Top Ten Things Not to Say to a Puppy Owner

~ John W. Howell
Twiggy as a puppy (about 10 weeks)

 

Tempeste the puppy (about 15 weeks)

This post ran on May 7, 2018. Since we are again a puppy owner, I think the list still has some good advice.

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The inspiration for this post has been a month of puppy raising.

10 If you meet a puppy owner, do not say, “Is that a new puppy?” If you do, at best, you will get a “yes.” At worst, the owner will wonder if you lost your mind and answer, “No, it is an old puppy.” (I think you could have guessed there have been some long nights, Eberhardt.)

9 If you meet a puppy owner named Tiny, do not say, “What kind of horse is that?” If you do, at best, Tiny, the WWF champ, will think you are kidding. At worst, Tiny just left the vet’s office with strict instructions to cut back on the amount of food he is feeding his Great Dane Puppy. (We all know you didn’t mean to hit a sore spot, Ede. The knowledge will not help soothe that pain, though, so running is definitely in the cards right now.)

8 If you meet a puppy owner, do not say, “Your arms look like you’ve been using.” If you do, at best, the owner will laugh at the statement. At worst, you’ll be handed the puppy to experience the joy of those needle-like teeth for yourself. (One way to get a puppy to release is to offer a chew toy, Edwaldo. Oh, you don’t have a chew toy? Next, stop the ER.)

7 If you meet a puppy owner, do not say, “How much did that puppy cost?” If you do, at best, the owner will ignore you. At worst, you must be patient as the owner details all the expenses so far. ( It has been ten minutes, Efrem, and now it looks like you will miss your bus. Aren’t you glad you asked?)

6 If you meet a puppy owner, do not say, “Is that a purebred?” If you do, at best, no one cares. At worst, you will have touched on the one item on which the owners violently disagree. (How were you to know these two were on the verge of a breakup over the question of pure breed or not, Ekewaka. Well, it looks like the whole argument has flared again. Best to quietly walk away.)

5 If you meet a puppy owner, do not say, “How are you adjusting?” If you do, at best, you’ll get a stiff upper lip response with no detail. At worst, your question triggered a loud and tear-filled explanation of how hard it has been. (Even though you are uncomfortable, Elden, letting this person sob on your shoulder is the right thing to do. I would tell those people they can move on and quit gawking.)

4 If you meet a puppy owner, do not ask, “Is your puppy house trained yet?” If you do, at best, the owner has no concerns about house training. At worse, you might have to listen to a lecture on the psychological damage owners inflict on poor puppies expecting house training too early. (Well, I guess it isn’t going well, Elhanan. What is your guess?)

3 If you meet a puppy owner, do not ask, “Which is easier, Puppies or kids?” If you do, at best, the owner will be honest and say, “Kids.” At worst, you’ll get a stink eye from hell and a request to step aside. ( Looks like both jobs are a problem, Elisha. I would step aside before someone gets hurt. Namely you.)

2 If you meet a puppy owner, do not say, “Why did you pick that name?” If you do, at best, the owner will assume you are not being critical. At worst, the owner will think you are questioning the choice and go to extremes to make the name choice seem plausible. (I think the owner believes everyone names their puppy Little Poop Ellen. I, like you, wanted more information about that choice. Oh well, maybe next time.)

1 If you meet a puppy owner, do not say,  “What made you get a puppy?” If you do at best, you’ll get a heartwarming story. At worst, after the crying stops, you will feel sorry for the owner and the puppy and are now the proud owner of a new puppy. (I have to say, Elmore, that puppy is better off with you.)

83 thoughts on “Top Ten Things Not to Say to a Puppy Owner”

  7. I like when ‘people in the know’ look at the puppy’s paws and say, ‘Gonna be a big dog.’ That must be enlightening to the dog owner. 🤣

    Liked by 1 person

  11. #11 If you need a puppy sitter do not call Kristi Noem.

    At best, you may see you precious puppy again.

    At worse, you will have a hard time getting the blood out of the carpet.

    (Makes you think twice, doesn’t it, Zeke, about women being the “fairer sex.”)

    Sorry to steal your bit, John. It won’t happen a again.

    Liked by 1 person

  12. Been there, done that … several times! Great list, John. Personally, I hate when people assume Monk is female and say how pretty “she” is. Sure, it’s pretty hard to tell with Shelties, but I’d like to remind them never to assume anything. Your two are still such darling pups!

    Liked by 1 person

  15. Hee, hee. That was a chuckle out loud list for sure. 40 years ago when I had my first Standard Poodle, people always asked what was she. A friend with me once stepped in and with a straight face said, “Oh she’s an AKC Weasle-snatcher.” The person thought she was serious. Bwahahahaha!

    Liked by 2 people

  17. My most annoying comment from new puppy owners is when they say “This is [fill in the blank]. S/he is a rescue.” That’s like introducing your child as adopted. Really??? Respect…

    Liked by 2 people

    1. I think people who rescue pups don’t want you to think they got the puppy from a puppy mill. They also may want to avoid the “With so many dogs needing to be adopted why did you get a puppy?” I have had that one myself.

      Liked by 1 person

  18. With our Leonberger I often heard the opposite to “Is that a purebred” – “Is that a mutt”, which is equally annoying. I don’t worry about mutt versus purebred, but it is annoying when people assume it is a mutt just because they don’t recognize the breed. Also “your dog is scary” is another that is not so great either. Or bending over to pet our Rollo without asking, which unlike our Leonberger is not friendly despite being little and cute.

    Tempeste and Twiggy are very cute.

    Liked by 1 person

  21. #1 had me chuckling. Our elderly neighbor recently brought home a German Shepherd puppy. His wife wasn’t too pleased, nor was his very active Australian Shepherd. Long story short, he had to return the puppy after a few days, as he was just “too much work.”

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  22. Excellent list, John. As lifelong dog owners, we continue to punish ourselves by raising puppies. I wouldn’t have it any other way.

    Liked by 1 person

  26. Oh, John, this list is so, so true! My brother-in-law got a puppy last year, a black labdoodle (🤷🏼‍♀️). Before too long, we were all sporting bite marks on our hands and arms. She never intended to hurt anyone. She would just play too hard, unaware of the pain she was inflicting. She has a roomful of chew toys and balls, but still prefers to tear apart my BIL’s newspaper. Now she’s about 16 months old, my BIL is 80, and we all just hope she starts slowing down soon 🤦🏼‍♀️😁

    Liked by 1 person

  27. Those puppy pictures are adorable, John. This is a list with sound advice, and people who don’t adhere to it are barking up the wrong tree.

    Like

  29. Gee, I’ve never had a puppy, only kittens. However, the arm chewing is similar. This is accompanied with kitten shred clawing. This way the owner does not look like a “user”, as the arm hangs in red ribbons.

    A truly warm and funny post, John. Thank you, and may you have many more days of happy puppying!

    OX OX

    Liked by 1 person

  30. How strange, dear John! This list is full of questions usually made to a parrot owner.😂😂😂 Dogs, cat, parrots…it doesn’t matter for those who asks. 🍻🍻🍻🍤

    Liked by 1 person

  31. All good advice. No. 3 resonates. When our older son went away to college overseas we contemplated getting a puppy so that the younger one would have company. Eventually we chickened out. Also, we were concerned about our older son’s feelings about being replaced in no time with a puppy.

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