother already laid claim to the piece. (You believe he did that on purpose, don’t you, Chester?)

9 If you are playing a board game, do not argue with Tiny the WWF champ, who is spending the holidays at your house as part of a prison holiday release program, when he lays down a scrabble word XXZZWMP. If you do, at best, you’ll need to leave the game. At worst, you’ll need to find some ice for that black eye. (Mama said not to argue with Tiny, didn’t she, Conor?)

8 If you are playing a board game, do not think by getting monopolies on all the properties, you will win. If you do, at best, no one will have money left. At worst, you could be the cause of your unemployed brother-in-law to go off the deep end. (Maybe you should have let him have a few wins, Collin. You need to talk him down off the roof.)

7 If you are playing a board game, do not start bellyaching if you must go to jail. If you do, at best, the other players will make fun of you. At worst, you will cause everyone to decide to do something different. (Not much fun playing the game alone, is it, Cyrus?)

6 If you are playing a board game, do not try to mark the career cards so you can pick the best career. If you do, at best, you might get caught. At worst, even if you cheat, you lose anyway. (How does this happen, Chance? With a name like yours, you could have just played the game.)

6 If you are playing a board game, do not shout out who killed Mr. Boddy of Tudor Mansion until all the clues are exposed. If you do, at best, the game is over. At worst, you will be eating Thanksgiving dinner outside on the porch. (Kind of chilly here in Minnesota at Thanksgiving, huh, Cecil?)

5 If you are playing a board game, do not set that BIG GULP cup too close to the game. If you do, at best, the condensation off the cup may get some money wet. At worst, an excited player will inadvertently tip the cup over. (Guess where all that soda went, Cormac? Yup, that’s right, the tsunami of Coke and ice wiped the game out, and FEMA doesn’t want to hear about it.)

4 If you are playing a board game, do not think you must play until there is a clear winner. If you do at best, it will be hours. At worst, the game could go on for the entire weekend. ( you planned on doing other things, didn’t you, Crispin? Like take a shower.)

3 If you are playing a board game, do not slip from reality. If you do, at best, others will notice. At worst, you will need to decompress once the game is over. (Your psychologist is not available on Sundays, Carlin. You need to lie down.)

2 If you are playing a board game, do not try to confuse your fellow players with some off-the-wall move. If you do, at best, you will be reminded to stick to the rules. At worst, your off-the-wall move will backfire, and you’ll lose all your gold. (Now, what are you going to use for food, huh, Chase? You are beginning to feel the specter of starvation, aren’t you? What was that about reality?)

1 If you are playing a board game, do not think the rest of the players don’t notice your extra helping of $100.00 bills as you do your banking duties. If you do, at best, you’ll be asked to return the bills. At worst, you will be formally banned from the family games and turned over to the justice department for bank fraud. (Okay, so the justice department is not interested, Curt. It is still mighty embarrassing.)

 

81 thoughts on “Top Ten Things Not to Do Playing Board Games”

  1. I love all games! Your 10 things not to do are each funny. I do not have a favorite.
    When a group of us get together to play the board game, Marbles and Cards one of the ladies always reminds us “It’s just a game.”

    Liked by 1 person

      1. We (wife and I) were into Yahtzee at one time and enjoyed playing until I strongly urged that we play one of us wins 100 games. Yes, always being competitive…and dumb. That was the end of our game playing for awhile. Maybe keeping track of wins, losses, high scores and consecutive wins did me in. Go figure!

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  5. Oh, the memories . . . I used to love board games, but I haven’t had the opportunity to play for a while now. Thanks, John, for the morning laughter. 😄

    Liked by 1 person

        1. Reminds me of a story about Father Hesberg of Notre Dame. A bunch of Trustees came to him wanting to fire the football coach. He asked if there was a contract and was told it still had two years on it. He replied that he wasn’t in the mood to go back on his word for a game like football. The coach stayed another two years.

          Liked by 1 person

  9. #6 speaks to me as that is my favorite game (and in my top 5 of movies! lol). I have a system that works for me and so I’m usually an early guesser. People have thrown pillows at me. LOLOL 😀

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  10. I miss our Friday night board game nights we used to have at my sister’s… Monopoly was NOT one of them! Excellent advice – especially that Big Gulp. No glasses allowed!

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  16. This was a fun list, but it was like a glimpse into a wholly different world. We never played board games when I was a kid, and I never developed a taste for them. Now, bridge? Cribbage? Chess? Dominoes? There you go!

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  20. Oh dear. I can’t begin to count the number of times somebody left the room in tears over some dumb board game, John. Thanks for pointing out ALL the things we did wrong!

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  26. Thanks for the laughs, John! I feel like it’s been years since we played board games. But we should dust them off this holiday season. Last time we played Scrabble, I beat my hubby and he wasn’t too happy. 🙂 Our family has shrunk too, but the kids will be home.

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  27. Oh, John, this is so funny. I remember having a real run in with a friend who was a boy over a game of Monopoly. He grabbed my hair and yanked it over the board and I retaliated by giving him a thump on the back. The game went flying and that was that.

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  28. Ahhhhh! Board games. Monopoly, Ludo, Snakes&Ladders…I could go on, not forgetting card games. Among my first cousins on dad’s side, when we were kids, we developed a fondness for Tripoli (nothing to do with the city of Tripoli) and still talk about the evil things we did while playing.

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