This post ran on April 2, 2018. I think it is still good advice.
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I was inspired to create this list while in a discussion with a customer care representative. The positive side of that discussion is that it led to the creation of this list.
10 If you are talking with customer care, do not forget that “Customer Care.” is an oxymoron. If you do, at best, you’ll retain hope of getting your problem resolved. At worst, you will continue to pull on your hair until a large area of exposed scalp occurs. (Now, don’t you look good, Derwin. Folks will ask about that bald spot on the side of your head. I would make up some kind of medical treatment story.)
9 If you are talking with customer care, do not forget they have your address. If you do, at best, you won’t insult Tiny, the WWF champ. At worst, you will challenge Tiny to meet you outside. Tiny just graduated from his tenth stint of anger management, and he is more than glad to take you up on your offer since he still doesn’t get the management part. (Who’d a thought Tiny was in the next town, Deveon. I don’t think I would go out to meet him, no matter how many rocks he throws at your house.)
8 If you are talking with customer care, do not become impatient if the rep can’t understand or hear you. If you do, at best, they will hang up. At worst, you will be put into the penalty box for an hour cooling-off period. (One nice thing about being on hold, Deverel, is you get to listen to music that sounds like it is piped through sandpaper. Don’t get upset by that announcement every minute that tries to convince you of your importance to the company as a customer. They don’t give a rip.)
7 If you are talking with customer care, do not give any helpful information before the rep asks for it. If you do, at best, you’ll be repeating yourself often. At worst, the rep will become confused, and your problem will only be made worse by a duplicate shipment. (Yeah, that second shipment was as wrong as the first, huh, Deylin. This time, though, it cost twenty dollars more. Good luck on returning two.)
6 If you are talking with customer care, do not ask to speak to a supervisor. If you do, at best, you’ll get another rep worse than the first. At worst, you’ll get a supervisor who was told by the boss to reduce call times and refunds. (That was a delightful two-second conversation, Diarmid. I’ll bet you are trying to translate the phrase, “Get off the phone,” as it relates to your problem, right?)
5 If you are talking with customer care, do not try to be friendly by asking where the rep is located. If you do, at best, you’ll get “Somewhere in the World” as an answer. At worst, the rep will interpret your friendliness as a hostile threat much like the previous one hundred hostile threats before you. (That tone you hear means you have been disconnected, Dilan. Don’t call back for a while. Maybe that rep will need to take a break.)
4 If you are talking with customer care, do not try to impress the rep with your long-standing good customer profile. If you do, at best, the rep will not laugh openly in your ear. At worst, the rep will put you on speaker phone so that the rest of the reps in the calling center can have a good laugh at your expense. (Now that you think of it, Dimas, there are other outlets that might welcome your business.)
3 If you are talking with customer care, do not think the rep is qualified to solve your problem. If you do, at best, you will be confused as to why the solution is so difficult. At worst, you will end the call and give a ten out of ten rating only to find the problem is still there. (Not only is the problem still there, Dino, but now is complicated by a bill collector pounding on your door.)
2 If you are talking with customer care, do not mistakenly call another company. If you do, at best, the rep will spot the problem right away. At worst, the rep will provide excellent service to no avail when it is discovered you are not returning a John Deere tractor. (How could the customer service numbers for the two companies be so close, Dmitri? Are you sure you dialed correctly? Now give that nice person a ten-star rating. After all, you were only on the phone for an hour.)
1 If you are talking with customer care, do not call if you have anything else in the world to do. If you do, at best, you’ll finally give up for the lack of time. At worst, you will continue to hang on while that doctor appointment scheduled for three hours after you started the call will go unattended. (You know in your heart that the doctor was more important than getting the right lamp, Dolphus. You just felt you were close enough to victory to hang on just a little longer. Well, the doctor is going to bill you. Better you should have tossed the lamp and ordered another one.)
Fiction Favorites 
3. Every time – 3. Good list, John.
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#3 and #1 are the ones that usually get me. Sigh . . . Groan . . .
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I can empathize, Liz. 😁
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Thank you, Keith.
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Any time I’ve gone to Customer Service, I couldn’t find any one there!
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That is because they are in India or the Philippines. 😁
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Well, I guess so, they have to answer the phones!!
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True.
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I love it. They are now upping their game by renaming the departments. Where I work we have a consumer success team.
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Customer Success has now become the new oxymoron.
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Ah, customer care. That phrase really doesn’t mean what it should.
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Indeed not. 😁
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Oh yeah. Dealing with Customer Care is one of the most frustrating events in life.
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I love the initial recorded message which says in essence “Get Lost.”
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Number 7, in all it’s various forms, always frustrates me. Especially when I’m transferred and have to repeat everything to the new rep.
If you ever want to make this a Top-25, or perhaps a Top-100 list, John, you can revisit this topic.
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Ha ha ha, Thanks, Dan. Nothing chafes my chaps like a customer care call.
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Ugh. Heaven forbid you be able to understand the accent of the customer service rep, eh?
Excellent way to completely waste your day is to call customer service…
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So true, Dale.
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Oh, gosh. Every single one of these. Lemme tell you about my call to my car insurance agent last week. On second thought, no. Don’t even get me started.
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But he works for you. (or should)
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Like a good neighbor. I need to talk to Jake.
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Maybe Arnold can help.
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#1 gets me all the time. It’s like they have secret cameras that tell them when it’s NOT convenient for them to call back. Nicely done, John!
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Thank you, Debbie. It would be nice if just one company had a service group that cared about the customer.
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Well said here.. Stick to the sign.. lol😂
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😁
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I work in customer service so I’ve been on both sides of this and absolutely LOVE your list, John. Couldn’t have said it better. lol
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Thank you, Mar. I appreciate your comment. 😁
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{giggling} Customer service is a quaint oxymoron these days. Fantastic and still applicable list, John.
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Thank you, Monika. I’m glad you liked it.
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I am guilty of #5!
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I try to be friendly too, Jo. Sometimes it just doesn’t work. I hope you have a super week.
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It seems you had a lot of experiences in costumer care. John! 😉 I am prefering self service much more. 🙂 Best wishes, Michael
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Yes self service leads to only one person to blame for poor service. Thanks, Michael.
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Oh wow, great advice , if I ever get past the recording I’ll use these! 😂
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Ha ha ha. Good one, Holly. 😁
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Sad but true. 😊
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😁
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😬
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😊
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These days I’m always shocked if I get a rep who’s actually helpful. And those recordings always put me in a bad mood.
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I love how they collect all kinds of information and then the rep asks the same questions. Grrrr
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That sign is hilarious. And it also happens to be true.
As for customer care being an oxymoron, you ain’t kidding. That’s why whenever I get someone who actually knows what the hell they’re talking about, I acknowledge this in every way I can. It ain’t an easy job, I get it.
Managing anger? Easy. Don’t call customer care.
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Excellent advice, Pilgrim. Thanks
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🙂
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I spent fifteen minutes on hold because I wanted to voice a complaint with my cable company. I first went into the local office, but the supervisor wouldn’t come out from the back, leading the poor counter people to deal with everyone’s frustrations. I then called. The lady came back on and sheepishly said, “I’m sorry, sir. I don’t think we have one of those.”
No wonder.
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No Wonder indeed. Sad but true,
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“repeating yourself often” Isn’t that the truth!
It is a good day when you can actually talk to a human.
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A human that doesn’t act like a robot that is. Thanks, Michele.
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👍🏻
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Love this John you’re bang on! And I have work both sides of that scenario!
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Thank you, Willow. 😊
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Great list, John. I do miss the days when contacting customer service meant you were contacting a real person. On the rare occasion that I do get to talk to a real person, I make valiant attempts to keep my frustrations in check since the person on the other end of the line is not responsible for whatever has upset me … well, they’re not until they are 😉
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I have not had good experiences with Customer Care and WordPress “Happiness Engineers” are the worst.
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I think it’s particularly painful when you’ve been using a platform for eons (like we have) and you can’t get satisfactory service.
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I have been paying for eons and get no satisfaction.
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Touches too many raw nerves to really say much 😦
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I agree. 😁
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I needed this list before I was guilty of way too many here.
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Tape it by the phone. Then you can say. “Hold please I need to review my responses.”
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😅 😂
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😂
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“I was inspired to create this list while in a discussion with a customer care representative. The positive side of that discussion is that it led to the creation of this list.”
I bet that was the only positive thing to come out of the damn discussion. Or is that implied in the above quote?
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That was it. The customer service rep. Put me on hold then disconnected the call Asshat.
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He was the asshat not you
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Nice information on customer service agents.
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Thank you.
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It’s ironic how companies continue to tout their customer service abilities, when in my opinion most of them have never been worse. Good list, John. We should all “handle” customer service with care.😁
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I think a lot more could be done but companies really don’t give a shit.
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