This post was published on June 18, 2018. The advice still looks good.
* * *
I was inspired to create this list while traveling. As I watched several people reading books and doing other things, I realized that there are several things that one should not do while reading a book. I hope you enjoy this list.
10 If you are reading a book, do not drive a car. If you do, at best, you may lose your place when you drop the book to avoid an accident. At worst, you may lose the book when you end upside down in a culvert. (Didn’t see that curve while you were wrapped up in the murder scene, huh, Esau?)
9 If you are reading a book, do not walk in heavy pedestrian traffic. If you do, at best, you’ll avoid getting knocked down. At worse, you will run into Tiny, the WWF champ, as he is leaving his tactile psychosis support group. (Hard to believe someone has such a problem with being touched. I don’t think offering Tiny the book will offset his reaction, Efrain. Maybe running is a better choice.)
8 If you are reading a book, do not sip hot coffee without taking your eyes off the book. If you do, at best, you’ll only spill a drop. At worst, you might miss your mouth and feel the joy of 180-degree liquid on your chest. ( Lucky for you, Eloi, your lap was under the table.)
7 If you are reading a book, do not step onto an elevator. If you do, at best, there is room for you. At worst, the elevator is packed with members of the NFL bargaining unit members, and they just lost a bargaining point to the owners. (Kind of shocking they wouldn’t make room for a dweeb with a book, Ealdun. Lucky for you, your foot didn’t get stuck in the door.)
6 If you are reading a book, do not eat pasta marinara. If you do, at best, your book is on Kindle, and the screen is cleanable. At worst, you are reading the first edition of War and Peace, which you borrowed from the Library of Congress. (It looks like destroying a national treasure carries a significant penalty, Eban. Maybe a fishing trip to Canada is in order.)
5 If you are reading a book, do not operate machinery. If you do, at best, the mechanism doesn’t have spinning blades. At worst, your machine is designed to chop a twelve-ton steel block into one-inch pieces. (You might want to put that book down, Ebo. It looks like the feeding phase inadvertently has your shirt tangled with the twelve-ton steel block.)
4 If you are reading a book, do not continue your free fall while skydiving. If you do, at best, the exciting part will end in time for the ripcord pull. At worst, you are at the part in the book where the detective is about to expose the murderer’s identity. (Only two more pages, and you’ll know, Edoardo. Too bad the ground is there in one.)
3 If you are reading a book, do not take the black five-diamond downhill ski run. If you do, at best, a ski patrol member will be close. At worst, your fall and roll was the beginning of the giant snowball that crashed into the lodge through the huge dining room floor-to-ceiling window. (Lucky you survived, Eero. The hotel management would like to know if you want to put the $50,000 window on your room tab.)
2 If you are reading a book, do not shoot the curl of a gigantic wave off the coast of Hawaii. If you do, at best, your wipeout will be well offshore. At worst, you will ride the wave entirely distracted until you land on the shore. (Just how hard did you hit the sand, Egon? We sure hope you can get out of that ten-foot-deep crater. Give Egan a hand for that unorthodox landing, folks)
1 If you are reading a book, do not continue to compete in the world airplane aerobatics competition. If you do, at best, you might miss a loop. At worst, you may lose your orientation and think up is down and down is up. (Time to put the book down, Ekon. If you are quick, you just may pull out of this dive before dropping below the horizon. It is very hard below that horizon.)
Fiction Favorites 
And the great thing is, this works for e-books as well as those of the paper persuasion. Incidentally, substitute book for TikTok, X, Threads, Instagram, Facebook or whatever and it’s still an excellent set of advisories.
LikeLiked by 1 person
Thank you, Keith. An Excellent thought.
LikeLiked by 1 person
My pleasure, John.
LikeLiked by 1 person
😊
LikeLike
Maybe best to just stay in bed when reading.
LikeLiked by 1 person
Great idea, Charles. Sign me up.
LikeLike
Humm, sometimes I have a sip or two of coffee. I guess I better be careful. 😄
LikeLiked by 1 person
Yes. Book pages are coffee magnets. Thanks, Gwen. 😁
LikeLiked by 1 person
As an avid reader, I can totally agree with your list, John.
Thanks for the laughs!!
LikeLiked by 1 person
Thanks for letting me know you enjoyed it, GP. 😁
LikeLiked by 2 people
I love how these warnings get more and more outlandish!!
LikeLiked by 1 person
Outlandish are us. Thanks, Liz.
LikeLiked by 1 person
My favorite place to shop! You’re welcome, John.
LikeLiked by 1 person
😊
LikeLiked by 1 person
I do drink coffee while reading. But #1 is the biggie. I’ve actually seen a driver reading!
LikeLiked by 1 person
I was hit by a driver reading the newspaper and drinking coffee.
LikeLike
OMG, I hope you weren’t seriously injured. And I hope he was arrested.
LikeLiked by 1 person
It was funny at the time. He was also smoking a cigarette. The coffee cup went through the newspaper and into the windshield. I wasn’t hurt and saw him coming behind me. Turns out he was an asst DA for the city. He paid for all the damage so there was no need for the cops.
LikeLike
Well, thank God for that! I’m sure as an asst DA he did not want that on his record!
LikeLiked by 1 person
That’s what he said. The old saying came to mind. “If you can’t do the time, don’t do the crime.”
LikeLike
I’ve seen people reading books as well as scrolling through their devices while driving. Mostly in rush hour traffic, but still pretty dumb if you ask me. Maybe one day they’ll linger at a green light while in front of Tiny when he’s late for a treatment session.
LikeLiked by 1 person
And Tiny is driving his bosses 18 wheeler tow truck.
LikeLiked by 1 person
😂
LikeLiked by 1 person
😁
LikeLiked by 1 person
#10. Reading and driving is definitely a no-no but I’ve seen it.
LikeLiked by 1 person
I think we all have. Thanks, Thomas.
LikeLiked by 1 person
Good advice, John. One thing at a time. 😀
LikeLiked by 1 person
Yes indeed.
LikeLiked by 1 person
So funny, John. Pasta marinara on a first edition of War and Peace…😂
LikeLiked by 1 person
🤣
LikeLiked by 1 person
Reading is good…reading while walking on uneven sidewalks is a recipe for disaster (worse if he was reading any kind of social media in which case he was lucky he didn’t do a face plant). Just ask the guy who was reading on his cellphone this morning and tripped. Funny list-thanks for sharing the smiles.
LikeLiked by 1 person
Thank you, Monika. I’m glad you liked it.
LikeLiked by 1 person
Good practical advice, John. I’ve never understood how some people can walk and read! 😉
LikeLiked by 1 person
Me either, Barbara. It amazes me. 😁
LikeLiked by 1 person
Wonderful advice, John. I tend to get so involved when I’m reading a book that everything else gets ignored. Poor Monkey has learned that a repeated nudge will get me to remember he has to go outside once in a while, though!
LikeLiked by 1 person
Monkey is on it. That is a good thing. 😁
LikeLiked by 1 person
Good advice but I don’t think I can read and walk at the same time. Reminds me of how people are on their phones and doing all sorts of things, especially walking.
LikeLiked by 1 person
Almost every landscape worker I see has is nose in his phone. Thanks, Jo
LikeLike
I’ve seen people reading books while driving or walking which makes me nervous when they are headed toward me 😲 Charles has it right. Best to read in bed 🙂
LikeLiked by 1 person
Staying in bed has a lot of positives.
LikeLiked by 1 person
Maybe not safe or even possible, but funny reading scenarios to imagine. 🤓
LikeLiked by 1 person
Thank you, Michele. 😊
LikeLiked by 1 person
Happy reading! 📚😊
LikeLiked by 1 person
😊
LikeLiked by 1 person
I can’t imagine reading in any of these situations, and can’t remember ever seeing anyone reading and walking. Driving is a different matter, but it’s not books that claim attention — it used to be the newspaper.
LikeLiked by 1 person
These are all in the mind of fiction writer. I was hit from behind by a guy reading a newspaper so your statement is right on. Thanks, Linda.
LikeLiked by 1 person
#8 reminds of a couple of times when I’ve been so engaged in reading that, I’ve bumped my coffee, which fell all over the keyboard. “Honey, I’m running to Staple’s.”
LikeLiked by 1 person
I had the same thing but I brought the cup to my lips and missed. Keyboard and shirt took a hit. Thanks, Pete.
LikeLiked by 1 person
Sadly, I’ve seen more than a few people reading while driving.
LikeLiked by 1 person
I don’t get that at all. Seems pretty dangerous.
LikeLiked by 1 person
I love that quotation at the top, John. 😉
LikeLiked by 1 person
😊
LikeLike
I used to know someone who read while driving. I never drove with him, but I remember driving behind him one day and of course he was swerving. I asked him about it and he said it was the only time he had to read. Umm, okay.
LikeLiked by 1 person
Sounds like an accident in the planning stages. Thanks for sharing, Mark.
LikeLiked by 1 person
No skiing? No surfing? Kinda limiting, innit? What next? No reading while reading a book??
LikeLiked by 1 person
I like that one for sure. 😁
LikeLike
People are actually reading while driving with these stupid Teslas! Aye Aye Aye . . . .
As for black diamond skiing, I wouldn’t make it down the mountain if I was doing anything other than concentrating on making it down in one piece.
LikeLiked by 1 person
My last double black diamond trip was when I turned seventy. No more.
LikeLiked by 1 person
My man! You have inspired me to take to the slopes again next season.
LikeLiked by 1 person
Yeah, I wish I could too.
LikeLiked by 1 person