Top Ten Things Not to Do If You Have a Winning Mega Millions Ticket

~ John W. Howell
Photo by dylan nolte on Unsplash

 

This post ran on January 8, 2018. Since there are still Mega Millions winners, it might be useful.

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This post was inspired by the fact that this week, single-winning tickets were sold for the Mega Millions and Powerball Lotto games. Since you and I don’t have to worry about how to handle these winnings, I guess this post is dedicated to those two winners of over $400 million each.

10 If you have a winning Mega Millions ticket, do not Xtweet, “Yay, I just won $400 million. If you do, at best, you’ll only have ten followers. At worst, your tweet will go viral, and you will now have a million close and personal friends. (It looks like everyone needs a loan, huh, Carmichael?)

9 If you have a winning Mega Millions ticket, do not hire Tiny, the WWF champ, as a bodyguard. If you do, at best, you’ll have to hire another to watch Tiny. At worst, Tiny cannot resist helping himself to your winnings even though he is a graduate of an intensive self-help course for kleptomaniacs. (You should have known when he showed up at your door offering his services, Carswell.)

8 If you have a winning Mega Millions ticket, do not give a press conference on national TV. If you do, at best, it will take you hours to get home because of the traffic jam around your house. At worst, you will be asked for money every place you go since you are now well-known. (Who’s bright idea was that conference, Casimero? Oh yeah, the lotto company.)

7 If you have a winning Mega Millions ticket, do not answer your phone. If you do, at best, it might be your aunt, Mary. At worst, it will be your cousin Vinny reminding you of the five-dollar bet you had back in high school. (Vinny believes that the interest on the bet now makes it worth $500,000. Told you not to answer the phone, Cassian.)

6 If you have a winning Mega Millions ticket, do not claim your prize without consulting a tax attorney. If you do, at best, you can afford the tax hit. At worst, the new tax laws will put you in a bracket called the 110 percent bracket. (Good luck in raising the extra $4o million you owe, Caster.)

5 If you have a winning Mega Million ticket, do not go out and buy everything on the planet. If you do, at best, you’ll come to your senses while there is still money left. At worst, you’ll realize too late that there is no return guarantee on yachts, planes, castles, jewelry, and art. (Now that you have all this stuff, Cavan, maybe it is time for a garage sale.)

4 If you have a winning Mega Million ticket, do not let it out of your sight. If you do, at best, it will still be where you left it last. At worst, the ticket will ride in your shirt pocket through the wash. (Those tickets sure come out clean, don’t they, Chadburn? You would hardly know it used to be worth $400 million.)

3 If you have a winning Mega Million ticket, do not quit work. If you do, at best, the ticket is genuine. At worst, your ticket is not the winner due to a computer error. (So much for telling the boss where he could shove your job, huh Chiko?)

2 If you have the winning Mega Millions ticket, do not forget to look both ways before crossing the street. If you do, at best, the traffic will be light. At worst, your heirs will be enjoying the fruit of your lotto win. (It’s hard to tell where that truck came from, right, Cal?)

1 If you have the winning Mega Millions ticket, do not fail to set aside some for charity. If you do, at best, you’ll be labeled a cheap skate. At worst, you won’t get a charitable deduction, and the world will be no better off having you in it. (You wonder why dogs growl and cats hiss when you come by, Scrooge?)

80 thoughts on “Top Ten Things Not to Do If You Have a Winning Mega Millions Ticket”

  8. I’d be one of those people who chose to remain anonymous. Just read about a local couple who won around 50K and thought they’d lost the ticket they bought a few months ago. Luckily, it turned up.

    Liked by 1 person

  18. One of my former co-workers actually won $50 million in the lottery (a large winning for Canada). He was smart enough to shut down his social media accounts before it was publicly announced. Sign . . . I guess we all have our problems. 🙂

    Liked by 1 person

  21. I don’t think I’ll ever have to head any of your recommendations, John, as I don’t play the lottery. So, no headaches for me. 😉😉😉

    Liked by 1 person

  23. So funny, John. Every staff meeting at school this year they give me 40 of something (for my 40th year), and tonight it was 40 scratch lottery tickets! Fingers crossed I need to hire Tiny! 😀

    Liked by 2 people

      1. You probably know this, but there are companies set up to take over lottery winnings in order to ‘save’ winners from their bad financial choices … and make money from the process.

        Liked by 1 person

  25. Great list, John. There are many stories (even books on the subject) regarding people who have won vast sums of money and then blew it on frivolous things.

    Liked by 1 person

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