Photo by dylan nolte on Unsplash
This post ran on January 8, 2018. Since there are still Mega Millions winners, it might be useful.
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This post was inspired by the fact that this week, single-winning tickets were sold for the Mega Millions and Powerball Lotto games. Since you and I don’t have to worry about how to handle these winnings, I guess this post is dedicated to those two winners of over $400 million each.
10 If you have a winning Mega Millions ticket, do not Xtweet, “Yay, I just won $400 million. If you do, at best, you’ll only have ten followers. At worst, your tweet will go viral, and you will now have a million close and personal friends. (It looks like everyone needs a loan, huh, Carmichael?)
9 If you have a winning Mega Millions ticket, do not hire Tiny, the WWF champ, as a bodyguard. If you do, at best, you’ll have to hire another to watch Tiny. At worst, Tiny cannot resist helping himself to your winnings even though he is a graduate of an intensive self-help course for kleptomaniacs. (You should have known when he showed up at your door offering his services, Carswell.)
8 If you have a winning Mega Millions ticket, do not give a press conference on national TV. If you do, at best, it will take you hours to get home because of the traffic jam around your house. At worst, you will be asked for money every place you go since you are now well-known. (Who’s bright idea was that conference, Casimero? Oh yeah, the lotto company.)
7 If you have a winning Mega Millions ticket, do not answer your phone. If you do, at best, it might be your aunt, Mary. At worst, it will be your cousin Vinny reminding you of the five-dollar bet you had back in high school. (Vinny believes that the interest on the bet now makes it worth $500,000. Told you not to answer the phone, Cassian.)
6 If you have a winning Mega Millions ticket, do not claim your prize without consulting a tax attorney. If you do, at best, you can afford the tax hit. At worst, the new tax laws will put you in a bracket called the 110 percent bracket. (Good luck in raising the extra $4o million you owe, Caster.)
5 If you have a winning Mega Million ticket, do not go out and buy everything on the planet. If you do, at best, you’ll come to your senses while there is still money left. At worst, you’ll realize too late that there is no return guarantee on yachts, planes, castles, jewelry, and art. (Now that you have all this stuff, Cavan, maybe it is time for a garage sale.)
4 If you have a winning Mega Million ticket, do not let it out of your sight. If you do, at best, it will still be where you left it last. At worst, the ticket will ride in your shirt pocket through the wash. (Those tickets sure come out clean, don’t they, Chadburn? You would hardly know it used to be worth $400 million.)
3 If you have a winning Mega Million ticket, do not quit work. If you do, at best, the ticket is genuine. At worst, your ticket is not the winner due to a computer error. (So much for telling the boss where he could shove your job, huh Chiko?)
2 If you have the winning Mega Millions ticket, do not forget to look both ways before crossing the street. If you do, at best, the traffic will be light. At worst, your heirs will be enjoying the fruit of your lotto win. (It’s hard to tell where that truck came from, right, Cal?)
1 If you have the winning Mega Millions ticket, do not fail to set aside some for charity. If you do, at best, you’ll be labeled a cheap skate. At worst, you won’t get a charitable deduction, and the world will be no better off having you in it. (You wonder why dogs growl and cats hiss when you come by, Scrooge?)
Fiction Favorites 
Best to keep the winnings on the down-low for sure… 🙂
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Yes. For sure. 😁
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😁
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😊
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I’ll magnet this to the refrigerator for when Old What’s Her Face finally wins.
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Good idea. Or call me and I’ll send you a copy. 😁
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I’ll write you number in the print out.
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Good idea.
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I’d love to have to put these warnings into effect. 😁
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It would be fun wouldn’t it?
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So when does your yacht arrive John?
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Maybe the next life. 😁
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Love it
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😊
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I was thinking I’d hire Tiny. I guess I need to read all the fine print. Good list, John, but I probably won’t need it.
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Yeah, I won’t either. Do not hire Tiny. (you’ve been warned).
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First – let me win the mega millions!!
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Yeah go ahead and do that. Then come back and I’ll give you a new list.
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👍😉
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😁
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These are definitely things to think about. Luck is two-sided.
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Two faced too. Thanks, Tim
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I’d be one of those people who chose to remain anonymous. Just read about a local couple who won around 50K and thought they’d lost the ticket they bought a few months ago. Luckily, it turned up.
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That would be a kick me around the block moment. 😁
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Just once, I’d like the chance to try out all ten of these tips! Just once!
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Right? Me, too! lol
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You would only need once. Thanks, Jan
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I don’t play the lottery, but you’ve got a good listing here, John. I especially like numbers 3 and 4!
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The odds of winning are the same weather you play or not. It’s just without a ticket you can’t collect.
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Good advice, John. Unfortunately, I don’t think The Mister and I will ever have this problem. 😀
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I won’t either, Kymber. Thank you. 😁
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All valuable advice, John., Perhaps one day I will need to utilize it. Ya never know, but one thing is for sure…if I do very few will know.🙂
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Good plan, Bruce. You don’t need annoying folks with their hand out.
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Great advice. Have the money deposited immediately into a bank account and have that tax attorney set up a foundation. Hard to crack into that from the outside!
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Thanks for the advice, Noelle. I’ll do it.
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Then I won’t bug you for a monetary gift!
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Oh good.
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Hee, hee. I told each of my bosses that if I ever won the lottery, I would be faxing in my resignation, never to appear again. 🤣
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It would be a great feeling for sure.
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I would disappear very quietly…
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Me too. 😊
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I’m not sure what I’d do if I won the lottery, but I’m pretty sure I’d be quiet about it. 😊
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A good plan, Gwen. I think I would do the same.
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Great list, John. I’m favoriting this list because I just know I’m going to win. I suppose I need to buy a ticket one of these days first.
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Yeah the odds of having winning numbers are the same with or without a ticket but without a ticked you can’t claim your numbers.
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LOL.
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😊
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One of my former co-workers actually won $50 million in the lottery (a large winning for Canada). He was smart enough to shut down his social media accounts before it was publicly announced. Sign . . . I guess we all have our problems. 🙂
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Yes.Keeping quiet about $50M is so first world
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I’m always amazed by the number of big lottery winners who end up broke a few years later.
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You have to wonder how that happens.
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No financial literacy, I would guess.
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I guess. You would think they would hire somebody that had financial literacy.
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And enough financial literacy to hire a financial planner who wouldn’t rip them off.
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Yes that too.
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Funny list, John. I hope those Mega winners heed your advice.
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Doubt that they will. But the hassle will serve them right
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I don’t think I’ll ever have to head any of your recommendations, John, as I don’t play the lottery. So, no headaches for me. 😉😉😉
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That makes it easy, Pit.
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You should win! You’re more prepared than most! 😁👏🏻
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Ha ha ha. I’ll agree.
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So funny, John. Every staff meeting at school this year they give me 40 of something (for my 40th year), and tonight it was 40 scratch lottery tickets! Fingers crossed I need to hire Tiny! 😀
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I think that is sweet, Jennie.
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It is sweet, even though I’m not comfortable in the limelight.
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For reals, though; winners need some solid advice!
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They do. Like a lawyer who specializes in lotto preservation.
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You probably know this, but there are companies set up to take over lottery winnings in order to ‘save’ winners from their bad financial choices … and make money from the process.
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Yes I know. Have not used them yet
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😀 Someday
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Maybe.
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Great list, John. There are many stories (even books on the subject) regarding people who have won vast sums of money and then blew it on frivolous things.
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Yeah. I wish I could raise some sympathy but I’m afraid I don’t have any. Thanks, Pete.
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Good thing I already follow most of these rules. I’m ready to win it big, Boss!
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Good for you, Bon Chance (still in NOLA)
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You ARE on Big Easy time!
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😊
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I hope there are some “top 10 things TO DO if you have a winning mega millions ticket.” Looks like a tough one to handle. Though I don’t mind trying.
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I’m sure you can find a list of things to do if you win.
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Every single one of ’em is spot on. I especially agree with #1.
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Thank you, Andrew. 😊
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